Hurt
by WinndSinger
Summary: What if Bella wasn't beautiful when she first met Edward? Shy, scared, alone, and hurt Bella comes to Forks at the request of Dr. Carlisle Cullen, who thinks he can help her battered legs regain their strength when other doctors have failed.
1. Chapter 1

_**BPOV**_

_**If only I knew…what I know today…**_

_**I would hold you in my arms**_

_**I would take the pain away**_

_**Thank you for all you've done**_

_**Forgive all your mistakes**_

_**There's nothing I wouldn't do**_

_**To hear your voice again**_

_**Sometimes I wanna call you**_

_**But I know you won't be there**_

I'm sorry for….blaming you

_**For everything**_

_**I just couldn't do**_

_**And I've hurt myself**_

_**By hating you**_

**STOP!**

She hit the button on her ipod, shutting up Christina Aguilera and her god damned song. Why does she have to sound so damn real when she sings this ?

Pop stars didn't have this kind of pain, did they, really? Wasn't this just some song another real person wrote and she just stepped in and sang the lyrics? How could anyone with beauty, money, and her voice ever have problems like mine? Pain like mine.

It wasn't Christine's fault.

The words were good. Every time she heard this song, she sang to her father. Her dead father. Fallen angel, Charlie Swan, tragic hero, slain by his own hand.

_**Because of me, his only daughter.**_

_**Stop being a chicken shit and listen to the rest. Toughen up. Okay, I'll be tough. I'll have to be today. First day at a new school. Again. **_

Another doctor who thought he could help lived here in Forks. He somehow heard her story on the internet and paid her way here, along with room and board at this little bed and breakfast close to town. He did write a nice letter, though, she had to admit. She'd get to meet him tomorrow at his office.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen. She would once more be some doctor's charity case. Ten other doctors claimed they could fix her legs. To earn glory for themselves, she knew now.

Ten failed and shrugged their shoulders, walking away muttering their apologies. Then she would go live in a foster home, where she was never really wanted. How many times would she fall for this ? What was this doctor going to do that the rest couldn't?

Why do I keep hoping ? This world sucks.

She hit the play button, wiping her wet eyes and placing her glasses back on, the room clearer now. It was a blank room, nothing on the walls, only a bed, desk and dresser giving her the necessities. Charlie had given her the ipod last year, before the accident.

Nice times. Everything was perfect then. Her room used to be like every other teenager's, posters of boys and bands all over the walls, toenail polish stain on the rug, a ringing phone.

Her life today was unrecognizable to her as she stood, steadying herself on her one steel crutch as she looked at herself in the full length mirror on the inside of her bedroom door.

Christine sang in the background just then, saying:

_**Would you tell me I was wrong**_

_**Would you help me understand**_

_**Are you looking down upon me**_

_**Are you proud of who I am ?**_

_**There's nothing I wouldn't do**_

_**To have just one more chance**_

_**To look into your eyes**_

_**And see you looking back**_

Tears were released from her eyes as she blinked, hating her reflection.

Her hair was a curly long mane of black tangles that always served to cover her face, that wore those awful black glasses she couldn't trade in, (or lose) and her clothes were so ugly she wanted to vomit. A big bulky sweater was all she could find to cover her extra big hips and stomach, though, and her jeans were ripped and had a brownish stain near the bottom of her right leg.

Even her shoes were horrible, but they had to be comfortable ever since she needed her crutch. They were like black old lady shoes.

_**Remember sexy high heels, Bella ?**_

Nothing on her looked even remotely girly or feminine…or pretty. She didn't blame kids for laughing at her in school, in fact she had learned to expect it. But, when she thought of her father and that line from the song about him being proud of who she was, it killed her inside.

I miss you so much, Dad. I needed you. Why ?

She never thought of herself as beautiful before the accident, but she thought maybe she was kinda pretty, in a plain way. She didn't have a smoking body but she was thin, average built. After the accident, the medicine and the lack of exercise made her body blow up. It seemed to happen overnight, when she wasn't looking.

Someday, when she was able to, she vowed she'd jog or join a gym. She would see lots of women who were large and attractive and she envied them. But her weight made her look sloppy, in her eyes. It was impossible right now to do anything about it. Damn waiting. She hated it. She knew she had no patience.

It will take time, everyone had said to her, to heal. To walk right. To lose the weight. To forget the pain. To forgive her father. To say goodbye. To make a life for herself.

Don't think about all this shit now. You have to go to school and be humiliated all day. Don't wanna keep the kids waiting. They're in for some fun today. Laugh at the ugly, fat new girl, look at the way she wobbles when she walks. DAMN IT ! Get it over with. After a few days, they'll forget you and then you'll just be invisible to all of them. Don't forget the rules, don't make eye contact with anyone. Don't talk to anyone. Don't let anyone talk you into sitting with them at lunch. Don't make any friends. Don't like any of them. Don't even think about looking at cute boys. Just keep your head down and do your school work, then get out. Repeat the next day…and the next.

_**I'm Isabella Swan. Today is my first day at Forks High School. **_

See next chapter please !

WinndSinger


	2. Chapter 2

2

Bella was glad she'd copied the directions to the school from Dr. Cullen's letter. The rain here was a bitch ! It didn't just fall, it PELTED you ! Great, that'll make my hair look even nicer, Bella grumbled, reading her own handwriting that told her to go three blocks down then make a left at Chambers Street. No extra hand to hold an umbrella anyway. Hurry and get there before the rain blurs all the words off your paper, she told herself, trying to move faster.

Wobbling more quickly, she clenched her eyes shut and internally growled, two more blocks to go before the left.

As she was thinking before the rain, she was glad she kept the letter from Dr. Cullen safely in a warm dry place. She didn't want to hope, other doctors had written to her but this letter was refreshingly different. It had heart. He even quoted poetry in it at one point. She was about to recite some of the better parts to herself silently when a huge SPLASH hit her. It completely covered her from head to toe, like someone had just dumped a bucket over her.

"UGH !!!" she screamed out loud as she squinted through her foggy glasses, a silver car flashing by, making a beautiful swoop ahead. That must be the left she said to herself, secretly cursing at the jerk driving that car.

Stupid, shiny car owner, she thought, hating herself for not using worse swear words, and for not being sure what kind of car it was. Hey, she couldn't help it if she was blind in this crappy weather.

Keep moving, legs, she scolded herself, almost there.

EPOV

I am not going to honk anymore. I'm just leaving his ass here, he can walk in this rainstorm.

"If I'm late, I'm going to be very pissed off." Edward grumbled, sitting in the driver's seat of his car, waiting for his siblings.

Alice was sitting in the passenger at her brother's side, tapping her French manicured nails on her notebook, and this was just irritating Edward more. His jaw clenched tightly and he glanced over at the door. No one was coming.

"You're always on time." Alice tried to calm Edward, "It's no big deal if you're late once in awhile. Who'll care ?"

"Alice, I have explained this to you before." Edward looked straight ahead at the driveway pavement, "I like to get there early – thus I avoid walking down that hallway where SHE waits for me. Now that I'm late, I will have to pass her on the way to my locker. I hope I don't have to explain this to you again."

"Oh, she's not that bad." Alice stared at one of her fingernails with interest, "She just likes you. Is that so terrible?"

"Yes." Edward replied honestly.

"Well then tell her to leave you alone." Alice shrugged.

"I don't want to be mean." Edward said, feeling like a woos, "I shouldn't have to hurt her feelings to send her a message. I never show any interest in her but she keeps coming and coming…what do I have to do?"

"You're so cute, Edward." Alice grinned at him, "You don't like humans, you don't want to mix with any of them, but then you're so worried about their feelings."

"I'm glad I amuse you, Alice." Edward replied with a quiet voice, seeing the downpour increase.

"Screw him, I'm going." Edward popped the clutch, revving his engine, "I gave them plenty of time."

"I can't believe they're doing it in the morning right before school." Alice giggled, "Jasper had to leave an hour ago to get away from them."

"Should've gone with him." Edward muttered, leaving the driveway and looping around the road that left the forest, putting him on the highway towards town.

"Uh oh, they're chasing us!" Alice got up on her knees in her seat, looking out the back windshield, seeing two blurs of color darting after the car.

"They're not getting in MY new car WET!" Edward looked in the rear view mirror, cursing them silently.

"Oh, come on, let them IN !" Alice squealed, laughing as Emmett came right up to Edward's side, looking in the window at his brother.

"Hey Mister ED !" Emmett joked, smiling as he ran, "Open up!"

"NO WAY !" Edward shouted, shifting gears and speeding up to 100 miles per hour, not taking his eyes off Emmett as he drove.

His front right tire skimmed a huge puddle then, causing a tidal wave effect. A poor tiny figure was walking there and got soaked in its wake, a little scream sounding in Edward's ears as he flew by.

"SSSSSSSSSSSS" Edward hissed, looking in his rear view mirror, seeing what he'd done, wincing and saying, "SORRY, sorry !" as if the girl could hear him way back there.

"Watch it, Edward, you could've hit that person!" Alice shouted, her eyes angry now.

"I wouldn't have hit her." Edward said, feeling remorseful, "But I really soaked her, DAMMIT ! EMMETT!"

"Let me turn around and apologize." Edward spun his wheel, making a left turn so he could circle around and come up behind the person.

"I hope it was Newton." Edward said out loud, really hoping. It was the one person he wouldn't feel too sorry for.

"Where is she?" Edward looked as he passed the street where it happened, seeing no one.

He tried to read the thoughts of the poor soul but heard nothing. Weird.

"She's fast." Alice shrugged, not seeing her either, "Faster than YOU, even, Edward."

Parking in the north lot of the school, Edward got out of his car and looked around again, not picking up on any thoughts of revenge for the person he'd super soaked a few minutes ago.

"Ooh." Alice smelled the air, closing her eyes, "New student coming today."

"Oh yea?" Edward didn't seem interested, looking around harder, closing his eyes to concentrate on the person he was still tracking.

"Find her?" Alice asked.

"Not yet." Edward looked at the ground, confused.

"Hey, asshole!" Emmett shoved Edward suddenly, breaking his concentration, "Thanks a lot for flat leaving us."

Rosalie just walked by them, on her way to the girl's room to save her hair and makeup before the bell rang.

"We waited !" Edward turned to him, trying to keep his voice down, "Now because of you I have to talk to Jessica! Thanks !"

"She's cute." Emmett shrugged, "I don't see the problem."

Edward just growled and walked into the side entrance of the school, swallowing, wanting to get it over with.

The second he went through the door and it slammed behind him, she was alerted to his presence. She was sitting, actually SITTING on the floor, up against his locker. Obvious stalker, much, Jessica ?

God, she used to pretend to bump into him as he got to his locker, now she just sat there against it, waiting for him to arrive. This was getting creepy.

Once more, she didn't attempt to move as he got there. She just looked up and smiled, a lollipop in her hand. Blow Pop, Edward read the wrapper, how appropriate.

"Excuse me?" Edward smirked politely, looking down at her. She put the red pop back into her mouth and popped up on her feet, showing off her cheerleader uniform again. It was red and white and it did nothing to hide her ass, a giant Blue "F" on her chest.

"Hi Edward." Jessica greeted warmly as he bent a bit, rolling the dial on his locker, doing his combination.

"Hi." He made himself answer, not using her name today.

"What's up?" she asked, her mind giggling with innuendo, picturing him naked from the waist down. He nearly gasped but opened his locker door instead, blocking the sight of her where she stood.

"Nothing." He said in a dull tone, quickly grabbing books, loading them into his backpack.

"What'd you do last night?" she moved around so she was almost behind his back now.

God, look at his back. His shirt's a little wet, too. I'd love to tear it right off him.

"Nothing." He repeated, closing his eyes a second to ignore her thoughts.

"Edward…" she said now, in a way that made him feel sorry for her.

She sounded hurt. She'd been chasing him for a month now, not getting the hint. He wanted to turn to her and ask if he could be honest with her. She'd be mature and say yes, then he could tell her in a nice way that he wasn't interested in her, or anyone else for that matter. He'd be nice and say it wasn't anything to do with her, it's just the way he felt. She'd be nice and say, no problem, and leave him alone from now on, and move onto some new boy. That's the way he pictured it in his head, but in reality, all he could say was, "I've gotta go."

He took off at a human pace, like a jog, towards homeroom before the bell rang, not looking back.

Maybe tomorrow I'd talk to her, when I had more time.


	3. Chapter 3

EPOV

Homeroom was thankfully short but still boring enough as the student council president, Erik Yorkie, made his announcements on the PA system. He fancied himself our own private Howard Stern each morning, thinking his lame jokes were causing all the jocks to slap their knees in hysterics. In reality, he was causing me to plan his demise.

The "humorous" part of his radio show was over now, thankfully, and it was on to important student information. I was once again, riveted.

"And let's not forget that SADD is still selling roses to raise money for Students Against Drunk Driving." Eric stated.

I cringed. That was the most redundant sentence I ever heard. All hail our president, another dope in the position reigning supreme. When I see him again, I'm going to call him G.W. I'll bet he won't even know what it means.

"The roses are $5.00 each and you can have it delivered to any student in the school on Valentine's Day, with a special message. Red roses mean love, white roses mean friendship, and pink roses mean an unrequited crush."

"Black roses mean death…" I muttered to myself. We had only heard this mundane announcement every day for the last two weeks and I was so sick of it. This is November for crying out loud !

I was sure someone connected to the school had gotten stuck with hundreds of dying roses and were trying to unload them on us as fast as they could, armed and ready with spray paint cans of white, red, and pink colors.

I'm sending Eric some black roses if he makes that announcement one more time, I informed myself silently amongst the human chatter going on all around me. And my private message will make him wet his pants.

"The new student is coming into my classroom." Alice's voice was in my head now. She was in a different homeroom from me, on the south side of the school, but I could read her thoughts as she "spoke" to me.

Oh no, she missed the rose announcement, I thought in a bored voice, how would any of us get through our day without that information?

A little timid knock sounded on the door and Mr. Vargas, Alice's homeroom teacher, said, "Yes?"

The door opened and Alice glanced up, always curious to see new faces. I could see her in Alice's thoughts.

A girl with long brown hair walked in. She was medium height, wore glasses that appeared to be a little foggy and said in a little shy voice, "I'm starting school here today.", handing her pass to the teacher. One more thing I noticed, she was soaking wet. Oh no. She's the one.

She kept her eyes downcast as a few voices started to laugh at her appearance. I picked up on the thoughts of others around Alice and so many horrible insults flew around I couldn't block them out.

_**God, she's HUGE !**_

_**Her clothes look like an old lady's.**_

_**That is disgusting, I would never let myself go like that. **_

_**I'd rather DIE than be that big !**_

_**Oh, God, she's a cripple, too. I would kill myself.**_

It was times like these that I truly loathed the human race. No one even spoke to the poor girl yet and they were all condemning her based merely on what she looked like.

I looked at her closely, almost closing my eyes to block out the kids in my homeroom.

She had a very pretty face and she was no stick figure, but back in my day, women who had a little meat on their bones were considered extremely desirable. Her clothes weren't flashy or expensive but so what? She looked comfortable. When did school become a fashion show anyway? (I know, ever since Alice started coming to it.)

What made me mad was the way she carried herself, as if she wasn't good enough to look anyone in the eye. She lacked confidence and her self loathing seemed almost as great as my own. I tried to hear what she was thinking but heard nothing.

I heard more giggles and people were whispering now, and that was making her more self-conscious.

"There you go, Isabella." Mr. Vargas handed her card to her after initialing it, "You can take any seat you like."

Oh no. Why did teachers do that? I saw what was going to happen before it did.

She went to the nearest empty seat, about to sit down next to Lauren, the school trollop.

_**Don't sit there, new girl, you'll catch something**_, I mentally warned her.

She put her hand out and blocked Isabella from the desk, saying, "That one's taken."

I felt my eyes squint in instant anger as the girl politely ignored the rudeness and said, "Sorry."

Going to the next empty desk, she looked at the boy sitting next to it and asked almost in a whisper, "Is this seat empty?"

"NO, you can't sit there either." One of the football players, Nick Buontempo, smiled, putting his foot on the seat, resting it there.

"_**This is why I hate people**_." I said in a low hiss to Alice. Homeroom was a ten minute affair and no one was going to even let the girl take a seat next to them.

"You can sit over here, Isabella." Alice leapt up onto her feet, going over to the other side of the room and took the girl by the hand, bringing her over to the seat behind mine.

_**Has she lost her mind? We're supposed to blend in but not mix with them**_!

"I'm Alice. Alice Cullen." She put a hand to her neck as she sat down, watching the girl take her seat behind her as I glared into space from my classroom.

_**No, Alice. Let her be.**_

"Hi." She said in a little voice, a little tremble as she kept her eyes down to the desk, on her notebook.

"Your name is Isabella?" Alice faced her, wanting to make more of a conversation.

The girl nodded, shivering more now. I felt myself shaking my head. This girl wasn't ready yet for this, I wanted to tell her, but Alice kept on talking. From my own class, I could hear her heart pounding, as if terrified.

"Maybe later if you have lunch 6th period, you could sit with us." Alice offered, "My brothers and sisters all have the same lunch. We sit together."

I felt my eyes widen at the idea of a human joining us for lunch.

I pictured Rosalie's face when a human sat down at our lunch table. Not to mention Jasper's. He couldn't handle it. Alice knows this, what is she THINKING?!

"Maybe." She said with a hollow voice.

Edward sighed. Good, maybe she didn't have the same lunch and it certainly didn't sound like she WANTED to have lunch with us by her tone. I would have to discuss things with Alice again later.

The bell rang, jolting me out of my spying on my sister and her new "friend." I slowly got up, letting the other kids empty out before I followed, as I was at the furthest side from the door.

I felt more angry than usual now, and I wasn't sure why. Well, another example of the compassion of humans was part of it, but there was something more.

Shrugging it off, I went to my next class and tried to forget it. After all, I didn't even know the poor girl. She would make friends eventually and be fine, I told myself. But something still bothered me. I can't read her thoughts. Oh yea. I never experienced that before but I made a mental note to take that up with Carlisle later tonight. Maybe there were some people that were immune to my gift somehow. Interesting.

For the next few classes, I sat there and pretended to listen, but every now and then I'd "check" on the new girl, listening in on the thoughts of the ones around her during the day. It was worse than I thought. Kids were just getting more and more cruel as the day progressed, even telling each other in the halls about the "freak" that started school today. I had to admit, I was getting royally pissed off the more I heard of it.

Finally, lunch time came and I was at least glad that I'd get to see my brothers and sisters for a bit. Secretly hoping the new girl wasn't in our lunch period, I entered the cafeteria, looking around. Alice was at our usual round table in the corner, away from the other long tables where all the different cliques were established.

She waved at me to come over and I was already on my way there but I could see she was looking for someone else besides me. Jasper was on line, buying us our "food". This was therapy for him, to mingle in line with the kids and resist their blood. I checked on his thoughts and was happily surprised to see he was doing well in line with the humans. No bad thoughts in his head at the moment. Good job, Jazz.

Emmett and Rosalie were nowhere in sight. Upon listening in my mind for them, I located them in the parking lot, deeply ingrained in a make out session.

"Hi Edward." Alice glanced at me as I sat down and she rose to her tip toes, straining to look over the heads of more children coming in, a frustrated look on her face, not finding who she wanted.

"Alice." I said, looking up at her, "Emmett and Rose will be here in a bit."

"I know that, duh." Alice commented, "I'm looking for someone else."

"Alice, what're you doing?" I finally said it, a slight frown on my lips, "You can't have a human sitting here with us. With Jasper."

"He said he'll be fine." Alice informed me, as if that's all the proof I needed.

"No, Alice." I said flatly, "Not a good idea. Jasper, this morning, had four daydreams about drinking blood. He will not be fine."

"Edwardddd." Alice whined, looking at me completely now, "Everyone is being so mean to her. It's the nice thing to do. Let's invite her over."

"I know everyone's being mean. I've seen it all day." I frowned more, "All the more reason why we don't interact with them. Just leave her alone. She'll be fine. Do not invite her over. Promise me."

She sighed, seeing Jasper coming over, a full tray in his hands. He did look nervous as he approached. Maybe it was too much to inflict on Jasper yet. She gave in.

"Fine." She plopped down in her seat, seeing Emmett and Rosalie approaching.

"I admire your sweet heart." I said with a grin, mussing her hair a little to cheer her up, "It'll be okay. Some kids have more trouble fitting in and adjusting than others. She'll learn."

"Hola Bitches…." Emmett sang in a high pitched voice, making Rosalie smirk as she sat down, taking a little carton of milk from Jasper's tray, opening it and sitting it in front of her.

"Hi." Alice looked sad now.

"What did you do to the pixie, Edward?" Emmett raised a brow my way.

"Nothing, just splashed a little reality on her wings." I muttered, opening a chocolate mile carton, holding it in my hand without drinking it.

"What's that mean?" he asked, in the dark.

"She wanted to invite one of _**them**_ to sit with us for lunch." I informed casually, looking at Jessica Stanley, glad she was over on the other side of the room with her crowd. Sometimes she came over here, trying to insert herself in. Please not today.

"Who?" Rosalie grinned in amusement, looking at Alice.

"The new girl, Isabella." Alice took a hot dog, placing it in front of her, breaking it in half for effect, "Everyone's been treating her like shit all day and I wanted to show her that she has at least one friend here."

"I saw her in history." Emmett shook his head, "The whole time the jocks were shooting spitballs at her hair, trying to stick notes to her back. Friggin' Mr. Harris acted like he didn't notice any of it. Jerk. I almost got up and kicked their asses right in the middle of class."

"I heard they're already calling her by nicknames." Rosalie stuck a straw in her milk, "She told one teacher to call her Bella, so now everyone's calling her Smella, some are calling her Fella."

All at the same time, we all muttered, "I hate people." And we're called monsters.

"Jinx ! Owe me a drink!" Alice squeaked at the coincidence.

"Stop saying that, it's from the 80's." I reminded, "No one says that anymore."

"I do." She said proudly.

"She still says Bread and Butter when we walk around a tree at the same time." Jasper smiled with a chuckle.

"Oh, there she is." Alice sounded sad again, seeing the new girl with her crutch making her way to the line to get lunch.

"How is she going to get her lunch with one hand on the crutch?" Emmett asked, sounding truly concerned about this.

"Let her handle it." I said firmly, hating the way I sounded, "I'm sure it's not her first day of school EVER. She must have her ways."

I sounded cold and unfeeling, and I knew it but I was doing it for her own good. If Jasper flipped out and went for her in the middle of the lunchroom, there would be no way for me to hide it. And the new girl had enough problems without having a gang of vampires pretending to eat around her. And if she did sit here we'd actually HAVE to eat a little to keep from blowing our cover.

I still couldn't pick up a single thing from her mind. I hadn't told anyone else this yet, for some reason. I felt a little embarrassed, as if I were malfunctioning or something.

I almost turned to glance at the new girl to see just how she was doing with one hand but I was interrupted.

"Hey EDWARD !" a loud girl's voice boomed out suddenly, almost making me jump in surprise. I had been so distracted by the new girl I didn't even hear Jessica coming. And here she was, right beside me, looking down at me where I sat.

"Hi Jessica." I replied. DAMN IT, why did I say her name?! Now she'll think I'm being friendly.

"You look nice today." She observed aloud, touching my shoulder, "I love this shirt, it's so nice and soft. Who designed it?"

UGH, she's touching me! Must. Make. It. Stop.

"K-Mart." I grumbled, "2 for $2.99"

It was a simple light gray short sleeve t-shirt. Who designed it ? Give me a break.

Alice's ears perked up like a dog's.

"When did YOU go to K-Mart to shop for clothes?!" she scolded me, looking betrayed.

I squinted at her and shook my head, silencing her without a word.

"Hey, Jessica." Emmett cut in, and for a moment I loved my brother for getting her off of me. But what a fool I was.

"Edward was telling us you have new cheers." Emmett beamed like Jessica had found a cure for cancer, "You made them up yourself?"

No, Emmett. NO ! I glared at him across the table, willing him to shut his mouth.

"Yea !" she gushed, putting a hand to her chest, "Edward told you that?"

"Yea, he was so proud of you." Emmett glanced at me, "He said he never thought you were so creative. Why don't you do some for us?"

I hate you, Emmett. I HATE YOU !

"Oh, no." I tried to sound nice, "Jessica doesn't want to do that here, at lunch, in front of everyone. You're hungry, aren't you, Jessica?"

I shouldn't have said that to her. An instant image of me laying on this very table with only a small pair of black bikini underwear flashed to mind, and I was tied to the table, helpless but smiling, whipped cream all over my bare chest as she dove her face into it, licking it off me as I laughed in her fantasy, seeming to enjoy it. Then I had a banana in my mouth and she devoured the part sticking out of it.

I had to clench my fists under the table until the vision stopped.

"Oh, I don't mind." She blinked, back on earth now, and ran over to her table to get her pom poms.

I couldn't think of anything bad enough to call him. My eyes just stared at him with their blackness, squinting, almost twitching.

"What?" Emmett tried to look innocent, but he knew he was in trouble with me.

BPOV

I had been to a lot of different schools in the past. I thought I was tougher than this. But today was a fresh day of hell and it was only half way through. Lunch time. The worst class of the day for someone like me. I didn't mind eating alone, I was used to that and it was more comfortable for me anyway, besides sitting with someone new and trying to act normal, hoping they'd like me. Having people watch me eat made me feel sick to my stomach. If I ate a regular lunch, of what I wanted, like pizza, then I'd be laughed at for being a little heavy, people would think I deserved being my size. If I ate a salad, then I'd get laughs for trying to lose weight, having the nerve to think I could ever be like the beautiful people.

Beautiful people. They were the most cruel of them all. Average looking kids I could maybe get to know in time and perhaps have an acquaintance or two during a class here and there. But the perfect ones zeroed in on me in half seconds, determined to rub it in that I was ugly, as if I didn't already know it myself. Maybe it was their own low self esteem, I never figured it out, but they were the ones who went out of their way to wound me. They seemed to take a great deal of pleasure in it. I didn't get it, I could never hurt anyone and feel good about it.

I almost thought back to history class, where I had the worst time of my day so far. Four handsome boys who looked like they could be on the football team tortured me relentlessly the entire period, the rest of the class laughing as the clueless teacher droned on, ignoring it. Not that I wanted the teacher defending me. NO ! That was ten times worse.

I yelled at myself for not fighting back, or spinning around and telling them to fuck off. But I didn't have that in me. I knew why. I always wanted people to like me, so I could never do or say anything to hurt anyone else's feelings, even in the slightest way. It was a curse of mine that I couldn't seem to get rid of.

One girl had been nice to me, in homeroom. I could hardly look at her, though, as I was about to cry from the humiliation of finding a seat there. She had a cute little cartoon like voice, though, and said her name was Alice…what? I couldn't remember. I had been too upset to listen.

Maybe tomorrow I'd get to class early so I'd get a seat before all the other kids arrived. Maybe she'd sit next to me again. Once in awhile a person would pity me and act nice to me for a day or two, then forget me. I hated that too. It hurt more than the nasty kids.

I was just doomed to walk this planet alone forever and I knew it. Who would want to talk to me, anyway? And if they did, what the hell would I have to say that was so damn interesting? I can't wait until I graduate. I don't know what I'll do but I will get far away from all people. Maybe I'll go to Africa and rescue baby giraffes or tigers. Animals never tried to hurt anyone's feelings for no reason.

Stop feeling so sorry for yourself, you're making me sick. Get some lunch and you only have Biology and Gym left. Then home. Thank God.

Gym at the end of the day was great, but I wondered what I would do in gym. My leg was totally useless. Sometimes they'd give me a study hall instead. Maybe I could leave school early. That would be sweeeet.

I passed by a table on the way to the cafeteria lines, catching sight of the nice girl from homeroom today. I looked out of the corner of my eye and I think she saw me but put her eyes down, looking away. I knew it. Pity worn off. She's too pretty to be my friend, anyway. Forget her. As I waited my turn on line, I glanced again and saw her table was too crowded for me. Three boys and another girl besides Alice. They were all beautiful, popular types, too. A tall mountain of a boy with a black crew cut. He was in history today with me, too. He didn't bother me, I think. With him, holding his hand was a Barbie doll. I called the perfect blonde girls this, it made me feel better somehow. She had a mean look in her eyes that scared me, too. Next to Alice was a cute, smaller boy with curly blonde hair, who looked pale and nervous. Alice was laughing, looking at him, then towards another boy, who I couldn't see well from my spot on line.

His back was to me, but what a nice back it was. A light gray t-shirt clung to the curves and muscles beneath it. He was wearing light blue jeans that I couldn't appreciate fully because of the brown plastic chair he was sitting in, and his hair from the back was a delightful shade of reddish-brown, which was uncommon for a boy to have. The style was indescribable, except to say it was wild but in a sexy way. I wondered if he had done it that way on purpose, or if the Windsingers had lovingly fluffed their fingers through it this morning. Regardless, it was stunning to my eye. What color is that hair? Like…an Irish sunset. Ohhhh yes.

"Are you going to MOVE?" an annoyed girl behind me suddenly huffed, making me jump, there was a lot of space in front of me now, the line had moved a great deal. Shit. Stop looking at cute boys, you're breaking your own rules ! But I want to see him from the front now, I argued with myself, grabbing a tray with my free hand, placing it on the metal counter, sliding it along as I looked over what slop the school system would be dishing out to us today.

Another girl behind me muttered, "I always get stuck behind these retards, by the time I get my food it'll be ice cold."

Ignore that. Meatloaf today. I'd rather stick needles in my eyes. I decided to go with a small red delicious apple and a bottle of water. That shouldn't be hard to carry to a nearby table.

I showed my card quickly, hoping no one would see that I qualified for free lunch and held my tray against my good hip, wobbling out of the line and was glad to see a small empty table right there calling to me. It was away from everyone else's table, and that's all I needed. I was an island here. Hopefully no one would swim or boat over.

I sat down, placing my crutch against the empty chair beside me. I unscrewed my water bottle and took a sip, daring to take a little peek up at Alice's table again. Don't come over, don't come over, I mentally said to her, in case she saw me looking at her.

Oooh, good, I can see the red head better from this angle, I realized as I wandered my eyes over towards where he sat. I hoped his front was as good as his back. Dirty minds, you know what I mean.

A cheerleader was there, blocking his face. DAMN Cheerleaders ! There should be a law. In real life, if you were screaming and loud, you'd be arrested. In high school, it made you a celebrity. I'll never get it.

She was probably his girlfriend. Her arms were waving around as she shouted out a cheer.

"F is for Fire !" she boomed in song, "Burn, Burn, Burn !!"

I couldn't have said it better myself.

"O is for OUT !" she thumbed with one hand, "And it's YOUR TURN !!"

I wish I had my i-pod in my ears. I have to bring it tomorrow.

"R is for Rowdy, that's our NAME !" she leapt up, her legs very flexible as they split and touched her hands.

"K is for KILL !" she wrapped it up, moving her pom poms, "Cause you're SO LAME !!"

My face moved on its own without my knowing it. I grimaced, looking around at others to see if they were as afraid as I was.

Then it happened. I saw the red haired boy's face. My God. I had never seen anything that beautiful, even in my dreams. His skin was snow white, like alabaster, his cheekbones curled in as if chiseled by the gods themselves. But his eyes commanded my full attention. They were dark and had been brooding as they looked at the cheerleader, dull and sinister as they gaped at her before him. He resembled an angry angel, forced to sit with mortals and hating it. His arms were not overly muscular but strong, as I preferred when I fantasized about men.

And what was the most wonderful thing was…when I had made my face, he had seen it…and…laughed. Not _**AT**_ me. Almost, _**with**_ me. It made me feel good in the pit of my chest when he had done that. I stared at his laughing lips and felt myself smile, dazzled by the sight.

It was over too soon, though. The cheerleader had spun around and his face straightened, not wanting her to see his amusement. Hmm. Kind? No, he's too gorgeous to be nice. She must be his girlfriend and he can't let her see what a fool she's making of herself. That must be it. With his face, he could probably treat a girl like complete garbage and she'd still crawl after him, begging for a chance. I shuddered at how wicked he could be, if he wanted to.

Still. A beautiful angel smiled today because of something my jerky face did on its own. My day was saved in this moment. All the hell from earlier was suddenly erased. I knew I could never talk to him or meet him, nor did I want to. He would most definitely stick his knife into my heart and twist it. He was the king of the beautiful people here, that much I could see. If his cruelty matched his beauty, then he must be the most evil one of them all.

But still. It was a half second of pure bliss…for me. I bit into my apple deep, loving the sound of that crisp echo it makes when you take a good chunk out of it. So juicy.

Whatever your name is, I think you're very lovely. No, not just lovely. You are…art.

I heard the Carpenters song in my head sing, "On the day that you were born the angels got together…and decided to create a dream come true. So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair and golden starlight in your eyes of blue."

I would love to see him asleep. Wow. Where did that thought come from?

Something like that I think the song words went. But his eyes weren't blue. Maybe dark brown like mine. I can't tell from here. Too bad they're not green. That would be like an Irish vampire, I thought. I loved reading and writing all things vampire. The old movies made vampires look ugly and monstrous, but in reality, I had read that vampires are beautiful with red hair and green eyes, white skin. The beauty is to draw victims in easily. He could draw me in. He already did, who was I kidding?

Oh, let me eat my apple and stop staring at him. If he caught me, I was as good as dead. I took out the first book from my backpack and pretended to read it. Oh, great, the school rules. I was going to look really cool reading this in the middle of lunch. God, just kill me now.

EPOV

Jessica had done five cheers already. Wasn't that enough torment for me today? I know I'm a monster and a killer, but was this really just ? Couldn't I just be jailed for 50 years instead ?

Not only were they cheers, but bad cheers at that. She made these up herself. GAH ! My only hope now was when the other dippy cheerleaders heard them she'd be drummed out of their ranks and I would never have to see her in that outfit again, not to mention never hearing these cheers again.

I looked at Emmett now, staring at him with a thin line where my mouth used to be. Setting my jaw, I pretended to watch her whenever she made eye contact with me. The only fun second I'd had was when I glanced at the new girl, after the first cheer. Her expression was perfect. She looked at Jessica as if she were a mental case, then over the frame of her glasses, she looked from side to side to see if anyone else was as repulsed or horrified as she was. I couldn't help but laugh. It was funny.

She was funny. It's not often I truly laughed. Sure, I had to pretend a lot. But it was nice to see there was still something in me that could be tickled into a giggle. Maybe the new girl wasn't Miss America, but I'll bet she's a lot of fun. Sometimes, girls who didn't worry about makeup and clothes all the time, had more important things on their minds. Real things. She looks smart, too. I wonder what happened to her leg.

Why can't I read you, new girl? What magic do you have in there that keeps me out of your head ?

I can never meet her or speak to her, of course, but I think in time, she'll show everyone what a cool person she is, inside. It wouldn't excuse the horrible behavior of the kids towards her so far, but, she would be okay. She wouldn't be alone for long. Soon, she'd be sitting in one of the groups at the long tables, joking and having fun, while I sat here, away from them all, secretly listening to her jokes, trying not to laugh too hard so I'd be discovered.

Jessica finished another cheer, Alice clapping. Rosalie and Emmett clapped too, half-heartedly. I thought about trying to clap and wanted to vomit. But, reluctantly, I put my hands together twice.

F is for fire, indeed. I rolled my eyes as she turned her back. And Esme wondered why I couldn't find a mate. If this was what I had to choose from, I'd gladly remain alone. I felt like I was at Wal-Mart, digging through one of those deep bins of movies on sale for $1 each. Every movie boring and stupid, and definitely not anything I wanted to see. But every time I see that sign I go look, thinking maybe this time, they'll be something good in there. I'm always disappointed. Always.

"Here !" I almost shouted at her as she was about to do another one, I grabbed a bottle of water and held it up, almost trembling, hoping she'd take it and sit down. Anything except another one, please, I beg you in the name of all that is holy and good, no more !

Everyone was looking over here and I hated it. I must preferred it when no one looked at me. If I could have one wish, it would be that. To be invisible.

"Oh, thanks, Edward." Jessica smiled, sitting too close to me and taking the water, opening it. She used to call me Eddie. I fixed that a month ago.

"That was amazing!" Emmett grinned from ear to ear, "I love that one where you said, Forks is gonna stick you !!"

"Thanks, Emmett." Jessica smirked at him, clearly not caring about his opinion, "What did you think, Edward?"

"Yes, Edward, what did you think?" Emmett propped his smiling face upon his two hands, loving this, tilting his head to one side. I would kill him later.

"Those were cheers, alright." I said with a weak grin, not great at bullshitting.

Cheers for the men in white coats to come and get you. Where were they?

"Did you like 'em?" she prodded further, staring into my eyes too closely.

"What's not to like?" I heard myself ask, wishing I was a better liar. Or better at telling her the truth.

She clapped happily, too damn happy for my taste and then threw her arms around my neck, squeezing me to her as my body tensed, my hands opening and resting in the air, stilling myself until she got off me.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you !" she almost sparkled as she looked at me, her hands on both sides of my face now, crushing my lips together until they were a ridiculous pucker.

Why isn't someone helping me ?! Alice, where are you when I need you ?!

Then it happened. She gave me a little peck on the lips with her glossy mouth and nearly shivered from the coolness she found there. But she still smiled and her eyes misted a bit. As if I had been a willing participant of this attack. My lips felt sticky now…ukkk.

"That means a lot to me, Edward." She whispered, letting my face go, "Thanks."

"No problem." I moved away from her a bit now that I was released, looking away. She wasn't looking. I wiped my mouth off on the bottom of my shirt. I wanted my mouth pointed in the other direction as hers now. That would never happen again, if I had to resort to sitting here everyday with a football helmet on my head.

The bell rang and I leapt up to go but was blocked by the evil cheerleader again.

"I'll go with you, Edward." Jessica offered, knowing we had the next class together. Biology.

"Alright." I shrugged, slinging my backpack over my shoulder, walking around her, watching her try to keep pace with me. I was going to have to say something to her….tomorrow I decided. She couldn't be kissing me. My teeth were poisonous and she dove right in, almost touching them. This wasn't good. She would cry. Maybe not. This is why I hated interacting with humans. Too messy.

When I passed the empty table where the new girl had been I looked around. She was gone. Damn, she is fast. But then so am I.

See next chapter soon!

Biology next !

Love

WinndSinger


	4. Chapter 4 Biology

4

BPOV

It wasn't hard to find Biology class, you could smell the formaldehyde a mile away. I made my way through the door, glad I had gotten there before a lot of the other students did. I was already talking to the teacher, a pleasant looking man who had smiled at me and greeted me with a friendly attitude when I heard other voices behind me, taking their seats, not paying much attention to me yet.

I noticed the board had writing on it that related to dissecting a frog. Gross. I knew this was coming up this year but I tried not to think about it. Poor little frogs.

"Okay, Miss Swan, I have an empty seat for you here." The teacher was about to grab my good arm but I tensed instantly and kept my voice even.

"No, don't…grab my arm." I said politely but firmly, "Please. I've got it."

"Oh, I'm sorry." He truly looked like he meant no harm, so I gave him a little smile, saying, "It's okay."

This was something I really got bothered by. People who grabbed you to "help" you walk somewhere. My good arm that held my crutch was all I had while upright and someone grabbing it and jerking it to help me, took away all I had. I felt violated at these times, I felt weak and I FELT handicapped at those moments. When I could walk on my own, despite my broken body, I felt independent. I was crushed but I was still moving, on my own. I hated when people picked me up or tried to make me feel…needy.

I walked by a fan that was blowing heat around the room and it did feel nice. My day started off cold and wet. I wish I had known that heater was here this morning, I could've dried off before I made a puddle in homeroom. I could still see that silver car blazing by me, racing like a maniac past me, nearly drowning me. I bet they were laughing after they passed me. Bastards, whoever they or him or her were. Oh well, get over it. It's over now.

"Mr. Cullen hasn't had a partner since school began." The teacher informed in a more friendly voice, trying to soothe me after the grabbing my arm thing.

"I'm sure he'll be glad to have you." The teacher commented, and I hoped he wasn't making a sexual remark at my expense.

I looked up and saw the red head from the lunch room, Alice's friend. He was sitting alone on the left side of the table, near the window, the other seat empty. He was holding his white hand over his nose and mouth, his body tense and his eyes clenched as I approached with the teacher at my side. He felt it necessary to escort me over I guess.

My mouth fell open at the sight and I heard all the other kids laughing at this, seeing it too. The boy didn't notice the laughter, he was still in his pose, almost trembling with disgust as I carefully took my seat at his side.

"Edward, cut it out." The teacher scolded the boy with a slight frown, "This is Isabella Swan, she's your new partner. Play nice."

"Oohh, play nice, Edward." A boy's voice laughed from behind us. I kept my eyes down, laying my crutch down carefully on the floor beside me, hoping it wouldn't get in anyone's way there.

"I'm sure he'll be glad to HAVE her, too." A girl's voice giggled, getting more laughs.

I wanted to die right there. I knew it. I knew he was as mean as the rest of them. I bet he wasn't even laughing with me at lunch, maybe he was looking at someone behind me or something.

Wait. Did I stink ? Maybe he wasn't being mean, but….oh God. I made sure no one was looking and casually smelled my hair. It smelled like my shampoo, strawberry suave, and a little like rain. Not offensive. Then he was making fun of me. Damn. I opened my book to any page and kept my eyes down, willing myself not to cry here, not in front of him.

Just wait.

I knew what would come next. He would start speaking to me, saying horrible things to or about me. No, please. Maybe I could just run to the door and get out. It was so far away and I couldn't run. Crap.

The teacher was talking but I couldn't hear him, I was in my own little world, hearing everyone's snickers and comments.

"Edward doesn't like the smell of FISH I guess." A boy named Mike Newton whispered to the cheerleader from lunch. Mike Newton was also in my history class, too. He was a jerk then and he's a bigger jerk now.

The cheerleader girl laughed, trying to cover her mouth and replied, "She smells like fish and she looks like a fish, a whale!"

Edward was the boy's name beside me. I didn't hear him saying anything, though, or even laughing.

I peeked to the side, hoping he was looking at the teacher or another student. To my horror he was staring right at me, his eyes jet black and intense. I nearly gasped out loud. He kept looking at me, not even trying to turn away as I stared back at him silently, like an idiot.

He didn't want me sitting here, that much was obvious. I looked around. There were no other empty seats.

"Poor Cullen." A girl's voice said wickedly, "He looks like he's gonna be sick."

"I don't blame him, look what he's staring at." Another boy's voice quipped, the laughing getting louder.

"Undressing her with his eyes could take all year." A third voice chimed in.

The teacher stopped talking now and turned to the class.

"Something funny going on here?" he asked the class, waiting, "I don't wanna hear anyone tell me they don't know what to do when the frogs are in front of you."

Thank God no one said a word. I let out a little breath at this, but he was still staring me down. I also noticed, his fists were clenched under the desk, tightly, shaking a little. His jaw was so tense it looked like he was hurting himself by doing it.

I almost asked him if he was alright, but didn't want the additional teasing or his reply, however evil it would be. I don't think I could take it right now, I said to myself. Just ignore him. Ignore him. This was my manta in every school I attended. Ignore it. My parents had always told me that. It was so hard, almost impossible to do. But I kept trying.

Class was an eternity. I thought it would never end. Finally, before the bell really rang Edward was on his feet and running around behind me, out the door as the bell sounded.

Once he was gone, I was physically trembling, the tears forming now in my eyes. I knew kids picked on me and teased me, and I felt like maybe I was used to that. But this was something else. He was truly sickened by me. Repulsed. And that hurt me like nothing I've ever felt before, even the accident itself.

I felt eyes on me as they left the room but I didn't care. I felt the tears on my face as I walked to the guidance office. I needed to ask about Gym class and if I should be there or in a study hall. I tried to wipe my eyes before I arrived there. When I opened the door, I saw the beautiful toned back I was admiring during lunch in the light gray t-shirt, talking to Ms. Cope, the red headed counselor who looked sympathetically at the boy's face.

"Please, I'll go anywhere." His deep lovely voice said. It was the first time I heard it. It was rich and warm, like soft music, but also tense and frustrated as he spoke again, "Physics, bio-chem, anything."

"I'm sorry, dear, but everything is full right now." She informed, looking in a book of some kind, "I'm afraid you'll just have to stay where you are."

Now that I was standing behind him, as far behind him as I could get, his eyes closed tight again, his left fist clenched as if he smelled something rotting. His black eyes turned to me and he exhaled, his eyes darted around and me and Ms. Cope as if he were thinking of something, but then he closed his eyes and stopped breathing altogether.

"Never mind then." He said finally, "I can see that it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help."

He sounded a bit sarcastic, I thought.

With that, he turned sharply and moved around me, averting his gaze away from my face and whipped out the door, flinging it closed behind him, the slam of the door making me jump involuntarily.

Ms. Cope looked at me, confused as I felt a sob coming on from the bottom of my gut. I knew I should've asked her what I came to ask, but right now, I didn't give a shit about any of my classes or gym. I turned and shoved the door open, hobbling out into the hallway as my voice betrayed me and began sobbing. I was out of here, I didn't care if it was time or not. I couldn't wait to feel the cold air and rain, it was better than what I felt inside this god damned building today.

Before I knew it, I was making my way through the parking lot of the school and saw it. Three rows down, on the corner spot. The car that almost ran me over today. The shiny silver one. I wasn't at all positive but it did look exactly like it. I was probably wrong. Curious, I wobbled a little closer to it, looking around, I noticed it was the only silver car I could see that looked even close.

There was music playing inside the car, I could hear as I got a bit closer, but was still far enough away that I couldn't see inside the car. Someone was in it, playing the radio or something.

Clair De Lune was playing in the car. I recognized it right away. Now I was thinking of my mother. My eyes were almost filled with tears already, I didn't need more. She loved classical music. She used to teach it when I was a little girl. She tried to teach me as much as she could, before she left with her boyfriend.

Maybe it was a teacher in the car, kids my age didn't sit around in their cars listening to Clair De Lune.

Don't go over to the car, don't go over, my head was telling me. But my body never listened to my head. Now was no exception.

I acted like I needed to walk past the car, when really I should've been heading in the other direction. But the person in the car wouldn't know that.

Nonchalantly, I tried to pass by the driver's side of the car and peek inside as I went. I was about to have a heart attack, as if my day hadn't been fun enough already.

Edward was in the driver's seat, his eyes closed a bit tightly, leaning back in his seat, his fingers tightly gripping the steering wheel as the music played a bit loudly now that I was so close to the car. The second I saw it was him his eyes opened and darted towards me, still giving me that furious glare.

I dropped my eyes down, trying to go faster past the car, not caring where I was headed at the time. Then I heard the music stop and a car door close softly. No one else was around, school was still going on inside. I listened, hoping I'd hear his footsteps going away from me and towards the school.

But they didn't. They were following me.

What does he want ? Why doesn't he call me if he wants to say something to me? Maybe he's walking home and this is the direction of his house.

Duh, he has a car, why would he walk home, following me?

Oh God, where am I going? This isn't the street I came here on. This leads to the woods behind the school. Shit, I can't go in there. My legs would never be able to walk over hills and tree trunks and rocks. I can't turn around, he's still following me. I still hear his slow even footsteps a few feet behind me. What is he DOING? Maybe he wants to beat me up or something. Maybe something worse. No, not even a rapist would want to rape ME of all the girls in the school.

I can't go any further now, there's rocks in my way. Oh shit ! I stopped walking and just waited, closing my eyes. I could hear him breathing, heavier as he came up behind me…almost right me now, close enough to grab me. I couldn't even turn around to face him I was so scared. Do it ! He stopped walking and he seemed to be standing there behind me, silent, not moving…watching the back of my head.

Finally, I made myself spin around, swinging my crutch out in a half circle around the vicinity of where his face might be. I fell right on my ass in the mud, a small scream darting out of my chest as I landed. Now I was ready to be killed. He could stomp on my throat right now if he wanted to. There was no way I could move to defend myself.

As I opened my eyes again, looking, there was no one there. I sat up, using my crutch to shove myself up, and looked again. No one there. No way. I heard him, I was so sure there was someone there. Not a soul was anywhere in sight.

I am losing my mind. You're not that important to him that he'd come chasing after you any way, I told myself. Part of me felt relieved that I was wrong and had imagined it. Part of me, though, was a little disappointed. I knew that was crazy, but I've always known I was a bit touched in the head.

Get off your ass now and find your way home, doofus, I scolded myself, you just cut class and you're covered in mud. And you wonder why you're alone.

I took a few minutes to get myself up on my good leg and I decided not to enter the school parking lot again. I went all the way around the school instead, finding my street, pointing myself in the right direction now, and facing the bitter wind blowing in my face all the way back to Sue's Bed and Breakfast. I'd be glad to get there and try to forget this day. Try to forget the red haired boy Edward, even though I knew it was impossible.

EPOV

Damn, I almost did it. Breathe in, breathe out. Good, clean air, good. She was moving in the other direction, away from the forest, good. Move it, new girl, get away from here. I know you can't move very fast but, GO !

I clung to the tree, my shaking legs perched on the limb below me as I watched her slowly moving south, my breath panting harder.

I almost did it, Oh my God, I can't believe I came that close to….

I let out a hard breath, looking away at the school parking lot. No one there. Jasper and Alice and the rest were still in class. Perfect. I needed the quiet time here.

Each breath I took was a good cleansing one, ridding me of the scent that was killing me from the inside out. What the hell WAS that scent? It had to be something evil, it was so perfect and sweet and rich, thick, hot. I nearly drooled right on the lab table in class. Then I realized Mr. Banner was coming over with her and I had to shut off my nose and mouth from the odor of it, fanning itself over me through that damn heat fan. As if the smell wasn't powerful all on its own, it was HEATED thanks to Mr. Banner.

I only realized a moment later, that me covering my nose and mouth as she came to sit with me was a huge insult to any human. She thought I was saying she smelled BAD. How far from the truth that was. It was the best thing I ever smelled in all my existence. I was dreaming about it now, the scent of her. I wanted to follow her now, and smell it again. No. Let her go.

I'm sorry, new girl, I heard them making those horrid remarks at you because of me. I wanted to tell them all to shut up and go to hell. I wanted to tell you I didn't mean to make fun of you. But I couldn't. I was too busy planning how I was going to kill you. Them. Then I was trying to restrain myself from doing it.

I was glad to get out of class without fulfilling my desires, but then she seemed to follow me to the guidance office. I nearly took her then, only Ms. Cope would've stood in my way, and she'd be easily killed in a second before I leapt over to the new girl and had her.

But, again, I surprised myself and resisted then, also. I got to my car and tried to listen to Debussy, which usually calmed me down, but then I still smelled her out there, too. When I looked, she was right outside my door. She was like a demon following me, giving me no choice but to kill her. I'm sure if I went to the boy's bathroom, she'd find a way in there, too.

And then I lost myself for a minute or two. I followed her, slowly, almost…evilly. She played right into my hands, heading for the woods. Part of me thought maybe she's leading me there on purpose, and something deadly will be waiting for me in the trees, ready to strike me down. But I didn't care. I wanted her blood. I wanted to taste it. Now.

Everything Carlisle had taught me was gone. I was just thirsty, following my prey. The monster in me laughed, watching her with her crutch, getting closer and closer to the forest. She couldn't run from me, not that it would be a contest if she even tried to. She had been crying, she was scared, her vision blurred, her body slow. This would be like taking candy from a baby, the demon in me agreed.

Then she stopped, not turning around. I should've pounced then, not wanting to prolong her agony or fear. She shouldn't have to suffer. But my body wouldn't do it. My hands didn't move from the pockets of my gray jacket, although my brain was screaming its rage at them to take her now.

Why was she waiting for me to do it ? Could she read MY mind ?

Finally, she made herself turn to face me. This was it, the moment I'd drink human blood again after all these decades. I was almost…excited about it. But then, my legs leapt up, and I was cowering and shivering, clinging onto this tree, high above the whole town.

She was going to use her crutch as a weapon to hit me in the face, I saw as I looked down at her. But her crutch was her support and without it on the ground, she spiraled backwards and fell with a squish into the mud.

I winced, feeling guilty again for causing her more discomfort. She surely knew now I was the one who soaked her to death this morning, and this afternoon I stalked her and followed her into the woods. God knows what she must be thinking about me. Men followed girls into the woods for other reasons than just to drink their blood. What if she called the police? God, I could see me explaining myself to them or Carlisle.

Forget about that, how was I going to sit next to her everyday in school? If I could resist her today, that was fine, but what if I gave in tomorrow? I felt my throat burning as I watched her take forever to get herself up on her feet again. My mind was screaming, NOW, NOW, DO IT ! Don't let her get up, take her now!

I still can't believe I just waited there, watching her until she got up and shuffled away, encircling the school, then going south.

_**Follow her again.**_

_**No, don't.**_

_**Just go see where she lives. **_

_**No, please….don't.**_

_**You won't hurt her. Just see where she lives, in case you need to know later.**_

_**Stop it !**_

My legs began to move on their own. I was following her, from high up here, moving from tree to tree, to see where she lives, obeying my inner monster.

See next chapter soon !

WinndSinger

PS – Parts coming up next are going to be different from the book, so stay tuned. Thanks !


	5. Chapter 5 Control

5

BPOV

When I got "home" to Sue's Bed and Breakfast, I was pleasantly surprised by the aroma of something Italian cooking inside.

I entered the big house and looked around. It was very pretty and homey here, I had to admit now that I had a better look at it in the daytime. The floors were carpeted and soft, my feet bounced as I walked upon it. I was hoping the food here wasn't too expensive. I had a little money, but not much. I was starving and cold at this point and would've killed for whatever was cooking.

I followed the smell quietly towards the kitchen of the house. I expected to see a tiny little June Clever type woman there, wearing pearls or something, but instead I saw a tall woman with a meat cleaver, hacking at something on the counter, cursing under her breath, a cigarette butt in the side of her mouth.

She saw me there in the doorway and I almost shot backwards, out of the room, not sure if I was allowed in here.

"Hey!" her gravelly voice called me, sounding a little frustrated.

"Come back, you, I don't bite." She waved her fingers, calling me back inside.

"Sorry." I said meekly.

"You're the little girl in room 3, right?" the woman asked, taking the cigarette out of her mouth, putting it in her ashtray.

"Yes." I said, smiling, looking down at the floor.

"What's your name?"

"Bella." I said simply, "Bella Swan."

"That's right. Swan. Pretty name." She said, "I'm Sue. I own this place and if you need anything, come grab me. How is your room?"

"Oh, great." I answered, looking at her in the eye now, "Thanks again…for giving me a room."

"I wanted to tell you." Sue said, pointing upwards, "I'm gonna fix up that room in the next couple months. My other rooms are all nicely decorated. Yours isn't yet because I'm waiting for my lazy son-in-law to get back from vacation and get to work on it. I'd give you another room but I'm full up right now. I would never give you a crappy room just because you're…"

"I know." I shrugged, "It's fine. I don't really like fancy, anyway. Don't worry about it."

"Well, for Dr. Cullen, I'd give you the best room in the house." Sue informed, "He's the best. Wonderful man. Did you meet him yet?"

"No, tomorrow." I grinned, not wanting to get my hopes up again about wonderful doctors.

"He's only 25 or 26 I think, but he's taken in…how many foster kids?" Sue pondered out loud, "The big kid, the blonde girl, the little girl, the smaller boy with the curly hair, then the medium sized copper haired one – Five kids, I think, unless he got more since I last saw him. They're teenagers, too. He's a sweet man, very handsome, too. You'll see."

"That's nice of him." I answered, not really caring how handsome he was. I just hoped he could help my hip and leg, maybe my arm, anything would be appreciated.

"The kids go to Forks High, too." Sue informed, "Maybe you'll meet them there. Did you go to school today?"

"Yea, it was a real experience." I heard myself say sarcastically.

She saw my face and guessed for herself.

"Teenagers suck, don't they?" she smirked.

"Yea." I said simply, feeling the tears coming to my eyes again.

"Hey Bella." Sue said in her gruff voice. I looked up at her, not hiding my wet eyes and she said, "Keep your chin up, girl. Don't let them break you."

I tried to smile and said, "Thanks." I tried to turn and leave the room but Sue called after me.

"Hey, are you having dinner tonight?" Sue asked.

"Dinner?" I almost forgot my hunger. Self pity is a heartless bitch.

"Yea, I'm making lasagna, spaghetti, my home made sauce is a killer." She bragged, "I've been stirring it all day. You are having some."

"How much is dinner?" I asked.

"Food is included, hon." Sue wiped her hands on her dirty apron, "Dr. Cullen's got everything covered for you. Anything you want, it's already paid for. Just ask. Don't be afraid, okay ?"

"Okay, cool." I said. This was nice, I was talking more here than I had all day in school.

"I'll be here." I continued, "What time?"

"Seven." She seemed to be asking me.

"Okay, perfect." I lied. I could've eaten right now, but I liked Sue already and would never be a rude burden on her while I was here. She was older, much older than me, maybe in her fifties, but she was nice. I liked her gritty voice and she made me feel comfortable. I could see myself talking to her once I got to know her better. I don't think she'd have any reasons to hurt me. She was safe.

"Bye." I said as I made my way out and tackled the stairs. I could do stairs but it took me a little time. I felt brave tackling staircases and proud when I got to the top of them. Sue was cool enough to hear me on the stairs and not come running after me to help me like I was some helpless invalid. I appreciated that.

I got to my room and took all my damp clothes off, changing into a dry oversized t-shirt and a new pair of dry jeans. The t-shirt wasn't enough, though, my stomach looked huge in it. I put on a sweat jacket and zipped it halfway up. Good. Gut hidden, kind of. I hated looking at myself in mirrors so I went and sat on the bed, putting my I-pod headphones in my ears and turning it to shuffle songs randomly.

I opened my new notebook and wrote : _**November 14**__**th**_

_**I saw the most stunning person today. His name is Edward. I don't know his last name yet. **_

I wanted to write all that happened to me today, all that happened between Edward and I, but I couldn't. I didn't want to admit even to my journal that this beautiful person was disgusted by me and possibly followed me to the woods today to maybe hurt me? Maybe he just wanted to talk to me, I thought, now that I was safe and warm, logic was coming back to me.

Yea, Adonis Edward wanted to talk to me alone. Right. I'm sure he was crying inside, thinking he hurt my feelings when really I just needed a nice hot bath or shower. I'm sure he's going to be absolutely tormented all night by the guilt over hurting MY feelings. Grow up.

I left my journal entry alone the way it was. I didn't want to lie and make up some romantic story, but I didn't want to tell all the truth yet, either. It was fine just as it was, however small an entry.

Since I had some time to kill, I decided to take a nice hot bath. The bathroom was out in the hall, and three other rooms on this floor shared it. But it was perfectly clean and always had warm fresh towels. It was a pretty powder blue color inside with the old fashioned tub, the feet like claws on the floor. I soaked in a nice bubble bath with freesia scented bath salts and listened to my I-pod happily, fantasizing a whole different scene in Biology today.

"Edward hasn't had a partner since school began, I'm sure he'll be glad to have you." The teacher said.

In my fantasy, I didn't have the crutch or the wobble or the extra weight. I was wearing make up and my hair was straightened and shiny. My sweater was snug but my body was as it was before the accident. I wore pretty high heeled boots and made eye contact with Edward.

He smiled back at me and moved back, holding the chair for me to sit next to him eagerly.

"Hi." I said, smiling innocently at him, taking my seat, putting my books down.

"Hello." He smiled more, his black eyes were warm and inviting in my dream, not mean or angry.

"No partner, huh?" I smirked at him, "Don't you play well with others?"

He grinned back, a little embarrassed. "Not really. I'm the dark, brooding type. It worked for James Dean, didn't it?"

"Until it killed him." I teased back, hearing him chuckle, his eyes never coming off me.

"Good one." He looked down at his hands for a second, then right back at me, still smiling a little.

"I like James Dean." I stated, "I like the dark, brooding ones."

"Oh yea?" he raised a brow, smirking at me, liking the flirting I was doing.

"Yea." I shrugged.

"Well, Bella, I'm glad to hear that." He said, "I'll be expecting your ass on the back of my bike on the way home from school today."

OH GOD. How dumb is that? Who'd SAY that ? Even in a fantasy. It was kinda hot, though, I had to admit. But if he really said that to me, I think I'd die on the spot.

I giggled to myself and sunk under the warm water, rolling my eyes at my dumb self and my goofball fantasies. I would not be writing romantic novels after high school, that much was certain.

EPOV

"I can't do it, Carlisle, please, let someone else do it." I stood in my father's office at 5 pm, almost shouting at him.

"No, you're doing it." Carlisle said firmly, standing up, on the other side of his desk, "You wanted to do it, you made me pull strings to let you do it. You're doing it. I don't care what the reasons are."

"I told you, I could kill her." I widened my eyes at him, "Don't you care?"

"Alice will be there." Carlisle stated again, "You will not lose control of yourself. Do you hear me ?"

"Yes Sir." I said through gritted teeth.

"You will concentrate on what I told you to do and focus on your job." Carlisle was being tough today, for some reason, "Stop whining at me like a child. You're 108 years old. Start acting like it."

"Yes, Father." I stared ahead, blankly.

Usually, Carlisle was more supportive. Today he was being a hard ass. What happened to him today? Maybe he had a hard day as well. That made perfect sense. He was a doctor, dealing with life and death everyday. I was a high school student watching cheerleaders jump in the air. But, now, I was dealing with life and death, too. I needed him.

"This girl has been down a cruel and tragic road." Carlisle informed, "It will not be made more cruel and tragic by YOU. You are not running away from your responsibilities or your problems. You will face them like a man. This was bound to happen sooner or later, and it's a good thing. This is where you'll learn control. Willpower. Strength. Resistance."

"Yes, Carlisle." I answered respectfully, softening my tone, looking at his eyes now.

"Go out and feed tonight." Carlisle looked tensely at me, "Your eyes are coal black."

"I was planning on it." I nodded, knowing I should've fed earlier in the week, but I was busy with other matters. Training for my job that began tomorrow. I had done the job before for Carlisle and I loved it, but had to go through the classes again each time so the hospital wouldn't be suspicious.

"I'm sorry about my tone, Edward." Carlisle said as I almost turned to leave.

"Are you alright?" I asked, concerned. Something was troubling him but when I attempted to read his thoughts I was only picking up medical information. He was blocking me, as Alice had taught them all to do when they wanted their privacy. Damn Alice, I smirked to myself.

"Yes." Carlisle sat down in his leather chair in front of his computer, "Just thinking about Isabella. Her surgery will be a rough one, I'm afraid. I hope you know what to do when you start work tomorrow. As I taught you."

"Yes I do." I gave a nod.

"Good boy." Carlisle said lovingly, smiling at me, motioning to the door, "Go get dinner."

See next chapter soon.

Love WinndSinger


	6. Chapter 6Break the Shell

6 Break the Shell

BPOV

The night after school was simply wonderful. The food was incredible, I ate so well I passed out after I got up to my bed right afterwards. The house was warm and the other people who were staying there were older, like Sue. They were very nice to me, talked to me like they were relatives, and in minutes, I liked every one of them. Weird, in a house full of older people I fit in and felt accepted there. At school, with my peers, I was a freak.

I woke up to my alarm clock at 6:30am. I wanted to get up a little early to maybe fix my hair a little bit more than I had yesterday. And I certainly didn't want to smell again today, so in addition to my nice bubble bath last night, I put some nice body lotion on, along with a little powder. I inhaled and liked the way it smelled to me. Not too much, just enough to smell good.

I blow dried my hair and made it nice and straight. It looked nicer this way and I hoped it wouldn't rain today while I walked to school. I would have to go into town after school and get a little makeup, I thought. My face was too white. I couldn't do anything about these Roy Orbison glasses right now, maybe in time I could find a little job that I could perform and get new glasses that weren't so…old man-ish. Oh well, forget it, can't fix that now.

I had clothes but most of the stuff I had was before the accident and before I gained weight. I looked stuffed into some of the things I wore. Other things I had picked up since the accident were too bulky or big. Today I just wanted something cute to wear. I wish I had a little fairy godmother who could make sexy clothes appear in my closet.

I went with a t-shirt and sweat jacket again, and jeans. It wasn't sexy but it was alright enough for another day of Hell at school. I hoped I wouldn't get in trouble for skipping gym yesterday. Oh, who cares if I did?

I didn't look too horrible today, I decided. I was no Jessica Stanley, but I was not the hunchback of Notre Dame, either. I wanted to keep my chin up, and not let anyone break me, like Sue had said, but I was a giant wimp and I knew it. I would try today, I promised myself.

I got my crutch, laced my arms into my backpack, and went out again, taking a deep breath, Day two.

The first few classes went by without incident. The good thing about day two is that the kids all knew what I looked like now and the shocked laughter wasn't as thick as yesterday. I dreaded History class, though, right before lunch. The asshole quota was high there and I didn't see them giving up on me after only one day. History was a boring class with a boring teacher and I was the entertainment for the goons sitting behind me.

The girl, Alice, in homeroom wasn't there this morning, I was thinking about that again when I sat down in History class. Maybe she was sick today. Maybe she was avoiding me. Whatever. I had torture to experience in a few minutes, I couldn't think about her now.

I opened my history book and pretended to read it when I heard assholes laughing in the hallway. Sometimes I felt like Jane Goodall, when she pretended to be a gorilla so she could study their behavior. Only I was doomed to study the behavior of the typical American teenage asshole. My research was extensive and my knowledge of them was great. I could have a PH.,D in this if I wanted.

They came in and passed by me, talking to each other about something but then one of them bent down and smiled at me. His shoulder length black hair was perfect, his skin flawless and tan, his teeth straight and pearly white. For a second I almost smiled back, but then I quickly put up my guard inside, waiting for an insult. This was Nick, they called him yesterday, one of the boys who were teasing me yesterday.

"Hey Sexy." He greeted me and then he and his asshole buddies burst out in hysterics, taking their seats right behind me.

I wanted to say, "Hey asshole." But I didn't dare. They'd eat me alive.

Another boy came in a minute later, hearing their laughter behind me. This was the boy at Alice's table yesterday, with the black crew cut. God, he was huge. If he joined in picking on me, I'd be sure to endure some physical abuse. Maybe he'd stuff me into a locker or something.

But instead, he smiled at me with a genuine smile, not saying anything, but taking his seat off to the left of my desk.

I was a jerk, but I already wondered if that last boy was really smiling at me because he was nice, or was he up to something to make fun of me, too? God, I was paranoid.

The bell rang and Mr. Harris, the teacher, started to open the history book and he just sat at his desk, reading the chapter out loud, not lifting his head from the words. I was dead meat.

I could hear a boy's voice behind me, from the crowd of assholes.

"Damn, I can't think about history." He said, "Not when I have that sweet little ass sitting right in front of me."

Laughter from the assholes. I tried to ignore it. Maybe they were talking about someone else. Yea right.

I clenched my fists at the sides of my book, taking deep breaths silently.

"Look at it." One of them said, "Damn ! The poor fucking chair."

They all giggled again. The whole room could hear them, like yesterday. The teacher could hear it too, but he did nothing. Screw you, teacher. I don't need your help anyway.

"Shut up." A deep voice said off to my left, behind me. I was too scared to turn around, but I was listening intently.

"We weren't talking about YOU." Another boy's voice said to the voice that had told them to shut up. I was sure it was the big one with the black crew cut.

"I don't care." The voice said firmly, "I said shut up."

So now they decided to whisper to each other for a little while. I heard bits and pieces of it, and they'd laugh. After a little while, their voices got loud enough for me to hear them again.

"What's he care?" one boy said, "He has that piece of ass girlfriend, Rosalie. He's just trying to start something with us."

"Ignore him, he won't do nothing." Another boy said.

"Baby…" a boy's voice called from behind me, "Hey…Smella….come over and give me a nice lap dance."

They laughed again. I closed my eyes, shaking, trying not to cry today. Toughen up, Bella, I told myself.

"Pig." Another one of them muttered, then they started making oinking noises. That was it. I wasn't coming back to this school anymore. Surgery or no surgery, no one could make me come here.

Then suddenly the boy behind me stopped oinking and yelled, I turned and he was flung into the blackboard on the right side of the room, his back hit the surface with a hard thud. Then the boy with the black crew cut stood there in front of him, his hands down at his sides.

"I said shut up." He repeated calmly. Now the teacher stood up, saying, "Hey, you boys, sit down there. None of that in here. Sit down."

"Don't do it again." The boy said to the asshole, quietly going back to his desk, sitting down, not taking his golden brown eyes off the kid against the blackboard.

I swallowed, looking at the boy who'd come to my defense. I wanted to say thank you but he just grinned at me, winked, and went back to his history book, opening it to the right page.

"Sit down, Nick." One of his friends said to him, "The guy's a friggin' gorilla, sit down."

Nothing else happened for the rest of the class and I was grateful for the quiet, although it made me nervous. The bell rang later and I let everyone else file out before I left, not wanting any more contact with those boys in the hallway.

"You okay?" the voice said behind me. I jumped with a little yelp, I thought they'd all left.

It was the one who helped me. He didn't come too close to me but he stood there, books in hand, giving me a warm smile, asking if I was alright.

"Yes, I'm fine." I said like a mouse, trying to manage a smile. I wanted to cry. Someone was being nice to me. In this school. On this planet.

"I'm Emmett." He tried to bend down, to make eye contact with me. My eyes were always downcast.

"I'm Bella." I said quickly, blinking the tears out of my eyes so he wouldn't think I was mental.

"Bella." Emmett said carefully, "Next time I want to see YOU tell them off."

"Huh?" I retorted with grace.

"Why didn't you tell them to go fuck themselves?" he asked, still looking friendly.

My eyes rounded in horror at him.

"I…wanted to." I admitted honestly, "But…"

"No buts." Emmett raised a brow, walking out the door, "Next time, you tell them to fuck off. I'll be there. I've got your back."

He was gone then. I felt weird suddenly, like maybe it was my fault these guys picked on me. Was I not tough enough ? Should I have told them off? This was all too hard. Why couldn't I just go live with animals on the other side of the world somewhere and leave these people behind?

Lunch time. Hooray.

I got in the long line and glanced around. Where was dark, brooding Edward? What was he wearing today ? God, I'm so pathetic.

I located him away from his table of yesterday. He was sitting alone off to the right in a little corner with the Jessica girl who was doing the cheers. God, I hope he stuffed something in her mouth today to stop her.

They probably wanted to be alone. Suddenly I was jealous. Oh what bliss it would be to be there with him, cuddling and eating, getting a little kiss on the cheek now and then. But as I peeked again, wondering what he'd look like while kissing someone, I noticed it wasn't all lovey dovey over there. He was sitting across from her, leaning in a bit, but not really close to her. His hands were folded on the table in front of him as he spoke to her.

She was looking down at the surface of the table below her eyes, looking sullen.

Uh oh. He was dumping her. Right here at lunch with all the other kids around. God. I thought my day sucked so far.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes for a second, then, like Emmett had done to me earlier, he bent his head, trying to make her look into his eyes. He put a hand on her arm, gently, saying something else. He looked like he was doing it nicely, but still, she was getting dumped by Adonis.

I wondered why as I followed the line ahead of me, waiting to grab a tray. At least this was one thing I never got to experience.

She suddenly got to her feet and hurried out of the lunch room, his eyes following her as she went. God, I would be destroyed. I wonder what he said to her. I hated it, but I felt sorry for her now. Maybe I should go see if she's alright. I always complained no one cared when I was upset. But did I ever go comfort anyone else? No, cause I was a chicken shit.

Edward stayed there alone for a minute, looking down at his hands. Then he stood up and moved back over to his table of yesterday with Alice and the rest of them, and Emmett.

I was moving before I knew I was doing it. I would probably regret this, but I vowed to try today. I was trying. I went to the closest girl's bathroom and walked in, hearing a girl's voice sobbing, echoing in the air.

I knew she'd come here. I cried many a tear in the girls' room.

I searched for something to say.

"Jessica?" I called quietly. She didn't hear me over her own sobs.

"Is your name Jessica?" I asked louder, hearing her sobs quiet a bit.

"What do you want?" she cried back, loudly.

"Uh, I'm…Bella." I said, "Are you okay?"

"Go away." She cried, sniffling, unrolling toilet paper in her stall to wipe her nose and eyes.

"Um, okay." I began to turn around, "I just thought I'd ask."

She cried more and I felt so bad for her.

Then she said, "He tells me it's nothing personal. It's not you, it's ME. Bullshit. That speech is older than ME ! I've been nothing but NICE to him since he came to this school ! "

"Really?" I asked, not wanting to talk about someone I didn't know. I was new here so all I could do was be here for her and listen.

"He just doesn't think I'm beautiful enough, I know." She sobbed, sniffing some more, "Just because he's so fucking perfect, he wants someone equally as perfect."

Wow. Jessica was beautiful and she had low self esteem too. I knew my theory about the beautiful people was correct. Hmmmm.

"That's not true." I tried to be nice, "You're _**really**_ beautiful. I would kill to look like you."

Why was I saying this to her ? God, I'm stupid. I could be eating lunch now, staring at Edward. Why did I come in here again ?

"He kissed me yesterday, too." Jessica sneered bitterly as she cried, "He's such a player. One minute he likes you, the next minute you're shit."

Boy, she was just inventing things now. I saw her force a big kiss on him yesterday at lunch and I also noticed him wipe his mouth off afterwards. Maybe her breath was bad or something.

"I don't really know him, so…" I began but she cut me off.

"Trust me, he's got real problems." Jessica informed.

Okay, now she was getting nasty towards Edward. This wasn't right, either. I didn't want to be in the middle of this. What if he came in here or something ?

What if she told him I was saying all this stuff about him ? That did happen to me once when I was a freshman. I was comforting someone and agreed with her put downs of the guy, then they made up and she told him I had said all these evil things about him. The guy haunted me for the rest of my time in that school.

Imagine Edward picking on me everyday to get revenge. I had to get out of here and back to lunch.

"Well, if you need to talk again sometime." I said, wanting to add, talk to someone else, but I said, "I'm here."

"Yea, thanks." Her voice said with no emotion. At least she wasn't crying anymore. I doubted she even knew who I was or what I looked like. She never opened the stall door but whatever. I did a nice deed for someone today…a cheerleader. I hope the gods don't get even with me for that.

I went back into the cafeteria, the line small now. I picked up a tray and placed it on the counter again, sliding it along as I looked at the poison of the day.

Fish sticks and mashed potatoes.

"Don't eat that." A voice said behind me. A heavenly voice.

I spun around. It was Edward, standing on line behind me, piling up a tray with milks and fruits. He looked so nice, wearing a white t-shirt and over it a button down blue denim shirt, dark blue jeans and sneakers. He smelled good, too. Nice cologne. I wanted to ask him what kind it was so I could get some and put it on my pillow every night, but I am a chicken shit, as I said earlier.

"Huh?" I sounded like a caveman, stunned.

"It's bad." He informed me with a whisper, "The fish."

How did he know this?

"Okay," I made myself be brave and talk to him with words now not grunts.

"What do you recommend?" I asked, looking around at the choices.

"Fruit's good." He said, smelling a green apple from his tray, "Fresh. Salad's pretty good, too."

Oh I get it now. Jerk. It wasn't the meanest insult I ever heard, but it wasn't bad. I'd give it a C.

"Ha ha." I said in a low voice, "You got me."

"What?" he asked, his brow creased between his eyes.

"I know I'm heavy." I said, not looking back at him, "I usually do eat fruit and salad…"

"No, I didn't mean it that way!" his voice sounded loud. I turned to him and he looked mortified, saying, "I meant that those are the safest things to eat here, I wasn't saying anything about YOU."

"Sure." I shook my head, taking an apple and nothing else. I even paid for the apple with money even though I should've shown my card and gotten it for free. I was so done with this school.

I didn't even look behind me as I went to my little table right outside the lunch line. Without another word, he paid for his things and rushed past me over to his table full of supermodels, not even looking at me. He looked a little mad I observed. He let the tray fall to the table and sat down, in a huff, leaning back in his seat, not touching anything on the tray.

Alice was there next to him, talking to him. Probably asking what's wrong. He folded his arms, shaking his head, wanting to be left alone. Then he gave me a dirty look. Oh, great. He makes the crack to me and now I'm the bad guy. Poor misunderstood angel. At least he's not crying in the girls' room.

EPOV

It was lunch time and I had gotten here before many other kids. I was about to walk over to our table but then someone leapt up on my back, her legs around my waist and her hands over my eyes. I knew it was her from her lusting thoughts right away. She giggled and asked, "Guess who?"

"Jessica." I said with a serious tone.

"You're right !" she squealed, hopping off my back and spinning me towards her as she said, "You win one kiss."

She was almost there on my mouth again but I moved back a bit, slowly, looking at her eyes, saying, "Can I talk to you for a minute please?"

"Sure." She looked scared now. Nervous. I couldn't do this standing in the cafeteria, kids were walking by us, listening.

"Uh," I looked around, seeing a corner table that had no one else even remotely around it, "Let's go sit down over here a second."

She swallowed and I even took her hand to reassure her, leading her to the table. I did not want to hurt her or anyone for that matter. All I wanted to do was appear to be a teenager going to high school. It wasn't her fault I was what I was. I wanted to do this as painlessly as possible.

I took a breath, sitting across from her, and I folded my hands, trying to start off right with this.

"You are a very nice girl, Jessica." I began with a small smile, "I remember you were the first girl I met when I came to this school. You've been a good friend and I thank you for that."

"You're welcome." She said carefully, looking down already.

I cleared my throat. Now I had the pillow there, it was time to deliver the punch.

I hated this.

"The thing is" I said, "I feel like you want us to be…more than friends now."

No response. I really didn't want to hear her thoughts at the moment, so I stayed out of her head until I was done.

"And, as much as I do like you." I said with a gentle voice, "I don't think it's a good idea. It's nothing personal. You are a very beautiful girl and fun and…creative."

Shut up, I told myself, you're trying to get rid of her, not marry her.

"It's me that's not good enough for you." I said honestly. It's true. As silly as Jessica was, I was still not good enough for any mortal girl. Jessica may have her faults, but I'm pretty sure she never killed anyone. I had.

She wasn't looking at me. She was staring at the table below. I read her mind now and heard a little girl's voice inside her.

He hates me. He doesn't want me around. I knew it. I'm so stupid, I'm so ugly! And my body stinks next to his. I knew I should've joined a gym or something when he moved here.

God, no ! Her thinking was all wrong. Why is she beating herself up, she should be hating me.

"Hey." I said, almost in a whisper, bending my head so she'd look into my now golden colored eyes. Girls seemed to like the golden, I just fed all night eyes.

She looked in my eyes then and I leaned in a bit more, whispering, "It's true, Jessica. I'm no good. Everything about you is. But I'm…not. Trust me. Any one of these boys here would make you so much more happy than I could. And they're all in love with you, you know. You could have your pick."

Without knowing it at the time, I looked and my hand was on her arm, soothing her with my icy fingers. She didn't seem to notice, it, though, still thinking it was something she had done to me.

She didn't say anything.

End it, Edward, let her go. This is torturing the poor girl.

"Well, I guess that's it." I muttered with a weak voice, adding, "I'm sorry."

I kept looking at her face that wouldn't look at mine. I didn't do it right, she was upset.

"I have to go." She got to her feet and rushed out in seconds, leaving me there alone, watching her back until it disappeared.

Shit. I waited there, thinking over all I had said, wondering if I could've done it better. Finally, I got up and went back to my table.

Everyone was sitting there, staring at me. Alice tried to ask me if I wanted to talk about it but I really didn't. I could hear Jessica crying from here, in the bathroom, sobbing. I was a piece of shit.

I sat there for a minute, listening to the hurt in the girl's voice, wishing she would stop. Then I heard a voice in the bathroom with Jessica.

Another girl was asking if Jessica was alright. Relief washed over me in waves.

Hearing their conversation, I heard that it was Bella, the new girl I almost killed yesterday, trying to comfort Jessica. Wow. Bella didn't even really know Jessica. It must've taken a lot of courage for Bella to reach out to her that way, after the despicable way all the kids here had been treating her so far. In minutes, Jessica was where I wanted her to be, hating me for hurting her. I didn't mind. It would be easier for her to move on now. But it did hurt something inside me when Bella had told Jessica how she would kill to be as beautiful as she was.

Jessica hadn't even heard that compliment she was so absorbed in her own self pity.

Soon after that, Bella made her way nicely out of the girl's room and entered back into the cafeteria. Emmett was trying to tell a story of a fight he almost got into in History before now but I wasn't listening. I wanted to thank Bella for helping Jessica, for trying to be a friend when no one here showed her any kind of friendship. I wanted to be nice to her a little before her next class.

She was on line for food and I got up, going behind her and grabbing a tray, filling it with the fresh fruits and milks we usually bought to play with during lunch.

I tried to read her thoughts again. Nothing. That's very frustrating. Carlisle said not to worry about it, though. He explained to me that her mind might be different from most others.

I watched her in silence, she was looking at the fish sticks. I could read the mind of the lunch ladies. The fish was stinking up the freezer for the last 3 days and they knew it was going bad. But they had nothing else to serve today so they made it anyway.

"Don't eat that." I warned, trying to start a conversation with her.

She twirled around, looking terrified, her cheeks turning a deep red suddenly.

"Huh?" she blurted out. A girl who blushed, the blood rushing to her face. I just stared for a second, loving how that looked.

"It's bad." I informed quietly, "The fish."

I didn't need the lunch ladies grabbing me and dragging me into the back of the kitchen to do God knows what to me for knowing too much.

"Okay." She looked like she didn't believe me, "What do you recommend?"

"Fruit's good." I said, making myself inhale an apple to distract myself from the pull of her scent. Her blood smelled so…., "Fresh." I said out loud to her.

What she didn't know was that _**she**_ was the best thing to eat in this cafeteria.

I pictured myself paying for her and taking her to my table to sink my teeth into her in front of everyone here.

She looked at me a little strangely. I hurriedly added, "Salad's pretty good, too."

A moment went by and she stiffened, her voice turned cold suddenly, she said, "Ha, ha. You got me."

"What?" I asked, not understanding what just happened here.

"I know I'm heavy." She informed with an icy voice, "I usually do eat fruit and salad…"

Oh my God. Edward, you're a moron ! What did you SAY ?!

"No, I didn't mean it that way!" I tried to explain, feeling a huge lump in my chest, "I meant that those are the safest things to eat here, I wasn't saying anything about YOU."

"Sure." She answered, shaking her head, leaving me behind. She paid for her one little apple. That's all she was going to eat because of what I said? I didn't mean it, Bella, CRAP !!

She walked away, not saying another word to me, sitting at her safe empty table. I don't even remember paying for whatever I had on my tray but I almost walked to her table to apologize and I stopped myself. I didn't really insult her, I said the salad was good. And it IS ! If she's that self conscious, there's nothing I could say to make her feel better. I went back to my table and gave the tray to Alice, sitting back in my chair, re-thinking all I'd said to her in line.

I didn't say _**anything **_wrong. She just took it wrong. Part of me couldn't blame her, in a way, everyone here had taken their turn to insult her somehow. But she hardly gave me a chance to talk to her before she assumed I was putting her down.

Then she wouldn't even let me explain or apologize. I was even trying to thank her, for talking to Jessica, and apologize to her for soaking her yesterday morning. I realized it was a defense mechanism she was using. Don't let anyone get close to you, they can't hurt you then. Don't let anyone in.

"When someone doesn't want to come out of their shell, what can you do?" I said out loud, Alice looking at me worriedly.

Then I answered my own question.

"Break the shell."

BPOV

The bell rang, ending lunch and I tossed my apple core in the garbage, getting my crutch and backpack, moving now towards the gym. I didn't even look for Edward before I left. I'd cry about him later after I got home.

I got to Gym class and found an older man with a whistle around his neck, wearing a blue polo shirt and shorts. I told him who I was and he directed me through another little door to the side, saying my Gym class would be in there.

I went through the door and was staring at a dark gray wool coat with an upturned collar, and the bronze colored hair above it.

Oh no, Edward was in my Gym class, too? Great.

He turned sharply as I came in and held a clipboard, a file clipped beneath it's metal teeth.

He looked at me coldly, as if he were a whole other person than the one he was in line a little while ago.

"Isabella Swan?" he asked, raising a brow.

"Yea." I blurted out, shocked.

"You missed gym yesterday." He informed, "Explanation?" He stared at me strictly.

Uhhh, what the hell ? He's a student, why is he asking me why I cut gym?

By the way, he was in his car listening to classical music while I was cutting gym yesterday!

"Why are you…" I began, "You're not my teacher, that's really none of your business, is it?"

"Yes it is my business." He folded his arms, eyeing me as he spoke, "I am your physical therapist for the remainder of this year. From 1:15 to 2:00pm, from Monday to Friday, you belong to me. You will do every single thing I say, to the letter. I will push you hard, every inch of the way. I won't feel sorry for you, I don't give easy praise and I am a real bastard many have told me. But those people are now walking while they're saying those unfair things about me. Dr. Carlisle Cullen has given me instructions on what needs to be done before a surgery is attempted. Now, explain why you weren't here yesterday."

My voice almost failed me. After opening my mouth a couple of times, I found it and said timidly, "I…wasn't feeling very well."

"Sick?" he cut me off quickly, reaching out to me, "Give me the nurse's note."

My eyes squinted at him. I felt myself getting pissed off.

"I don't have it…" I said, my voice smaller, "I…must've lost it."

This was ridiculous. I know he saw me in the parking lot yesterday, I know he followed me to the woods ! Why wasn't I saying any of this to him now ?

"You lost it?" he leaned in closer as if he didn't hear me right, "Is that what you said?"

I let out a deep breath. Why was he being such a prick now? Oh yea, I just yelled at him in the lunchroom.

"I don't have it." I admitted, "I just…left after Biology yesterday. I went home."

"Truth is always better than fiction, isn't it, Miss Swan?" he opened the file in the clipboard and took out a pen, writing something.

He shoved a little pink paper at me between his first two fingers and said, "Congratulations, now you're mine today until 4pm."

Detention. Bastard. Although I do like the part about being his until 4pm. I think. This Edward is scary.

"I still don't understand…" I squeaked, taking it as his eyes almost burned me with their intensity, "Aren't you a student here?"

"Yes, until 1:15." He was still rigid and awful, "Now it's 1:17, and I'm your physical therapist. We're wasting time here. I need you to go get your coat and things, I'm taking you to the hospital. We'll be doing our therapy there everyday. A bus will take you there starting tomorrow. Today, we can go in my car."

"Uh, okay." I began to turn myself around to leave the gym and get to my locker on the other side of the school.

"Hurry up, I don't have all day." He said from behind me, "You have 2 minutes. I'll be outside waiting."

Screw you ! I screamed in my head as I tried to move a little faster, knowing he meant it. I didn't want to think about what he'd say or do if I was late getting out there. I felt my face…beet red. I hate it when it does that. Why was my pulse racing this way ? I was sweating. I was…turned on? Oh my dear Lord.

See next chapter soon!

Love Winndsinger


	7. No Such Thing as Ugly

7

BPOV

I closed my locker, spinning the dial and wobbling at my top speed. 2 minutes. What a fool I was for not bringing a stopwatch with me today. I wonder if I'm late will he leave without me? I wasn't exactly sure where the hospital was but if he was driving me and bussing me from tomorrow on, it was probably not close.

Then I thought of myself getting into his car. I hope I fit, and my crutch, where will I put that? I groaned, this was going to be terrible. The more he'd be around me the more confirmation he'd have of what a loser I was. I kept hearing his voice from gym class.

_**From 1:15 to 2:00 Monday to Friday, you belong to me.**_

I will push you, hard, I don't give easy praise…I won't feel sorry for you.

_**Truth is so much better than fiction, isn't it, Miss Swan ?**_

I had only been in this school for 2 days, so I couldn't know if this was his real personality, or if this was how he was when he was working. In any case, it looked like we were stuck with each other for a while. Maybe that's what's wrong with him. He doesn't want to be my therapist. But he can't get out of it.

When I reached the door beside the gym that lead outside, I shoved my body against it, feeling a cold wind shoving my hair to the left over one side of my face. The silver car was there, engine running. He was sitting in the driver's seat, staring straight ahead, not even acknowledging me approaching.

The locks of the door snapped as I got to the door. It took me a minute to steady my good arm with the crutch and use that same hand to open the door. My other hand hung there like a dead mackerel. Sometimes it would work, sometimes not. Now, it wasn't. It figured.

He made no move to assist me with the door but that was fine with me. He kept his eyes straight ahead, his jaw tight but not really clenched. I got the door open and prayed my crutch wouldn't scratch his paint job as I moved to sit down in the passenger seat. It was pushed all the way back, giving me plenty of room, thank God. I put my backpack in my lap and pulled my crutch in alongside of my seat, took a breath, then reached out to get the door handle, giving a little groan as I managed to pull back, closing the door, sealing myself inside with the intense angel.

He started driving without a word as I buckled myself in. It had been a long time since I drove in the front seat of a car and I had to admit, it unnerved me a little. The last time I'd been in a seat like this, I was going through hell, screaming at my father, telling him to slow down, then screaming at him to stop, which he didn't. I looked down at my backpack, staring at the gray and black designs on it instead of at the gray, cold road ahead.

Say something, I told myself. I searched for something to begin a conversation, then I had one.

"I guess I'll get to meet Dr. Cullen while we're at the hospital, then?" I asked in a little shy voice. Why couldn't I get my voice to sound confident and sultry like the Bella in my James Dean conversation ?

"Yes." He kept his eyes on the road, driving at a faster pace than I was used to, "He will meet with you when we're finished. If you're up to it."

If I'm up to it ? What was he going to do to me in the next couple of hours, anyway? I got more and more afraid, thinking of it. I had done lots of physical therapy before, so I wasn't afraid of that. I was afraid of how he would act towards me, his tone of voice, his stern eyes.

"I'll be fine." I made myself say firmly, "I'm a lot tougher than I look."

At this, his lip turned up at the corner nearest to me. "We'll see." He muttered.

I almost gave a snort in response, but I held it in. I really didn't want to try him to see how hard he could push me on the first day. Besides, it had been a week since I'd done any kinds of therapy with the gym equipment. I was a little out of practice because of the move here to Forks.

"I've been doing the exercises I could." I offered this information, "I haven't had access to any gym equipment for about a week, since I left New Jersey."

"Don't worry, I'll get you caught up." He assured with that same rigid straight tone of voice.

"Thanks." I said, hoping my voice sounded sincere.

He gave a small nod, turning the wheel suddenly, the car swooping around in a half circle as we turned, the speed finally getting to me now.

I gave a little scream, holding onto the armrest at my side as I clenched my eyes closed.

"You okay?" I heard his voice said, softer now, beside me.

"Yea." I lied, "Sorry. Cars just…scare me. Since the accident."

"Oh I'm sorry." He said, the speed dropping to a nice 55 miles per hour.

"Thank you." My voice said, shaking a bit as I opened my eyes, seeing his beautiful marble face looking at me now, concerned.

"Better?" he asked, one of his hands letting go of the wheel, about to reach over to me but then, quickly going back to the steering wheel, gripping it tighter. And his eyes were back to staring at the road, not me.

"Yea." I took a breath, adding, "I'm sorry."

"That was my fault." Edward shook his head slowly, as if mad at himself now, "I should've been…aware of that. It won't happen again."

I wondered if he knew all the details of the accident and about my father. I wanted to ask him but I didn't have the nerve right now. I decided to switch subjects.

"I heard Dr. Cullen is a really good guy." I started again, "Sue went on and on about him."

"He is an unusually generous and intelligent person." Edward was now giving praise, "If anyone can help you, it's him."

"I love the letter he wrote me." I said with a softer voice now, "It was so…I can't explain it. I felt like he knew me already."

"I know exactly what you mean." Edward kept his eyes forward, "That's how it was for me, too, when I first met him."

"So, you work for him after school is over ?" I asked, "Do you get some kind of college credit for this, or…"

"Yea." He said, "I plan on going to Medical school after college. This is a way for me to get some experience and prepare for that."

"Oh wow." I commented, I didn't picture him as the doctor type for some reason, "That's great. And Dr. Cullen picked you because of your grades, or did you apply ?"

God, I was being so nosey. But I was really curious as to how Edward, 17 year old student was my physical therapist. Maybe, after I was okay enough, maybe I could do something like this for a living, to help others where I got my help from.

"Well" Edward hesitated, then said, "Carlisle, Dr. Cullen, is my father. But don't let that lead you to believe I don't have the qualifications to be your physical therapist. I have taken all the classes and am certified."

"I'm sure you are." I saw he looked a little nervous as he was telling me this so I put him at ease, "Yea, Sue was telling me that Dr. Cullen had five adopted teenagers."

Then it occurred to me as I sat there. Edward had been an orphan, then, too, once, like I was now.

"Yea." Edward said, "There's me, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper. Have you met any of them yet?"

"Oh, I think I have." I realized aloud as I spoke, "Alice, she was in my homeroom the other day. She was nice. And Emmett."

Emmett was my new hero.

"Emmett is in my History class." I said, "He's really nice, too."

I looked at him and thought he was going to say something but he didn't.

The rest of the ride passed in silence. I couldn't think of anything else to say to him, besides, oh I see you dumped your girlfriend today. I didn't say that to him but then I thought, maybe that's why he's so quiet . I was a jerk thinking everyone's moods were somehow related to me.

When we got to the hospital, he parked near the east side, away from the ER. It was a beautiful looking building and I couldn't help but stare at it for a minute after I finally got myself out of the car, again, on my own as Edward patiently waited for me.

Once I was ready, I followed him inside, hating his coat for covering his backside as we entered. Hey, just because I was a gimp didn't mean I didn't have my fantasies, right?

I trailed after him as he went down a couple of hallways, turning right then left. The walls were nice, pale colors like dusty rose and cream. Nice paintings hung here and there, along with some motivational posters. My favorite was one that said, "There is no shame in falling, only in not getting up again."

A couple of people would see us here and there and give Edward a very friendly greeting.

He responded back with just as much fondness, even giving one man a high five as they passed each other. I just stayed quiet and grinned at them as they went by me, I guess introductions would come later for me.

Finally, we reached a room that looked like a brand new gym, all kinds of equipment and workout machines surrounding us.

Everything looked clean and polished and there was no one here but Edward and I. This made me a little nervous. I had pictured other people doing their exercises nearby. It would make me a little more at ease if I wasn't the only one being tortured, I thought with a smirk.

"Home sweet home." Edward informed, taking off his coat, revealing a blue pair of sweatpants and a white muscle shirt, exposing his rounded shoulders and arms.

Mama.

He had my clipboard and file again in his hand and he motioned for me to follow him to the right side of the room, a red cushioned bench waiting for us.

Taking a seat, he clicked a pen and opened to a new empty notebook, writing the date down and my name in the center of the top line.

"Before we start working, I want to get an idea of what I'm in for here." He stated with a professional manner again, placing the file and pen down at his side, then turned to me, swallowing and looking at my face.

"I'm going to touch you a little bit, okay?" he asked first, then I noticed his eyes. They weren't jet black anymore. They were a glowing, shimmering butterscotch color. Wooow…pretty. Only the announcement of his touching me made me snap out of it.

I nodded my head, my voice on vacation at the moment. I felt my cheeks turn hot and I cursed myself for my stupid blushing. It was like a banner that read, "Yes, Edward, I think you're hot and I am so turned on that you're going to be touching me now." Ukkk. He probably couldn't wait to get away from me.

First his hands encircled the sides of my neck. Ooh, his fingers were cold. Who cares, Bella, he's touching you, shut up. It was cold outside just now, that must be it. Besides, cold hands equals warm heart, they say.

My eyes closed as he carefully moved my neck to one side, then slowly, to the other side, guiding it into a slow roll downwards, then back as I looked up towards the ceiling, afraid to breathe. Then I felt his fingers on the right side of my neck give a tiny little circular massage at the spot they were touching.

"Tense, there." He informed without emotion, taking his hands away and writing something in his pad away from me on his side of the bench.

"Does your neck hurt sometimes, Miss Swan?" he asked, still writing.

"Bella." I said, then added, "Yes, sometimes, mostly at night when I'm trying to sleep."

"Okay." He turned back towards me, his face still straight and void of any amusement. He was all business now and that was very cute to me. Not cute…attractive. He was so young and took his job so seriously. I could see him being an excellent doctor someday. I'd be his patient.

Now his hands went to my shoulders, both hands on my right shoulder, moving it as far as he could backwards, then rolling it slowly forwards. I could tell he knew what he was doing and I loved that, too. He was not just a pretty face, that was obvious.

"Let me know if anything ever hurts." He said in a low voice, going to my other shoulder.

Please hurt me, Edward, I couldn't help thinking before I scolded myself.

I was broken out of my trance when he said, "Tell me about this arm."

He lifted my hand, my bad hand, the one that worked when it felt like it.

"Umm." I began, looking at the way it just hung there until Edward held my hand, raising it a little bit, his heavenly eyes wandering over my sleeve as I tried to speak.

"This arm…was crushed between two cars." I said quickly, before I could think of what I was saying. While I spoke, he was gently moving my big sweat jacket sleeve up, exposing my entire arm, his other hand moving over the length of it softly.

"mmm hmmm." He was looking at the mangled deformed thing that was once a normal looking arm. He didn't seem scared or disgusted at all. He was urging me to go on.

I usually hated anyone looking at my bad arm, let alone touching it. But for some reason, I felt like this was okay. I felt relaxed as he touched me. This was weird for me, I never trusted anyone this soon. But I already felt myself trusting him.

"It's fine sometimes." I said, feeling little tears in my eyes, "I can't do anything complicated with it, but it sometimes moves when I want it to. Then, other times, it just goes dead, like now. It hurts a lot…sometimes, too."

"Does it hurt now?" he looked into my eyes with real concern then.

"No." I looked down at it, hoping he wouldn't see my wet eyes, "It's ugly as hell, isn't it?"

"No." he said without hesitation, his soft fingers were on my palm, trying gently to curl my hand into a fist, then opening it, his fingers gliding down my fingers, "There is no such thing as ugly, Bella."

That surprised me. He said my name, too. Something in me felt warm and melty inside. I didn't want to make him explain that statement. I was happy to leave it at that.

He pulled my sleeve back down around my wrist and set it down on my lap, turning and writing more in his notebook. I took this chance to blink a few times, to rid myself of the tears welling in my eyes. I wondered if he knew just how much I let him in, by letting him see my arm and touch it that way. I felt so exposed, but, I didn't fight him. I let him come in, taking a chance on him stabbing me in the heart. I hoped he wouldn't. I hope he is different.

Going to my good arm, Edward gave a little grin and moved the sleeve up, saying, "Now this is the super arm. Look at the muscles."

I laughed a little, not ashamed of this arm. It was so strong, it had to be.

"This arm is all I have." I said tenderly, looking down at it.

"Any pain here?" he was making my lower arm curl up towards me, then brought it down again, slowly.

Lots. No physical pain, though, I thought to myself.

"No, this arm got out without a scratch." I said, "It's my terminator arm."

"It's a good one." He almost gave me a little smile, putting my sleeve down, but then he went back to his notebook, writing a little more.

"Okay," Edward looked me in the eye again, "I'm going to check your legs."

God, kill me now. I'm glad I shaved them last night.

My legs weren't as bad as they had been after the accident. Several doctors had tried to operate on them before this, but they were still ugly to look at, I thought. They were limp, dead things that had no hint of sexiness like a young girl's legs should.

Again, his hands were gentle and smooth, moving up and down every inch, massaging the muscles here and there. He didn't talk for a long time and I imagined that he was disgusted by me again. He was kneeling down at my feet before his examination was over. I just stared at the hair on top of his head as he looked down. So many lovely strands there, going this way and that way. I could look at it for hours. To touch it would be…wonderful.

"Bella." He looked up suddenly, holding my left foot in his hand, gripping my old lady shoe, "Push your foot against my hand as hard as you can."

"I'm not very strong." I warned before I did this. I had done this with doctors before and I never could push that hard.

"Yes you are." He said in a low voice, feeling as I pushed with all my might, my good hand clinging to the bench I was sitting in.

"More." He said firmly, "Come on, Isabella."

I groaned, pushing harder now that he called me Isabella. I hated being called that. My mother used to call me that.

"Okay, okay." He looked up at me, with a smug grin.

"What?"

"I'll have to remember that." He said, "Calling you Isabella gets results."

"Not always good ones." I blushed, watching as he moved over, sitting on the floor, working on my other leg now.

After that examination and note taking session, something changed. When I thought we were kinda becoming friends a little, and now it was time to start working. He was Boot Camp Cullen now, as I made up a nickname for him in my head.

He told me to lay down flat on this padded black table that had all kinds of levers on its side and bottom. I did as he told me and in seconds he was fastening black straps. One went over both my ankles, holding them securely down, another encircled my knees, then across my waist. The whole time he was buckling me in, giving a tight yank each time on the straps to hold me in tighter, his face was void of any tender concern now. I felt like he was strapping me down to whip me, like he was angry with me and that just made my body tremble and get hot at the same time.

The last strap he buckled across my chest.

My arms were free I noticed as he hit a button and my padded table began to slowly hum and tilt, bringing me to an almost standing up position.

"Let's get going on those arms." Edward watched from where he stood, his hands on his hips, "Hands in the bars at your sides, bring them together, then back. Keep going until I tell you to stop."

That was fine for my good arm, but my other arm was like a heavy giant sausage dangling from my shoulder. I grabbed my dead hand with my good one and stuck it in the bar, then got my good arm in the other bar and started bringing them together as he told me. The other dead arm was just going along for the ride. I wished it would wake up, I needed it now. If you make me look bad in front of Boot Camp Cullen, I'll never speak to you again, I mentally scolded my bad arm.

He just stared at me without a word, watching me intently as another girl came in. As she got closer, I saw it was Alice from homeroom, his sister. I grinned at her silently, afraid to say anything as my new owner was surveying me, arms crossed now.

A couple other people milled into the gym now, using the equipment, minding their own business. I saw Alice talking to Edward, but I couldn't hear them. Someone had also turned some music on a minute ago, and I had to admit, I liked hearing it while I was going through this.

After a little while, I started to get a bit tired but I wouldn't admit that to him, my bad arm started to ache a little but my good arm wasn't even feeling it yet. I felt my hair getting hot, then damp at the edges. He kept staring at me, not budging as I began to suffer.

"You're slowing down." He finally observed aloud, "Don't slow down, Swan. Pick up the pace."

Oh man. I felt my breathing getting heavier as I tried to speed up like he said. His voice was so cold and heartless just then. I liked it, but I didn't at the same time. I wasn't tough and he was expecting me to be tough and strong. He was going to get mad at me.

A minute or two later, I thought I was going fast enough but then he barked, "Don't make me come up there, you won't like it, Swan."

His voice raised at me ! Without thinking about it, I was moving faster now, ignoring the aching, burning feeling. I could just imagine him having to come up here and making my arms move faster. No, I didn't want that, it would be too humiliating. That and, I didn't want him angry with me.

How much longer was he going to have me do this? It felt like forever had gone by since he tied me into this contraption.

I started to whimper a little and his eyes darted back over to me, a second before he was looking at Alice while talking to her.

"Did I just hear a complaint?" he asked me, arms still folded like a mighty gladiator's.

"No Sir." I heard myself say, to my own horror, then squeaked, "No."

Sir? I had to stop my master/slave fantasies before I got into trouble. Good thing I didn't call him Master, that would've sucked.

EPOV

Alice was standing next to me, babysitting for Carlisle. I hated being treated like I was Jasper after all the years I resisted human blood.

"How are you, Edward?" Alice asked me, cautiously.

"Fine." I folded my arms, "It's better when she's not so close to me."

"How about before?" Alice asked, "She was in your car, that must've been hard."

"I got through it." I informed, "Carlisle wants me to be alone with her sometimes, so I can learn to resist it. If it ever gets to be too much, I'll just get away from her."

Alice was about to say something when I noticed Bella showing signs of fatigue, she slowed a bit.

"You're slowing down." I called to her with a little frown, "Don't slow down, Swan. Pick up the pace."

She looked at me like I just stomped on her puppy but she did as I instructed, without any objections. I wanted to see how far I could push her before she told me off. That nice, sugar sweet façade of hers wasn't fooling me. There was a lot of anger in there, dormant. It needed to be shaken up, to be released. And the exercises were vital if she ever wanted to walk again. For her, I wouldn't mind being the bastard who never let her rest. I would get my reward when I saw her walking down the aisle of school, in her cap and gown, going to get her diploma with no crutch.

"So mean." Alice teased, smiling at me, "Too bad she doesn't know what a little teddy bear you really are under that rough exterior."

"Get outta here." I almost laughed at her. Only my family knew my real personality. No mortal ever got close enough to me to see my soft side. I didn't want them to. They would like me and it wasn't right to make them like me. I was nothing but a demon trapped in a human looking body, crawling after animals to feed upon.

A few minutes later, I heard her whimpering like a little girl. My head spun towards her as I tried to give her one of my more strict expressions. She was sweating pretty well now and her face looked tired and pained but I could not be soft on her. I wouldn't. Not here in this room.

"Did I just hear a complaint?" I asked, daring her to talk back to me.

She quickly said, "No, Sir."

No, Sir? Something told me this was said accidentally, but I still couldn't deny I liked the sound of that from her lips.

Then, in a half second, she corrected herself, saying, "No."

I had to turn away from her to hide my smile.

Alice was looking at me in a weird way, as if she knew something I didn't.

"What?" I asked.

"I see something." Alice smirked like the cat who ate the canary.

"What?" I repeated.

"Oh, nuthin'" she turned away from me, making me work for it now.

"Alice," I warned with my low voice, "Don't make me burn down your closet."

She gasped, just thinking of how terrible a tragedy that would be. Then she smiled at me again.

"You like her." Alice informed me, saying nothing more.

I snorted, "Don't be ridiculous, she's my patient."

"I don't care what she is, you like her."

I didn't answer her because I couldn't deny it, really. I did like her. But I didn't really know her yet. She was still so guarded, so silent. We had made a little progress earlier when I was examining her, but it was a small step. I was not only planning on working on her muscles, I was going to work on the confidence, the self esteem she lacked. I loved a challenge and that she certainly was.

Jacob Black was coming into the gym, a 15 year old kid who was volunteering here after school to get some college credits as well. He would run errands, clean things up, menial stuff to start with. He was always nice and friendly to me, even though I never said much to him. He was coming up to me now.

"Hi Edward." Jacob greeted me, "Dr. Cullen is asking for you first before he sees Bella in a few minutes.

"Uh, okay, I'll be right there." I glanced at Bella, almost dead on her machine. I almost felt sorry for her. Almost.

Jacob started to walk away from me as I took a breath and quickly ran over to where she was, hopping up on the slanted table she was strapped to. I stood with my feet on each side of hers, hearing her squeal out in surprise as I nearly came nose to nose with her, my eyes cruel and hard.

I could smell her blood even more now, as she was perspiring and making those little whimpering sounds was just calling me to come and taste her blood. I really wanted it. Badly. And suddenly I was mad at her, like it was her fault her blood was mocking me, taunting me.

"ARE you finished, SWAN?!" I almost hollered, "That wasn't even a 30 minute workout, are you kidding me?"

"I ---" she tried to talk but I cut her off, lowering my voice a little.

"What?" I squinted.

"It hurts." She was crying a little and part of me wanted to put my arms around her. But I couldn't. I had to push now.

"It's supposed to HURT." I sneered, controlling my voice, "Twenty more minutes. And do it right this time, both hands!"

I hated being this way to her, to all of my former patients, too, But Carlisle wanted me to be this way, the cases he gave me were ones who needed a tough prick to make them push themselves. It did work, every time. But I never cared for a patient before like I cared about this one. I was so afraid she'd hate me now. But it was my job to make her hate me.

"Can you please watch her, Alice?" I rushed past her, I had to get out of there fast.

She nodded with a grin and I left the gym, going to Carlisle's office a few minutes away. I felt calmer by the time I arrived there.

I knocked on Carlisle's office door and heard him say, "Come in, Edward."

I opened the door and closed it behind me, giving him a friendly grin.

"How're you doing, Dad?" I asked, wanting to show him I was fine and that he didn't need to dress me down like the last time I was in here.

"Good, how are YOU doing?" he looked surprised at how upbeat I was.

"Good." I had my clipboard and Bella's file with me, I opened to my notes, "You may want to do something about her left arm, before you touch her legs. The arm is going fast. It comes and goes she says, but it's failing. She has pain in is sometimes, too."

"Edward." Carlisle stopped me, his voice kind, "Talk to me."

I took a breath and closed my notebook, saying, "What is there to say? I am doing my job, like you told me to. I'm her therapist now, it's too late."

"Too late for what?"

"I am playing my part, Carlisle." I informed, "I already have her hating my guts, I'm sure. I just yelled at her more than I should have, because…" I trailed off, looking down at my sneakers.

"Because?"

"I don't know." I shrugged, "I just met her, I hardly know anything about her. I can't read her thoughts. Her blood is driving me crazy. I can hardly talk to her because she thinks everything I say is an insult. And on top of all that…"

"Yes?" Carlisle sat back in his chair, his hands together, listening.

"I…" I began, not sure what I would say until it came out of my mouth, "I don't want her to hate me."

"Edward." Carlisle stood up, about to say something but then wild footsteps came thundering down the hallway, tearing open the door.

Alice came rushing in, out of breath, shouting something about a plane.

"A plane is having problems…the wind is shifting…" Alice was saying too fast.

Who cares? I instantly thought.

"Hey, where's Bella?" I grabbed her arms, "I told you to watch her, she's strapped into—"

"The Jacob kid is with her." Alice pushed me off, turning to Carlisle, "A plane is going to crash, Carlisle ! I'm not sure where, but near here. It's a little private plane, only one person is on board, but it's in trouble."

I was about to wonder what we could do when suddenly everything shook and jolted, knocking all three of us to the floor. Then screams and the sounds of running footsteps were all over the place, utter chaos.

I bolted into the hallway, black smoke was already filling the air, darkening the corridor as I ran, going as fast as I could back to the gym I left Bella in, terrified of what I would find when I got there.

See new chapter next.

Love WinndSinger


	8. Not Ever

8

BPOV

"Good job, Bella." Alice smiled, walking up closer to where I was slowly dieing, trying to recover from the words Edward just hurled at me.

_**It's supposed to hurt.**_

_**This hasn't even been a 30 minute workout, are you kidding me ?**_

I felt so weak and useless. I had bragged to him that I was tougher than I looked. He was probably trying to get out of being my therapist right now. I knew there were a couple tears escaping my eyes and I wanted to dry them before Edward came back, but I didn't dare do anything else to piss him off again. I had to keep moving. I had this eerie suspicion he was watching me from somewhere else, maybe there's a camera in here.

Alice stood there and pretended not to notice my crying.

She finally said, "I'm really sorry I wasn't in homeroom today."

"It's okay." I heard my voice crack a little, keeping my eye on the door where Edward had left.

"I will be there tomorrow." She informed, "I hope we can sit together again."

"Sure." I gave a little nod, not wanting to get my hopes up.

"I can do your nails if you like." Alice perked up.

"Okay." I had to smile at her.

"Don't let Edward upset you, Bella." Alice figured out what was wrong with me, "He is really very nice, once you get to know him."

"I'm not mad at him, I'm mad at ME." I said, honestly, "I let him down, already. I'm just too weak for this. I'm never gonna get to walk again."

"Don't say that, Bella." Alice's face turned serious now, "If you want to walk again, then you will. Period. Just work for it. It'll come ."

I wish I could share her optimism, but her words made me push myself a little harder, wanting to do this right, for Edward. To show him I could do it. I wanted to walk on my own someday, towards him as he smiled proudly at me. In my dream, he embraced me as I reached him. But I knew that would never really happen.

Suddenly, that dream became everything.

Then, Alice looked more pale than usual. She was looking off in space, like she could hear something I didn't.

"Alice, are you okay?" I asked.

"Yea." She said, in a daze, she spun around, seeing a young boy there with long black hair in a ponytail, sweatpants and a tank top half covering his tan lean body.

"Jacob, please watch Bella, here." Alice told him, running out, "I'll be right back."

"Something I said?" I shrugged, hoping not.

"Dunno." He smiled, flashing a crystal white smile at me, "Bella, your name is?"

"Yep." I breathed out, then in, focusing on my breathing more, hoping it would help me do this better.

"Good." Jacob watched me as Edward had been earlier, watching my every muscle as I moved, "Feeling the burn?"

"Oh yes." I half grinned, "I want to die."

"Take a little break." Jacob stood, grabbing a Poland Spring water bottle from a bucket of ice, unscrewing the cap and offering it to me.

"No, I can't." I heard myself say, "Edward said to go for twenty more minutes."

"He's not here." Jacob informed.

"No, no." I shook my head like a petulant child, "I'm not cheating on him."

Jacob laughed, and came back with, "Well, I had to try. He left a pretty girl here all alone, so he's asking for someone else to move in and sweep you off your feet."

"Pretty girl?" I joked, still doing my exercises, "Where?"

"Right there." He pointed at me, smirking, taking a sip of the water.

I was about to say something smart back at him but then the entire building shook with fury, almost like an earthquake. I had never been in one of them before, but what else could it be? A horrible metal sound pierced my ears, then a loud explosion of light and heat burst out overhead. Jacob fell to the floor hard, giving a hard grunt as he went down.

I heard a few screams around me, my eyes went blurry for a few seconds, and when I focused them, all I could see was thick black smoke surrounding me. Where did it come from this fast? The room was so dark, I couldn't see shit. And it was so hot in here, like a fire was lit underneath us.

I coughed, tasting gasoline when I inhaled. My good arm stopped moving in the bar and I squinted, moving my hand to fan the smoke away from my eyes.

"Jacob ?!" I called, hearing nothing, "JACOB!!"

"ALICE !!" I tried, coughing again, the taste in my mouth horrible.

"EDWARD?!" I called, then listened, hearing people far away, screaming, running away. Everyone was getting out of the building, it was on fire, I figured out.

"Oh God." I looked around, trying to remember where I left my trusty crutch. I didn't see it. The floor looked like a sea of black smoke. My good hand tried to open the buckle at my chest. I fumbled with it. I needed two hands to pop it open, SHIT !

"Hello ?!" I tried to see if anyone else was in this room who could maybe help me. No one answered. Fuck. Only in the movies did a white knight come charging in at the last second to save the poor damsel in distress. It wouldn't happen here. God, it was hot ! I felt like I was in an oven.

Then I heard something strange. It almost sounded like water, rushing water, like a waterfall kind of sound. That was impossible.

Little pieces of ceiling began to fall a few feet away from me, and the pieces falling to the ground were on fire. Oh. My. God. I could see very little now, but the little flames falling to the floor shed some dim light in here. I was choking harder now, inhaling more of the heavy gritty smoke.

My arms were so tired, too, now, after my workout. Even my good arm was like, oh leave me alone!

I couldn't even find the buckles on all the straps anymore, now I was just jerking in them, trying to break them off me somehow, screaming, whimpering, coughing. I would most likely die from smoke inhalation, I realized. Most victims of fires never got to live long enough to feel the fire burning their bodies.

"God…" I choked, "Edward…"

Then I was glad he wasn't here. He'd be dead or on fire if he were standing where he'd been standing earlier. I hoped he got out alright, and that he wouldn't feel guilty about me. I was just a danger magnet and I accepted that a long time ago.

Poor Jacob. I couldn't see him.

A deadly pop sound echoed in my ears and then on the other side of the room, the ceiling collapsed half way down, a plane wing partially laying inside the room, blocking the doorway where Edward and Alice had used to leave. The wing was totally on fire, sharing its flames with the floor, then up the wall.

"OH GOD NO PLEASE !!" I heard myself screeching as the fire spread in seconds. I was wrong, it was going to burn me before the smoke got to me. My luck, still perfectly awful.

This was going to hurt like a bitch, I knew. Burning alive was one of my biggest fears ever. I tried to scream again as I kept my eyes on the flames. They were getting closer to me…it wouldn't be long now. I choked, almost vomiting, my whole body shaking hard, bracing myself for the pain. For my death.

"BELLA !!" a far away voice was calling me through the blackness. I waited for it again, not sure it was real or not.

"BELLA !!" a man's voice bellowed so hard, it nearly shook the walls. It was closer now. It sounded like Edward but I wasn't sure.

No, Edward, don't try to come in here. It's too late. Get out. If Edward got burned or died because of me, I couldn't live with that. I could hardly think of it right now.

"No, Edward, don't…" I coughed again, my voice too frail to be heard.

There were no windows in here, either. Even if I could break out of the straps, and walk to a window, which I couldn't, where would I go? The one doorway out was covered in flames. I was so screwed and I knew it.

I turned my head away from the oncoming flames and looked at a blank fire free wall to my right.

"Daddy…" I heard my voice whimper. At least I would see him after this next horrible part was over. I hoped it wouldn't take a long time to die. I was not big on handling pain.

Just then, the wall I was staring at jerked hard, a big bump and a crack in it now.

White dust flew from the wall and then another big WHACK sounded from somewhere. It sounded like something was hitting the wall from the other side.

I heard a man roar on the other side, then another THUD. At this, the wall broke apart, making a giant hole. And through that hole, Edward ran into the room.

He was dusty from the wall he'd just crashed through.

"Hang on, Bella." He shouted, moving like a flash, lifting someone from the floor and laying him onto the bottom of the table I was strapped to. Then he grabbed the entire piece of gym equipment from my side and with one graceful yank, we were out of that room, through the hole he'd made. I heard metal snapping as we went. Just as we moved out of that space, the ceiling caved in right there where I had been, fire everywhere coming with it. The room was totally consumed.

But now I was out of danger, just like that. The heat and smoke was still intense, but, I was away from the flames.

"How did you do that?" I started to ask with a gravelly voice as Edward's golden eyes stared back at me, looking a little afraid, I thought.

"I didn't." he said, hearing voices and people coming down the halls, towards us.

"What?" I was confused. This thing I was strapped to was no lightweight machine. I think it was even bolted to the floor. There's no way he should've been able to move it, let alone the way he crashed through the wall.

"They're over here!" Edward turned, shouting to the oncoming people.

Suddenly, people in white coats were all around me. I saw a couple of men pick Jacob up off the table I was still strapped in and carry him off.

"I found them over here." I heard Edward say to someone, "The wall must've caved in somehow. Give me that."

"But you came through the –" I tried to say but then Edward put an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth and a burst of air shot out, shutting me up instantly.

"Breathe, Bella." Edward held it there, giving me a hard stare with those unusual eyes as I tried to inhale and exhale, the smoke taste still on my tongue.

Then he just said, "Please." But it was an urgent message. I decided then to shut up.

Without realizing it, someone opened the straps that held me in and in seconds I was being carried by Edward, my cheek laying on his bare shoulder. It was pure bliss, then it was over. And I was on a gurney, being rolled away down another corridor, white lights above flashing by as many different voices swirled around me.

"I'm alright." I tried to say but everyone was too busy talking to listen to me.

I could still hear Edward at my side, near my head, talking some kind of medical talk I couldn't understand.

Then nothing.

When I opened my eyes, I was alone in a quiet little hospital room painted a soft yellow, a nice warm blanket up to my chin. I wasn't hooked up to any kind of machine, thank God. Like a typical teenage girl, my hands went to my hair, wondering what it must look like. My glasses were clean and on the table next to me. I reached for them and put them on. That's when I saw him, sitting in a chair in the corner, his eyes closed, the dust still in his hair and a smudge of black on his right cheekbone. Sleeping. I remember I had wished to see that a couple days ago. He looked like a guardian angel to me. Better than any angel I would get or deserve.

Why would he be here, waiting for me to wake up? Maybe he feels bad about strapping me into that thing then leaving me. Wait. It came back to me what he'd done. He had saved my life. And the way he did it. He is superman, I thought, trying not to picture him in the suit.

Then I saw him as my guardian angel, complete with white wings that curled in a bit as he smiled down at me in my fantasy, he glowed with white light and suddenly had no shirt on, only a white loincloth, sitting on a cloud.

His eyes opened then and he stretched, looking over at me.

"Bella." He said, standing up. I tensed, sitting up more also.

"Hi." I said, eloquent as ever.

"Hi." He smiled that GQ smile of his, rendering me speechless. I probably had little red hearts in my eyes. My face was hot again, damn blushing.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, coming over to the edge of my bed.

"I'm fine." I informed, "I was asleep?"

"Just for a bit." He said, "You were having a hard time breathing."

"I was?" I asked, "I don't remember that."

He didn't say anything then.

I do remember how he put the mask over my mouth to shut me up from saying what he did to save me. He, no doubt, put me to sleep so I couldn't talk about it around the hospital personnel. He obviously didn't want anyone else to know what he could do.

"I get it." I said simply.

"What now?" his brow furrowed, "Did I somehow deliver another imaginary insult?"

Imaginary? Okay.

"No." I replied, "But I meant, I understand. I won't say anything if that's what you're worried about. Okay? You don't have to stay here. I'm fine."

"I'm not here for that reason." He said, looking hurt now, his eyes squinting, now looking angry.

"And you know, I wasn't trying to insult you at lunch today, either." He almost sneered, "I was trying to meet you and thank you for talking to Jessica when I couldn't. I was trying to be your friend. Even though…we shouldn't be friends."

He lost me there. Why not? He was saying he couldn't be my friend because of what all the other kids would say, my mind said to me. He was popular and beautiful and intelligent and strong enough to burst through plaster walls. I was none of those things. We were totally at opposite ends of the spectrum. As far apart as two creatures could be.

"You talked to Jessica?" I asked, wanting to change the subject. She probably heard he almost died trying to save me and called him. I bet they're already back together again. Thanks to me, yay for me !

"No." he frowned again.

"Then how did you know I talked to her?" I wondered aloud.

"You should get some more rest." He said after a little pause.

"Wait." I sat up a little more, "You can tell me, you know. I wouldn't tell anyone. I have no friends so that's pretty much a guarantee I won't tell anyone. You don't have to tell me today, but, you can trust me. I'm a good listener."

I would be a good friend to you, Edward. Even though you probably have a million friends, and even though we shouldn't be friends, like you said. I hoped he could read my mind and know how much I meant it.

He looked like he was thinking about something, as if he was considering telling me. But then he put on his "normal face" again. A mask. I knew too well about wearing masks to cover up my true feelings. Why was he doing it? He was perfect, in every way. He didn't need a mask.

"Bella…" he was about to say something when the door opened and a tall divine man walked in, wearing a white coat, powder blue shirt and tie, a stethoscope around his neck, short honey blonde hair that curled to the side like a delicate wave of golden water, and pale white skin. I also noticed he had the same eyes as Edward. But he adopted Edward. Strange.

"She wakes." The man smiled, almost glowing as he walked over to my other side, smiling at Edward too.

"Bella, this is Dr. Carlisle Cullen, my father." Edward quietly introduced us, "Dad, this is Bella Swan. Don't call her Isabella, you don't want to incur her wrath."

I giggled at that and got a grin from Edward as I turned back to the doctor I'd been waiting to meet for the last 3 weeks ever since I got his letter.

"Hi Dr. Cullen." I said earnestly, taking his hand as he extended it, giving it a nice firm shake.

"Hello Bella." He gave a warm, genuine smile, "I'm so sorry we started off this way, we usually save fire and crashing planes until later in the program."

"She can handle it." Edward commented, "She's tougher than she looks."

I shot him a fake little glare, making him smile again then said to Dr. Cullen, "It's my fault. I should've told you guys, I'm a danger magnet. If a plane was flying overhead and had to crash somewhere, of course, it would crash on me while I'm strapped into something without my crutch."

"Oh, Edward, the crutch?" Dr. Cullen looked at him with a question in his eyes.

"The crutch didn't make it, I'm afraid." He informed, as if reporting a death, "But I have a new one on the way in a few minutes."

"Oh, how's Jacob?" I felt insensitive for not asking sooner.

"Fine." Dr. Cullen assured me, "Everyone got out in one piece. No burns, no problems. Fire extinguished. We were all very lucky."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Good." I said.

"Well, it's kind of late now." Dr. Cullen looked at his watch, muttering, "11:35. You can stay here overnight if you like. You must be tired. Edward can drive you to school tomorrow morning if you want."

"Oh." My face flushed red again, I could feel it, "No, that's alright. I don't want to…"

Why was I talking my way out of this? Any time with Edward was like a dream come true to me. But he didn't want to be with me. His father was making him do it.

"Told you." Edward raised a brow at Dr. Cullen, then to me, he said, "I am taking you to school tomorrow. End of discussion."

"Edward." Carlisle quietly scolded his son for his abrupt tone.

"Dad, she is stubborn." Edward said back to him like I wasn't even there.

"Well you should always give a lady the choice, son." Carlisle said firmly but softly without anger. Then he smiled at me again and took my good hand into his, saying, "Bella, tomorrow after your therapy with Adolf, here, I will discuss with you my plans on the upcoming surgery. Any questions you have, feel free to ask myself or Edward, anytime. Promise?"

"I swear." I smiled, putting my hand up, like I was taking an oath. Both Cullens gave a little chuckle at this and then Carlisle said to Edward, "Son, see you tomorrow."

"Bye Dad." He put his hand up then dropped it once the door closed behind his father.

I wondered why Edward would not see his father until tomorrow. They lived together, didn't they?

"You're not going home?" I asked, deciding to release him from any obligation. Go on, Edward, leave this sick place and go have some fun. Be free and hang out with the fun kids, the cool kids. That's where you belong, not here with me.

"No." he moved a finger down the blanket on my bed, on a part that wasn't touching me.

"Where are you going?" I wondered.

"I'm not going anywhere." He said, looking at me with that deep look again that made me a quivering mess, "I'm staying here with you."

"Oh, that's dumb." I said before I thought about it. His face looked at me with frustration and I added, "I just mean, that's not necessary. I'm fine. I'm just going to sleep, you don't want to watch that."

"I don't?" he grinned, a brow up.

"I'm not that interesting, believe me." I groaned a little, trying to get the pillow behind me.

Edward moved to get it, bringing it up to sit behind my head, saying, "I _**don't **_believe you."

I just looked at him, wondering if maybe his eyes weren't working right. Maybe he was having some Shallow Hal moment or something.

"I mean," he said, looking right into my soul through my eyes, "_**I**_ find you interesting."

A little breath came out, almost like a scoff. I didn't believe him. What did he really want?

"You doubt me?" he asked.

I didn't know what to say. I was shaking, I could feel it.

"Besides," he said, "The last time I left you alone a plane fell on you. For the sake of you, me, and the hospital I think it's best if we don't risk that again."

"I promise not to stare at you while you sleep, okay?" he said, going to the wall by the door, turning the light switch off, the beautiful darkness hiding me. A faint glow of light came from the hallway, through the little glass window in the door.

I felt the bed suddenly hum and it was moving, laying me down flat.

"Shhh." His voice was right above me, dripping down over me like sweet smelling rain, hot rain, "Close your eyes. Forget I'm here."

Yea, right. An evil part of me wanted to ask him to tell me a story and sing me to sleep. I gave a little giggle at that image.

"Silly girl." He commented, as if he could hear my thoughts, walking over to the soft armchair in the corner.

I felt so bad, he wouldn't get any sleep there. Tomorrow in school he'd be intolerable. I remembered he would be giving me therapy again tomorrow, somewhere. With no sleep. Oh Christ. I was dead.

"Edward?" I rolled to my side and saw his perfect silhouette there. This would be good for me, talking to him while I couldn't see his face. I felt safer this way.

"Yes, Bella?"

"I want to say…thank you." I said very softly.

"You're welcome."

"And…I'm sorry." I added, feeling tears in my eyes again, "I know I'm a pain in the ass. I didn't want to give you any problems."

"You're not a pain in the ass." He assured, "And you don't give me problems. I have enough of my own, trust me. I'd welcome _**your**_ problems."

"You had a tough day today, and now you're not going to get any sleep at all tonight, because of me." I went on.

"I had a tough day." He laughed, "You almost got killed today. I can't imagine what that must've been like, trapped like that, the fire was so close to you. I hate fire. I'd have been going out of my mind."

"But you still went in there to save me." I pointed out.

"Bella." He said with a tone that told me to shut up about it.

"I'm not saying anything, I told you, but…I have to say…you were AMAZING." I told him, sounding like a groupie, "I never saw a hero in real life before. I love heroes. Superman, spiderman, all that dumb crap. I eat it up. I always wish I could be like that. Strong, graceful, swooping in at the last second…"

"What if I'm not the hero?" he said with a strange tone from the blackness, "What if I'm…the bad guy?"

I just laughed. "You're not."

Well, maybe when he's being a physical therapist, he might be.

Then he said it. "What about when I'm in my therapist mode?"

"Okay, I'll give you that." I said and Edward laughed hard. I loved the way it sounded.

After he quieted, he said, "I'm sorry I yelled at you like I did, before I left the gym."

"It's okay." I said, "You were right, I was weak."

"No, Bella." He said right away, "_**I**_ was weak."

Don't know what that means.

I changed the subject.

"If you want to talk anytime, you know, you can talk to me if you want." I said, offering myself as a friend. I wanted to be his friend so bad. I didn't care if I got picked on everyday by every other kid in the school. If I could talk to him once in awhile and hear him talk to me, that would be all I wanted out of life.

"About what?" he asked.

"Well, anything." I shrugged, looking up at the ceiling, "I talked to your girlfriend, it's only fair I talk to you if you need someone unbiased to –"

He was laughing again.

"What?"

"She's not my girlfriend." He said.

"Not anymore." I commented.

"Not ever." He said fast, "I don't have a girlfriend. I never have."

"Never?" I asked like he was mental. No way.

Oh God. Don't tell me he's gay. No, God couldn't be that cruel.

How do I ask this ?

"No girlfriends or boyfriends, ever?" I cringed as I said it, praying.

"UGH!" he sounded repulsed, "NO, no ! I'm not gay, Bella. Not that there's anything wrong with that…"

Thank you sweet Jesus.

"Alright, just asking, Jeez!" I giggled.

"Silly girl." He said again. I hoped he kept calling me that. I was liking it.

"How do YOU not have a girlfriend, EVER?" I had to ask.

"Why is that so hard to believe?" he sounded amused.

"Duh, look at you." I blurted out. Oh great, now he knows I think he's hot. He must know it anyway.

"Looks again." He muttered, "You see everything with your eyes, Bella. No wonder everything is so distorted for you."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"You're a bright girl." He said with a dull tone, "Figure it out."

After a couple minutes of silence, I saw him lay his head back in the chair and I thought he might be falling asleep. I was wide awake and wanted to talk to him some more. It's not often I got the chance to talk this much and to someone like him. He was being nice to me and I wanted more. I was so greedy.

"Hey, Edward?" I called in a whisper.

"What?" he asked, sounding a little annoyed.

"I'm sorry, I'm bothering you." I muttered, about to take my glasses off.

"No you're not." He said with a nicer tone now, "I just want you to get some sleep. Do you want to go to school tomorrow?"

"Not really." I said, "But I will."

"I just wanted to say…" I went on, swallowing, about to expose myself to him again, "Even though you say we shouldn't be friends, and I know that's right, but, if you wanted, I could be your friend. It could be secret, I wouldn't tell anyone. And when you see me around the other kids, you don't have to act like you know me. Maybe you could call me sometimes. I wouldn't embarrass you or be seen with you anywhere public…"

"BELLA." He cut me off, loud now and he got up, going over and flicking the lights on, blinding me as he rushed over to my bedside.

"What the hell is with you?!" he yelled at me, trying to keep his voice down, "If you want to be my friend, then be my friend. Meeting in secret and me acting like I don't know you around other people?! That's not a friend."

"I just meant ---"

"I know what you meant." He said, still looking angry but controlling it, grabbing the metal bars on the bed, "You really think that much of me? That I'd want to hide my friendship with you from other people? That I'd be ashamed to be seen with you?"

"I know what I am, Edward." I said, tears wetting my eyes, "I should've died in that car accident but I didn't. I know my body is an abomination and everyone who sees me wants to throw up. I know all the kids hate me, they tell me every day."

"You don't KNOW…anything." He said, a wounded look in his eyes.

I looked away, not knowing what to say. He didn't want to be my secret friend, either. Great. I blew it already.

"The kids don't know you enough to hate you." He said, "And they tell you every day? You've been here for _**two**_ days! Give people a chance ! I'll bet lots of kids would like you if you LET them! When I first saw you, I liked you. But you don't look up, you walk around like you're ashamed of yourself for something. That made me angry. And when I tried to talk to you in lunch, you shut me down ! I would _**never**_ make any kind of weight joke to you or anyone else for that matter ! Maybe I was nervous, too, and said it wrong, didn't you ever consider that?! Not everyone is out to get you. No one can get close enough to like you. No one can even REJECT you because you reject them first!"

I just looked at him, not wanting to believe that he was right. It was my own fault that I was alone.

"I'm sorry." I breathed, about to cry.

"STOP saying you're sorry!" he closed his eyes, then stared into my eyes, squinting in disbelief, searching for something.

"People have hurt you, I know it." His voice was so tender now, "And I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at THEM. They've hurt you real bad. And it's made you into something you're not. It's made you close your heart. I understand that, believe it or not, beautiful, perfect Edward Cullen is not so beautiful and perfect. I know what it's like to always be alone, keeping people away. I don't want to see it happening to you. You're alive, you're young, and beau—" he stopped.

"You have no reason to isolate yourself." He stated, "Why? Because you need a crutch at the moment. Big deal. When I'm done with you, you won't need it anymore. Then what? The excuse will be that you're not a pencil, so then you'll lose the little extra weight, if you want. You don't have to, I think you're fine as you are. Then you'll have no reason to be alone. But you will be. Because you pushed everyone away. That's just…stupid, Bella. No one chooses friends because of how beautiful or thin they are."

I knew tears were rolling down my face now but I didn't care. He was right. God damn it. But my low self esteem chimed in again.

"Some kids do." I replied.

"Well, they're MORONS!" he informed, "And who wants to be friends with THEM, anyway? The Jessica Stanleys and Mike Newtons of this world are nothing! Empty hollow bits of fluff blowing in the wind! You're too good for them."

I just sniffed. He handed me a Kleenex from the table beside me. I laughed a little, taking it.

"Thanks." I finally found my voice.

He said he thought I was fine the way I was. I loved him even more now. Tomorrow when he didn't talk to me and wouldn't look at me, I knew I would miss him terribly.

"You should go to sleep." He said and I felt his hands glide up, taking my glasses and gently slipping them off my face, blurring him and everything else in the room, "I shouldn't have yelled, I'm sorry. You've been through a lot today and you're not feeling well yet."

"I feel really well…now." I looked down, wiping my eyes with my tissue.

"Goodnight, Bella." He said, and the lights went off again.

"Goodnight, Edward." I sighed, sniffling and watching his dark shadow in the corner until my eyes finally fell asleep.

That was the first night I dreamt of Edward Cullen.

It wasn't a sexual dream, although I was no stranger to those. This was so much better. I was beautiful and sexy and laying in a big four poster bed, ocean breezes blowing in as I looked at the crystal clear blue ocean. No one was out there, it was like we had our own private island.

Then, I felt two strong arms gently encoil me in their sweet embrace. I could feel his nose nuzzle my neck from behind and I nearly moaned from the softness of it.

His breath was on my neck, near the spot going to my shoulder. I was so aroused just from that. I wasn't hard to seduce, even in my dreams.

"Edward…" I breathed his name as he held me tight to him, his leg curling around mine, his socked feet warming my bare ones. His lips were like a feather, ever so lightly touching my jaw. I was panting and I didn't care. I hadn't been held for so long. I wanted to cry.

"Edward…" I repeated, a smile spreading across my face so wide it almost hurt my cheeks. I knew this was a dream and a fantastic dream at that. It felt so real, like his arms and legs were really touching mine. I didn't want to wake up, I didn't want it to end. These dreams always did. I wanted to stay here…forever.

"Don't…" I muttered, afraid he'd disappear, "Don't go…"

And for once, the dream went on. He stayed with me. He whispered in my ear, "I'm not going anywhere, Bella."

For a change that night, I had no neck spasms or arm pain at all. I slept through the night with no interruptions. That hadn't happened since the accident. Not ever.

See next chapter soon

Love

WinndSinger

PS Bella and Edward will finally start coming together now….hope it didn't take too long.


	9. You Look Nice

9

I heard a cart being rolled down the hallway, its rickety wheels jarring me from my ocean scented bed with Edward sleeping beside me to my now small hospital bed where I could barely fit alone.

"Damn." I grumbled, the dream over. As I said earlier, I am greedy. I was grateful the dream went on all night but now it was morning and that meant another day of glorious, action packed high school.

I wonder which boy I will grace my presence with at lunch today, I joked with myself, knowing damn well I'd be sitting at lunch with my best friends: me, myself and I.

Edward was gone from the chair in the corner but I had expected that. I looked at a clock beside my bed and saw the red digital numbers: 6:23am. Good I had a little time to get ready. Oh wait. Clothes. I was still wearing what I had on yesterday. I lifted it to my nose and still smelled a bit of smoke there. Great. Now they'd call me Smokey the Bear or something equally stupid.

I sat up, looking around. The nurses were absent at the moment.

I reached over and got my glasses, placing them on. Next to my glasses, on the table was a long golden foil box with a white bow wrapped around it.

This couldn't be for me, no one knows I'm here, I thought, unless it's from Dr. Cullen or….nah.

I peeked at the box and a little envelope was taped to it that read, 'Bella'.

With a breath, I sat up and brought the lightweight box to my lap, my good hand pulling the top up as my bad hand felt like cooperating now, bracing its palm against the bottom of the box, the fingers just stiffly sitting there.

There was white tissue wrap inside and I moved it open to reveal a wicked looking crutch. It was so cute, it was decorated with a leopard print design and had really nice black padding where my hand would be holding it. In fact, when I put my hand on it, it would mold to the shape of my hand, and when I took my fingers away it went back as it was. I smiled, loving it instantly. My good hand would appreciate no more calluses, too, using this gorgeous little cane. I could hardly take my eyes off of it, until I saw a little card next to where the cane was laying.

It said:

Just until you don't need it anymore.

Soon.

Edward.

Yes, I am crying now. I sniffed and felt the tears falling onto my box like huge blobs. I laughed because right under the card was a little pack of Kleenexes. I opened it and took a couple out, using them until I was done bawling.

I want him. I want him forever. My inner voices demanded me. We want to marry him. Make it happen, don't screw this up. Buy some makeup SOON.

Forget it, voices in my head, I said to them. He's way too good for us. He really deserves the best girl in the world, not me. But this was the sweetest thing that had ever happened to me. The best gift I'd ever received. The last gift I got was the I-pod from Charlie before the accident.

I moved the box aside and examined every inch of my new toy, my leopard cane. I wouldn't call it a crutch anymore. It was too cool to be that. I ran my good hand over the entire body of the cane, loving it more than if someone gave me a million dollars. One thing was for sure. I would never let this cane get out of my possession, even if I could run in the Olympics someday. I cried a little more, then used the rest of my little package of tissues. I turned to toss them in the little garbage can next to my bed and noticed my ipod sitting there, smiling back at me.

"Hugh!" I called him by name. When I programmed it into my computer, they ask you to name your I-pod. At the time I named him Hugh, after Hugh Jackman. I was in love with him ever since X-Men and our relationship just grew stronger and stronger with every movie. My favorite role of his was definitely VanHelsing, vampire killer. Yummy. Only now, I wasn't sure. Things might change between Hugh and I. There was a new sheriff in town named Edward. But then, again, after Edward destroyed me, which he undoubtedly would, I would need Hugh's shoulder to cry on.

"What're you doing here?" I asked him, taking it in my good hand and feeling a little sticky note on the back.

"Someone's sticking notes on you, too, now, huh?" I kidded, relating to that.

It said: **Play me.**

My dirty mind kicked into action. I would LOVE to play you, Edward. Over and over and over again. Then I hit play, putting one of the ear buds in, listening.

I burst out laughing. No one but me hearing the little joke as "Holding out for a Hero" began to play.

"Jerk." I chuckled, glad to laugh after my crying jag a minute ago.

I loved this song so much. I put both ear buds in and let the song take me away, closing my eyes and hearing the first words, the best words:

"**Where have all the good men gone**

**And where are all the gods?**

**Where's the street wise Hercules **

**To fight the rising odds?**

Isn't there a white knight

**Upon a fiery steed?**

**Late at night I toss and turn**

**And I dream of what I need !!" **

I was lost in the song, singing it as loud as Bonnie Tyler was, my head bopping in its own little dance, my eyes clenched tightly closed. I was seeing Edward dressed like a warrior in dark colors, sitting on a black horse, drawing a sword from his back, clenching his jaw tight, charging the stallion forward. Wow…this is better than Xena !

Ready to sing the next verse, I opened my mouth and felt someone's little hand on my arm. I screamed and jerked, opening my eyes; my good hand hitting the pause button.

A little black haired girl was right beside me, smiling with a giggle, amused by my live session. I felt my face get hot and I yanked the ear buds out hard, totally humiliated.

"Oh, hi Alice." I muttered, "Sorry, didn't hear you come in."

"Sorry, kiddo." She twinkled when she smiled, which was probably always, I guessed, "I was told there was need for a fairy godmother here."

"Huh?" I sounded like an idiot and I knew it.

"Those dopey men." Alice shook her head, "They actually had you sleep in the same dirty clothes you had on in the fire yesterday. Clueless. And after all I've tried to teach them, too."

"Oh." I looked down at myself, about to say something to assure her it wasn't a big deal, but she was already opening shopping bags that she laid on the foot of my bed.

According to the bags, she'd been to every fancy store in the mall.

"I just got a couple things last night." Alice announced, "But tomorrow's Saturday so we can do a real shopping day then."

I hated shopping. Especially for clothes. Nothing ever fit me right and I hated trying things on in those God awful dressing rooms, where I was convinced there was someone on the other side, watching me.

All the clothes in stores seemed to be made for anorexic children and I never found my size. Other girls shopping would look at me like I washed up on the beach at high tide and even the saleswomen looked like I was bothering them.

By the time the day was over, I'd always be incredibly depressed and would order the biggest ice cream Friendly's could give me. Then I'd go to K-Mart and get a man's sized sweatshirt and sweatpants.

I was sure whatever she had bought would not fit me, or would be too tight, causing me further humiliation.

"Alice, it's okay, no." I wished I could get off the bed but her bags were all on top of my legs, "I'm not one of those girls that likes to get dressed up and go to the mall, really. No offense. I'll go anywhere else with you, but clothes shopping is like death for me."

"Wait, just look." Alice held up a hand, then took a sky blue blouse out of one of her bags, holding it up to my chest, "Look at how nice that looks with your fair skin. Wear this one today."

"And I have a nice long skirt that's really pretty that can go with it." Alice was taking tags off another garment.

"What size is it?" I asked, knowing it wouldn't fit me. I didn't want to even say my size out loud.

"Hey." Alice looked at me as if I just called her a slut, "I know what I'm doing here. Clothes are my business. This will all fit you beautifully. Trust me. Go put these on in the bathroom and when you come out…"

She stopped talking.

"What?" I waited.

"Don't tell Edward, okay?" she asked, looking out the door and around the corner.

"What?" I was nervous now.

"He would kill me, so promise you won't tell him." Alice said, "Because he is really nice, and he doesn't want you to take it the wrong way, so he made me promise, but I can't help it. Promise you won't tell him I said this."

I took a deep breath, waiting to have my feelings hurt.

"I promise." I said with an empty voice.

"I love doing make up and hair." Alice said, "It's what I want to do after high school, so don't think I'm insulting you. You are a beautiful woman and you don't need lots of makeup. But let me just put a little on you? And play with your hair?"

I hesitated. I had fallen for this once in sophomore year. My new "friends" made me look stupid with a makeover on purpose and drove me to school so I'd get extra laughs all day. I couldn't take that again. Then I remembered what Edward had said to me last night and that Alice was his sister. They had both been very nice to me and I had no reason to distrust them. Yet. I had to risk it.

"Okay." I said, as if I just agreed to have ten men shoot me at once.

"Yay !!" she bounced up and down, clapping, "Now, if Edward asks, you asked me to do this, not the other way around."

Oh no. I didn't need Edward thinking I asked Alice to come here and doll me up so I could be his next Jessica Stanley.

"Go." She pushed me into the little bathroom, letting me close and lock the door.

I started to undress and my mind wondered how Edward found Hugh and brought him to me. Maybe he stopped by to talk to Sue to let her know that I was okay. But how does he know where I'm staying? Oh, Carlisle.

I did my morning ritual of bathroom, brushing my teeth, and washing up. Then it was time to try the clothes on. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the entire outfit did fit me and wasn't tight. The material was soft and comfortable, cottony. I looked in the mirror in the bathroom and from the neck down I didn't look too terrible. I was still not sexy or willowy, but I didn't look fat.

"Hmmm." I said to myself, "Magic clothes."

Once I came out, Alice pounced on me like a panther. A cute little kitty panther, but a predator nonetheless. She had also gotten me a nice suede pair of boots that were flat at the bottom. These, too, were comfortable and supported my feet well, and were pretty at the same time.

Then she had me take off my glasses and began to play make-up with me. I begged her not to go overboard. A little foundation, a little blush, a tiny bit of mascara and a hint of plum eyeshadow later, and don't forget the clear cherry lips gloss were in place a few minutes later.

She showed me a hand held mirror and I really loved the way she did it. I nearly cried. My eyes looked so pretty. Then Alice yelled at me for almost crying and messing it all up. I regained my composure, though, and she got to work on my hair.

I didn't get to see much of what she did, but after a few OW's and tugs, and blow dries and curlers, she showed me the mirror again. I gasped.

"Oh Alice." I stared at my cute little bangs and the full playful curls that parted to one side, cascading down my shoulders. I never saw my hair behave this way and look so girly before. She had to tell me how to do this on my own.

"Don't cry again!" Alice warned, seeing my eyes becoming wet again.

"KLEENEX ALERT!!" I called, searching for more. Alice spun around, in a frenzy, then dived onto the box in the corner, bringing it over to me fast.

"Thanks." I just dabbed the corners of my eyes gently as she'd taught me earlier.

Alice began to unplug all her magic hair wands and wrapped them up. She even had a special case for everything.

"I love this family, one's gonna be a doctor, the other one's a brilliant beautician." I commented, "Everything I need under one roof."

"Don't forget Emmett, our Grizzly Bear." She smiled, "Protector of the clan."

"No I would never forget Emmett." I swallowed, my voice still choked up a bit.

"Someday maybe you can meet Jasper." Alice hesitated then added, "And maybe, if you're brave enough, Rosalie."

"Okay." I agreed, trying to sound cool about it. The truth was, I was still scared shitless, just having the couple friends I seemed to have at the moment. I now did truly consider Alice my friend. I wanted to tell her this somehow, but the words wouldn't come. I was chickening out again.

"It's not that Rosalie isn't nice." Alice tried to explain, "It's just that…Rosalie is…Rosalie."

I chuckled. "Got it."

Then a little knock rapped on the glass window of the hospital room door. I jumped, suddenly terrified of anyone seeing me this way. It was very weird for me, looking like a girl. What if someone laughed at me?

"7:15 Alice." Edward's voice was muffled on the other side of the door.

"Yea, yea." She waved her hand at the door, still packing her things away.

"He didn't see me, did he?" I asked. I had been hiding in the corner of the room.

"Hey." Alice came over to me, putting her little hands on my shoulders, "You look beautiful. And see, I didn't do much to you. You were pretty all by yourself. Don't be afraid to show off my artistry. Are you ready ?"

"Thank you Alice." I said softly, making my eyes look into her golden ones. Wow, she has the golden eyes, too, like Edward and Carlisle. I hope they didn't have some kind of eye surgery done so they all have the same eye color. That would be too…weird.

"No problem." She grinned back at me, "Let's go learn something."

I giggled at this comment, putting my backpack on, holding my new best friend, Leo, my cane. I had a strange fascination with naming things I loved. And Leo is a lion's name, so I liked it even more. I had to learn to be more lion-like and stop being a stupid, scared little lamb. That much I knew. What I didn't know is, how would I do it ?

I was so scared when I peeked out of the hospital room door. For some reason, I was now afraid to see Edward. I felt better having Alice nearby, but I tried to think of what I'd say when I saw Edward again. I was drawing a blank.

So, how was it watching me sleep all night ? No good.

Think, dummy, think.

Alice lead me out of the hospital and waiting right outside the door was Edward's silver car, engine running, him in the driver's seat.

I was glad he wasn't standing there to open the door or anything like that. Too embarrassing for me. I liked it that he didn't always jump to do everything for me. He just would wait patiently while I accomplished things myself.

Alice opened the back passenger door and got in, leaving me to sit in the front next to Edward. I got my good hand and began to use it to open the door while I supported myself.

"Hi Bella." Edward greeted me politely, his face turned towards me.

"Edward," Alice went to get out of the back to come help me but Edward just said, "Freeze, Alice." His tone was gentle, not angry.

"She can do it herself." He said to her with the same friendly tone.

I might have missed it but I think dirty looks were exchanged between them as I got the door open and settled myself inside, buckled myself in, then managed to close the door. This whole process took about ten minutes. But no one ever rushed me or sighed or made me feel like I was slowing them down. I felt my eyes get wet again for a second.

"Everyone ready?" Edward glanced at me with a smile and looked at Alice in his rear view mirror, turning on his CD player as he pulled away with a sudden gust of speed. I didn't scream this time, I held on tight and told myself to shut up.

"I LOVE this song !!" Alice was dancing in the backseat, slapping her hands together and being silly as Edward and I laughed. I hoped to God Edward didn't start to dance, then they'd expect me to. And that wasn't happening in my lifetime.

"Let it rock, let it rock, let it rock." Alice and Edward were singing along to the song while I smiled at them affectionately, grinning like an idiot.

"**Cause when I arrive**

**I, I bring the fire**

**Make you come**

**Alive**

**I can take you higher" **

Edward was lightly tapping his hand against the steering wheel as he drove, the sky still a gray dull void that promised more wind and rain soon. I wondered if I'd ever see the sun again. I liked this side of Edward. He was being playful, and he was singing. He was so far out of my league. But he was nice to be around, for however long I got to be here.

Maybe when we got to school I could thank him properly for the cane and tissues and my ipod. The music was so loud I couldn't even hear myself breathe. But I didn't mind. I never got to go to school this way and I actually felt young for a few minutes, like a normal kid. I just wished I was cooler or funnier. I wish I had something to bring to their table so they'd like me more. Could I ever just relax and have fun?

At one point in the drive, Edward was flipping around the radio, and Howard Stern was on. Alice was like, "Ooooh ! Go back to that!"

"No way !" Edward winced, "He is disgusting. If you wanna hear him, go get in your own car. This is how we roll in the Volvo."

"You are a big prude!" Alice complained and Edward stuck his tongue out at her, closing his eyes.

Oh God, please, I prayed silently, open your eyes while you're driving. But I was pretty good this time at being quiet while this went on.

"Bella, do you want to hear that vile radio guy?" Edward turned to me for my vote.

"I don't care, whatever you guys want is fine." I chickened out again. Edward's face turned disappointed.

"Bella." He warned, "Say it, say it out loud. Do you ?"

Okay, I'd be honest.

"Not really." I admitted, "Sorry Alice." I looked at her, apologizing with my eyes as Edward gave a cheer of victory, clenching his fist.

"In your face, pixie dust!" he teased her, giving her a little wink in the mirror, smiling that smile. All I could think is, he should be bronzed, frozen in time. It would be a sin to see this face age and wrinkle someday.

"Screw you two little old people!" Alice teased back, making Edward and I laugh, looking at each other.

Before I wanted it to end, we arrived at school and Edward parked right at the west entrance, my homeroom and Alice's, was right inside the door to the right.

Alice hopped out of her seat, slamming the car door and I noticed she didn't try to help me this time. She waited quietly as I got myself out, fixing my outfit a little, then using my new cane to wobble to the school door.

Edward was holding a camera case, looking inside it for something. I guessed he had photography class first, after homeroom, but I wasn't sure. I never got a chance to ask him, though, because as soon as I got in the door of the school, he was walking past us, Alice went inside our homeroom before I got close to the door.

"Hurry up, Edward, you have like 30 seconds." Alice teased her brother.

I wondered if I should say something to him. I wouldn't see him again until lunch but I was flustered. Edward didn't look like he was going to say anything to me and I was about to get to the threshold of the classroom door when I heard a silky voice.

"Hey Bella." It called me from down the hall. I looked and Edward had spun around, walking backwards down the hall, and said, "You look nice."

With a little grin, he spun around again, jogging off to class before the bell rang. I just stood there, stunned into silence. He was totally gone from view when I finally could speak, saying, "Thanks."

I was staring at the empty hall where he'd just been and was walking at the same time, as I turned my head to look where I was going, I smacked my face into the wall a tad to the right of the opened door. Stars ! Pretty stars! I looked around, no one had seen that. A miracle.

I don't even remember walking in the classroom after that. I felt like the girl in Hairspray hearing wedding bells chiming. I felt myself smiling as I noticed Alice sitting at a desk, waving me over, an empty desk behind her waited for me.

I felt my body relax. For the next ten minutes at least, I was sitting with someone. Someone I really liked. More importantly, someone I felt comfortable with. She didn't make me nervous or inferior, even though she had everything I lacked. I wished I could be more like her.

"Don't forget, you said I could do your nails." Alice turned her body towards my desk, taking out a couple bottles of nail polish and a nail file, setting up her little shop on my desktop.

She let me pick the color and I went with plainer, a nice soft French manicure pink. Alice grumbled boring but I got my way.

"You can do the jungle red next time, okay?" I teased her, feeling a little more daring after seeing how Edward kidded with her and got away with it. Every time I dared it, I got scared to death that someone would get angry at me and walk away in a huff. But so far, with Edward and Alice, it didn't happen yet.

We shared my ear buds to my ipod, one in my ear, one in her ear, bopping our heads to the music as she worked. We didn't have to make conversation and I loved that. I loved her. Now I was more scared. I always lost the ones I loved.

The announcements and jokes played on the PA system but we weren't listening anyway. I took a second to peek around me and noticed, too, that no one was laughing at me, or staring, or even looking over at me. Maybe Edward was right. Maybe I did imagine this stuff…sometimes at least.

The bell rang and my nails were all dry, looking perfect.

"Thanks so much, I love them!" I blushed as I stood, watching Alice bounce up like she had been sitting on a spring. She did move around like a little pixie.

"You're welcome, girl!" she twinkled, "See you later ! Have fun baking!"

Home Economics was my next class. How'd she know that ?

I went, trying to keep a nice steady pace, sighing. I wouldn't get to see them again for awhile and I was already missing them. I told myself not to get too attached, but I could feel I was already.

See next chapter !

Love

WinndSinger


	10. I want to try it

10

EPOV

After Bella and Alice were on their way to homeroom, I could hear Rosalie's voice from the other side of school, as she sat in her homeroom with Emmett and Jasper.

"He threw himself through a concrete wall, THEN grabbed the 500 pound thing she was strapped into, put some other knocked out kid on it, and swung it in one move out of the room!! She saw EVERYTHING !" Rosalie was telling her tale with venom, keeping her voice low, "She almost told everyone there, but then Edward pinched her and put her to sleep for awhile."

I cringed at that. I hated doing it but I really wanted her out of the situation. She looked so scared. There is a nerve near the neck that if you give it a slight pinch, the person will fall into unconsciousness for a little while. I had used it a couple times before, only in emergency situations, never to kill. It never harmed the victim.

No doubt Carlisle had told Rosalie all this. Great, Dad. And now Rosalie was telling the whole epic saga to the others right in the middle of homeroom. At least 20 other kids around her. Smooth, Rosalie.

"God, he could've been killed." Jasper's voice sounded scared but grateful I had made it out alive, "That took balls ! I HATE fire. I hate even looking at it in a fireplace."

"But he saved her, right?" Emmett sounded a little concerned. I would have to ask him about that. Bella said she'd met Emmett and that he was nice. I wished she'd said that I was nice, too. But at the time I was being my alter ego, Adolf Cullen. I know she hates that guy. But I had gotten a little hope back after she'd woken up and we had talked in the dark that maybe she didn't completely hate me after all.

"Yes, but so what?" Rosalie said coldly, "She's going to take this chance to make some friends by telling the whole school about it. She might even publish it in the school PAPER! I can see her now, at lunch, her table will be full, at least for a day or two while she goes through her story over and over again."

"I don't think she would do that, Rose." Jasper tried to keep the faith.

"You don't even know her." Rosalie snapped.

"Neither do you." Emmett said, then paused and softened his tone, "Just, let Edward keep an eye on her. He told Carlisle he'd be listening to hear if she says anything. If that happens, we will deal with it then."

"What's that mean?" Jasper asked, sounding frail, whispering, "You're not saying…he won't kill her?"

"If he has to, he has to." Rosalie informed, whispering too, "And I know you can hear me, Edward. If she talks, you are doing it all. Cleanup and evidence, too. I'm not doing shit. I didn't make this mess."

I didn't want to hear anymore, I closed my eyes and walked away from Alice and Bella, who were almost to their homeroom door. Something inside me turned off Rosalie's voice and then I realized I didn't even say goodbye to them.

I spun around, still walking as I saw just Bella in the hall, about to enter the room.

I called to her, saying, "Hey, Bella."

She looked at me, stopping and I tried to think of something to say. I really wanted to plead with her not to say anything about yesterday, please don't expose us. Don't make us leave here…don't force me to hurt you.

But all I could think of was how different she looked as she sat next to me in the car. It wasn't anything huge that I could put my finger on, but definitely her hair looked pretty and soft, and her eyes stood out more, soft pinkish color around the wide, warm pools of brown. And when she blushed, her eyes wet a bit, and they shined more. Besides all that, she looked happy. She was laughing. That increased her beauty tenfold. My mouth was speaking before I knew what it was saying.

"You look nice." I said. Honest, simple, and short.

I hurried off to class then, not wanting to scare her off by saying anything else. I already knew I was in danger of going over the top after leaving the gift in her room this morning. I knew she needed a new crutch but I didn't HAVE to gift it up like I did.

But the one the hospital was going to give her was awful. All scratched up and even had a couple of dents in it. No padding for her poor little hand that had felt like she was wearing a glove when I examined her yesterday. She would take it, without argument, I knew. But she deserved better.

I chose the leopard one because that's what I wanted to see her become. She was a little kitten now, so timid and afraid of everything. In time, with the help of my Adolf personality, I would see her become a leopard. Strong, independent, fierce. Able to survive on her own.

Then when she was ready to go to college, she would have a shot at having a real life. With friends, and a boyfriend, too, perhaps. That thought bothered me a little but I wasn't even sure why. I couldn't and didn't want to have a girlfriend, especially a human one. The thought of it unnerved me. It would never work. I'd be sure to kill her then, somehow.

I accepted long ago that I was meant to be alone. But still I saw her as a broken little bird. I wanted to fix her. Maybe it was the doctor inside me. I have medical degrees but I can't use them. I have to pretend I'm a stupid kid, knowing nothing. If someone had an attack right in the middle of the hallway, I'd have to be careful not to leap into doctor mode and start saving their life.

I hated hiding and lying all the time. Maybe, some deep dark part of me WANTED her to know what I was. I would love to hear her reaction to it. I'm sure it wouldn't be the typical response of screaming and running away. She was different. She never seemed to do or say what I expected. I wished I could talk to her about it.

I should have stayed away from her, I knew that. I shouldn't be her friend. I knew that too. But I wanted to be her friend.

When she had told me the same thing last night in the darkness, I felt a warm glow inside me, but then she ruined it immediately with the idea that we would be secret friends, and I could act like I didn't know her, like I'd be ashamed to be seen with her.

I lost my temper then. But I think what I said might have gotten through. I hoped so. Any one who would say yes to that kind of friendship was more a monster than I'd ever be. I wondered if anyone else ever went along with that painful bargain. I wanted to punch who ever would've done that to her.

I hated that I had made her cry yesterday when I yelled at her in the gym. Most of my patients had been men or boys before, Bella was the first girl. I almost thought I shouldn't be so tough on her, but then I threw that idea right away. No, I had to be just as rough on her as the others. I wanted her to walk. I wanted her to run. Then I saw her in my head, running away from ME.

She would probably think it was weird, too, my going to her room at Sue's place and bringing her I-pod back to her, even choosing that song for her to listen to. That was a joke, though, I saw it on her list and just chose it after her ramblings about super heroes. She thought I was one. I wish.

Little did she know when I yelled at her in the gym and got up on the table, and was so close to her throat, that I almost took her right then. Alice didn't even stop me. She said later she knew I wouldn't have done it. I was so close. I could almost taste it.

Nothing was really stopping me. She had no family, no friends, really, yet. I hated to think it but if she vanished tomorrow I don't think anyone would really notice. That's horrible, Edward, I smacked myself inside for thinking that.

Changing my thoughts, I recalled her little room at Sue's place. First, she was on the second floor. But that's good, it means she's using stairs at least twice a day and that's good for her legs. But then I thought, what if she falls down the stairs one day? I am getting paranoid already, being around a human so much.

The room itself was without any flair. It was clean and had what she needed but something in me ached for her when I stood inside it. No parents, no color on the walls, no stuffed animals on the bed. I realized then just how blessed I am to have all that I do. Not just the fancy house, but my family. I sometimes forgot how fortunate I really am, always focusing on my fate and my inhuman existence.

The homeroom bell finally rang then, breaking me out of my trance, and I picked up my camera, going to photography class, putting Bella Swan out of my thoughts for awhile.

_**BPOV**_

I sat in Home Economics, trying to pay attention to the ingredients of Shepard's Pie, but I kept reliving the events of yesterday. The gym, the revolting feeling of being alone, tied in, and helpless as the ceiling began to cave in with fire.

Then Edward screaming my name. Now that I think of it, I was guessing he first came to the doorway of the gym to get me. Then he saw the fire. I don't think he could hear me answer him, my voice was almost a whisper. But then he went to find another way in. Even though he's afraid of fire, he had said. I wondered then if he could see through walls. How did he know to go to that wall?

Then I remembered the pounding noises. He didn't get through that wall in one go. It took about 3 or 4 slams before he broke through. I pictured him in his muscle shirt and snug sweatpants, throwing his body into the cement, then again…and again. Then I definitely remember a monstrous ROAR he had made from the other side. Maybe he was afraid he wouldn't be able to get through in time. Maybe he almost gave up? But he got me out with 1 second to spare. Jesus !

I couldn't wait to get some free time to write all these events in my journal. Oh wait. I couldn't do that. Edward said to keep this to myself. What if someone got hold of it and read it to everyone? I'd have to be sneaky about how I did this. Maybe I could write it in some kind of secret code.

But I wanted to have it all written down somewhere, not that I thought I'd ever forget it. But something really extraordinary and wonderful had happened for me. I didn't want to lose a single detail of it, ever.

Out of nowhere, I could almost feel his rock hard naked shoulder under my cheek again. I touched my cheek lightly, smiling at the memory of it. It was so nice and cool after my face had been red hot near the fire.

I thought of his deep voice, his magical golden eyes, his unique hair, his perfectly shaped nose, his soft looking, dark red lips…his smile…even his teeth were beautiful…damn it. I was in love. Stupidly, hopelessly, cluelessly, desperately…in love. I knew I would never get him or even try to, but still.

Bye Hugh. I hope we can still be friends.

I hadn't even heard Jessica talking to me, but she was. I snapped out of my Edward inventory of perfection and looked at her, sitting at the table to the right of mine, leaning in.

"What?" I asked, "I didn't hear you."

"Zombie." Another beautiful girl next to Jessica rolled her eyes, watching me intently.

"Is it true that Edward Cullen drove you to school today?" she repeated her question, squinting.

Edward who? God, what was I going to say ? I felt like I had broken an unwritten law here. My kind never was supposed to mix with his kind.

I didn't want to cause him any embarrassment. So I lied.

"No." I frowned at her like she was crazy, "I don't even know him."

Suddenly I felt a wave of guilt. Was this the right thing to say or not? I was denying I even knew this person who in a couple days had become everything to me. I am such a jerk.

"You'd better not be lying." She kept looking at me, trying to decide if I was. Now three other pretty girls were staring at me besides Jessica. Mutiny!

"Why would I lie?" I squinted back at her, turning back to my table. They all stared at me too now, great. Can't we just learn how to make Shepard's Pie and get along?

How does news travel so fast in school, I wondered? I didn't hear about 9/11 as fast as these girls found out about my little innocent ride to school today. Maybe they should become reporters for TMZ or something.

God, what if people were asking Edward if he drove me? I felt sick thinking about his expression and him doing the same thing as I just did, denying everything.

I even saw him throwing a little disgust into his voice and face as he told other boys, "Ukkkk, THAT girl with the stick? Why would I EVER drive HER anywhere? My car's good but not THAT good."

Why did life have to be this complicated? I was feeling so good a minute ago. Well, I would never take any more rides from Edward again. I wouldn't do that to him. I felt sad inside as I came to this decision. I had a lot of fun this morning in that car. Oh well, at least I had the 15 minutes they'd given me. Stop being so greedy I told myself.

Then I remembered Edward's loud words from last night, "Is that how much you think of me, that I would be ashamed of our friendship?"

I wanted to believe it. I wanted to think that he was as beautiful on the inside as the outside. But I had known these beautiful boys before. None more beautiful than him, though.

Prince was suddenly singing in my head, "The beautiful ones always smash the picture, always, every time."

I had my heart broken more times than I could count. I am so stupid. Why do I keep opening my heart, thinking this one will be different? I should just stick to my plan about Africa and the baby tigers.

Prince was singing again, in his glorious high pitched voice, "The beautiful ones you always seem to lose."

I'd have to look amongst the ugly boys during lunch. There had to be some. But then I heard, there's no such thing as ugly, Bella. I felt bad right away for calling anyone else ugly. Besides, even "normal plain" boys probably wouldn't like me, either. I remembered that boy in the gym, Jacob. He had said I was pretty. Maybe he was just being nice. He was kinda cute, but he was no Edward.

I hate this crap. What temperature do you cook the pie at again? I flipped through my book, totally lost. I still felt eyes on me, lots of them. I heard girls whispering. It sounded like cobras hissing. They weren't done with me yet and I knew it. They'd be back after me again as more rumors spread.

Maybe I could ask Edward what I should say. God, that would be humiliating. I could write him a note. Notes were a coward's way out. And I was big on notes. Only, notes can fall into the wrong hands.

Nothing much happened for my next few classes. Everyone seemed to be ignoring me and I liked it that way. Once in awhile, people would look at me and whisper to each other. The rumor mill still going strong.

God, what was the big deal? It wasn't like the Volvo was rocking in the parking lot, the windows all steamed up and then Edward and I climbed out, adjusting our clothes in front of the whole school!

Although the image of that made me feel very warm suddenly.

I felt like rewinding time and telling Jessica, "Yes, he did drive me, and we had a great time, so what ?!"

I was always so tough hours after my window of opportunity had long gone by.

I had a chance to go to the library before History and that was great. It was a huge one, and had computers, too. I loved the library. The popular kids were hardly ever here and I adored books. I wanted to be a writer last year, but after a couple of failed attempts to be on the school paper, I gave up the idea. Now I just liked to write for myself. I never showed anyone anything I had written. I also didn't think it was very good, either.

But I loved doing it. I wrote made up fanfiction stuff about Buffy and Angel, Ares and Xena, Highlander, and a few Hugh Jackman fantasies too. I never took a chance on doing those in school. They were safely hidden in my things at home and would never again see the light of day if I could help it.

Most of my stuff was love stories. I could at least put myself in my character's shoes when she got the hunk of her dreams, and in a small pathetic way, I got to experience romance.

I wondered if being here in Forks would make a good story. I had a brilliant hero, I had the super rescue. But when I thought of me as the heroine, I got turned off to the whole idea. Heroines were supposed to be sexy and small and hot. Especially if they were going to stand next to Edward.

While in the library, after I had gotten a couple books of poetry, I went into investigative mode, wanting to find out more about people who had super human strength. Maybe he was just blessed with it from birth. Remember Unbreakable with Bruce Willis ? I got one book about that and then one last one that looked fun, Encyclopedia of Things that Never Were, it was called.

All the information about mythical creatures were in here, sprites, brownies, elves. I loved all that shit. Fantasy world. I could live there forever. I worshipped magic and the surreal. I had a former fling in my dreams with David Copperfield and we were still buddies, every time I put on an old DVD of his I just seemed to love him all over again.

I made it to History and gladly, I was the first one there. I opened my book about super human strength and let my mind concentrate on that, and not the asshole squad that was coming in a couple minutes.

I was reading about a mother who lifted a car that was on fire, saving her son who was trapped underneath it. She broke all the bones in her pelvis while doing it, but she freed him. That's an adrenaline rush it said. I don't think that was what Edward had. He didn't love me like that. I flipped some more pages and heard them coming now.

I glanced up and Emmett walked in, giving me a grin, pointing two fingers at his own eyes, then back to mine as he took his seat. Oh, great, he was watching me now. I was already nervous as hell. He had told me to tell those boys off myself next time. Now was next time. What would I say ? I didn't want to get in trouble for cursing at them, but I didn't think "Darn it, guys, cut it out!" was going to impress them.

Maybe they wouldn't even bother me today. Emmett stuck up for me yesterday, maybe that would make them stop it now. I was an idiot. A naïve idiot.

They came in and I kept my eyes down in my book, unable to read a thing. Speaking to each other about a girl, Angela, that was supposedly pregnant, they sat down and ignored me.

I was glad, but then I felt bad for this Angela girl. I thought my day was rough, imagine everyone talking about that while you were going through something so frightening. My problems now seemed so small and insignificant.

The bell rang and Mr. Harris was on his feet, handing the first person in each row enough worksheets to pass back to the people behind them.

"During class, we're going to look up the answers to these questions." He announced, "Do it quietly and hand it in at the end of the period."

How boring was this ? Not that I'd get much of it done, if these jerks behind me decided to start up again.

Everyone groaned, and a little noise started up as he passed out the sheets. Talking going on all around the room, I was still glad not to be hearing the guys behind me.

I got to work and for about 25 minutes, I just listened to them talking about the details of this poor pregnant girl. They seemed to know all about the time she had sex, the location, every detail. Were they present ? I hated them the more they talked. According to them, Angela lost her virginity in the back seat of a car.

Then it happened.

"I heard a lot of guys are trying that." Nick was saying in a low voice, "Trying to nail these gross skanks in the back of a car. Even someone with lots of money won't waste the cash on a hotel room when some girls will just do it anywhere."

"Well, can you blame them?" a girl chimed in, "If you were some ugly slob would you say no to someone so hot and rich like HIM? I would even say yes !"

"Oh, Cullen's not that hot." Mike Newton snorted.

Now I felt sick to my stomach. Oh no, don't let them be talking about Edward, please. I was gripping my pen so tight my fingers were reddening.

"Pulleaasse !" the girl argued, "He could take me right here on the fucking desk if he wanted to ! In front of all you losers."

"Well he doesn't want to." Another boy said, "I've never seen him even TALK to a girl, besides Jessica Stanley, and then he just told her to fuck off."

"Now we know why." Nick snickered, "He's a chubby chaser."

Then his foot gave a hard kick to the back of my chair.

They all laughed as tears filled my eyes. I was getting mad, and not because they were talking about me. I hated them tearing Edward up this way.

"Hey, it makes a little sense." Mike Newton said, "Not a lot of work involved, you just give her a couple compliments and she's spreading her legs."

"More cushion for the pushin'" Nick giggled.

That's when I lost it.

I spun around and through my tears I was screaming at them.

"FUCK YOU, YOU ASSHOLES!!" I screeched, turned towards them as they stared back at me with stunned expressions, "Edward NEVER touched me! He wouldn't do that !! He's one million times better than any of you !! We're not even FRIENDS, really ! He gave me a ride to school and his sister was in the back seat the WHOLE TIME! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT !!"

Mr. Harris looked up, not doing a thing to silence me. But I stood up as fast as I could, using my great new cane, and getting my backpack on, leaving the classroom, slamming the door behind me. I didn't care, I had to cry and I had to get out of there. There was only ten minutes left of class anyway. I didn't even turn in my sheet. Screw it.

I wobbled to the nearest sanctuary, the girls' room. No one was in there and I went to a pink stall, locking it, standing there, bracing my good hand against the wall, bent over a bit, sobbing and trembling as the tears ran down my face.

Words could hurt more than a blade. I should've been used to being cut by now. But this was different. They were so cruel about Edward. I didn't get it. Edward should be ruling the school, and all these jerks should be trying to impress him to get into his circle. Instead, they were bashing him. Jealous. Whatever, I wouldn't sit by while anyone talked shit about him. Funny, I wouldn't defend myself but when someone else was the victim, I became an animal. I had to admit, it did feel good, blowing up like that.

At the same time, how could I face Edward now? I cried, thinking about it.

He would probably stay as far from me as possible now. I even saw someone else taking over my therapy classes now. All because he was being nice to me, driving me to school for a grand total of 15 minutes. It wasn't fair. Because he did a good deed, he was paying the price for it now.

Part of me thought maybe he'd be cruel to me now, to prove to everyone that he didn't do anything with me. Oh God. If that happened, I would never come here again.

The bell rang. Time for lunch. I left the stall and went to the mirror, fixing a little of the run makeup. My eyes looked so red inside. I looked away, putting on my glasses and taking a breath, heading to lunch to get it over with.

I got to the door but couldn't go through it. I couldn't go to lunch. I stood there for 15 minutes, crying and standing in the bathroom, frozen. I kept seeing Edward's humiliated face, looking at me with regret. Regret that he ever got mixed up with me.

Then I heard a little knock on the other side of the door. I jumped back an inch, wondering who would knock on a girls' bathroom door. People just walked in then found a stall, you didn't have to knock.

"Bella?" a deep lovely voice said, "I know you're in there."

It was him. What was he doing?

I stayed quiet. He couldn't KNOW I was in here. He would go away now.

"Please don't make me talk to the door, Bella." He almost pleaded, "Come out."

Still I kept my mouth shut. It would be better this way. He was still trying to be nice but now he'd leave me alone and be free to tell his friends he didn't know me. I would never even look at him again to spare him more of this crap.

"Alright, if it has to be this way, fine." He said, pushing open the door and coming in, his back against the inside of the door now so no one else could come in. He was looking at me as I went to the sink, pretending to wash my hands.

"Why didn't you answer me?" he asked.

I cleared my throat and muttered, "Didn't hear you."

"Lie." He snapped back.

"What do you want?" I tried not to cry.

"You weren't at lunch." He stated.

"I don't feel well." I lied.

"If you're sick, you should go to the nurse." He said, his tone sarcastic, as if he knew I was full of it.

"You don't want to miss therapy again and not have a nurse's note." He informed, "That physical therapy guy will destroy you."

He smirked at this and I almost smiled too but then I was done washing my hands, drying them off on a paper towel.

"I'm not sick like that." I informed, I couldn't look in his face.

"I think you should get something to eat." He pointed out, a friendly voice.

I sighed and just made myself say it.

"I'm not going to lunch anymore." I said.

"What?" he sounded like he thought I was crazy.

"I hate lunch, I don't eat much during it anyway, so I really don't need it." I informed, "I'll stay here instead."

He was silent for a moment, then scoffed, "In the bathroom?! Every day ?!"

"No big deal." I shrugged, "I've done it before."

He let out a breath. "Bella, what am I going to do with you?"

"Or I'll go to the library." I offered. Please go away, please, please.

"No." he said finally.

I peeked up at him and he looked frustrated.

"What?"

"No." he said, as if it were his decision.

"Therapy guy says you need your lunch." Edward stated, "It helps if you keep your strength up. You'll need it when Gym class starts. And he also says you should have more than one little apple for lunch, too."

"Edward, just go to lunch, please?" I whined, turning away from him. He was being so cute and my heart was breaking that I wouldn't get to see him that much anymore.

"No." he folded his arms, "Not without you. My reasons are purely selfish, of course, therapy guy sometimes takes over Edward and there's a climactic struggle for power. Right now, therapy guy is winning."

Well, therapy guy can kiss my ass.

But I couldn't say that.

"I'm so hungry." Edward groaned, looking at me out of the corner of his eye. He tapped his head back and forth on the door behind it, waiting.

"Then go eat." I snapped, not giving in. I was trying to save his reputation, why was he being so difficult? Go back with your friends, Edward, please. Forget about me.

"I can't now." He said sadly, "Therapy guy won't let me go without you. And I'm starving. Come on. It's Domino Pizza day."

I let out a little laugh.

"Bella, if you don't come," Edward warned, "I don't know what therapy guy will do to you once you get to the hospital. But I assure you, it won't be pretty."

I smiled down at my boots, then looked at his boyish smirk.

"Yea, he's scary." I agreed with that at least.

"He has to be." Edward said with a gentle but firm tone, staring at my face.

"I know." I replied, feeling my face get hot again, my eyes were wet too.

"Bella." Edward took a breath, "I want to try it."

My face went confused. Try what? Lunch? Domino Pizza ? That made no sense.

"Try what?" I asked.

"Being your friend." He said in a low voice, as if this was a dangerous experiment. His eyes looked deeply into mine, as if he was trying to read my thoughts.

It killed me to say the words. But I did.

"I thought you said you didn't want to be friends." I heard my voice crack.

"I said we shouldn't be friends, not that I didn't WANT to be." He pointed out.

"We can't." I cried now, "It's too late."

"Why?" he sounded rejected now, his eyes hurt.

"You know why." I sneered, turning away, "The whole school is saying that we---"

He didn't say anything.

"You know what they're saying." I said, my heart breaking, "You should hear what they were saying about you…I won't do this to you, Edward. You've been so nice to me and I appreciate it, but…I don't want to do anything to hurt you. You'll lose all your friends and they'll treat you like they treat me. I'd die before I let that happen. So please just go away and tell everyone that you don't know me. That's what I've told them."

"First, I don't have any friends." He said with a serious voice, "Second, I don't give a DAMN what people think or say about me. And it really bothers me what you said."

"What?"

"About you don't even know me." He sounded upset now, "How we're not really friends. I don't know about you, but I consider you my friend. You're the one person I've met in this school who I would like to try and be friends with. But you're too scared to try."

"I want to try." I almost sobbed, "But I'm too…"

"If this is another self deprecating comment about yourself, I'm going to get mad." He warned.

"Look, this is very simple." He came over to me, "Would you like to try and be friends? Yes or no."

I loved him, I worshipped him. If I could open a little church dedicated to him, I'd be there every Sunday to kneel at his statue.

"Yes." I had to say it, "But let's do what I said. We can be friends after school, on weekends maybe. During school, let's just go our separate ways."

"No, no, no." he shook his head, giving me a glare, "Bella, it's time to be brave now. No secret meetings, no pretend I don't know you games. Come with me."

He went and opened the girls' room door, snapping his fingers to make me hurry up and go out the door first.

"Move it, Swan." He said with a low, half kidding voice. It seemed therapy guy was in there a little bit, dieing to come out, "Don't make me throw you over my shoulder and take you there."

"To lunch. Now." He followed me closely, then was at my side as we got there.

I was too scared to say anything as we went in but then Edward went in and stood up on a plastic chair, saying in a loud voice:

"Hi everyone. This will just take a minute. Bella Swan and I are going to be having lunch together today. We have decided to try and be friends. We thank all of you for your kind and generous support and if anyone has a problem with this, please write your little minded concerns down and flush them down my suggestion box in the boy's bathroom. Thank you. Have a nice lunch."

Some people laughed, others clapped a little and talking resumed as Edward hopped off the chair, turning to me and raising his eyebrows.

"There." He grabbed two trays, "Let's eat, shall we?"

And he says he's a bad guy. My face was hot and purple, I was sure but I didn't care. If I was teased every day for the rest of forever, I didn't care. He really did want to be my friend. He wasn't ashamed of me. I cried silently, hiding my face for a moment as I followed him to the lunch line. Trying to hide it from him as his lovely shoulder blades caught my attention, he waited in front of me to grab some food. He was adorable in a short sleeved black t-shirt and a snug pair of light blue jeans, white and black sneakers. Man, his butt looked nice in jeans. Hell, his butt would look nice in a garbage bag.

He turned to me, looking at my face with doubt in his eyes now.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yea." I managed a little smile at him, "I just can't believe you did that. No one has ever done anything like that for me before."

You are so brave. I love you.

"I didn't do it for you, I did it for us." He turned away, taking a couple containers of milk and putting them on his tray, "I haven't had a lot of practice at this friend stuff, so if I do something wrong, you'll have to tell me. No more hiding in the bathroom. No more keeping it inside. Okay? If we want to be good friends, we have to talk to each other and be honest."

"You make it sound so easy." I took a slice of pizza and an apple, getting what I wanted for lunch now.

"It isn't." he turned to me, "I know that. It's gonna be hard for me, too, you know. Being honest. I have things about me that I've never told anyone before. Secret things. Things that might make you not want to be my friend if you knew."

"I doubt that." I scoffed, "I don't throw friends away. I mean, if I had any. Whatever you tell me, it's just between us. I swear to God. And I would never stop being your friend because of anything you tell me. I promise."

He paid for his lunch and I showed my little card, blushing as he smiled at me, leaving the line together.

"I promise too." He agreed, then on a lighter note, he said, as we walked, "I like your choice of table, too, by the way."

He sat at my regular table right outside the line and again, let me get my own chair and sit myself.

"Thanks." I blushed, "I usually go for the empty one that's real close by. Passing lots of kids while searching for a table is so…not fun."

"You just have to stop being so scared of them." Edward pointed out, shaking up a milk and opening it, "You give them power by being afraid of them. One day we'll work on shooting dirty looks at people. And watch. Even the coolest kid will crumble and look away. I do that all the time. It works."

I took a bite of my pizza and said, "Sure, it works for you. It wouldn't work for me, though."

"Monday I will teach you." He announced, "You'll see."

"Uh oh." I chuckled, "Is teacher Edward anything like therapy Edward?"

"Not at all." He grinned, "He's very nice, patient, super intelligent…" he laughed at himself as I joined him.

"Wow." I commented, "I can't wait to meet HIM."

"Wait until our mid terms." He took a sip of milk, then held it in his mouth for a second before swallowing it. I looked at him for a second with concern, then he smiled at me, licking his lips with a little shudder.

"You okay?" I asked, taking a sip of my orange fanta.

"Fine." He smiled more, "It just…went down the wrong pipe for a sec."

"I should drink more milk." I commented, "But I love soda."

But obviously, as I look over you, Edward, I can see it's true. Milk does a body GOOD.

Edward's eyes went stern for a moment and he stopped himself, saying, "Therapy guy tried to come out but I restrained him."

"Thanks." I smiled more, shutting out the rest of the lunchroom. I didn't give a damn what anyone else was saying or thinking, as he had said. And I felt free…light like a breeze.

"Uh, Bella." He said, "About that."

He paused then looked down at the table, then back at me.

"Therapy guy…can we pretend that he's someone else, besides me?" he asked carefully, "Like another teacher ? Not Edward Cullen?"

"Okay." I answered, not understanding.

"During the day, I'm Edward." He explained, "17 year old student, your friend, scholar extraordinaire." He laughed with me then added, "But when therapy happens, I have to be…Adolf, therapy guy. I don't want you to be mad at Edward for anything Adolf says or does. Is that okay?"

He looked so fragile, as if afraid to hurt my feelings.

"Yes, it's okay." I agreed, understanding him now, "You have a job to do and I'm not easy, I know. You will have to be tough on me. I give you permission to be as evil as you have to be."

"Evil?" he smiled, totally amused by my word.

"Yes, therapy guy is evil." I stated like a fact.

"Good." Edward grinned then picked up a green apple, looking at me and quickly biting deep into it, crunching as he chewed it. He had a strange face on as he ate, like he was chewing glass.

"You don't look like you're enjoying that." I giggled but his face turned nervous then.

"I am." He sounded defensive.

"Okay." I backed off, and he swallowed, a large chunk moving down his throat, I noticed he swallowed the whole bite in one gulp. That had to hurt his throat. But I said nothing.

After a couple minutes, after we'd finished eating, we had 15 more minutes to go until Biology. Edward informed me we'd be cutting into our frogs soon, probably on Monday, and he took out his book to test me on where the liver, heart, lungs were inside a frog. I think I impressed Quiz Master Edward because he drew a little star on my hand with his pen, and said, "Very good."

I laughed, "I thought you didn't give easy praise."

He widened his eyes and made a face as if I'd said something so stupid.

"That's therapy Edward, not ME." He reminded, "Gosh."

I giggled, "Gosh?!"

"How easy you forget our deal." He teased, grabbing my good hand with the star on it, jerking it towards him, "I'm taking my star back."

He acted like he was going to pour the milk in his container on my hand as I struggled, laughing and screaming, "NO! Edward, DON'T!!"

I don't think he ever intended to do it, but finally he let me go, smiling at me as I tried to stop laughing. I liked the fun side of him. At this moment, I felt like the luckiest, most pretty, most popular girl in school. It was magic. I almost thought magic wasn't real…until now.

I glanced up a second and saw Jessica Stanley staring daggers at us. I wanted to stick my tongue out at her. I can't believe I tried to be nice to her in the bathroom.

"Edward!" Alice cupped her hands around her mouth and called his name. He turned, seeing her.

She waved him over and my heart sank. His brothers and sisters were there with no other friends at the table again, and they were staring at us.

Edward groaned and turned to me, "Can you excuse me for a minute?"

God, I love you. He asks my permission to go. What a gentleman. I didn't think they made these anymore.

"I excuse you…" I joked, giving a royal wave of my hand, "You have 59 seconds to get back here."

He raised a brow and laughed, surprised by my remark and muttered, "I better move it, then."

He went over to his old table, sitting next to Alice. She was talking to him with a smile and Emmett was saying something, too, grinning from ear to ear, glancing over at me, giving me a thumbs up sign. I blushed and looked down, needing something to do instead of just staring at them like they stole my puppy.

I took out my book about mythical creatures and flipped through it, seeing that the first half of the book was all about noble and good creatures. When you get to the middle, you turn the book upside down and the rest is about evil and dark creatures. Cool.

I was reading about Wind Singers. The name was beautiful. Irish wood sprites that drive mortal men insane with their voices. It seems their voices are too beautiful for mortal ears. How gorgeous, I smiled, loving that. Edward's voice was like that. I need help. Everything I do now is somehow related back to him. I have to stop that. This morning in Home Ec, I was picturing Edward eating my Sheppard's Pie.

I quickly got lost as I read and almost forgot about Edward coming back to the table. I was prepared for him not to return. But then I heard a voice behind me, up a bit, looking over my shoulder.

"Encyclopedia of things that never were." The sweet voice read aloud. I jumped, turning towards it, seeing Edward there, tilting his head a bit to the side, reading what I was reading.

Right away, I started to quickly explain myself.

"Oh, I just thought it would be fun." I tried to hide the words with my arm, "It's…stupid, really. None of it's real."

He ignored my nervous breakdown, moving my arm away from the book with a tender smirk, not buying my cool act. Great, he'd think I was a bigger nerd now.

Without a word, he spun the book around, gracefully opening it so I was right on the center page that read "All things Evil." A solid black background made the bloody words look positively sinister.

He walked over to his seat across from me and sat, not saying another word.

"I wonder if therapy guy is in here." I joked, turning the page as he tried to hide a smile. Something was wrong. He looked sad, when earlier, he was so fun and carefree.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yes." He said, opening his Biology book again.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No!"

"Is everything okay, with Alice and everyone?" I was fishing, searching for what made him upset. He was smart enough to know it.

He closed his book, staring at the cover.

"They don't like me." I realized as I said it.

"That's not true." He said right away, his eyes deadly, then he softened them, saying, "They just don't…understand. Alice loves you. She wanted to sit here today but I didn't think it was a good idea yet. You're _**my**_ friend. And you've been through a lot today."

I loved the way he said that. You're MY friend.

Then he smiled more and said, "Emmett is in love with you, too. I heard you had a big fight today in History."

"Oh God." I cringed, "Emmett told you?"

"Not exactly." He said, "But I heard it."

"I made a total jerk out of myself." I pouted, looking down at my book.

"No you didn't." Edward argued, "You were great. I was so proud of you."

I was a little confused but I didn't want to question Edward about what he'd heard. He was proud of me. I wouldn't talk my way out of it.

"I guess I have a little anger in me after all." I admitted.

"I knew that." He said proudly, "Therapy guy told me."

"Oh yea?" I cracked back, "What else did he say about me?"

"Well, he didn't like it when you lied." Edward grinned, "That's why he gave you detention in that nasty way yesterday. He thinks you're better than that. Always tell the truth, he says. And…" he pretended to be thinking, "He says you have it in you to be tough. And that he plans to dig into your inner anger and keep slapping it until you're on your feet, walking away in your little huff like you did today in History ."

"Did you see it?" I asked and he looked strangely at me, "I mean, it sounds like you were there, the way you talk about it."

"I did." He said then I tensed. He added, "It was on the news."

The bell rang and Edward rose to his feet, waiting patiently for me as I started to get up, then I gasped.

"What?" he almost came over to me.

"I can't believe it, but with all that happened in History and the bathroom, I totally forgot." I shivered, tears in my eyes.

"What?" he repeated, sounding frustrated.

"This cane you gave me." I said, holding it up as kids rushed by us, not listening, "It is the best thing I've ever gotten."

"Oh, no," he shrugged, "It's not that –"

"Edward." I cut him off, "It means so much to me. You'll never know. I love it. I'll always keep it."

"You won't need it for very long." He almost promised by the tone of his voice.

"Well, regardless." I said, "I'll never give it away or throw it away. I'm even saving the BOX. Thank you so much, for everything. The therapy, the cane, the tissues, that was a funny touch, by the way, and…this." I motioned to the table, referring to our lunch together.

Not to mention how you saved my life.

"You're welcome." He said quietly, then, "Shall we go?"

"Yes." I smiled, wobbling as he slowly walked beside me, taking my back pack off my shoulder, carrying it for me.

On the way to class, I informed him my cane's name was Leo. He laughed at that, rolling his eyes, saying he thought it was a girl.

"No way," I argued, holding up the bottom tip of it, a huge rubbery padded piece there, "Look at his parts ! That's a man."

"Oh. My. God." Edward pretended to be shocked, walking a little away from me, as if ashamed to be with me, "I don't know you, go away."

I laughed because I knew he was kidding. I tried to touch the back of his leg with the end of my cane as he squealed, dodging out of it's way.

"Don't !" he giggled, "Now I can't stop looking at it, UKKK. Don't !!"

"I have a magic wand" I laughed, every time I waved it near Edward he would spin and move out of its reach. I loved watching him move. He was like smoke, like wind.

"Dance, boy, dance." I waved my cane, enjoying having this little power over him at the moment.

"You evil witch !" he played the part of poor helpless victim, under my spell.

"You belong to me now." I teased, in an evil queen voice, "You will dance for me."

"Alright stop." He was laughing until we reached the class door, "We're in class now."

Such a good little boy. So studious and obedient. I wondered if he had any bad boy moments. I could see us cutting class to go smoke pot or something. No, not this boy. He was pure as the driven snow, I could tell. But I liked that. I was no bad ass.

He walked respectfully in the room and took his seat on his window side, leaving room for me to get in on my end.

The heat fan was blowing again and I was glad for the extra heat. However, Edward stood up and before the rest of the class could come in, he was asking, "Mr. Banner, can we kill the heat fan today? It's so hot in here."

"Uh, I guess so, Edward, if you're uncomfortable, go ahead." He shrugged, writing something on the board.

"Great." He yanked the plug out of the wall, then quickly came back to his seat.

Now, I know I smell nice today. I checked again and I could still smell the perfume Alice dotted on me. Obsession. I could smell it all day on myself and I loved it.

But I decided not to worry about it right now and agreed that maybe he was hot. Well, we all know he's hot, but I mean temperature wise.

I took a breath, hearing the bell ring. I didn't know how long this friendship of ours would last or what other pitfalls awaited me, but for now, I was going to enjoy it. I was happy. And Biology class was starting, me and my beautiful friend sitting side by side.

Sorry this was so long.

I couldn't stop.

Love

WinndSinger

See next chapter soon !


	11. I want to be Xena

11

BPOV

Biology class was typical. Mr. Banner was lecturing us on handling the knives we'd be using to cut into our poor dead frogs on Monday. It seems in past years, other stupid kids had been fooling around and sometimes students got "accidentally" cut.

I shuddered, thinking of a couple kids in this class who might want to slash into me. Jessica Stanley, in the back row. Mike Newton, who I had told off in History class. And any of their comrades who would just go after me to please them.

After ten minutes of the lecture, I silently willed him to shut up. Was he TRYING to give people ideas? Even I hadn't been worried about it until he brought it up and kept retelling the old stories of past incidents. I glanced over at Edward and he rolled his eyes, shaking his head and then looked out the window, daydreaming?

After the gory tales were over, he began to talk about the small and large intestines of a frog. I lost out on some of this fascinating information because I couldn't help but watch Edward perk up when real science was being discussed. His gazing out the window immediately stopped and he looked absolutely interested in what Mr. Banner was saying. Right then I could see Dr. Edward Cullen inside his teenage body, complete with white coat and stethoscope.

Somehow, I pictured him treating little kids. Although, when I recalled therapy Edward, I trembled to think of kids bursting into tears as he yelled at them for being weak and soft when they complained of having a tummy ache. No, maybe he'd be good under pressure in an ER situation. He certainly proved to me that he was brave and unwilling to run away in the face of danger.

Stop gazing at him and look forward, I told myself. You are just like Jessica Stanley, without the beauty and…well, whatever else she had. Then something else occurred to me. If I acted too in love with him, as she had done, he would give me the same little speech in the corner of the cafeteria. I would have to eat lunch everyday, looking at him, cursing myself for being a moron. I could not screw this up. I wanted to keep him as a friend.

I wondered why he didn't like Jessica. She is loads prettier than me. Maybe it was her personality, I didn't know her that well so I couldn't judge that. Maybe it was those God awful cheers that day. Ugh. If I were a boy and even if Jessica were the most perfect beauty on earth, I could not see myself being with a cheerleader. I'm sure not every cheerleader is bad, but every one I always met seemed to be so high on school spirit, so peppy and GO TEAM ! Plus, most of the ones I had met were also very wicked. They loved the school to death but when it came to the students inside it, only the equally beautiful were given any respect or feeling. Yes, I am Bella Swan and I'm prejudiced against cheerleaders. Even when I see a uniform in a store window, I break out in a sweat.

But still Mr. Banner was talking, and to me he might as well have been saying, "Blah, blah, blah." Like the teachers in Peanuts movies.

"Well, I guess that's it." Mr. Banner said with a grin, shrugging, "We have ten minutes left before the bell, so if you can be quiet, you can talk amongst yourselves. Good luck Monday."

Oh yay. I could talk to Edward for ten minutes. Sweeeet !

I peeked at him and he was turned a bit towards me, a satisfied grin on his shiny lips.

"So are you ready for this?" he spoke first, leaning on his lower arms to the black smooth table.

Oh God, I'm so ready.

Then that girl's comment from History popped into my head. 'He could do me right here on the desk if he wanted.'

Stop it, Swan. I therapy guy yelled at myself. Behave.

"Um, I think so." I answered, guessing he was talking about the frogs, "I've seen a bit of blood and stuff before. You know, from my past surgeries. I don't think I'll faint or anything. At least I hope I don't. How about you?"

"Frog blood doesn't bother me." He shrugged, his lips curled into a little crooked pout and then he looked at his book on the table, "I think I'll be okay."

"Good." I smirked, "I don't want to get a bad grade because I have to revive my fainting partner."

He gave me a defiant little smirk. "That won't be happening."

Oh man. Did he think I meant I'd be giving him mouth to mouth or something? Ugh. I should never joke, it always comes out wrong. Say something to fix it, you DOLT.

"You really love all this stuff, huh?" I propped my head up with my good hand, trying to look relaxed.

"Uh, yea, I guess I do." He said cautiously, as if this were admitting some terrible weakness, "I've had a lot of exposure to science and medicine, since I've been around Carlisle, my father. I'm kind of fascinated by it, really."

"That's great." I said with real sincerity, "I always think it's so complicated and difficult to follow. I feel so dumb whenever a doctor is telling me the details of my next surgery. I just nod and act like I understand what they're talking about. Which is probably why two of my doctors screwed me up instead of helping things."

"What?" his eyebrows came in tight together in the center.

"Well, there were a couple of doctors that invited me to their hospital so they could try a surgery on me. At the time, in the beginning, I never thought to check their credentials. I check NOW, believe me. A couple of doctors, in the past, made my arm worse. And…my right leg. It used to work a lot better than it does now. I almost lost it a couple years ago. Thank God I got a second opinion."

"Carlisle didn't tell me that." He looked a little betrayed as he said this.

"It wasn't in my file?' I asked, hoping I wasn't starting a family fight now.

"No." he looked at the table again, thinking.

"Well, anyway, I know your father is great." I informed, "I did research on him before I wrote back to him. He's all over the internet. He's done some real miracle surgeries. I read one about a baby that no one thought would make it because his intestines were like, corroded? And your father MADE a new small intestine himself and put it in the baby and he lived."

"Yes I know." Edward smiled with pride now, "He always amazes me. And I'm not easily amazed."

I hope Carlisle can work a miracle on me. This is my last chance. After this, if I can't be fixed, I'm not trying anymore. I'm just going to be the way I am and live with it. I had decided that before I came to Forks. I was so sick of needles and hospitals and bandages and doctors.

Surgery terrified me. Going under scared me more. One doctor, one of the quacks, almost started to operate on me before the anesthesia kicked in. I was screaming but he just told me to shut up and nurses held me down. He was about to cut into me when by a miracle the attending physician ran in and stopped the whole surgery. The doctor was fired on the spot. I still have nightmares about that from time to time. I almost went to tell Edward this, but I didn't.

I guess I hadn't said anything for a little while because then Edward was talking again.

"You are in good hands, Bella." He said without doubt, assuring me as if he could read my mind, "I wouldn't let you have a surgery, even by my father, if it wasn't right."

I felt my face get hot again and knew I was blushing because Edward smiled at me with that crooked grin I loved most of all his many different expressions. I vowed to study all of them, as I got to know him more.

I looked around for a second, to clear my thoughts. That was a mistake. Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton were at the same lab table, in the back row, looking at us and whispering menacingly to each other. When I looked at her she stopped talking and shot me a look that sent ice through my veins.

Home Ec would be so incredibly fun on Monday, I told myself. I had no Edward there to shield me. But, after History class, I felt a little more confident. Not much, but enough to say the right thing when the time came again. I would tell the truth and I would not say anything that could get back to Edward and hurt his feelings again.

I didn't want to make Edward my new bodyguard. That wasn't fair to him. I would fight my own battles and try to leave him out of them as much as I could. He would get enough crap flung his way for being my friend. I didn't want it to be a bad experience for him, knowing me. Maybe I could hire Emmett to be my bodyguard, I chuckled internally at that idea.

Weird, it did look like it had hurt his feelings when I said I didn't know him. I still couldn't figure out why he liked me so much in such a short time, but I guess I'd find out later in our friendship. I didn't want to push Edward. I was just grateful for the time I would have with him. Who was I to question and try to analyze a miracle, an answered prayer? Just shut up and accept it.

"So…." Edward sounded like he wanted to get my attention back over to our table, searching for something to start a conversation with, "Are you ready for gym class?"

"God, no." I smiled, feeling nervous instantly. He laughed, the most beautiful sound in the world.

"Why not?" he asked, as if he didn't know. I think it gave him a little delight that I was so intimidated by therapy guy.

"Well, last time I was there I was nearly barbequed." I whispered, making sure no one else could hear me.

His face turned a tiny bit more serious then and he whispered, "Thanks, Bella."

"For what?"

He looked down at his book, closing it, keeping his eyes on it.

"For…not saying anything." He looked afraid for a second, then he forced his eyes up to look at mine, as if it were hard for him to do so, "You don't know…what that means…to me."

"I told you, I don't have a big mouth." I said in a low voice, "I meant it when I said you could trust me. Even under extreme torture, I would never tell anything about you. I don't have any friends, but—"

"Except **me**." Edward cut in, his eyes giving me a little bit of a frustrated look.

I smiled wide, like a Cheshire cat. "Except you." I gave a nod, "But…I will be a good friend to you."

He smiled at this, and my heart melted to nothing. I almost cried again.

"Can I ask you something?" I heard my voice begin.

"Sure."

"You said you have no friends." I was talking very low now, "Is that what you said, earlier?"

"Yes." He didn't look ashamed of this.

"Why is that?" I asked, being nosey again, "I mean, I just can't imagine that you're not surrounded by friends constantly. How is that possible?"

He hesitated. "You mean, because of what I look like, I should have lots and lots of friends?"

Wow, this was a touchy subject with him, his looks. There goes my theory again about the beautiful people. It seemed to me that he wanted to be liked for more than what he looks like. I could totally relate to that, on the other end of the spectrum, of course.

"No, I mean," I wanted to say it right. His eyes were staring right into me. Don't say this wrong, Bella. Come on!

"I know there is so much more to you, behind the face and the…" I almost said the body…oh God, "rest of you. But usually, kids don't see that right away. They just see you, that you look very cool and dazzling, and they'd just go after you, you know? I can see how lots of kids would want to hang out with you."

I am so stupid. He had no friends, except me, and I was pushing him towards being friends with all the mean, popular kids here. I really keep trying to cheat myself of everything I get my hands on.

"Dazzling?" he chuckled, his eyes almost sparked with light.

"Oh come on." I gave him a look, "You have to know that you are. You do have mirrors in your house, don't you?"

He ignored that and I was glad. I would have to stop telling him how gorgeous he was, it made him uncomfortable and I could see that. I certainly wouldn't want him telling me all the time how plain I was.

Then he said, "Do I dazzle YOU?"

I let out a shocked breath. I was about to deny it and say, oh no, I just like you as a friend or something equally as lame. His eyes were melting my eyeballs with their gaze. As if he were telling me, stop being a chicken shit and tell the truth. It was like he was waiting to see if I would lie again. Therapy guy hated liars. Okay. Tell the truth. I would take my chances. He had said we had to be honest with each other, so, fine.

"Frequently." I said, leaving it at that.

I was so scared then, about his reaction. He smiled. I let out a huge breath.

I don't know where this guy came from, but I thank whatever deity decided to place it here in my world. No wonder he had no friends. He was so special…too special to hang out with THEM. I thought of Clark Kent from Smallville. Maybe that's it, Edward is an alien from another planet. Bella, you have to stop watching so much TV, especially the WB channel.

But then, like a stooge, I leaned and and whispered, "Edward?"

He leaned in, copying me, and whispered, "Bella?"

His smell, oh Christ. What the hell was that cologne?

"What's that cologne—" I started to ask then jerked my head and asked my real question, "Are you…from another planet?"

He tossed his head back and gave a hearty bell-like laugh that made my insides hot. Even if he was laughing at me.

It took him a minute to stop laughing. I waited patiently, drumming my fingers of my good hand on the table.

He finally looked at me and chuckled, "No, that's not it. **So cold**."

Oh, we're playing hot and cold now, okay.

"I'm freezing?" I asked with a smirk. Oh well, can't guess it on my very first try.

He nodded, looking around, his face straightening a bit.

"If I guess it, will you tell me?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes." He said, "But I'm sort of hoping you don't guess it."

I went to talk again but he cut me off.

"It's not that I don't trust you." He said, "I do now. I believe you. It's just that…"

And GOD DAMN it, the GOD DAMN BELL RANG !!!

"NOOOOOO!!!" I heard myself groan out loud and that made Edward laugh again. I almost went to grab his shirt to hold him there before he got away.

"Ohhhh, what a shame." Edward teased, acting disappointed, standing up, "Time is up, Miss Swan. And I didn't get to finish what I was gonna say…GOSH, that's TOO BAD !"

Gosh again. He was cute. Why doesn't he just say Golly Gee, too, while he's at it?

I scowled at his happy expression as he teased me. I put my book in my backpack and stood up, using my cane to steady myself, then I looked up at him, standing on my right side now as the other kids filed out quickly.

"I…hate you." I shot back, smiling sheepishly as I said it.

"Hey, I gave you a clue earlier." He informed, "It's not my fault if you are especially unobservant."

"I am NOT unobservant." I wobbled a bit after him as he walked backwards again, moving towards the door, "I may be a lot of things, but unobservant ISN'T one of them."

What clue? What was he talking about? He was going to drive me nuts with this now.

"Uh huh." He smirked, getting to the door now.

"Hey." I called to him before he vanished like Peter Pan. He stopped and waited at the doorway, "Give me a clue as to what the clue was."

He snorted, looking up in disbelief.

"No." he said, firm as concrete.

"No?" I asked, trying to make him feel bad, "Don't make me use my wand on you again." I threatened, lifting it a tiny bit as he tensed and flinched back a bit.

"Get away with that thing." He joked, acting afraid of it now.

"Come on." I said but he shook his head.

"Can't now." He informed, "It's 1:14. In less than a minute I have to duck in a phone booth and become therapy man."

"Can I ask therapy man any questions?" I grinned, already knowing the answer.

"Absolutely not." He was in the hallway now, "He knows nothing about ME. You'll just piss him off. You can only ask questions about therapy and surgery. That's it."

I growled in frustration. He had managed to escape and I knew it.

"The bus to therapy is right where you came to drive with me yesterday." He informed, getting ready to bolt, I could see it.

"Go to your locker, Alice put some workout clothes in there for you." He also informed, "You can't work out in the pretty clothes. See you on Monday, Bye Bella!"

He ran off then and I watched his ass cheeks flex and relax with each stride. It was a delicious thing to watch, until he turned to the right and was gone.

Pretty clothes. Thanks, Edward. I thought he didn't notice.

That was so cute, the way he acted like he wouldn't see me until Monday. Phone booth. He had a wonderful sense of humor. Another little fact about him I filed away in my head…and heart. How many godlike qualities could he have?

He had to have some flaws.

And what clue did he give me? I'd have to replay all of lunch over in my head again later when I got home. Damn it, I hate mysteries. I never figure them out. I loved watching Monk but I never once had the murder figured out when Monk would go into his "here's what happened" speech at the end. I would never get it.

I went to my locker and opened it, proud I already had my combination memorized. I wonder how Alice got into my locker. As I turned the dial, I smiled down at the black pen star on my hand. I didn't want to ever wash that off but knew it was inevitable. I loved washing my hands, especially with that nice bath and body works soap. Sue had one in my bathroom, Island Cotton. It made my hands feel nice and soft and smelled wonderful.

I opened the locker and looked around. No one was watching me. I gave the star on my hand a little kiss, then quickly went to pick up the new items in my locker. I was hoping for something not fancy to work out in. I knew I'd be sweating.

Oh good. This was just a nice white sweatshirt, a long one that said Forks University on the front, and a nice soft cotton pair of sweatpants, light gray, one of my favorite colors, besides the color of Edward's eyes, whatever color they'd be on a given day. His eyes changed colors. I realized that was a little clue. Who's eyes changed colors? Wolves? They sometimes had one blue eye and one gray eye. I'd have to check out my books later.

There were also sneakers. Alice was nuts. She was spending money on me and I would have to pay her back. I guessed she got the workout clothes from a school store, maybe there was a Forks college nearby? Maybe she bought it today in the middle of the day when she couldn't get to a mall.

Charlie had left me a little money, but very little. I didn't want to blow it all on clothes. I wanted to use most of it for college and maybe get a student loan for the rest. Or maybe I'd just join the peace corps. But I knew I'd have to have perfect legs and arms to get accepted there. Damn.

I hurriedly put the workout stuff into my full bulky backpack and tried to hurry to make the bus.

I was looking down at my feet as the halls began to empty, everyone already in their next class. I hit into someone and almost fell backwards but didn't. I immediately mumbled, "Sorry about that, I'm a klutz."

I looked up and saw my worst nightmare, Jessica Stanley, along with two of her cheerleader friends.

Oh man, I so don't have time for this now.

"Hi, Smella." She sneered, crossing her toned tan arms.

"Jessica, I have to go." I said in a little voice, trying to go around her.

She moved to block me, her friends helping form a line in front of me.

"Why did you lie about knowing Edward?" she asked, her voice deadly.

Telling the truth, I answered, looking at my feet, "I thought he didn't want me to tell people, okay? He just gave me a ride to school, and that's it. Can I go now?"

"NO !" she didn't move, "You're fucking him, aren't you?"

Gah, she was disgusting.

"Jessica, that's gross." I made myself say what I was thinking, "That word is so ugly for something like…never mind, why bother?"

I knew my lecture on cheapening something as beautiful as making love with the word fuck would fall on deaf ears with her, so I just dropped it,

If I had ever somehow by some God granted miracle, gotten into that paradise of making love with Edward, it would be making love and I felt dirty hearing it called fucking. That's what dogs do. Suddenly, my dirty mind was offended. Who knew? And I knew why, too. Edward was involved in this. I didn't want anyone saying such revolting things about him.

I wanted to get to the bus. If I missed it, what would I do then? I wasn't even sure where the hospital was.

She gave me a little shove as I tried to move between her and her friend to leave. It wasn't a big shove but for me, even a little shove can make me fall. Thankfully, I didn't…yet.

"Hey, Jess, don't _**push**_ her." One of her friends said in a nice way, but at least there was a little concern in one of them.

"Oh you shut up." Jessica said to her brunette friend, "Who are YOU to tell ME what to do?"

The girl looked at me then cast her eyes down a bit, like I do all the time. I was confused here.

I huffed, "I have a bus I have to catch, come on, talk to me on Monday, if you have to…"

"Bus, you mean the TART CART outside?" Jessica smirked, her and the third girl laughing. The one who'd stuck up for me a bit just stood there, looking at me with regret in her eyes.

"I asked you something, FELLA!" she got in my face now, too close.

"Are you doing it with him?" she demanded.

"No." I winced, looking at her, "In what universe would HE want to do it with ME?! Get your eyes checked, willya?"

"Everyone is saying it!" she almost spat in my face. Ugh. Her breath IS bad. Do I have any tic tacs to give her?

"Well everyone says you're beautiful, too," I retorted, "But hearing you talk now I don't see it at all."

I thought that one was pretty good. But I also knew I was dead meat now. I tried to get by them again and she pushed me again, sending me down on by assbone, my cane flew out of my hand and slid a bit down the hallway. Fuck.

If it got scratched I'd kill her, I thought instantly. I didn't even think about me.

"Jessica !" the brunette girl shouted at her, gasping in shock as the other two giggled.

She came down to me, squatting and trying to take hold of my bad arm. I yelped out, it was very sore today.

"Oh God, I'm sorry." The girl let go instantly, "I just want to help you up."

"Let me…" I breathed, tears in my eyes, "Can you come over to my other side and I'll put my good arm around YOU? Then if you just stand, I'll be okay."

"Okay." The girl came around and did as I asked her. I was grateful for that. I would be stranded on the floor with no cane. She helped me get to my feet and I kept leaning on her little body, then turned to look for my cane.

"I need my cane." I said, "It better not be messed up."

The girl turned with me to where it had gone but Jessica stood there, holding it in her hand, smiling like a bitch. That's the only word I could use.

"This is cute." Jessica commented, looking at it, twirling it like it was a baton, "I like this."

My eyes turned lethal and I knew it.

"Give that back to me. NOW." I felt the girl helping me put her hand on mine gently.

"Give it to her, Jess." The girl I leaned on frowned and her voice was angry now.

"Shut up, Angela." Jessica frowned back at her, "Fucking prego."

The girl glared back at Jessica along with me now.

"I said…" I was murderous now, "Give me my cane."

"Come get it." She giggled, daring me.

Oh, you think I WON'T? Well, if I could walk over there, I would. These were the times I really missed having legs that worked.

This is why I loved Xena so much. I wish I could be her right now. I wanted to do the warrior cry and kick her ass good, with my cane. If I had a chakram, I could just toss it and it would bring my cane back to me, right after it slashed her throat.

"Come on, Lauren, go long." Jessica motioned across the hall with her head and Lauren laughed, running down the hall, holding her hands out.

"NO, Jessica!!" I almost cried as I screamed. They were going to fuck up my perfect, lovely wand.

But it was too late, she threw it hard, like a javelin, and Lauren screeched as she went for it, actually catching it in her salon manicured hands.

"Good catch." Jessica laughed and raised her arms up. I spun my head to the side, seeing Lauren hurl it up into the air. It whacked against the foam tile ceiling and came down short of where Jessica was standing. It hit the floor with a painful metallic thud. Dent.

"Stop it !" I felt the tears run down my face now, "You're wrecking it! I NEED that !"

"Can you lean on the wall?" Angela asked me, her eyes furious now. I didn't answer but nodded as she leaned my back to the lockers and ran after the cane on the floor.

Jessica got to it first, though and Angela grabbed it a second later, they were yanking it back and forth, like a tug of war. I watched helplessly, they were going to tear it apart, I could see it happening in my head. Leo, I'm so sorry. I tried to save you.

"Let go, Jessica !" Angela squealed, "How hateful are YOU, she needs it to WALK!!"

"You find yourself somewhere else to sit from now on." Jessica fumed, giving a hard yank and getting the cane out of Angela's hands, then threw it without even looking, back in Lauren's direction.

It was a terrible throw, and a thoughtless one, she wasn't even trying to get it over to Lauren for her to catch it, she just wanted to hurl it far away and destroy it more.

Lauren gave a scream, trying to jump up to get it. It stopped in mid air, the sound of flesh smacked to metal made me look back. Did she actually catch it?

Lauren spun around and her mouth fell open. Standing there, his arm up, holding the cane in his accurate catching hand, was Edward, wearing his gray wool coat. He brought his hand slowly down, his face tight and unforgiving as he looked down at her, his eyes evil. It was therapy guy. I couldn't speak either, just watching.

Jessica stood there, on the other side of the hall, watching too. When his eyes were done burning into Lauren, he looked at her next, delivering an equal amount of silent rage.

He didn't say anything, as if he couldn't. He looked royally pissed off. Well, therapy guy always looked that way. But this was more…this was even frightening. He looked as if he was having some internal conflict about what to do.

God, I hoped he wouldn't hit Lauren. That would be bad, even though she deserved it. He held the cane, his hand I noticed, trembled a little, as if he were thinking about using it on her. No, don't Edward, don't. It's not worth it. You'll get in so much trouble. You could even get arrested.

"We were just playing around." I said, breaking the tension with a lie. I wanted this to be over and for Edward to snap out of his trance, "Thanks for catching it, Edward. I thought it was going to hit the wall."

Great, now he'd think I was letting them toss his gift around like it was a piece of shit. I wanted to die.

But he looked at me then, his eyes like a killer's. He wasn't buying it. Then he…growled. He honest to God growled at me. Like a lion, it sounded so real. My mouth fell open and I couldn't talk after that.

Jessica went to say something, as if to go along with my lie to save herself, she smiled and stepped closer to me, about to say, "Sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to…"

"Get out." Edward closed his eyes, clenching my cane, then relaxed his arm, holding the cane loosely at his side now.

"Edward, we were just---" Lauren began to lie too but Edward shouted.

"GET OUT!" he roared, just like yesterday at the gym.

They both ran away, Jessica giving a yelp of fear, and even Angela ran away, going in the opposite direction, leaving me leaning against the wall, alone with him. Part of me wanted to run with them, but I was trapped.

(Some of these next lines are from the book, I didn't steal them. They belong to Stephanie Meyer)

I didn't know what else to say as he slowly walked up to me, except, "Are you okay?" my voice sounded hoarse and scratchy.

"No." he said curtly, his tone livid as he looked over my cane, smoothing his fingers over it a bit.

Then, after a silent moment, he looked at me, remembering me and said, "Bella?"

"Yes?" I tried to clear my throat, my voice was so rough from when I'd been screaming at Jessica.

"Are you all right?" he still didn't look at me much, staring down at the cane, the fury still plain of his face.

"Yes." I croaked softly.

"Distract me, please," he ordered.

"I'm sorry, what?"

He exhaled sharply.

"Just prattle on about something unimportant until I calm down." He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Like what? I tried to think of something clever. I was coming up blank.

"Bella?" he finally pleaded, looking up at me, "Where the hell are you?"

"I'm THINKING" I squeaked, "I didn't have anything PREPARED in advance, you know!"

He gave a little growl again and went to pick up my backpack, dusting it off with his hand, then turned back to me, putting my cane handle in my good hand, closing my fingers over it. His hands were still cold but I didn't care. My eyes wet a bit and he turned back to me.

I was still frozen against the wall, stunned.

"One of Cullen's secrets." He said, whispering, "Perfect Edward Cullen has a problem with his temper sometimes, Bella."

I didn't know what to say. I was shaking a little.

"But it wouldn't be right for me to turn around and hunt down those little…" he didn't finish the sentence, looking off down the hall where they'd gone, his jaw flexing in remembrance of them, "At least, that's what I'm trying to convince myself."

"No, Edward, you're right." I steadied myself on my cane, and I felt my bad arm pushing his arm so he'd turn away from the hallway to follow me outside.

"You can't hurt girls, or anyone else, for that matter." I said as he looked in a daze, letting me turn him, "You could get in so much trouble, and besides, it's not you. You're not like that. You're a nice guy. Don't do anything like that, okay?"

Besides, he had that amazing strength. What if he lost control of it and killed someone accidentally?

"But that was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen." Edward still sounded violent, carrying my backpack over his shoulder.

"I know." I patted his arm lightly, "Me too. And I've seen some pretty nasty things. But, as Xena has shown us, there is evil and there is good. The lines sometimes blur between the two, but you must always try to stay good, as hard as it might be sometimes. Once you turn to the dark side, it's very hard to go back to the light."

He stopped and turned to me, stunned.

"Xena?" he scoffed with disdain in his voice.

"Forget that." I blushed, taking his arm as best I could with my bad one, and we were slowly walking down the hallway towards the still waiting bus.

"What I mean is, don't hit girls." I said simpler, "And don't hit anyone because of me. And…don't hit anyone. It will just get you into trouble. Okay? You have a good job and you're a good student, don't mess all that up for my sake."

"But you're my friend." He said and it squeezed my heart, his voice was so confused and somber.

"I know." I assured him, almost to the door leading outside, "I'm your friend, too, that's why I'm telling you this."

"How are you so okay after that?" Edward asked, "You were so upset and now you're…fine. How do you do that?"

"I'm used to it." I stated, "Not only am I a danger magnet, but I'm an asshole magnet, too."

He gave a small little smile at this.

"Besides, I feel safe with you." I said and right away knew I shouldn't have said it.

This didn't make him look very happy, his snow white brow wrinkled, he shook his head, frowning.

"Don't." he simply said and I looked away, afraid I was messing this up.

"Did they hurt Leo?" Edward suddenly asked, bending down at my feet again, taking a closer look, touching the cane as I stared at his wild fire hair.

I almost reached out to touch it, ready to say it was an accident, but I resisted it, thinking of how Jessica used to grab and touch him and what had happened to her because of it.

"It is bad?" I asked, feeling my eyes wet again, "I was dieing inside when they took it, I just knew they'd ruin it."

"No." Edward said curtly, looking up at me, "They didn't ruin it. It's fine. When we get to therapy, I'll polish it up a bit for you."

"No dents or anything?" I didn't believe that.

"Nope." He answered, standing up again.

We got outside and the short little yellow bus was still there, engine running. It was empty, except for the little old man in the driver's seat.

"You're late." He said a little loudly, but in a friendly way. I heard Edward coming in the bus behind me.

"Sorry." He said, "Complications. Thanks for waiting."

"No sweat." He said with a chuckle, closing the door and starting to turn the big wheel, taking us away.

"You're coming with me ?" I asked.

"I don't think I have a choice anymore." He said, a bit lighter now, "Every time I take three steps away from you a tragedy occurs. I don't want Herman, here, to be the next victim of your trouble magnet."

"Ha ha, you're SO funny." I blushed a bit, smiling out the window as he sat in the seat in front of me, turned to face me.

"How did you know I was in trouble?" I blurted out now.

"I didn't."

I let disappointment show on my face and I looked out the window.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You said you trusted me now." I said in a weak little voice, not looking at him, "You said we should be honest if we were to be good friends."

"Okay, okay." He said, then looked down at his hands, sighing. Something was wrong.

"I'm sorry." I said right away and I got his therapy guy stare.

"Okay, I'm not sorry?"

"I feel…" he began, glaring out the window, then back to me, "very…protective of you. I try to keep a distance and be there if you need me, because I want you to learn to take care of **yourself**. I try to stay out of your fights but it's so hard for me, and when I hear what those low lives say about you…when I heard what those girls were thinking…"

"Wait." I paused him, glad he was trying to share with me now, "You said you heard what they were thinking?"

He looked afraid, almost as if he were trembling at my catching this.

"So you…read minds." I whispered.

Oh shit. If that's true, I am so dead. I thought of all my dirty thoughts and fantasies since I've been in this school. I was sweating now.

He glanced at Herman, and then back to me and whispered, with eyes closed, "I can read…every mind in the radius of five miles…."

I was so screwed.

"Except for yours." He added, opening his eyes, staring at my frightened face.

"For real?" I must've sounded skeptical.

"Hey, Herman," Edward called back in a kid kind of voice, "Think of a number between 1 and a million. We're playing a game."

"Okay, kid." He agreed without hesitation, still driving.

"Got one?" Edward already nodded his head at me, unseen by Herman who still had his back to us.

"Yep, go ahead." He said.

He leaned in and whispered, "538,617."

"Uh, we think it's 300,000." Edward lied to Herman, winking at me.

"Nope, wrong." He laughed, "It's 538,617."

I smiled, about to laugh in surprise when Edward waved his hand at me to be quiet and he said, "Awwww !!! We were not close AT ALL ! MAN !!"

Herman laughed, shaking his head.

Oh, Edward, you're so good. Slick.

"How?" I asked, still speechless.

"It's just one of my many talents." He joked, "And before you ask, I can't fly."

I smirked and marveled at this revelation. I thanked God he couldn't hear my brain. It was so dirty and nerdy. Hey, that rhymes. I'm a poet and didn't even know it. Then I immediately felt my low self esteem kicking in.

"What does that mean, about me?" I asked, quietly, "If you can't hear ME, what does that mean, like I'm retarded or something?"

He laughed and shook his head at me. There's that lovely music again I thought as my eyes drank in his laughing face.

"See? I tell you that I can read minds, and hear voices, and you think there's something wrong with YOU?" he whispered.

"Well I know there's a lot wrong with me, but I thought my mind was at least okay." I was worried now.

"Stop it." He grinned, relaxing me, "You're fine. Carlisle says it's like, your mind is on AM radio and everyone else is on FM." He shrugged, trying to put my mind at ease.

"I hate AM radio." I whined, "It's boring. No good music stations, all _**talk."**_

"Oh you're right, that's not YOU." He teased, raising a brow at me, huffing.

Then he instantly stiffened and said, "I meant the talk part, not the boring part. I wasn't insulting you."

I knew what he meant. I wasn't mad.

"It's okay, Edward." I chuckled, "Breathe, Edward. I'm not mad, I got the joke."

"You're not boring." He stated, still looking afraid he'd said something wrong.

I laughed, more in love with him every second.

"Thanks." I let him squirm a little.

"I wouldn't call you boring, you know that, right?" he went on.

"Well, I don't know…" I played with this for a second, ready to let him off the hook in two seconds.

"No, I wouldn't." he said firmly, his hands on the back of the seat that was between us, "I would never make any weight jokes or jokes about you being boring or anything like that. You're my friend and I mean that. You can trust me, too, you know. It isn't a one way street. I'm not like those…other kids."

"I know, Edward, I was just teasing you." I felt my face turn red again.

He seemed to relax a little and I realized that maybe I made him nervous, too, after the first day on line at lunch. Whenever he joked with me, he thought I'd take it wrong. I would correct that in the future and stop being so defensive all the time. At least with him.

A silence seemed to rise up between us and I thought I was pushing him away, and after he shared something so secret with me, too.

"You do talk a lot, though." He teased, "Now that I've got you talking you won't shut up."

I laughed, shocked as his glorious smile turned up to me, glowing like a sunrise in my pitch black life.

"You little punk…" I play slapped his hands that rested on the bus seat.

"Ow!" I giggled as he pulled his hands away, as if he touched fire suddenly.

"Did you hurt yourself?" he asked, concerned, taking my good hand in his, gently making each of my fingers curl up and down.

"Yea, but God, you have boney hands!" I winced playfully, taking my hand out of his and waving it a bit to shake the pain off, "Cold, hard as a rock hands!"

"I know, I hate my hands." He grinned, looking at them, moving his fingers, "All they're good for is playing piano. You need long thin fingers for that."

"I don't hate your hands." I folded my good arm over my chest, "You play piano, too? God."

"What?"

"Another reason you can't get into a fight." I pointed out, "You could hurt your fingers. Is there anything you can't do?"

He grinned. "Well, apparently, I can't beat up girls, or anyone else for that matter, that's one. I can't make any jokes with you, that's two…"

"You can make jokes with me." I cut him off, "I'm sorry about that. I'll try to be good from now on when you kid around. I know, that's something I do. Sorry."

"It's okay." His voice and face turned serious, "I know why."

"How are you gonna get home after therapy?" I asked, just thinking of it.

"My dad can drive me back to get my car." He shrugged, "He'll be getting off after we're done."

I didn't say anything but my face must've turned pink because Edward laughed at me.

"What?" I blinked.

"You have a dirty mind." He informed me, crossing his arms, as if proud he gathered this information without help of my thoughts.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I feigned innocence.

"When I said getting off, you turned neon pink!" he giggled, "Ugh, and I said my FATHER was getting off. YUK! You have the hots for my DAD!"

"Oh shut up." I muttered as he kept laughing, almost laying back in his seat in front of me now, his arms doubled over his chest, laughing more that I'd said this.

I almost wanted to say, no, I have the hots for YOU, stupid.

"I'm glad I amuse you." I quipped, loving the sound of that voice of his giggling and he looked so young suddenly, like a little boy. I felt the hearts rising up in my eyes again. I made myself look out the window as he slipped down in his seat a bit, only a few tips of his hair sticking up from below now. His giggling still continued.

God, it wasn't THAT funny. But I was smiling anyway. If he thought my corny jokes were so hysterical, I wasn't going to try and change his mind.

"Well at least we both know something secret about each other now." Edward said, still not visible from laying on his seat, "I have a weird mind and you have a dirty one."

What a perfect pair we are.

"I had no idea therapy guy was this fun." I commented, seeing we were pulling up to the hospital now.

"Oh, I'm not therapy guy." He sat up, looking at me again, "I'm Edward. Can't you tell? Therapy guy never laughs."

"Oh."

"You can get yourself out of the bus." His tone changed a bit suddenly, filled with authority, "Get your workout gear on, there's a ladies' room right in this door." He pointed, then turned to me and added, "Then go down the hall, it's the only doorway. **I'll be waiting**."

His tone on those last three words chilled me. He sounded so…Hannibal Lechter.

Without another word, he hopped up and gave Herman a pat on the shoulder, rushing down the bus steps and jogging into the hospital.

"Bye, kid." Herman said, giving him a wave.

For a second, I thought I had been set up with that number guessing thing. I decided to investigate.

"Bye Herman." I said as I got to the stairs.

"Want I should help you?" he asked, about to stand.

"No, thanks." I put a confident hand up, "I can get myself off."

I turned red. I DO have a dirty mind. And Edward could hear me. Brilliant. This was going to make my life more complicated, this super hearing and mind reading thing of his.

"Uh, Herman." I stood there, not on the steps yet.

"Yea, Missy?"

"Have you known Edward long?"

"Edward who?"

"That Edward." I pointed down the steps, "The one who just got off the bus."

"Never saw him before." Herman confessed, shrugging.

My mouth fell open. He was telling the truth. He knew the driver's name without asking. Holy shit ! This was fascinating to me. I had so many questions. It must be sooo cool to read people's minds.

Or, maybe not. I thought of all the crummy kids in school. God, imagine having access to all those slimy little brains and their putrid thoughts. Then it dawned on me. That's why he stays away from everyone. That's why he didn't want Jessica around. That's why he must think I'm so different, because he can't hear me. Maybe it's a relief for him, not being able to hear my mind. Maybe it makes him feel more normal, talking to me.

I was pretty proud of myself when I got to the ladies' room to change, thinking I had it all figured out. Maybe Carlisle adopted him because of his special gifts. Maybe he was studying Edward. Oh, that must be terrible. Having your father treat you like a science experiment. But he seems really nice and Edward obviously loves him. I bet it's not like that. Maybe it's like Heroes on TV and Carlisle adopted him as a baby, injected him with some magical drugs that made him this way. Wow. That makes sense. Carlisle is a gifted surgeon. He made Edward into the six billion dollar man !

I would have to think of ways to find these things out without prying into his life too obviously. The truth was, it didn't matter to me. If he could read minds or had super strength, super hearing, it just made him more of a mystery to me, but I would have liked him and loved him even without all the extras. He is a great person, a true person…and he wants to be my friend. Mine. What lottery in heaven did I just win? I had never met anyone in the whole world like him. There **was** no one else in the world like him.

I put on my gym outfit and chuckled, seeing on the back of my sweatshirt, the two letters in Blue – **F U**.

"Oh God." I giggled. Forks University. I could make a good little joke with that.

But did therapy Edward like my jokes? I doubted it.

I rushed off down the hall, finding the one doorway he told me about, and was ready to get to work now. Finally. I wanted to earn my legs back and I wanted to make therapy Edward proud of me. I wanted to be Xena, warrior princess and fight my own battles. I wanted it all. I was now ready and willing to work my ass off to get it, too.

Someday, I would not have any hang-ups at all when Edward teased me. That would be so great.

See next chapter soon!

Hope everyone is still liking this!

Love

WinndSinger


	12. Do it Again

12

BPOV

I wobbled into this new gym with a new attitude, but I was still afraid. Therapy guy would be in here, ready to pounce on me as soon as I got there. I hope I wouldn't be in trouble for being late.

Then I heard it.

"HEY!" a man's voice shouted at me and I almost screamed as I jerked in response to it.

I turned and there he was, therapy guy. Wearing a red tank top and black shorts, along with the same black and white sneakers as Edward had worn earlier. I could've licked him. But therapy guy had no similar thoughts of appreciation towards me today, I could see it in his eyes. They were hard and stern.

"You're ten minutes late, Swan." He rushed past me, glancing a look back at me as he went towards a large open space between the exercise equipment, "Explain."

Tell the truth.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen." I didn't know if I should call him Edward now or not. I had almost called him therapy guy, I'm glad I didn't do that, "I had a little problem at school."

He didn't seem to be listening, though and he went to a cabinet, grabbing two big fluffy white towels.

"Don't make your problems mine." He said stiffly, tossing me a towel. I caught it by a pure miracle and then he added, "Get here on time, Miss Swan. I know this isn't very important, you know, this idea I had that you will walk someday, but –"

I can't believe I had the guts to actually cut him off while he was talking. But I did.

"It IS important to me!" I almost yelled it. And he turned, looking me square in the eye as I went on, "I want it, more than anything. I never worked very hard in the past because I was messed up. I was too lazy or too feeling sorry for myself to do it before. I didn't care then. But I do now. More than you'll ever know."

He stood there, looking unimpressed, waiting.

I glanced down but then made my eyes go back and lock onto his.

"I…just wanted you to know that." I said in a lower voice.

"We'll see." He raised a brow, "Hit the floor."

He was getting down, sitting on the mats below us. I began to move myself down, too. It took me a minute but again, he waited. He did this incredible thing where he laid totally on his back and raised his upper body with only his arms, his legs together as they flexed a bit. Then he rolled his neck with his eyes closed. Mommy !

I almost drooled on the mat as I took a seat next to him on the floor.

"Lie down, here, next to me." He stopped his own stretching now and instructed me, patting the mat. Not in a bedroom voice, a professional one.

But still. Oh Lord.

I silently laid on my back, trembling as I looked up into his eyes and he gently rolled me to my side, kneeling behind me, looking down at me, his voice no longer angry , but just emotionless as he told me what to do.

"Use your good hand." He took my hand in his and moved it behind me, saying, "Bring this leg (he put a palm on my left leg) backwards and grab your foot with your hand." He helped move my leg back slowly as he spoke and I held my sneaker tight, feeling the stretch of my tight muscles.

"Good. Hold it." He only had one hand on my shoulder now, watching me do it on my own.

His smell was so frigging nice. God, thank you for not letting him be able to read my mind. I owe you so much for that one.

"Focus, Swan." His voice said as his fingers gave a couple quick snaps.

Shit. He is good. I am bad.

Then, a minute later, it began to hurt. I groaned, taking a hard breath.

"Hold it." He said firmly, knowing I was weakening, "When it starts to hurt, that's when it's working. Go a little beyond the pain."

"Okay." I tried to tough it out.

We did lots of leg stretches after that. Also, arms and back, neck exercises. He never yelled at me during this and I was glad. I had tried very hard to be tough and stronger than I had been in the past. I used to give my previous therapy guys attitude and lip, back when I had a rotten outlook on my future. I thought it was a big waste of time. I was glad therapy guy didn't know THAT Bella. He'd have killed her.

I did pay attention to all the exercises he was teaching me. Some of these I knew and some I never saw before. He was very good at teaching and his explanations of each muscle we were working impressed me. He really knew what he was talking about. Intelligence is such an attractive feature in a man. At times I got mad at myself because he touched me a lot while we were learning stretching. I kept closing my eyes, enjoying his hands and voice too much.

I really liked it when Edward would do some of the stretches, showing me what to do. I got a glimpse of his chest now and then and couldn't believe what a flawless machine he was. Sometimes he would hold the stretch and close his eyes, so peacefully. He was truly sculpted by the gods. Very generous and artistic gods.

I also noticed Edward looked up a couple of times as we stretched, looking at someone behind me, with a cold glare. I never knew who that was but I once heard Edward mutter, "you have a fan."

I didn't say anything in response, unsure of what he was talking about.

It seemed like a lifetime later, he was helping me to my feet, handing me my cane and as I stood there, a little shaky, sweat all over me, he announced, "Good. Now we can get to work."

My mouth fell open. NOW? I thought we were done. My body felt like jello.

Jello left out in the August heat all day.

He went to a leg machine and looked at me, motioning me over with his finger, like I was six years old. I timidly followed to where he was.

"Don't be afraid, Swan, no straps on this one." He said, almost like a robot, "Sit here ( he slapped the leather seat of the machine hard as I jumped in surprise ), start with your left leg, lay it on top of this cushiony piece, then move your leg all the way down, then up. Then repeat. Got it?"

I had used this one before.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen." I began to sit down on it and put my leg upon the rounded piece when he said, "Edward."

I just gave him a little brief grin but he did not return it. I kept my eyes on my left leg as it began to move up and down, slowly.

"Good, take your time." He watched me closely, "Speed is not important here."

Thank God. I was slower than Cecil the turtle.

Alice came in then and I glanced at her, smiling before I knew I was doing it.

I felt bad to tell Edward this earlier, but I also considered Alice my friend now, too. She hadn't said it out loud to me or anything like he had, but after all she'd done for me with the clothes, the makeup, the nail polish and all, I considered her my friend. It sounded like Edward was a little jealous when he said I was HIS friend. Was I not supposed to have any other friends besides him? Would he get mad if I did? Would I ever give myself a chance to just relax?

I thought Edward would go over to her but he didn't. He kept watching me, silently. Alice walked over to us without fear. She wasn't afraid of therapy guy. But then, she didn't BELONG to therapy guy. I did. And I wasn't sure anymore if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Edward, I want to talk to you." She said with definite purpose, then smiled at me and said, cheerfully, "Hey Bella!"

"Hey Alice." I said right back as happily as she had said it, "Thanks again for the clothes today, and for my workout stuff. I'll pay you back."

Edward breathed out hard.

"Oh, no, forget it." She waved a hand at me, "It's from the college down the highway, no biggie."

"We are working, Alice." Edward sneered at her, taking his eyes off me now for a moment, "Or at least, we WERE."

Then he raised a brow at me and I realized I had taken my mind off what I had been doing. It was the equivalent of a whip being struck across my back. I focused my eyes back on my leg, moving it all the way up and down like I had done at the start.

Edward gave a sly smirk back to me at this. It was not a pleased smile, it said, oh, how nice of you to humor me and do your exercises right. I was doing it harder now, trying to get back in his good graces.

"You're still coming over tomorrow, right?" Alice asked me.

"Excuse us, Swan." Edward let out a sharp breath, grabbing Alice by the arm and charging off with her, towards the doorway of the gym. I could still see them, but when they talked I could only hear murmurs and hisses. I wish I had super hearing.

I felt sorry for Alice, getting therapy guy's wrath, but she didn't look scared or upset. She seemed to be holding her own in the fight. I didn't know who to root for here. But I kept working, my eyes on my leg whenever Edward's eyes would glance my way.

"Hi Bella." Another voice was on my right side suddenly. I jumped again, looking.

It was Jacob Black, a smile on his face and a little square band aid on the upper right part of his forehead.

"Oh, hi Jacob, how are you?" I asked, glancing over at Edward, making my leg keep going. I could do this, talking and working at the same time, right?

"I lived." He put a couple fingers to his band aid, slightly embarrassed, "How are YOU doing? You alright?"

"Oh yea." I shrugged, "No burns, even. I got out totally unscathed. Lucky, huh?"

"Yea, we both were." He looked down then said, "I wanted to say…I'm sorry I didn't help you more. I was responsible for you and I screwed up."

"Oh no, how can that be your fault?" I looked at Edward, keeping my eyes on my working and aching leg, "You got knocked out."

"Yea." He looked like he was thinking of something, then asked, "Do you know…how did we get out, exactly? A nurse told me the wall caved in and we got out through that."

"Yea, that's right." I agreed, adding nothing else.

"Bella, that wall is pure cement." Jacob informed, "A tank couldn't have gotten through there so fast. It wouldn't have just crumbled in a fire. And the fire wasn't even on that wall yet. If it was, we'd be burned."

"It all happened so fast." I shrugged, "I kinda blacked out there for awhile too, I was choking in the smoke. I just felt the wall giving out and when I looked again, we were in the room on the other side of the wall. You fell across my machine when you got knocked out."

"BLACK!" a vicious voice barked, my eyes darting right back to my leg, pumping faster, afraid to look up.

"Hi Edward." He turned, seeing Edward striding up to us, looking enraged but calm.

"I see you got your license in physical therapy." Edward said with ice in his voice.

"No I didn't." he looked confused.

"Then get away from my patient." He nearly growled. Then I looked up, seeing the looks being exchanged between them. Wow. If looks could kill, they'd both be dead. This looked to be more than just a quarrel over him talking to me while I was working out.

Jacob didn't move right away. He took his time going. This made Edward glare at him with an even more lethal stare. The silence was torturing me as I kept my eyes on my gray sweatpanted leg. The pain was secondary to what was going on here.

"See you later, Bella." Jacob said finally, giving Edward a last look before turning and going around to various pieces of equipment, picking up used towels.

Oh God. Now it was my turn.

I waited for him to start yelling at me. He didn't. He just watched me again, crossing his arms as his jaw clenched then relaxed every so often.

When he finally did say something to me, I almost had a heart attack.

"Stop." He said curtly, ignoring it when my body jumped.

"Switch legs." He said.

I put my right leg over the other little cushion on the right side now, curling and uncurling it as my left leg laid there like a wet noodle, whimpering to itself.

I wanted to whimper, too, but I remembered yesterday's reaction to my making noises of weakness.

It was just like school Edward had said. They were two different people. Like twins on the outside, only so different on the inside. Therapy guy still scared the shit out of me, even though I had gotten so close and comfortable around school Edward.

After a couple minutes, Edward said, in his same cold tone, "I don't want you socializing while you're working from now on."

"I wasn't social---"

"I don't want you talking to anyone while you're working." He rephrased himself, eyes closed for a second, then opened back to me, harder than before, "Until the dulcet tones of Black's voice strengthens your muscles, I don't want him around you when you're working. Understood?"

"Yes." I said, a little ashamed of myself now, feeling my cheeks get hot again, "I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted." His voice almost softened a fracture, but his face was still stone, "Keep going."

I felt like I could fly at that moment.

Fuck, it hurts. I was willing myself not to let it show.

Edward bent down and grabbed my towel, placing it over my right shoulder.

I was thankful and wiped off my forehead a bit, the wetness telling me I was doing a good job. I wiped a bit off my neck, too and Edward's face almost turned paler than usual.

I looked over out of the corner of my eye and he looked weak suddenly, his two hands holding onto a machine behind him, as if to support himself. His mouth looked halfway open as he stared at me with this weird look on his face, like I had done something…sinful. He kept swallowing over and over again. He looked like he was going to be sick.

I was reminded of Michael Jackson right before he turned to a werewolf on the Thriller video. He looked like he wanted to scream, as if in pain, but trying to hold it in.

"You okay?" I asked, still moving my right leg as I should've.

Then he leaned forward, coming up closer to me. He reached for me with his right hand, his fingers curled snugly around my upper arm, a gentle pull. His eyes were looking at my neck, he was breathing heavier. I touched it, thinking something was on it. Maybe a snake or bug? Oh god, don't let it be anything gross.

"Did I do something wrong?" I squinted, it felt like he was about to pull me off the seat for some reason but then he stopped. He looked at his hand around my arm and horrified, he let go, as if his hand had acted against his will.

"I'll be right back. Keep working." He said, hurrying away, his hand over his nose and mouth as he hunched over a bit, thinking I couldn't see it.

Alice had been hanging around, and I saw her jogging on a treadmill over by the doorway. When she saw Edward go, she didn't look too worried. She kind of grinned and shook her head, amused.

She walked over to me and her little voice said, "Alone at last."

"Don't get me in trouble." I whispered, watching the door. Could he hear us? Did Alice know about his super hearing? I couldn't say anything about it, just in case.

"It's okay." She turned, looking at the door for a second, then back to me, "He'll be awhile."

"Should we go help him? Is he sick?" I asked, worried for him now.

"Always." Alice chuckled, "So, what time should I pick you up tomorrow?"

Always? Edward was always sick? He didn't look sickly. Is that another clue? How can he be super strong and always be sick? This is bugging the hell out of me.

"Oh." I wasn't sure we had definite plans, "To shop? I hate to shop, Alice, don't be mad."

"Well, I did a little shopping for you yesterday, so you can come over and try on what I got you, then." She smiled with such warmth, "And I'll show you how to do your hair and makeup yourself so you won't need me everyday."

"How much do I owe you?" I asked, keeping my poor right leg going.

"Nothing." She looked at me, almost insulted, "Only a day at my house, hanging out. Then we're even."

I didn't like feeling like a mooch or a user. But I pushed that aside for a second.

"Can I ask you something?" I blurted out.

"Sure."

"I got the feeling today at lunch that Edward…well, he said he didn't want you to sit with us, because I'm HIS friend." I said tactfully, "I want to be your friend, too, though, but I wonder if he'll get mad…"

Alice huffed, thinking of her brother as she replied, "He's very possessive. Always been that way. I guess I understand that, though. He hasn't had a friend for a long time. He's very jealous, too. Even of ME!"

He hasn't a friend in a long time? Why not? I felt pity for Edward now. What were with these kids that they didn't want to be Edward's friend?

"We're just friends." I said, "We're not like…going out or anything."

"I know, he told me." Alice said, "Still. You'll see. He'll want to hog you all to himself. But that's not fair to you. You want more than just one friend, don't you?"

He told her we were just friends. Great. I feel sexy now.

This is hard. I know Edward can hear us, from wherever he went. He'll know I'm talking while I'm working, too. I am such dead meat.

"I really like Edward." I said honestly, "I don't want to lose him as a friend. If that means he's my only friend, then that's fine with me. But I really like you too, Alice. I wish I could have both of you as my friends. I don't want a family fight to start over me."

"How about, I'll talk to him?" Alice asked, a light bulb going on over her head, "After you two are done playing therapy, here, I'll talk to him then. Okay?"

**Playing therapy?** Oh God, please tell me therapy guy didn't hear that.

"Alice, don't start anything." I almost begged her.

"I won't, I won't." she assured me, "I know what I'm doing, I told you. Edward may know medicine and books, but I know people. I'll fix this."

"Okay." I agreed, hoping this wasn't a mistake, then I said, "I should pay attention to what I'm doing. I'm not allowed to talk while I'm working. Sorry."

"Yea, okay, let him push you around." She grinned, "I get it. He can be scary sometimes. I'll call you later, what's your number?"

She took out a little cell phone and got ready to program my number into it.

Oh god, I didn't have a phone. This would be embarrassing.

"Uh, I don't have a phone." I muttered, looking at my leg, cringing at the pain now, taking a heavy breath.

"Oh." She looked confused a second, then said, "Well, then what's your address?"

I really didn't want it to get out that I lived alone in a hotel room. I would die if the school knew my whole story.

"I just remembered I can't go this weekend." I lied, going against therapy guy, "I…have something real important to do."

"All weekend long?" she raised a brow, her mouth open.

"Yea." I scrambled for an excuse, "I have to go out of town, to Seattle. My Mom is taking me to a show and to dinner. I live with my Dad."

"Oh." Alice looked hurt, then grinned and said, "Okay, Bella. Well, maybe next weekend?"

"Um, okay." I agreed, knowing it wouldn't be able to happen on any weekend. Maybe after I blew her off a couple times, she'd be okay with being my friend in school and not outside of it.

Then I worried if Edward knew about my parents. He had been to Sue's to get my I-pod. Damn it. Well, maybe he would keep my secrets since I was keeping his. I'd talk to him about that on Monday.

Alice said she'd see me later and left the gym. I felt so guilty doing that to her after she'd been so great and honest with me, even spending money on me. I almost cried.

I had to stop moving my leg then. It throbbed with pain and was so tired. I grabbed it, massaging it roughly with my good hand. My bad hand wasn't working again today and I tried to jerk it so it would cooperate. It didn't.

"DO you EVER work WHEN I FUCKING NEED YOU ?!!" I screamed at my poor dead hand and punched it a couple of times, then didn't feel anything and began slamming my good fist against the cushiony side of the machine I was sitting in. I felt tears in my eyes as a couple other people glanced my way, wondering what was wrong with me.

I was punching my mother then, my father, myself.

Edward came back in but I didn't care, I kept taking out my aggression on the machine.

As he got closer, I could see his face and neck were wet, drops of water on them, and a few strands of his hair that fell over his forehead were dark with water also. His lips were shiny, too. I always fell for that.

"Hey hey hey." He raised his voice as he got to me. His tone was still therapy guy, not Edward.

"You stopped, Swan." He said sternly.

"You figured that out, did you?" I smart cracked back, my fist still now.

"Attitude." He stated, recognizing it instantly, "That was all over your file."

"I don't care." I gritted through my teeth.

"Get off your sorry ass now, Swan." He lashed back with his voice, "Move it, over here."

He walked a couple feet away to a machine I knew well. Resistance machine.

Oh fuck no. This thing was worse than being on a medieval rack.

I hesitated, ready to apologize but he was snapping his fingers, waiting, saying only, "NOW."

He bent down to add weights. Oh shit, he was pissed off now. But he didn't back down to me. He was the first therapist to fight back. The rest all just tried to be so nice to me, but that didn't help my therapy. He was right. Therapy man had to be a hard ass. Because I had an attitude and I knew it. I already screwed up my great new promise about working hard. Feeling sorry for myself again.

I grabbed my cane and got there, somehow. My legs felt so useless but I managed to get there.

"You're not going to like this." He stated, pointing, "**Sit**."

"If I have to learn it, so do you." He muttered, almost to himself.

I sat and stayed quiet. I didn't want to provoke him more.

"This is **resistance** training, Swan." He looked me dead in the eye, standing across from me, behind a small metallic wall before my feet.

"It's hard, especially since I put a good deal of weight on it now." He informed, "But since you're so strong and so tough you should have no problems with it. Direct your attitudes **here**."

Oh God, I'm sorry Edward. Don't hate me.

"Right foot." He pointed, push against the little wall until your leg is straight, then lift your leg, bringing it back, then repeat. Let's go."

I was so not good with this. With all my might I pushed my right leg, trying to make the wall of death move. It didn't budge. Crap. I whimpered out loud, unable to hold it in anymore, gritting my teeth and growling a little as I shoved harder. I felt my face turning purple with effort as the fucking wall moved a hair. I got so mad at myself that I quit, my leg went up at the knee and the wall clicked back into place where it started.

"**Wow**." Therapy guy said with thick sarcasm, "That was impressive, Swan. I can almost still hear your little speech from 15 minutes ago when you first came in. How important this was to you…blah blah blah…"

"HEY!!" I felt tears in my eyes as I looked back at him, filled with rage and anger all of a sudden,"I just GOT here, JESUS CHRIST !! I never said I was HERCULES!! Give me a break !"

"No!" he leaned in, just as furious back at me, his hands on the machine in between us, "No breaks ! I'm not here to give you breaks ! You're not here to talk to everyone else in the gym ! You CAN'T, you HAVE LOTS OF HARD WORK TO DO! You're not here to get little curves on your ass like Alice is, you're here because you WANT TO WALK AGAIN! You're not here to find yourself a **boyfriend**, you have to get to work, **NOW**."

I felt the tears running down my cheeks and I hated that I was crying. But I hated it when he yelled at me. I knew what he was saying was true but it didn't hurt any less. Boyfriend? What was he talking about, JACOB ?! Jesus !

"Stop the god damned crying, Swan, I told you!" he was so cold now, "I don't feel sorry for you. Tears are not going to make you walk again, either! Suck it up and let's get going! Please!"

I don't know why but my voice suddenly started to lash out at him, the one person I cared about in this whole damned town. In this whole damned world.

"It must be nice to be so superior, so PERFECT, to know EVERYTHING !" I shouted, wiping my eyes, "I wish I had a file on YOU !"

"File ?!" he was not backing down, he was getting tougher now, "You want to see your file?!"

He darted to a corner, grabbing it from a desk and came back to where I was. He flung it open so roughly it almost tore in half.

"Dr. Specter – 2006 -" he read aloud with venom, "Patient has an anger problem and has no desire to do _**anything**_."

He flipped a page roughly and read on, "Dr. Anders – 2005 – Lazy, lazy, and…oh yes, **lazy**."

"Dr. Bromley – 2004 – Self pity and personal problems freeze Ms. Swan in her tracks and physical therapy is almost _**impossible**_."

He flipped another page but I couldn't take it anymore. The couple people who'd been in the gym before were slowly walking out, grumbling about the noise.

I screamed at him now, "I don't care what that says!! You don't know !! You have NO IDEA what I've been through !! Why are being so FUCKING HORRIBLE to me ?!"

"I WANT TO SEE YOU WALK !" he threw the file down, all the pages flying around him as he stood there in all his magnificent anger.

"And I want it so bad that I'm willing to become this THING to make it happen!" he shouted, pointing at himself with a sneer of distaste.

He looked down, frowning inwardly and took a small breath, then spoke again, calmer.

"This file is written by an unending line of hand holders. People who LET you quit, people who LET you give up before you even started. They made a little notation and sent you on your way !! You were given to me BECAUSE you're so stubborn. None of those so called doctors or therapists gave a DAMN about you walking. If they did, you'd already be doing it. That's not going to happen on my watch. I'm glad I have you. _**As a patient**_. (he added on, a bit nervously at that moment). I am going to be the one that writes CLOSED across the front of this file. I am going to be the last entry in here and I want to write what I **know** is true about you: Tough. Strong. Persistent. **Walking**."

I am such an ass. And he is so perfect. Whether he thinks so or not.

"I don't **want** to be a monster." He said in a lower voice now, "Please don't make me."

I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes with a quick hand, then braced my leg on the wall, pushing it harder than I'd ever been able to push it before. It was burning and hurting…but I kept doing it. I didn't care what my face may look like to him anymore, or if I was making weird noises. I let all that dumb shit go and just pushed.

And, a miracle happened. I had pushed the wall all the way out, my leg straight as a rail, quivering. I thought I almost saw therapy guy's lips curl at the end but I wasn't focusing too much on him now, I thought of me. I thought of doing this right. I thought of walking and dancing… and running.

I slowly brought my leg up, letting the wall smoothly go back into its place gently, the click was the most perfect sound in the world at that second. Until I heard his voice again.

"Do it again." He said with a final strict tone, folding his arms. I gave a smile even though he did not return it, and began again.

See next chapter soon!

Love WinndSinger

PS Sorry I had to make that fight happen. It had to be done. But things will be better because of it, you'll see. Edward is breaking through Bella's walls, not only during fires.

Love ya !


	13. K is for Kill

13

EPOV

I looked at her and she was staring back at me, panting like an animal, covered with sweat, her eyes and body weak. So weak that I could have taken her right then and no one else was around to stop me.

I had to hide it that inside, I was panting, too.

"That's all for today, Swan. The bus is outside waiting for you." I made my voice ooze with nonchalant ego, playing my part. Sometimes I really feel I could be an actor. I've been acting all my life. And everyone bought my act, so far at least.

She looked at me, hardly coherent at this point as she trembled, attempting to rise up out of the last machine I'd had her in, taking her cane in hand.

I waited to see if she'd say anything to me. Probably not. I had scared her a lot today, with my outburst. I hated thinking of it from her point of view. The way I yelled, the way I grabbed her file and started reading it out loud in front of everyone. I would hate me if I were her. She would probably not talk to me in school anymore, either, even though I asked her to pretend me and therapy guy were two different individuals. I was wrong to ask that. It must be so hard for her to do that.

I turned away from her, wishing I could say something else. She'd be gone soon and I would never get the chance back again. I pretended to wipe my arm with my towel, looking away as she began to walk towards the gym door.

Goodbye, Bella. I'm sorry I had to be that way. But if I had to make a choice of being your friend or being your therapist, I'd do the therapist bit. I knew no one else in years past had taken any interest in her and that had really angered me. No one cared. Every line I read out of that file and dozens more were one liners, not even a paragraph on her. Even if I tried as hard as I could and had gotten nowhere with a patient, I'd have written every detail of the whys and hows in my notes. It was really those doctors I was mad at while I read out loud, not her.

Of course, I knew why she never got far in therapy. Her heart was broken. And her spirit was shattered. There's no way to heal that by just doing leg lifts and quad stretches. That's where normal, teenager Edward came in. It was his job to be Bella's friend, to be there to talk to, to be a shoulder to cry on, to hear her story. I was trying to be both personalities but could I do it? Is it even possible?

"Edward?" I heard her little exhausted voice behind me, near the doorway.

I closed my eyes a second and prepared myself for her wrath. Maybe she would say she didn't want to see me again, or be my friend, or be my patient. I braced myself but turned my head, looking at her.

Her hair was a wreck, damp and messy. She was wet with perspiration everywhere, which only made her scent more appealing to me. She looked like a stiff breeze could push her over. But she had done a good day's work today, after I had shouted at her. Again, I had gotten through. She worked her ass off and I was proud of her. She was perfect today. But I couldn't say that to her. Not until the day she walked to me.

"What?" I kept my voice hard.

"It's 4:01, PM" she said, sounding as if she'd fall asleep any second.

"So it is." I said, still watching her face.

"Therapy is over, for today?" she asked, sounding groggy.

"Yes, Swan, it is." I was still therapy man in my voice.

"Good." She smiled wide and spun around, as much as she could, anyway, and pointed a little finger to her back.

There, staring back at me were two letters: F U

My mouth fell open, then I remembered Alice had said she got her clothes from Forks University. I nearly laughed hard but I restrained myself, holding it in for a few seconds longer, until she was gone. God, she was funny.

She turned back to me, blushing, afraid I might be upset with her still.

I gave a little roll of my eyes and a slight hint of a grin.

"You don't need ME, Swan." I raised a brow, "You can get YOURSELF off, remember?"

She laughed. And I felt myself breathing again.

"Goodnight, Swan." I said, wiping off the equipment we'd just been using.

"Goodnight, Cullen." She smiled back at me, the smile she only gave to me. Then she limped out of the gym, on her way home.

She wasn't even down the hall all the way when my smile burst out, cracking the tension in my marble face as I laughed. Only she could make me laugh after the last 2 hours.

I was on my way to the men's showers when someone was walking behind me down the hallway.

"Hey, Cullen." A boy's voice said, irritated.

I stopped and turned towards Jacob Black, unleashing my most hateful gaze.

"Oh, good, you're still here." I said with a snide tone, "I want to talk to you."

"No, I want to talk to YOU." Jacob corrected, "What was that all about today? I am allowed to talk to patients here. And Bella and I were nearly killed, I can't ask her how she's doing?"

I so wished that I could tell the little pup that I was the one who'd saved his life and he should be thanking me, on his knees. Ugh, no, not on his knees. That would be homosexual of me to want that. Not that there's anything WRONG with that…for others.

"If you want to talk to a patient, fine." I replied, "Call her on the phone, take her to a movie, whatever. But when she's HERE, she only talks to ME. Period. I don't want to see you in my gym, picking up towels, or bringing people water, or even coming in to GAWK. Help other gyms on the ward but stay out of mine. I don't want to see you again for any reason. Is that clear?"

"Hey, Cullen, you're not the chief resident, here." Jacob frowned and argued back, "You can't tell me where to go. I'm a friggin' volunteer !"

"Yes because you're incompetent and not qualified to DO anything!" I was getting mad now and I didn't want to. I tried to calm down. Why was I getting so mad at this kid, anyway? Just because Bella smiled at him? What's wrong with me that I need to keep Bella to myself? Even Alice had been talking to her about that earlier. I am jealous and possessive. And those are my GOOD qualities.

"Look," I made my voice more rational now, "Bella is my patient and she needs to stay focused. If you're really her friend, you'll want her to be able to walk again and you'll let me do my job. I have no quarrel with you. Can't we just go our separate ways?"

Jacob rolled his eyes and took a breath. I was trying to be the more mature one here and I was succeeding.

"Fine." He said, giving in.

I almost felt better as I began to walk away but then he said, "I'll just take her out one night when therapy's not in session."

I kept walking but I was majorly pissed off now. Bella is my friend and I've only known her for a couple of days. No one bothered her at all for years and now that I'd found her, everyone was chasing after her like dogs chase raw meat. That made no sense, Edward, dogs can't CHASE raw meat. Oh, whatever. I was so upset now I couldn't even THINK straight.

Bella wouldn't go anywhere with him. I shouldn't worry.

Then I worried some more.

It was one of the most touching experiences of my life last night when she had fallen asleep, knowing I was in the room, trusting me when she really shouldn't. And then she slept and I couldn't pull my eyes away from her. Then she whispered my name and I nearly cried. If I could cry. Then she'd said, "Don't go."

I will not go, Bella. I will always be here and I'll always be your friend. But that's all we can be, nothing more. Even being your friend is very dangerous. I wish I could explain all this. I even tried to give her a hint during lunch. She was reading about mythical creatures and I turned the book around, opening to the evil side of the book. Did that tell her nothing? Maybe I was being too subtle with my clues. I couldn't very well turn to the vampire page and point to it, that would be just like telling her myself.

At least it will take her awhile to get to V at the end of the book, even if she searches every page. Even if therapy guy was in there, too, that's T, also at the end.

I wanted her to know the truth, to know me, the real me. But, I didn't want her to know. I hate my life. I hate my existence, I should say. I have no life.

But somehow, she had come and given me a life. Before her, I had long since given up on talking to any mortal kid in the school. I ignored them for years and now they ignored me and it worked for both sides. I liked it that everyone stayed away and didn't bother to say hi to me anymore.

And now I couldn't wait to talk to her, or get to lunch or Biology. After a couple of days, I had gotten hooked on her somehow. I don't know exactly when it happened, but I found myself spending my whole day listening to her, about her, and even to the disgusting remarks being made about her. I wanted to kill them all, every single one of them who dared to utter something degrading about her, even a snicker would make my fists clench from whatever class I was sitting in.

I heard her during lunch, crying in the bathroom and I couldn't breathe. I wanted to burn the school down for doing that to her.

I switched myself into photography class the day after I met her so when she's ready to walk I get a thousand good pictures of it. I was wrapped up in her too much. And I tried to forget about her and think of other things, like I did before. But I couldn't. And didn't WANT to.

What does all this mean? Have I really been this lonely and just didn't realize it all this time? Was I so hungry for a best friend that I just chose this one? This girl whose blood called to me every second, this girl whose mind was shut off from me, this girl who I had to have all to myself.

I was thinking so much I couldn't even recall if I'd washed my hair while I'd been in the shower, so I just did it again without thought, getting back to my problems.

I was glad at least to be able to restore Bella's cane back to normal. Those little bitches nearly made my stomach turn. I remembered hearing them as I sat in my car, about to go to the hospital.

I heard them asking her if she was doing it with me. Those sickening little slugs. And poor Bella's response, saying in what universe would I ever want her? She had it all backwards again. It was I who wasn't good enough for HER. But because she thinks I look better than she does, that makes her unworthy of me. I partly blamed the media for this. Everything on TV and movies now was about beautiful equals good. Anything short of that is shit. Thank God I didn't grow up in this era.

When I was a boy, a man would get to know a woman. A long time would be spent talking and meeting, courting before even hand holding was allowed. And even then, a lot of discussion happened before that decision was reached. You'd even have to have the parents from both sides there to give their input.

Today, a boy sees a girl, likes her, and in minutes he had his tongue in her mouth. Too fast! This is why young love is doomed and always perishes in the flames.

I had decided long ago I would not get involved in something so fragile as that. Nothing in this time seems to last. Everything is breakable, dispensable, replaceable. I didn't think today's kids could even know what true love is.

Everyone's always wanting something newer, better, faster. I just seemed to give up after the fifties ended. The sixties cured me of that, everyone was high and sleeping with everyone. Free love it was called. After that, I just forgot about girls and romance.

But, since I smelled Bella's blood and began to pay so much attention to her, all I know now is that I want to be around her. I want to talk to her all the time, I want to hear her jokes and want to hear every laugh she makes.

I'm not in love with her. I'm not. I just want to be her friend. Her only friend.

That's not right of me, either, like Alice said. Bella does like Alice. I should let them be friends, too. Maybe. But Black – no. I didn't want Jacob Black being her friend. But that's not my choice. These mortal friendships were very complicated. I would have to keep my cool and just let her decide. I did want her to have some good friends.

I hated the ones who would hurt her. I wanted to shield her from them but knew I couldn't. So I was working now to make her strong so she could deal with it herself.

She had defended me in History. Emmett was waiting, hoping she'd say or do SOMETHING as they dug into me. She impressed him, too, when she rose up like a warrior. I liked her even more then. I was listening and watching through Emmett's thoughts. She was wonderful. I couldn't have asked for a better friend than she was for me at that second.

I decided then I wanted to be her real friend. I would try. But there were problems. First, I wanted her blood, more every second. It was only a matter of time before I gave in. I wanted to try and stay away from her but I couldn't. I felt bored without her, empty and incomplete. And I had known her all of almost three days. Emmett told me that she was my singer and about how he'd tried to resist his once. He couldn't for long.

Now Alice was telling me she saw Bella becoming one of us or dead. This she shared with me at lunch as I was sitting with Bella having a perfectly nice time. She calls me over to share this with me. Then I was supposed to go back and sit with Bella. I felt sick. This little frail thing trusted me and I was just told that I'd be sure to slip and either kill her or damn her for all eternity. That's when I gave her a clue about what I was, hoping she'd figure it out and run, leave town, something.

And then I still wanted her in my life.

I am so confused.

She called me perfect. Wrong. I had already shown her my rage and temper, both directed at her and others. Damn Jessica and Lauren and their damn jealousy. Hateful little girls. I could hardly speak when I caught them taunting Bella, playing keep away with her cane while she cried and begged them to stop.

I almost crushed Lauren's head in with the very cane I'd given Bella in an act of friendship. Then I'd have killed Jessica, too, if I'd had my way at the time.

K is for kill, as Jessica had said herself.

I never wanted to hurt women before that moment.

My inner demon is very ugly, hidden under the dazzling smile and the wavy shiny hair, golden sunny eyes. That's not me, that's my sheep's clothing. Inside I am the black wolf, sneaking closer to make my kill. That's why it kills me when people say I look beautiful. That's not me, that's my disguise. I am really very ugly.

It has been 86 years since I have killed a human being. Or even wanted to.

My record is over. I want Bella Swan's blood.

Poor Bella, who had talked me out of killing and had reached me, stopped me. Bella who was about to lose an arm and had 10% of her legs to rely on. This was the one I wanted to destroy and save at the same time.

God is a cruel bitch, if there is a god.

I drove home, thinking about this some more and my head began to hurt from the overload of thoughts, worries, desires battling in there. Then I saw Bella's smile in my mind and it all quieted down.

A sweet little song began to play in my head. Almost like a lullaby. I drove and groped in my glove compartment for a pen and paper to write the notes down before they were forgotten. I'd have to compose this more later, that would relax me, I told myself, my plans decided for the night.

I was home before I knew it and Alice was there, prepared to interrogate me as soon as I opened the door.

"Edward." She began normally, her voice light and carefree.

Jasper and Emmett were playing Halo on Xbox in the living room and Rosalie sat there on the sofa, legs crossed, one foot bouncing annoyedly and her arms folded over her chest.

"Don't get mad at me, please." She said and I knew why. She ratted on me.

I had almost killed Bella today while she was working out. When she first wiped the wetness from her throat, I almost lost it. Alice watched me from a couple feet away and was telling me to get out of there. I almost didn't listen. I grabbed Bella, ready to bite her right there. She didn't even try to struggle, instead, thinking she had done something wrong to anger me.

I spent ten minutes in the men's room. My head in a full sink of icy cold water, inhaling and exhaling it until I felt alright. Then I had to rid myself of the apple I ate for lunch and the little bit of milk I drank. That was pleasant.

It would indeed be a cruel one who could drink from her who was so innocent. But that's what made her blood call to me. I loved innocence. It aroused me like nothing else.

Bella's dirty mind was a blessing. It cooled me off sometimes when we were together. It made me laugh. Every blush told me what she was thinking. I even would tease her at times to see if she would blush.

Like in gym today when I said, come lay down, next to me. She turned blue almost. I didn't let her see my smile. I knew she liked me as more than a friend, I knew she liked the way I looked but I loved it that she liked me for more than just that. She wanted to know me, all of me. I wanted her to. But it was forbidden. We were forbidden. The act alone of me talking to her could get her killed. But I am selfish and I kept talking to her, risking her life.

"There he is." Emmett stood up, pausing his game, Jasper just looked at me, still seated.

"What?" I acted dumb.

"You nearly slipped." Emmett shook a finger at me like he was my mom, "You know, if you do, you owe me a new jeep."

"Jesus, Emmett." I snapped, frowning, "This is not a game. There's a life involved here."

"Whatever, you made a bet with me." He pointed at me, serious now, "You won't welch."

"Thanks for your advice, Emmett." I said in sarcasm.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I like the girl." Emmett admitted, his hands on his chest now, "She's shown a little coolness in the last day or so. But it has to be killing you while she works out. The sweat, the blood racing, the heartbeat…"

"Thank you EMMETT!" I had to get away from him and stop him from talking. I was going to the music room, my little scratchy notes from the car coming with me.

They were all worried for their own reasons. Alice just wanted to play with Bella like she was her new doll that I was holding for ransom in my room. Rosalie was just concerned she'd have to help manufacture an accidental death to cover it when I finally broke down and drank Bella dry. And Emmett wanted a new jeep. Jasper was just so nervous about being around humans and I was up to now the strongest one who never had a hard time resisting them. I was supposed to watch Jasper to keep him from doing anything terrible. Now I would have to be watched and monitored. I hated that. I felt like the weakest link.

Emmett liked Bella, he even defended her once when I couldn't be there. I was glad for that and would've gotten him a nice gift then. But then he said to me, she's only one human. If you slip, we'll be there for you, we won't judge you. Like he was saying it's okay. Like I was on a diet and was caught eating a donut.

I hated to admit it but a part of me hated Bella Swan. For moving here, for messing up what I'd built inside me, for making me want her so bad. Part of me wished she'd never come here. Carlisle invited her here. I should be mad at him, too. But every time I saw her, my hate melted away and I found myself at her side, having fun.

Alice followed me and as I took off my jacket she caught me at the closet.

"Edward, Bella said she has to go away this weekend to Seattle with her Mom." Alice informed.

"So?"

"She said she lives with her Dad." Alice said.

"And?" I knew where she was going with this.

"My vision for her this weekend has her at a crappy little hotel room, watching TV and crying, eating oreos." Alice frowned, "And that just looks like it sucks."

"Crying for what?" I felt myself tense, hating to think of Bella crying. Was it my fault again?

"I don't know." She shrugged, "Maybe cause she's all alone in a hotel room eating oreos alone. That would make ME cry."

I didn't know a lot about Bella's parents, Carlisle said I didn't need to know about that. I knew she was staying at Sue's bed and breakfast place but I never thought to ask her about her family.

God, I'm so selfish.

Now that I thought of it, no one had come to see her in the hospital that day except me. Then today she said I have no idea what she's been through. Her file…that one entry…personal problems and self pity freeze her in her tracks.

Something was very wrong here. A terrible feeling I didn't like crept up in me. She was **totally** alone. Just as I had been once. The more I knew her, the more we had in common. That just pulled us closer together, when we should be far apart, for her sake.

"Alice." I said, "Do me a favor and don't say anything about this to anyone, alright? I want to talk to Bella about it later alone. She is just beginning to open up a little bit to me. Let me, okay? After that, maybe we'll both go over and cheer her up so she won't cry. Okay? And yes, you can be her friend, too."

"I love you, bro." She kissed me on the cheek, leaving her pink lipstick mark on me. I wiped it off, complaining as she danced away, back to Happyland.

"Love you Tink." I grinned, sitting on my piano bench, taking my little notes out.

Maybe if this song comes out nicely, I'll call it Bella, since it was her smile that started it playing in my head. Maybe when she walks someday, I can play it for her then.

I put my fingers to the keys and said hello to my first love, music. Here there was no danger, no fear or death. I felt myself relax right away, playing a new song.

Or so I thought.

**A little movie began to play in my mind a few minutes after I began to play.**

Bella and I were in Biology class, all the kids were there, and Mr. Banner. There was buzzing excitement in the air as he had buckets of dead frogs on his table at the front.

"Everybody get ONE frog." He smiled, "Take a tray. All your supplies are in there. Take your time and if you need help, call me. When you and your partner are ready, raise your hand and you can come up to identify the different parts."

Bella waited at our table while I got a nice big frog and a tray and returned, smiling.

"Here, name this." I teased, wiggling its legs in her face as she squealed, shrinking back for a second as I took my seat.

"Eeuuu," she cringed, a little afraid of Mr. Frog at first.

I acted as if were my duty, as the medical scholar, to put her at ease.

"No, don't be scared." I assured, taking her good hand, "Here, touch him. He's not bad. He's actually very soft, see?"

She smiled, giving Mr. Frog a chance. "He is nice and smooth, not slimy like I thought."

"Frogs are very clean creatures." I informed, "I have done lots of dissections before, frogs are the best. Have you done any frogs before?"

"Edward." She raised a brow, "I'm lonely, but I'm not THAT lonely."

I laughed, placing the frog back down on the tray mat, taking out the little pins, gently putting one pin in his little hands, one in each foot, holding him there.

"Perv." I quipped back, "That's not what I meant."

"But you've done LOTS of frogs. And no girls." She shook her head, "I am so disgusted by you."

"Shut up." I laughed.

"I thought we had something special." She kept joking, then added, "You frog whore."

I giggled and shot back, "Well, if you would RIBBIT for ME once in awhile or eat a fly now and then, maybe I wouldn't have to go out to strange ponds at night searching for random frogs!"

She almost fell over laughing, her good hand slapped the table. Then she screamed out and the sound of it made me freeze in place.

I looked at her in horror, "Bella, what's the matter?!"

"I cut my hand." She looked at her own hand, red with blood, everywhere down her palm, "I slapped the table and the knife was there. I'm sorry."

My eyes went into the shape of two round golf balls, looking at the thing I wanted most, smeared on the table before me, draining out of her palm. She held it up to me and SHOWED me the cut. It was too much to bear. She was about to call to Mr. Banner and no one else had seen her cut except me. In half seconds, I calculated my plan. It was simple. Get her out of class now. Take her to the woods. Kill her. Drink her.

Before she could say anything more to me or anyone, I threw her over my shoulder, sprinting away. To human eyes, a gust of wind just blew by. They didn't see us go.

I got out of the school and into the woods in two seconds. I dropped her hard to the ground, then moved to hide halfway behind a tree, staring at her. I was only a couple feet away, I couldn't move far from her or her blood now. But I was trying to stop myself, even now, knowing it was no use. My hand clawed into the tree trunk, trying to hold myself here, away from her.

"Ugh…" she moaned from the pain of me dropping her on her butt to the wet grass below. She looked dazed, looking around.

"How…" she adjusted her glasses, straightening them so she could see.

"Edward?" she turned, seeing me at my spot half hidden behind the tree, staring at her with my tongue feeling like it was dragging the ground, my mouth panting.

"Edward." She saw me and called me, "**How did we get here**?"

**(Hey I snuck in the line from the Paramore Decode song…ha ha ha)**

I didn't answer her so she looked around, totally unaware of the danger she was in.

"This is beautiful, here." She said as I closed my eyes, clenching my fists and wanting to cry out.

"I never get to come into the woods." She said, "Can't walk in here."

Yes I know. My favorite meal, sitting there, not even able to put up a fight. No cane. Commenting on the beauty of her death place.

"Bella." I said in a pained voice, shivering, slamming my face into the bark of the tree, hating myself. The venom was rising up into my mouth, coating every inch of my teeth, my lips, my tongue. It was too much. I could not swallow it away.

"Edward?" she looked at me with a concerned expression in her warm chocolate eyes, "Are you okay? Come here."

"Please don't let me do this." I whimpered, to myself, or God, or Satan, giving the tree another slap with my face, tearing up the bark.

"Ow." She winced, remembering the cut, "It's all dirty. I'm gonna get an infection now."

She was kidding, trying to act like it was no big thing that she was bleeding. She had never been more wrong in her life.

It was a very big deal. I was coming to get her now.

Bella looked relieved that I was slowly moving towards her, wearing my stunning white face and body, my eyes black as midnight.

"Edward, you all right ?" she asked again, mothering me.

"You look pale." She said, "I mean, more pale than usual."

"Bella." I said, very close to her now, squatting down in front of her.

"Yes, Edward?"

"I'm sorry." I said with heartache in my voice, my eyes full of sorrow, "I want to be your friend now. I need to tell you something. The truth."

"Alright." She looked serious now, listening.

"I have to kill you now." I said to her and I felt my whole body chill instantly.

Her face was a bit afraid, then, she thought I was joking and made herself give a weak nervous laugh.

"Ha ha." She blushed, "Just tell me straight. Why'd you bring me here? Are you gonna tell me your secret?"

I looked down at her legs. Legs that would never get to walk again.

"Yes I'm ready to tell you my secret." I informed sadly.

"Okay." She put her hand on my arm, being supportive, "You can trust me. I'm your friend."

I wanted to die.

"I am a vampire." I said slowly.

She stared at me for a long few seconds then it looked as if she knew I was telling the truth, that there was no joke being played here.

She couldn't say anything.

"Your blood is very special to me." I told her, taking her bloody hand into mine, staring at it, "It's like a drug to me. I have tried so hard to resist it. But it's too strong. You're like my own personal brand of heroin. I didn't want to do this. I wanted to be your friend, but it's too hard for me. I'm so weak, Bella."

She looked afraid. Her eyes darted around the woods, realizing. Seeing she was trapped with a killer.

"I would've just taken you, quickly, before you knew what had happened, without telling you all this, but I know that's not right. You deserve to know…what I am…why I had to…do this." I sounded like I wanted to cry as I spoke.

"Edward…" she trembled more, tears in her eyes.

"You have every right to hate me." I nearly wept, "I deserve your hate. I'll never forget or forgive myself for this, ever. But please don't cry. I won't make it painful. You have given me so much happiness, I'm sorry all I could give you was death."

She looked at me, then and a single tear fell down her left cheek. Quivering, she reached out and held my face in her good hand, stroking my cheek with love, staining my lips with her blood, feeding it to me.

"It's alright, Edward." She whispered, her voice cracking, "I forgive you. You can give me…peace. Don't call it death, please. It'll be alright. I want you to."

I looked at her in total confusion and disbelief as she leaned her head back, coming towards my mouth with hers. I groaned as her mouth covered mine, closing so sweetly and softly, bringing her blood into our first kiss.

It was gentle at first, then I turned animal, grabbing her arms to hold her tighter to my body, then I began devouring her small little mouth with my hungry, savage lips, my tongue invading without asking, almost burning with luscious heat as I found hers and cornered it, taking it as she muffled a tiny little scream, not used to this kind of kiss.

Neither was I, but it was the best thing I'd ever felt.

"No." I moaned into her mouth, not letting her get away as she tried to break the kiss, in her glittering innocence that I was so infatuated with. I cupped my hand behind her head, holding her lips to mine as I licked her bottom lip roughly, wanting to taste the blood again. I was depriving her of air and I knew it, but I didn't let her mouth leave me.

She was making these arousing little sounds, like a kitten mewing as it was struggling in a trap. Hold on, Bella. It will be over soon, I swear. Just give me one sweet minute, please.

"I'm sorry…." I said between the kisses as she fought for a bit of air, then was kissing me back as I said it twice more, between kisses and my tongue strangling hers, cutting off her oxygen. I almost thought maybe that would be easier for her, to die while I was kissing her. Then she wouldn't feel my bite.

But my soul is selfish. And in this vision it was pure evil.

I was still savagely raping her mouth with mine as I grabbed her collar, giving it a hard tug, tearing the shirt open almost halfway down. She screamed, sounding afraid and turned on at the same time.

"Bella." I breathed, looking into her eyes, losing control fast. I took her bloody palm and moved my hand across it, playing with it, then, making a sloppy wet red line across her throat, brushing down her full heaving breasts, I heard her give a moan of terror mixed with lust.

"Edward." She managed to speak as I laid her flat down on the ground, moving the shirt to open at her sides as I dove my mouth down to the wet red line, lapping at it, almost shouting out in wild ecstasy as I tasted it again, her voice just mewing again, waiting for me to end it.

My mouth and tongue licked all the blood off her throat, then down where some had wandered near her breasts. I heard her scream as I took little nips of her flesh there, not breaking skin yet. I was laying between her legs, her arms were at her sides, not trying to hurt me in a struggle. She was letting me take her.

I could hear her crying quietly, afraid of how sexual I was being with her, or how far I would go before killing her. I would not rape her, I decided. I would keep her innocent. The guilt of what I was already doing was enough. I saw tears on her face and I kissed them with my bloody red lips, wanting all of her, she was all mine. No one would take her from me.

Inside my soul screamed NOOOO !! But my vampire body was holding a hand over my soul's mouth, restraining it tightly.

She whispered something I didn't make out. It was so soft I needed her to repeat it.

"Don't cry, my love." My lips got rid of her tears, loving their taste, too, "I love you. Just know that. I love you."

"I love you…Edward. I've always loved you." She repeated her little whisper again, shaking, never taking her eyes off my face, her good hand kept touching my hair, my chin, my cheek. She was adoring me with her fingers before I destroyed her.

I almost sobbed. I put my fingers over her eyes and closed them.

"Close your eyes, sweet heart." I whispered, "Please close your eyes."

She kept them closed and I kissed up her jaw, my hands trembling as they explored her breasts, her bra still on slightly near the bottoms. My whole body was on fire inside, touching her this way, it was so warm all over my body…I never felt so alive…and so evil ever.

She whimpered again, waiting.

I whispered hotly into her ear. "It's time, Bella. I'm so sorry. Hold my hand."

I put my hand into her little one, she squeezed it hard as I sobbed, moving down to her neck, trailing hard kisses as I went.

"I'm sorry." I wept, closing my eyes as I inhaled her jugular vein into my hungry open mouth and bit down.

I was screaming, on the floor, my piano bench fallen to its side beside me.

"DON'T !!" I screeched at myself, "STOP !"

Alice came running in, dropping to the floor and holding me tight in her arms as I panted and shouted.

"It's okay, it's okay, Edward." She soothed, running her fingers through my hair, "It's a vision, a vision of mine! Calm down ! You're ok, Bella is ok. You're here with me now. You didn't do it. You didn't do it."

"Shhh shhh shhhh." She kept rocking me, stroking me as I shivered, unsure of my own name for a minute as I tried to struggle and break away.

"ESME !" she was shouting.

"No, Bella !" I screamed, still seeing myself gulping Bella's blood as she twitched in my arms, dieing fast.

Esme was there suddenly, along with Alice and she grabbed me into her arms, too, kissing me and saying something I wasn't listening to.

Finally, after it ended, and I was carrying her lifeless body up into the higher parts of the forest, I came to…realizing I was home, in my music room, my two favorite women around me.

"Okay, it's okay now." Alice informed, seeing my eyes registering now, my voice quiet and my body calming a bit.

"He's coming back." Esme agreed, "Edward, are you all right?"

"Oh my God." I groaned, "Alice, that dream !"

"Vision." She corrected, hating it when I called them her "dreams".

"Vision, then." I snapped, "It can't be….it can't happen. I have to leave here! Now."

I stood up and began to race to my room to get my things. It would take me all of five minutes.

"Edward, wait." Esme and Alice were in my room now, watching me grab some clothes out of the closet, tossing them into a ready tote container. We were always prepared to move in five minutes if an emergency ever arose.

"It was a vision." Esme stated, "It can be changed another way."

"No." I was shaking, ignoring them, "I killed her, like a vicious, raping, SHIT! And I enjoyed IT !"

"I know how we can stop this." Alice informed.

"How?" I waited. The truth was, I didn't want to leave. I wanted to see Bella walk. I wanted to see Bella, period.

"It all began in Biology, with the frogs and the knife." She said, "So, we'll just get rid of the frogs. No frogs, no dissection, no knives, no blood, no death. Wala !"

"You know that will change it?" I asked, thinking she was right.

"I'm 90% sure." She said as I glared at her.

"I'll know for sure after we get rid of the frogs!" she yelped in her own defense, "Come on, we'll go break into Banner's office and get them now."

"Alright." I agreed, grabbing my black jacket, as I always wore during night missions, "I wanted to spend the night composing, but now I've gotta go steal dead frogs. Humans."

I took Alice and Emmett with me, slamming the door behind us as we went.

See next chapter soon !

Love WinndSinger

PS – Sorry about that evil little vision. I was almost going to have that happen for real during the Biology frog dissection, but it's too early for Edward to reveal himself to Bella yet and he could never make up or forgive himself with Bella if he ever did this to her for real. But, it's still nice to read as a vision that never happened. So, I threw it in. I enjoyed writing that part, hope you enjoyed reading it.

Love ya!


	14. Music Edward

BPOV

It's 10:03pm, I noticed, glancing at the little red digital numbers at my bedside. Friday night, the whole weekend laid out there before me, finally giving me freedom from Forks High School. I should be happy. I thought I did pretty well today in therapy, but I wasn't sure. Therapy guy never smiled or gave away any clue as to how I had done, except when it was over he almost joked with me for a second.

I want therapy guy to smile at me. I want to make him proud of me. I would work harder. I want to hear him say, even if it's in his same monotone voice, "Good job, Swan." Just those three words would be heavenly to me.

I shouldn't have lied to Alice, I scowled at myself as I stared blankly at my little TV, across from my bed. I felt dirty now, having done that. I would apologize on Monday. I would try to explain…without telling her all the details. My past felt like a shameful scar that I had to keep hidden from everyone. And I had buried the pain so deep that the scar was infected and repulsive. I knew the only way to heal that pain was to cut the scar open and let the poison ooze out. But I am a chicken shit.

I was so afraid. Afraid if I told anyone, they'd think I was trash or something. I hated to admit it, but I didn't really trust Alice that much yet, to tell her this. I liked her, loved her, but I was afraid to lose her, too. Their father is a surgeon, no doubt their house is lush and something right out of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. I am homeless. Or would be, if Carlisle didn't have to pay for my room here.

Could I ever tell Edward my stories? God, I don't know. I still wasn't sure why he even liked ME yet, and I didn't want to risk it by making him think I was some street rat whose Dad was a drunk and whose Mom left when I was a baby. I shivered, picturing him sitting with me at that little table in the cornerof the cafeteria, telling me it's not a good idea for us to be friends anymore. Giving me the speech, it's not you, it's me….I was so deathly afraid of that coming true. And I was only his friend now for 2 days, if he still considered me a friend, after the hissy fit I threw in therapy today.

What did I say? I cringed to recall it. 'It must be nice to be so superior, so strong and perfect!'

God, I suck. He was trying to help me and I attacked him for being strong? I hate myself.

I sat up, tears in my eyes as I remembered his face while I was yelling at him. He tried to put on a firm strict face but I remember his eyes. There was hurt there. What I did to him was the equivalent of as if he would've called me a fat tub, an ugly bitch. I tore him up for being better than me. I was jealous?

I had hurt him. Suddenly, I started to cry. It didn't help that I was watching 'The Truth About Cats and Dogs' either.

I WAS Abby, the chunky girl who couldn't get a date but was smart and funny. Brian, the hunk who she was in love with, was suddenly Edward in my eyes. Noelle was a beautiful supermodel type who Brian thought he was in love with, but it was actually Abby's voice on the phone one night that made him fall. Through a twist of fate, Abby made Noelle pretend to be her because she wasn't confident in the way she looked.

So poor Brian thought he was in love with Noelle, who couldn't read a book to save her life.

This scene playing was when Brian came to the apartment to tell Noelle all the reasons he was in love with her. He had written a list and was reading it off. Abby was there, listening to this and finally said to Brian:

"You forgot to say I love you because you're beautiful. "

Brian says, "No, I didn't. I mean, she is. But that's not why I love her."

Then he goes on to say**, "**You know how someone's appearance can change the longer you know them? How a really attractive person, if you don't like them, can become more and more ugly; whereas someone you might not have even have noticed... that you wouldn't look at more than once, if you love them, can become the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. All you want to do is be near them. I love Abby."

I was bawling before he even got to the end of his little speech. Tears were running down my face as I chewed on my soggy oreo cookie.

Then a knock tapped three times on my door.

Oh, shit. Can't I even have a good cry alone anymore?

I cleared my throat, swallowing the cookie. "Yea?" I called, trying to get up with my cane.

"Are you naked?" Sue asked with her gritty voice.

My face felt hot at this.

"No!" I shouted, hearing her and another voice chuckle from the other side of the door.

I finally made my way to the door and opened it a crack, trying to hide my flannel pajama pants with the hole in the knee and my most comfy big t-shirt that read "Voted Best Undressed". It was a joke t-shirt that I had loved before the accident that I could never seem to stop wearing. It used to be my Mom's. I was told she had a warped sense of humor. But it smelled nice, like her.

There was Sue with the cigarette in her two fingers, and behind her, Edward, who jokingly waved at me with his fingers wiggling playfully.

Oh holy shit !

"You have a gentleman caller, kid." Sue informed, "You want him?"

At this, Edward's eyes looked down a little, looking slightly embarrassed by Sue's upfront approach.

"Uhhh." I felt myself grin, coming up with something clever to tease him with, "Who is it?"

He looked at me then with eyes that said, 'Are you on drugs, it's ME!'

"Who is it?" Sue turned to him, smirking, playing along. She knew who he was, she was the one who told me about the Cullens.

"Edward Anthony Cullen." He said respectfully, his hands clasped behind his back.

"Edward Anthony Cullen." She turned to me, with a smirk.

"Therapy Edward Cullen ?" I asked, almost sneering.

Sue turned to him, confused.

"No." Edward smiled wide, at Sue, not me, giving a small shake of his head, "He doesn't make house calls."

Sue turned to me, liking being in on this little game, with a smile and said, "He looks clean to me, you gonna let him in? Or do you want me to throw him out?"

His eyes looked a little scared at this, then they looked at me, almost pleading to save him from her.

"I'll let him in." I said, as they started to move, "But wait one second ! Give me one second!"

I closed the door a little harder than I should've, whispering to myself, "Crap, crap, crap !"

I yanked off the shirt I was wearing, my naked breasts bouncing like two cantaloupes as I wobbled to the closet to grab another t-shirt, anything else. I put on a blank green one and tossed the rolled up "undressed" t-shirt into my hamper in the far corner. It went in.

"2 points." I muttered, surprised I made it in one shot. I peeked at my hair and face in the mirror and made a face, trying to smooth it a little, wiping my damp eyes. Damn! No time to change pants, it took too long. Oh well, it is 10 o'clock at night. Screw it.

I opened the door, glad I had all the lights off in the room before this. The only light came from the TV now and it made the room like nice and vague. It's plainness hidden.

Sue was gone now and it was just Edward there, carrying a little black CD player, a backpack over one shoulder.

He waited in the hall and smiled when I opened the door. He waited.

"Hi." I said with a tiny voice, more shy than I had been for years.

"Hi." He returned with a voice just as fragile as mine. He didn't move to come in.

I didn't know what to say next. Then he spoke.

"I heard therapy guy was a real asshole today." His voice was careful and deep.

Tears sprang to my eyes and I smiled more, "No. He wasn't. I was, though."

He looked at my eyes with a deeper gaze and swallowed. Then he looked down and made himself smile, saying, "Well, I was sitting around my room, playing my CD's when it occurred to me that maybe you don't know all the music that I do."

My eyes looked at him, then I felt my brow furrow, not getting it.

"See, I love music." He put a hand to his heart, and if we're going to be friends, I decided, you have to love it, too."

I smiled at him with too much affection. I love you, Edward Cullen. Every inch of you must have been kissed by angels and goddesses before you were born.

"Oh, is that so?" I raised a brow.

"Yes, that's so." He still made no move to come closer, "And I'm afraid there's much for me to do here. Do you know the entire Beatles catalog?"

"Uhhh." I gave a little giggle, "I know SOME Beatles music. I like them."

"Do you know Ella Fitzgerald?" he asked, trying to stump me now, " Or Dufay? Or Giovanni Pierluigi da Palestrina?"

"I think I had that at an Italian restaurant once." I teased, giving a hearty chuckle.

As if I just admitted to having testicles, he put on a face of betrayal, scowling, "I KNEW it ! This cannot stand, Bella."

I was laughing at his wicked little frown and couldn't help it.

"So you brought them all over to teach me music, huh?" I asked in a friendly voice.

"Musician Edward is very cool." Edward informed, waiting, almost asking, "Maybe a bit boring sometimes, but you'll get to hear lots of great music, stuff you've probably never heard before."

I am so in love with you. You couldn't bore me if you read me the phone book all night long.

"It might not be THAT terrible." I smirked at him, moving back, opening the door wider, "I'll try to stay awake."

He grinned and muttered, "Thanks a lot."

He still didn't move, though.

"You're not gonna play the music in the hall, are ya?" I joked.

"Music Edward is very proper, kind of old fashioned." Edward warned, "He won't come in until you invite him first."

"Oh, okay." I felt my face blush a tiny bit, "Can I say it or do I have to engrave an invitation?"

He laughed, that glorious crooked smile appearing.

"No, you can say it." He said.

"I, Bella Swan, cordially invite you, Music Edward Cullen, to enter my tiny little abode. You and your radio and all your musician friends, too. You are all most welcome." I said with an elegant voice. Suddenly picking on Edward was my favorite thing to do. I felt like me. And just like that, we were friends again. Or, we were still friends…oh, you know what I mean.

He laughed while I was doing my speech and bowed slightly, saying, "I think I'll take a chance and accept your invitation."

He was coming in now, slowly. I prayed he didn't want the lights on. I hoped he'd be okay with my room. I was sure it was far below anything he was used to.

"Is the roof newer than 15 years old?" he kidded, "Are any planes flying overhead tonight? Are the floors properly supported? Is the wiring copper based? "

"Shut up and get in already." I closed the door. Now he was in. I felt like locking the door.

"I just want to know what the circumstances are." He stood there, looking around a little, "A danger magnet's ROOM is the most deadly of places."

"You're strong, you'll be fine." I patted his arm, just wanting an excuse to touch him. His arm felt rock hard, pure muscle. Damn.

"Well last time I saved you I got dirty." He commented, "I hate being dirty."

I'm not saying or thinking anything here. I don't want to go to hell.

"Send me your dry cleaning bill then." I quipped, seeing the movie coming back on after the commercials had ended.

"Oh shit." I hurried over, forgetting the TV was still playing the movie and switched it off, not wanting him to know how much of a jerk I was. But now we were completely in the dark.

For a second we were both quiet.

Then Edward's voice said, "Well, that's better, we can't see now. Here's where a household accident happens."

"I thought maybe we could hear Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles first." I laughed, hearing him laughing, too.

"That was so wrong." He said, giggling as I groped around for the little switch for the lamp on my nightstand.

"Hold on." I grunted, finding it, a nice soft orange glow emanating from it. It was almost like firelight.

"You in the dark is not a safe image." He said, looking around. This made me nervous and a little defensive. I knew the room was no suite.

"What are you looking at?" I asked with a quiet voice of shame.

He held up the plug of his CD player and said, "Outlet?"

"Oh." I looked around, "Over here, there's an empty one."

I showed him where to plug it in and he did, laying it on the floor, sitting on the floor beside it. There was a little open space there, on the opposite side of my bed, away from the TV. He crossed his legs comfortably and zipped open his backpack, taking out stacks of CD's.

I stood there, watching him. He looked perfectly content sitting on the floor, although I was dieing inside, subjecting him to that. I wish I had nice chairs or a sofa.

"Are you sitting down with me or are you doing an impersonation of a tree?" he looked up at me, waiting.

"Once I get down, it's gonna be hell to get up again." I warned.

"You can do it." He said without fear, not moving to help me, waiting for me to do it myself.

"I know." I said, and I did it. It took me a few minutes, but Edward never made me feel self conscious. He just arranged his CD's into different little piles and was cleaning one with a little bottle of fluid and a special micro fiber cloth.

"You stroke them like they were little babies." I grinned, forcing my legs over to the side, laying straight out.

"They ARE my babies." He said without shame, "And soon, they'll be OUR babies."

I knew he was teasing me but Jesus Christ. The sound of him saying our babies made my intestines fall to the bottom of my ass. I felt my face turn to flames and turned away, pretending I hadn't heard that very well.

"I'll be nice and start with the Beatles." He blew air on the first CD and gently placed it in the player, closing the lid, "I won't bore you with songs everyone's heard of theirs, but I'll play you my favorites."

"Okay." I agreed, "You're the Maestro, I put myself in your hands. Teach me."

He peeked up at me from under his dark long lashes and I felt my throat clog.

Saying nothing, he gave a little grin and his long white finger gracefully pressed play, advancing to song 5.

Thus began my music lessons. More than listening to the songs themselves, I was fascinated by Edward's voice, talking in between each song. He quoted John Lennon, he would tell me about what the song meant, what was going on in the world at the time the song was made, the reactions of people when the song was released. He was a little music memory bank, like a computer, but with so much passion it was contagious.

Soon after the romantic "Long and Winding Road" and "While my Guitar Gently Weeps." Came songs like "Someone to Watch over Me." And "Blue Moon." And not remakes of the songs, the originals.

The most magical moment of all was during "Blue Moon." Edward had closed his eyes and sang along softly with it, not drowning out the song, but I only tuned into Edward's voice. It was amazing. He could be a singer, like Josh Groban or Bon Jovi, only he was better!

I stared at him as his eyes had closed and he sang,

"**Blue Moon, you saw me standing alone.**

**Without a dream in my heart**

**Without a love of my own…"**

He was too charming and too angelic for my human eyes at that moment. His voice too melodic for my mortal ears. You are far too good for me, Edward Cullen, or any girl on this planet, for that matter. Why are you here, in my room, of all the rooms you could be in?

And he went on, I never wanted him to stop.

"**Blue moon  
You know just what I was there for  
You heard me saying a prayer for  
Someone I really could care for."**

It sounded like my song, something I would sing, I realized as Ella Fitzgerald sang on the CD player. This was a very old song, but suddenly, it was brand new. I didn't even know the rest of the words, really, until Edward was singing them.

"**Blue moon  
Now I'm no longer alone  
Without a dream in my heart  
Without a love of my own."**

And then there suddenly appeared before me  
The only one my arms will ever hold  
I heard somebody whisper please adore me  
And when I looked the moon had turned to gold."

Gold, like his eyes. I suddenly wanted to whisper, "Please adore me" to him. But I would never have the guts in a million years to do it. Besides, he just loved the song. He wasn't singing to ME. Was he?

I wish you were the only one my arms would ever hold, I said mentally, to him, hoping he was telling the truth about not being able to read my mind. Even if he could, part of me hoped he would.

The song ended and with it, silence encircled us. His eyes stayed closed for a few more seconds, as if he was lost in the song even after it was over. Finally, he snapped out of it, looking at me sheepishly, his brows coming together as he searched for another CD.

"Wow, that was so beautiful." I said honestly, not only the song, the singer and the image of him with his eyes closed, his deep mysteriously piercing voice.

"Isn't it?" he grinned, "You don't think I'm weird, playing all this old stuff…do you, Bella?"

Yea, right. Who was I to call anyone else weird? Especially this splendid specimen of man and god combined at my feet.

Oh yea, you're a freak, Edward. Get out of my room and don't ever come back here, you geek. Hello !

"It's…unusual." I said truthfully, smiling, tilting my head, "But I like that. I love different."

He looked at me and smiled again, AHHH!!! The perfect crooked smile with a bit of a twinkle in his eyes ! Wow !

"I do too." He said, "That's why I think I like you so much. You never do what I expect. Ever."

I want to have your babies.

"I feel the same way about you." I said, not daring to look directly into his face, picking up a CD and looking at the cover.

Well at least I know now why he likes me as a friend. I'm a freak too. Great. If you could consider Edward Cullen a freak. He did not see himself clearly at all. Maybe he needs my glasses, which he would still look hot in, no doubt.

But if he liked me for that, I would be a super freak if he wanted. Please don't let him put Rick James on now.

He put something else on and a beaufiul violin played along with some piano. I waited for him to start giving me information but instead he asked me a question.

"Bella?" he asked gently.

"Edward?"

"Do you live here alone?" he looked afraid as he brought his eyes up to mine.

I hesitated, feeling my mouth tighten and my eyes harden a bit. No, don't do that, I told myself, don't do that to him.

"No, never mind." He shook his head a little, "It's none of my business. I shouldn't pry into—"

"Yes." I said softly, closing my eyes for a second, afraid to lose him now.

Then I looked at him.

I took a hard breath and said, "I feel so bad. I lied to Alice. She's so nice and I lied to her. I just didn't want to tell her. My life sucks."

"No it –" Edward began to talk but I talked over that.

"I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me." I injected, "I can handle it. I just don't want to tell my sad stories all the time. No one cares anyway."

He looked like I just cut him. "**I care**."

I sighed and it slipped out. "Why?"

He looked down at his sneaker.

"You've only known me for 2 days." I said, "Why are you so nice to me?"

He waited a few seconds and said, still playing with his sneaker laces, "I've never had 2 nicer days that I can remember. I like you. I feel…safe with you, too."

I smiled with wet eyes again. Would I always cry around him?

"I like you, too, Music Edward." I teased, then made myself say the words, "My dad is…dead. My Mom left. Please don't tell anyone else."

"I wouldn't." Edward said it with such meaning that I truly believed him. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"My parents died when I was…younger." He said, surprising me again, "I almost died, too. We were very sick. Carlisle…cured me…and took me in."

"You were lucky, about Carlisle, I mean." I said, "You didn't have to be alone."

"I've been alone." He corrected with a solemn voice, "So alone."

I still didn't see how this young god could have had a moment alone without someone taking an interest in him. Even if he was sick for awhile.

Then I thought for a minute, back to the first day in Biology and then in the gym, both times he looked sick.

"You're not still sick, are you?" I almost gasped in worry.

"No." he looked at me in confusion, then added, "Well, I'm not the same as I was. I'll never be that kid again. But I guess you could say, my body can feel very sick at times, to me. If I ever run away from you, it's not your fault. It's…me. You know what I mean?"

He was trying to tell me something but I'd be damned if I could figure that out. It was just like the 'it's not you, it's me' speech again, like Jessica had said. But I didn't doubt what he was saying was true. I believed everything he said.

"I think so." I said reassuringly, wanting so bad to touch him, to comfort him and make him smile again.

"I know you feel like everyone is out to hurt you." He said softly, "But I just want to say, I promise..no, I _**swear**_ not to hurt you."

I smiled at him more, feeling a little tear hanging onto my eyelash.

"I trust _**you**_." I breathed, exposing myself again, totally without my armor.

He gave a serious look downward, at his own hands, inhaling. It looked like something heavy was on his mind. And the song ended.

I looked at my own hands and sighed.

"What's the matter?" he looked at me, as if a bit afraid.

"My star came off in the shower earlier." I showed him the back of my hand, totally without art, my mouth sad, "Plus I think I lost 5 pounds of water weight today, I sweated like a pig. That's what probably melted the star right off my hand."

"Damn therapy guy !" Music Edward looked truly pissed, giving me a little smirk.

"I know." I chuckled.

"Well…" Edward reached into his backpack and pulled out a sharpie permanent magic marker, fine point.

"Uh oh." I laughed, about to put out my hand to his.

"Wait !" he pulled back from me, "You're not getting it for FREE! You have to EARN it."

"Oh no, don't ask me to do push ups or anything." I warned, "My body is useless."

"I wouldn't say THAT." He teased, smiling at me.

Whoa, what was THAT?

I felt like I wanted to be therapy man now, shouting, 'Explain!' But I shut up.

Damn, there goes my cheeks again. Bright red.

"Okay, for one star." He put a CD in, hiding it from me, "Name this song."

He hit play and I listened carefully, wanting that star so badly.

"**They asked me how I knew  
My true love was true  
Oh, I of course replied  
Something here inside cannot be denied"**

Oh man, this sounds familiar. I think I heard this in a movie once…WAIT.

"**They said someday you'll find  
All who love are blind  
Oh, when your heart's on fire  
You must realize"**

**CLICK. **

The song stopped. He raised a brow at me and waited.

"Oh, wait, two more seconds!" I begged, grabbing my hair, I was blowing it.

"If I play any more the title will come out." He laughed, shaking his head no.

(Anyone guess it ? Do you know what it is ?)

"Three seconds, Miss Swan…" he looked at his watch, "Three…two…" then he did the sound of a harsh buzzer, one that said you failed.

"OOOHHHHH!!!!" I screamed out in agony, pounding my fists down at the floor.

"I am so ashamed of you." He shook his head disappointedly, "That one was easy, I handed it to you on a silver platter!"

"Oh shut it!" I complained, "I have heard that before but I can't think of the name of it!"

"Yea yea." He rolled his eyes, "I am so glad I got here when I did. You're going to need lots more music lessons. You are pitiful."

You can come here every night and teach me music, Edward. I'm not resisting.

"So what was the song called?" I tried to peek over him but he gently pushed me back.

"No, you cheater!" he teased, taking that CD out and placing it up on my bed at his side.

"You have one more chance." He caved in, looking for another CD, "But if you blow this one, you get NOTHING."

I made my bottom lip stick out in a baby pout. Edward laughed, finding that highly amusing.

"Hold on, little girl." He was still picking something.

He called me little girl. No one had called me a little anything that since forever. I prayed I would know the next song.

"This is a classical piece." He smiled without mercy at me, throwing up an evil laugh, "Try THIS."

Meanie. I thought Music Edward was cool. Lies.

It began to play and inside, I smiled. I knew this one. But I didn't let him see that I knew. I made my face look scared and clueless. He smiled back at me, leaning back on his arms, tilting his head, thinking he was about to stump me again.

He let it play all the way through. "I can't cut off a piece like this in the middle." He explained.

Then it was over. I decided to play my part to perfection.

"Oh MAN !" I rocked back and forth a bit, grabbing my long locks of hair again, biting my bottom lip. Edward just stared at me, a huge smile on his lips.

He sighed, shaking his head, looking at his watch again.

"Five seconds." He muttered.

"Oh GOD !" I bounced, my fist going again, "I can only remember…."

"Three seconds." He cut in, "Three…two…"

"Clair De Lune!" I got in just under the wire.

He looked at me with his mouth open.

I laughed back loudly and obnoxiously, like an animal.

"In your FACE BUDDY !!" I squealed, gloating. I am such a gracious winner.

"You played me!" he sat up, shocked, a hint of a smile there.

"No body ever plays me." He almost complained, staring at me, baffled.

I giggled, "Sorry."

"No, I like it." He smiled more, "It's nice to be fooled for once. With my gift, no one ever gets the chance."

"YAY ME !" I celebrated.

"Yes, indeed, yay for you." He smiled tenderly at me, opening the marker.

I danced like a little kid on my butt, and I gave him my good hand, the back of it pointing upwards to receive the star where it had been before.

"I want to put it somewhere else now." He said, "Is that okay?"

All I could do was nod like a dumb animal.

I was afraid. Where did he want to put it ? Not anywhere private, I hope. Why not? Oh God!

"Relax, little girl." He smirked at me, just turning my hand over, my palm up.

I watched, his hand was almost shaking a little as he drew a medium sized star on it. Next to it, he wrote the words 'Be Safe'. Then, he stared at his star for a couple seconds, moving his finger over the entire area, not tearing his eyes away. Then, I swear to God, he lowered his lips to it. The most feathery, light kiss I had ever felt. Tears were in my eyes again.

A few seconds later, he looked up at me and trembled. Honest to God trembled.

"Sorry." He released my hand as if he didn't want to give it back to me, and he placed the cap on the marker, tossing it into his bag, now casual suddenly.

I went to speak three times before noise came out of my mouth. When it did, I squeaked like a cartoon character.

I cleared my throat a couple times, getting a little grin from him, as if he was entertained by what he did to me.

"Are you hungry?" I asked., "Or thirsty?"

He looked at me deep in the eyes, squinting his like an unaware angel.

"I have some snacks if you want." I explained.

That's me all over, I get a tiny spec of sex and right away my mind wants to add food to it. I am so greedy.

"Oh." He said, a light clicking on over his head, then he frowned a little, "No thank you."

_Oh, no, baby, don't go cold on me now. Come BACK to me !! Draw anything you want on me and kiss that, too. PLEASE !!_

"I could go down to the fridge and get you a soda." I offered again.

_Why am I __**trying**__ to get him out of my private room, exactly? Bella, you are so dumb. He's cornered ! He kissed your hand ! Dive on him ! Who cares if he struggles a little? He'll weaken eventually !! I can hold him down! I can be strong when it matters !_

_My inner pervert is so ugly and foul._

"Oh that reminds me." Edward let a wicked little smirk dance across his face.

"What?"

"You'd better enjoy your precious snacks and sodas this weekend." Edward said cryptically, picking up a stack of CD's, "Cause come Monday, I have a sneaking suspicion therapy guy is going to put his foot down about that."

I gasped with a loud intake of breath.

Edward kept grinning at me, "Therapy guy is all about proper nutrition, Bella. This has nothing to do with weight. It's about what's best for your muscles."

"Damn." I could only sneer. I had just been denied sex and food at the same time. What did I have to live for now?

"Don't be upset." Edward was putting his CD's in his bag, still happy, "I think School Edward will be able to help you resist the temptation."

"Are you going?" I asked, sounding like a puppy suddenly.

"We've been here for 2 hours." Music Edward informed, "I think I've bored you enough for one night, don't you?"

I wanted to scream. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

"I liked it." I said, sounding a little sad now that it was over.

"Oh, don't worry." He informed, "I am far from finished with you. There are so many other musicians I have waiting their turn to come over and sing to you. It could take me years to property educate you."

"Oh, really?" I squinted.

"Yes, really." He shot back, zipping up his backpack.

He stood up, swinging his bag over one shoulder.

"Well then I demand equal time." I joked back, "I want to teach you about things I like too."

"Like what?" he smiled, wanting to hear it.

"Like…" I smiled, thinking, "Xena. Highlander. Buffy the vampire slayer."

He looked up then said, "I willingly accept you dragging me into the television pit, but I must draw the line at Muffy the vampire slayer."

"Buffy." I laughed. Did he really not watch TV? What kind of alien is he?

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes, "Do you like to do other things, besides TV?"

Now he was really asking, looking curious and interested, coming closer to me as I finally got to my feet, without help again.

"Yes." I said defensively, "It's just…I spent a lot of time in bed, in hospitals for the last few years, and TV was just…there. I got sucked in."

"I understand." He said honestly, at least it sounded honest, "But I hope you are okay with me pulling you away from that thing from time to time."

"I am." I said, hopelessly in love with him. I hope it doesn't show.

He smiled again, and said, "Good. I'd hate to have to throw you over my shoulder and kidnap you."

Then he looked down, frowning, it seemed, at himself, for saying that.

"It's okay." I put a friend's hand on his shoulder, patting it for a second, "You can kidnap me any time you want. I won't fight you much."

A sharp breath came out of his mouth. He backed away with a quick movement.

"You okay?" I asked, hoping he knew I was joking, "I was kidding."

He swallowed a few times. I watched this, remembering it. Maybe he was sick sometimes. I felt myself get scared. What if he has something he's dieing of? Please, God, no. I couldn't even imagine not having him around now. It would be just like God to give me this gift and then snatch it away in death. No, maybe I'm just over thinking this. He said he wasn't sick. You should believe him.

"I'm okay." He said, almost to himself, running a hand roughly through his hair.

Awwww…I wish I could touch it like that. I wish I could grab it hard. I wish I could stroke it soft. Oh God, you are never getting near him. You're making him nervous. Be his friend and stop drooling all over him. Remember Jessica?

"Good." I smiled, putting on my friend eyes.

"Ummm." He was nearing the door now but not going yet. He wanted to say something else.

"If you don't have plans tomorrow." He said slowly, looking down, "I would like it if you came to my house. Just to…hang out. Meet my Mom?"

I cleared my throat, very afraid for his family to meet me. I had met Carlisle and liked him, but what if he didn't want Edward hanging out with me? I was a patient. And Carlisle must know my past. What if he thinks I'm not good enough for Edward? Which I am not, but regardless. That mean looking girl, she was in his family, too. What if she says something horrible to me?

But my voice went, "Sure. I would love that."

He smiled so big then, as if I'd just given him 2 million dollars, which was probably his weekly allowance.

"Great." He said, "I'll come pick you up tomorrow. What time?"

Anytime, baby…anytime. How's 3 am work for you?

"Um…" I shrugged, "1 o'clock okay?"

"Sleeping in tomorrow, huh?" he grinned, moving a bit more towards the door. I knew I should've locked it.

"A little, yea." I smiled, "Therapy guy nearly killed me today."

He smiled, "That was only day one, really. He was just playing with you today."

I so wish.

He chuckled at me as my face blushed again. He has to know how dirty my mind really is. Thank God it makes him laugh and not vomit.

"Goodbye you evil thing, you." I moved towards the door, too, ready to be a gracious host and escort him downstairs, "Oh, don't forget your radio."

"Let it stay here. I'm not lugging it back and forth everytime we have a music lesson. I have my stereo at home anyway." He said. He WAS coming back, "Oh, his name is Ringo. So take good care of him. Don't play any modern crap on him, he doesn't like it. And no sodas for him, either."

I could only laugh at his cuteness in mocking me.

Goodbye, Bella." He turned, opening the door and taking a step outside it. Then he turned to me.

"Oh, you don't have to walk out with me." He noticed I was following him.

"No, I should." I said, "It's good for my legs. Besides, I have to protect you. You're so pretty you could get attacked going out there all alone."

Oooh, Bella, that was good. You go, GIRL !

He laughed. Thank you Jesus.

"Well thank the heavens I have you to protect me." He replied, "My virtue is very important to me. It's all I really have left."

The thought that Edward Cullen was a virgin almost made me guffaw. But if he wanted to play that part, no problem.

He allowed me to take the stairs first. Never once did he rush me or sigh or say a word to make me nervous. I felt so bad for my naughty thoughts about him, they were not intentionally crude or would never want to make my good friend disgusted or nervous, they were just so intense because of how much I found myself caring for him, wanting him, loving him. I would get my ass handed to me one day and I knew it. I knew I could never have him. But that didn't stop my heart from wanting him.

His kiss was still burning heat on my palm where his little star and note still lied. I decided to get that star and note tatooed in that spot. I don't care what it costs. I didn't want to lose that.

Was that a friend kiss? Why did he put the star there and stare at it like that? Was there something I missed? This was driving me nuts. Just enjoy, it dummy, he kissed your hand. Get over it.

Finally, after we reached the bottom of the steps and the fancy glass etched door lied before us, Edward opened it and stepped outside it, standing there.

"Thanks for a wonderful music lesson, Music Edward." I smiled, holding the door to steady myself more. It was dark and windy out there and I hated making Edward stand in the winter's hiss this way. But he never looked cold or uncomfortable.

"It was my pleasure." He gave a little bow of his head, like a knight. God!

"You have homework, too, by the way." He informed, "The CD on your bed. Track 4. Memorize it. There's gonna be a quiz on Monday."

I giggled. "Yes, Sir."

"I'm serious." He warned, not hurrying anywhere, still standing there.

"Okay, Serious Edward." I smiled, "Track 4. I will impress you on Monday with my extensive knowledge of it."

"We'll see." He said, tilting his perfect little nose up, his body spinning around on his heels.

"Goodnight." I called at his back, "And…"

He stopped, turning back around to me to hear what I wanted to say next.

I smiled, feeling misty eyed again. I wanted to kiss him, to leap into his arms and tell him I loved him. But my legs wouldn't allow me, even if my heart had the guts.

"Yes, sweet Bella?" he grinned, waiting.

Sweet Bella? Wow.

"Thanks…" I said softly, "For coming over. For…talking and all."

He smiled back very warmly, understanding the depth of what I was saying.

"It was **my** pleasure." He said again, smiling, "Goodnight DM."

"DM?" I frowned, we were back to teasing each other. Yay!

"Danger Magnet." He chuckled, walking over to his car, at a medium pace, opening it and getting in.

"Punk." I muttered, hoping he could hear me in there as he started his car. I have to think up a good nickname for HIM.

Now this is the funny part. Once the engine roared and the headlights rolled open like lion's eyes, he revved it proudly, seeing me still standing there, frozen, watching him.

He did this wild spin with the car, going in the other direction than he was parked, the car almost growled in pride as it raced away, like a bullet. That was a small glimpse of Racecar Edward.

Sigh. He's gone. Fuck.

I looked up at the Mt. Everest that was the steps and sighed again, forcing my leg up and bracing my foot to the first one, exercising again.

When I got to my room again, I saw my homework CD sitting on my bed and bent over, placing it into Edward's player, going to number 4.

It was the song I couldn't name. I sat on my bed and listened to the entire thing.

"**They asked me how I knew  
My true love was true  
Oh, I of course replied  
Something here inside cannot be denied**

They said someday you'll find  
All who love are blind  
Oh, when your heart's on fire  
You must realize  
Smoke gets in your eyes

So I chaffed them and I gaily laughed  
To think they could doubt my love  
Yet today my love has flown away  
I am without my love

Now laughing friends deride  
Tears I can not hide  
Oh, so I smile and say  
When a lovely flame dies  
Smoke gets in your eyes  
Smoke gets in your eyes."

I let the tears that had built in my eyes fall, happily. It was so sad and beautiful. I heard my mind start to worry about what this meant but I shut it up right away. I wobbled over and played it again…and again…and again…and again.

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**See next chapter soon!**

**Love**

**WinndSinger**


	15. Best Friends and Surgeries

15

**Saturday**

**BPOV**

At 7 am the next morning, I was dressed and in Sue's car, a little white 2 door Ford Escort, as she drove me to my destination.

"I feel so bad about this, Sue." I said as she got on the highway, another rainy cold day facing us through the windshield, "I would've hailed a cab or caught a bus."

"Shut up." She repeated, a little more loudly this time. I had to smile. She is great. And she is my friend, too.

"That was a cute kid last night." Sue said, never one to beat around the bush, "That was one of the Cullen kids."

"Yes, I know." I said, not wanting to say too much.

"And very polite, too." Sue commented.

He is everything good and holy.

"He's a good friend?" Sue asked.

"Yea." I smiled to myself, "Even though I've just met him. Is that weird? Being close to someone you just met?"

"No." she growled, "I met one of my husbands and three days later, we were married. That was one of the best marriages I ever had."

"Really?" I felt my skin glow.

"Yep." Sue looked at the road, "He was killed 2 weeks later. Hit by lightning."

"Oh my God!" I couldn't help but sound horrified.

"Yea I know." She glanced at me, "But still, it was the best 2 weeks of my life."

I stared out the window, stunned into silence.

"Listen, kiddo." Sue cut into my quiet time, "If you ever need condoms or anything like that, you know where to find me."

"SUE !" I screeched, my eyes wide.

Oh God, if Edward ever heard her say anything like that, I'd die. Which reminded me.

"What?" she groaned, innocently.

"And by the way, DON'T pound on my door, asking if I'm NAKED next time I get a visitor, okay ?!", I hissed.

"Jeez, so sensitive." She commented, "I'm just saying, we're both women. If you have need of anything, I most likely have it. Don't be embarrassed, everyone has sex. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You don't want to get knocked up at your age, with your legs being that way right now."

Oh God. Edward has super hearing.

"How many miles are we away from the Cullen's house?" I heard myself mumbling.

"I don't have sex." I informed. Oh great, that's better. Hope Edward heard that.

"Well, you can't stay a virgin all your life." Sue shrugged, "If that little piece of ass was caught in MY web, I would hurt the poor little boy. They'd have to come and cut the cuffs off him from my headboard, you know what I'm sayin? Of course, I'd get arrested, but who cares?"

I decided to turn the radio on, all the way up, hoping this would muffle her voice. Why won't she stop talking?

"We are FRIENDS." I stated loudly, in case he could hear, "We are very good friends. It's not like that."

"I just mean, you're a young girl." She said, "Your youth goes by so fast. Don't waste time. Grab life by the throat and SQUEEZE."

Okay, that sentence didn't have any smut in it. Good. We were past it all now.

"And fuck the boy." She added, making my face go purple.

"SUE !!" I screamed.

Later, when I finally arrived, I felt like I had a clean mind compared to Sue's. I gasped. Edward can hear Sue's thoughts. I wonder what she was thinking last night. Jesus.

I walked in, only a couple people there, working out. Quietly, I chose to warm up on the floor and do my exercises that Therapy Edward had taught me the day before. I felt good, coming here on a day I wasn't supposed to be here, doing what he had taught me. I felt I owed it to him after how rude I was yesterday. I knew no one would know I what I was doing, I wouldn't brag to Edward about it. It was just for me to know, but still, I felt so good about it.

EPOV

I finished it and hoped she'd understand. This would be part of her program if she were 95 lbs. I had slipped it by her last night as Music Edward and she seemed to understand. I had to stop tiptoeing on eggs around her. This is part of her recovery and that's that. I knew she wouldn't like it but too bad. Diet and exercise go hand in hand.

The lower her weight is, the easier it will be to use her legs when the time comes. Looks would come right into her mind and I was ready for that argument. I didn't give a damn if she lost any weight at all as far as looks went. I think she's beautiful as she is right now. But I can't tell her that. She'll get the wrong idea. She'll think I'm romantically pursuing her. We have to stay friends, I kept repeating that over and over, friends, friends, friends.

I had made a huge mistake last night when I allowed myself to kiss her hand. IDIOT! I wanted to do it and I did. Only after I had done it did I realize what I had truly done. I was leading her on, making her think we'd be together as a couple someday. I couldn't do that to her. She deserves better. Not me. Anyone but me.

I want to be with her, I know that now. I was even singing Blue Moon to her last night for God's sake! I know that I want her, I know that she's perfect for ME. But I kept seeing Alice's vision in my head.

We had gotten rid of the frogs, every one of them, and that was fun. I was so afraid Bella would smell swamp all over me when I went to her room. She didn't say anything and I didn't detect any funny looks of disgust on her face so it must've been all right.

In the vision, I had kissed Bella, so deeply, so savagely that I FELT it while I fell off the piano bench. I want to kiss her. So badly. But I also saw what happened next. The kiss enflamed my repressed sexual desires and the venom could not be swallowed away. I almost had no choice or control then. I was certain to kill her, to tear her clothes off as my vision self had done. Even though the threat was eliminated by losing the frogs, the danger was still there, every day, every minute. I could never act on my desires. Never. I can never lose control. I must keep myself a friend. I can never cross that line. I hoped it could be enough for her, just having me as a friend.

I know she's attracted to me, very much so, as I am attracted to her. She is so sweet and innocent, in heart, at least (not in her mind), but that just drives me harder and harder towards her. I hated leaving her last night, even though I came back 2 hours later, to climb up into her window and watch her sleep again.

I would've come back sooner, only she listened to the CD I gave her for homework like 300 times. After awhile, I was even getting sick of hearing it. And I love that song. Since I saved her in a fire, I thought the song fit perfectly. I wanted it to be our song. But there couldn't be an us, so I couldn't ask it. It wouldn't be fair to play with her feelings this way. What am I doing?

I was glad she told me about her parents, even if she only told me one little thing about them, I didn't mind. It would take her awhile to trust after all the hurt she'd been through. Hell, she couldn't even trust her own mother, why would I think she'd trust me, right off the bat? But she told me. She opened up to me. ME.

But the more she did, the more evil I felt. I shouldn't let her get so close to me this way. I should let her know what I am. It's the honest thing to do.

No, I can't do that. The Volturi. My brothers and sisters. That option is out.

Maybe she'll figure it out on her own. I need to give her more clues. Like what? My head hurts. I need to lift weights. Well, I don't NEED to, but it helps clear my thoughts. I walked down the hallway to the gym and saw her, on the floor, doing the stretches I showed her yesterday. She had her back to me and I backed up a bit, looking at her through the doorway.

Bella, I love you.

I was not going to deny it to myself anymore. Alice's vision was at least right about that. I cannot tell her how I feel, ever, but I was feeling love for a woman for the first time in my evil existence.

I almost sobbed, putting a hand over my mouth for a second, not wanting her to see me standing here, crying like a girl because she's doing pre-exercise stretches by herself. Therapy guy is supposed to be tougher than this.

I felt moisture in my eyes and blinked the venom tears back, my eyes darting around to make sure no one was looking at me. It was dead in here, 7 am on a Saturday. What is she doing here? She's being my Bella, that's what she's doing.

She is going to walk again.

I almost went up behind her and said something, but I didn't. I didn't want to be therapy guy today and slam her, verbally, at least. I would let her alone to do her work. I turned and walked away, smiling like a retard the whole way to the other side of the hospital.

And for the next few weeks, my life was humanly magical.

Bella, shaking like a leaf the whole way, came to my house to meet my family. It was hard to ask my family to pretend to be normal when she came over. I wished we could be ourselves but that just wasn't possible. Rosalie had gone out for the day, saying she wouldn't be part of this charade. It was better without her there, anyway. Jasper said a tense hello and said he had to go out to a game, Emmett gave Bella a big bear hug that I almost screamed from watching (thankfully for him, he didn't hurt her), and Esme was her sweet, charming self, as was Carlisle, who tried once again to explain the surgeries to her.

I stopped him. This was a Saturday and was only for her to have fun. Nothing sad would get through to her today. I showed her my room, explaining my bed was being exchanged for a new one, hence, only a sofa was in my room. She didn't press me on this and I was glad. We had a perfect day then. We watched movies, I played the piano for her a little (but not her song yet, it's not finished), I even took her to K-Mart (as Emmett held Alice down) so she could get a few things she needed. I was surprised how we both loved shopping in a place where the shirts weren't $200 dollars each.

I informed her then that I had graciously allowed her to have another friend besides me. Alice was nominated by me to be her friend #2. She laughed and told me she didn't need my permission, but I knew she was hesitating because of me. Bella instantly voted Alice in as her new girl friend. And Alice just ADORED us calling her friend # 2.

After all, I told her, I couldn't very well try lipsticks on in K-Mart with her or help her find the perfect wonderbra. Alice was desperately needed in Bella's life, I realized after Bella had asked me which shade of plum eye shadow went with the soft mauve lip glosses. Do I look like Boy George to you, I had asked her. Hence, Bella now had a gal pal to ask these things to.

Thanksgiving arrived and all us Cullens were invited to Sue's for dinner. Well, for more than that. Every year on Thanksgiving, Sue would open her place for free to anyone who wanted a warm bed or a hot meal. Bella told me about this a week before the holiday. She was going to help Sue serve and make the food and I instantly wanted in. Bella was impressed by that. I scored big friend points when I said I wanted to help, too. An even bigger surprise was in store for her when I arrived and my whole family, including Rosalie was with me, aprons on and sleeves rolled up, ready to get to work.

That was the nicest Thanksgiving any of us could remember. We used to think Thanksgiving was all about eating a lot, but Bella showed me it was so much more. It was about being thankful for family and home and friends. Again, I was reminded of how lucky I am. Even more so, since Bella had come into my life.

After we had served all the food, we sat at a little table in the kitchen, Sue, Bella, and my whole family. We all joined hands and Sue said a little prayer. She wanted us all to name something we were thankful for.

Bella almost made me cry. She thought she had no family, she had said at first, but then she said she had found a great family here in Forks. Sue, who was like a mother to her, and her new friends, the Cullens, who she said were sent from heaven (if only she knew where we really came from), and then she said thanks especially for School Edward and then she gave special thanks to therapy Edward and all the other Edwards that she was thankful and proud to call her friends.

Even Esme looked touched by Bella's words.

I almost couldn't talk when it was my turn. It was such a Little House on the Prairie moment, as Bella had called it, when we started this.

I gave thanks for my family, and to Sue, for letting us be part of her holiday, and then to Bella, my best friend…my only friend. She sees me better than I really am, I'd said, and I hope I can be even better, the more she teaches me, so that I can be worthy of her friendship someday.

That made Bella cry. What doesn't? I always carried Kleenex wherever I went now. I had thought it was kind of weak after I had said it. I wanted to say more. I wanted to say how I thought my heart was dead and broken before she came. But she seemed to be the kiss that woke me up from the dead and I felt alive again. I wanted to say that she was an angel that was dropped into my lap and I truly did not deserve her.

I wanted to say I loved her but I chickened out. Maybe in a little more time, I could tell her I loved her as a friend. But I didn't want to say it wrong so it would hurt her feelings. It is so hard to love her as much as I do and have to hold myself back.

Other things happened, too, in school. Alice and I sat with Bella now, everyday. Alice would leave halfway through lunch to join Jasper at the table with Emmett and Rosalie, and that was fine with me. I liked having Bella to myself.

As far as the rotten kids went, they grew tired of picking on my Bella, especially after I anonymously circulated a rumor that I had once killed a boy in my last high school for bothering my friends. Carlisle was furious with me but he got over it. Now, once in awhile, the girls in Bella's Home Economics class would get a bit bitchy, but she never complained about it. Those girls never ever came anywhere near me again.

The other kids at school didn't seem to really bother her now, either, since she had me and Alice. She was happy with just us. I couldn't believe we were all she needed to be happy, but I felt like I was walking on air. My thirst was controlled pretty well, as my being around her so much had sort of desensitized the burn in my throat. I often thought she'd get sick of me being around her every single day, but she looked so happy when I came over. There had never been one day that she looked annoyed or bored with me. That made me feel warm inside, as if I had blood and a heartbeat again.

The asshole squad in her History class were all mysteriously switched to another class days after Bella had told them off. Jasper had done that for me himself for free in the computer just because he liked Bella so much. My bro. We had put them in Creative Writing, laughing the whole time.

The dead frogs were never found. Mr. Banner swore on Monday to hunt down the "dirty bastard thieves" who took those frogs and "have his classes perform dissections on their testicles" when they were caught. I had never seen him so wild before. But it was slightly entertaining. Bella never knew it was us who did it or why. I had to act terribly disappointed and outraged at the criminals. That was fun.

Everything with Bella was fun. I didn't have one boring day with her, ever. How many people can you say that about? She made me laugh more in the first 2 weeks than I had in my whole 108 years. I loved her. I would watch her sleep every single night, my eyes getting drunk on her. I never got enough of her.

Her progress in therapy was magnificent. She was no Arnold Schwarzenegger yet, but she was ready and strong enough for her surgery now. I was so proud of her. She never gave therapy guy any lip since that one day, never argued with me (in therapy only), and always went the extra mile.

She kept coming in on Saturdays and sometimes Sundays (when I didn't make her go with me for the day instead). She was getting stronger every day. Even her fear of people was getting less and less as time went on. She was still very shy and had the low self esteem that always angered and confused me, but one day she asked Alice and I if Angela could sit at our table with us.

This was the girl who'd defended Bella in the hall that day, trying to get her cane back for her. Since then, Angela sat alone in lunch. Even worse, because she was pregnant, all the girls treated her like she was diseased and the boys treated her like a slut. I totally agreed with Bella that she could come over and sit with us. I went over and invited her myself. She had looked so scared when I was first coming over to her, but I put on my nice smile and one minute, she was part of our table.

Funny, two weeks ago, Bella was all mine. Now we had a full table. Me and three beautiful girls. What a hard life I lead.

But I was surprised how I didn't mind sharing her with Angela and Alice. I even ate from time to time at our table. Alice didn't even try to stick food into her mouth, she only played with it. I was used to playing my part better, being around Bella so much. I liked doing it. I felt like a real person sometimes, and now and then, for a couple seconds, I almost forgot I was a vampire.

I couldn't believe Bella had gone out the day after I drew the star and Be Safe on her palm and gotten it permanently tattooed there. It would be there for the rest of her life.

When I went to her room and saw the bandage on her hand I almost lost it. I thought she cut it anyway, and that my killing her was fate and could not be changed. That hand was the same one in Alice's vision that had gotten cut, that I drank from and licked that started my frenzy.

That's why I had kissed it and written that note there, to sort of protect her from me, even after it faded I would be able to see it there, holding me away from her. So then she went and put it there forever. Again, she never did what I expected. She fascinated me so.

It was nearly Christmas now, and I was worried because Carlisle planned on doing this first surgery on Bella on Christmas Eve, can you believe this?

I did everything I could to save her from that, being in a hospital on Christmas, but Carlisle's hands were tied. He had another surgeon coming in to assist him in the operation, one of the finest vampire surgeons in the world, and he could come on Dec. 24 or if not, August 8th. I hated it but I couldn't ask Bella to wait that long. She would have to have it done on the 24th. I wanted to cry, thinking of my little Bella, alone and on painkillers on Christmas Day.

Emmett and Carlisle assured me they would help me make it the best day we could make it for her and that made me feel better, somewhat. Even Esme and Alice decided to pitch in, and Jasper, too, said he'd make her feel happy and relaxed while she was in the hospital.

I love my family. All but Rosalie. She never offered to do a thing for Bella. She was being particularly rotten where Bella was concerned and I loathed her more and more for it. She'd leave the house when Bella came over every time, she'd stare her down in lunch all the time, she wouldn't drive or ride in a car with Bella. She was pissing me off and sooner or later, we would be having a showdown. I was ready for her.

My friendship with Bella was in full bloom. We are best friends, we proclaimed it to each other after one particularly touching episode of Xena where she had almost lost Gabrielle in "Is there a Doctor in the House?". Gabrielle had almost died. If I could've cried, I would have. Yes, Bella sucked me into this damn show and now I was hooked. I am Edward Cullen, I am a nerd, and I love Xena.

We adored her and Gabrielle's friendship. Xena was me, dark and wicked, trying to be good now. Gabrielle was Bella, sweet and good and trying to be Xena's friend despite the dangers. I never told Bella my take on this, she still didn't know I was a vampire and I planned on keeping it that way.

But I loved watching TV with her in her room at night. Sometimes, she'd fall asleep and I'd stay, telling her I fell asleep, too. Then I could pet her hair and trace my fingers over her little lips while she purred my name in her sleep. It was innocent touching, I never crossed the line into anything sexual or boyfriend with her. But oh how I wanted to.

We would sit or lay on her bed, side by side, curled up in a blanket, watching TV. We took turns. She introduced me to Xena and I introduced her to the medical channel. We would watch eye surgeries, heart transplants. She would watch between her hands, shielding her eyes most of the time.

We had our music lessons always and she was getting quite familiar with everything I loved most, musically, anyway. We would be at her house or mine, it didn't matter. But we were always together. We were BFF's, as Alice had said.

Other times I pretended to fall asleep in her big king sized bed and waited to see what she would do to me. This was a brilliant idea I had one particular night I didn't want to leave. Part of me was a little scared of what she might do to me, knowing her perverted little mind.

But, as I said, her heart is sweet and pure. She kissed my forehead, my cheeks, not my lips, though. She kissed the little cleft in my chin. I almost groaned out loud when she'd done that. My body loved it. But I had to keep perfectly still, keeping to my act of being asleep. Or I would have grabbed her and had her.

I even snored a little, trying not to laugh. She gently moved her good fingers over my hair, exploring it for a long time, I almost smiled because it tickled in a nice way. She moved her hand over my face, so softly she barely touched me, it felt like warm air moving over my lips, my eyebrows, down my nose, over my cheekbones, across my jaw, even my ears. She took her time touching my face, never going any lower than that. I felt so loved. I was happy.

I loved her even more after that. I thought I heard her mouth the words I love you but it was even too soft for my ears to hear. I knew she loved me…but she couldn't love me. I couldn't love her. It couldn't happen. She would die if I let myself really love her the way I wanted to.

Bella was a wonderful friend. She'd put little things in my backpack like a roll of lifesavers with a little note attached that said, "You're my lifesaver."

She'd stick little cut out comic strips in my books so when I opened them for school, I'd have a little chuckle. She especially liked Calvin and Hobbes, the Far Side, and Winnie the Pooh.

One example of a great comic strip she gave me has Winnie the Pooh sitting on a hill next to Piglet. The sun is going down and they just sit there, side by side, not talking. Then Pooh says, "Piglet?" Piglet goes, "Yes, Pooh?" Then Pooh says, "Nothing. I just wanted to be sure of you."

I saved every single one. I had a large poster frame and every time I got one, I'd glue it in there, hanging it back on my wall.

I returned these little sweet gestures with some of my own. I would pretend to use her bathroom if I stayed overnight and write her little notes on the toilet paper,( which even for a vampire with my stealth, was no easy trick), or sometimes I'd use the soap and write something cute on her mirror.

I ran her a bath once and put a little bottle in the bubbles with a note inside it. She loved that idea, but the fact that she almost got cut sitting on the glass bottle when she sat down on it didn't thrill her much. Danger Magnet.

Today, December 23rd, I checked Bella into the hospital and was putting her things in the drawer as she laid in the bed, looking very tiny and frightened to me.

It was snowing outside and I was still crying inside, hating it that she had to be here during the holidays. I wanted to take her sleigh riding again, I loved pulling her on the sleigh up the hill, then getting on it with her and taking off. I didn't want her to be here now.

"Do you want anything to drink?" I asked, knowing what she'd say.

Like a knee jerk reaction, she blurted out "FANTA."

But just as instantly, at the same time she said that, I said, "WATER?"

"No fanta, Bella." I said sternly, "I'm not therapy guy now but I could go find him easily in the hall."

"RRRRRR." She growled, hating her diet. I tried to give her little things she'd like but she was always trying to sneak little things. I was patient with her while I was normal Edward, her best friend. But if therapy guy hung out with her, he'd have torn her a new one.

"You want some water?" I repeated gently, touching her hair. We were very close, we always touched each other now, it was very comfortable for us.

"No thanks." She was staring at her knees, the bumps under the blanket.

I was done unpacking her stuff and I came over to stand by her bedside.

"Want me to brush your hair a little?" I stroked my one finger down her cheek.

I loved doing this, I could play with it for hours and she loved the way it felt.

She gave me a little smile then. "That's a yes." I said, giving a smile back.

"I love Hairstylist Edward." She watched me as I went to get her brush.

"He is not gay !" I was ready for this argument again.

She laughed. "I didn't say anything!"

"Yea." I grumbled, then said, "Don't move, I'll come to you."

I made the bed go flat with the switch and I jumped up on the bed, sitting with my legs open behind her.

"You're so clever." She said as I began to softly move the brush straight down the middle of the back, hearing her moan in a low hum, "You're so good to me."

"You're my girl." I said, doing Forrest Gump, another one of our favorites.

"I'll always be your girl." She replied her line, my Jenny. I smiled, I always loved to hear her say that, even though I knew the odds of that being possible were slim.

"Want a special do today?" I asked, moving my hand over the smooth silk strands after the brush danced over them.

"No, not today." She said a little sadly, not at all like herself. But I knew why.

"Bella, don't be afraid." I said slowly and gently, placing a nice kiss on the back of her head while I still worked, "Everything is going to be fine. Carlisle is the best. I promise."

"I trust Carlisle and you, that's not it." She said, tears in her voice. I laid my chin on her shoulder and put my arms around her. I could feel her shaking. I hated this. I wanted to protect her from everything. This time, I couldn't do it.

"It's normal to be scared." I said, "I understand. But, believe me, you'll fall asleep with me and the next thing you know, you'll be waking up with me and it'll all be over. I won't leave you for a second."

"Really?" she asked, touching my hands, "You'll be in the operating room, too?"

"Well, no." I had to tell the truth. I could never handle that. Her blood, oh my god, I would be sure to kill her then, "Carlisle won't allow that but I swear, all the rest of the time, I'll be here…waiting for you."

"Okay." She said and her heartbeat calmed a lot, her shaking quieted. I closed my eyes and kissed her cheek, so glad I somehow had some power to soothe her. I went back to brushing her hair.

Later on that night, I put Xena on and found a really funny one with Joxer in it, where the day repeated over and over and over again. We both laughed hard and felt lots better, as if we were at her home or mine, just hanging. If this surgery was being done by any other than Carlisle, I'd be scared to death. But I trusted Carlisle, above all others. I had seen myself, firsthand, what his skills and mind could do. This was Bella's only chance, Carlisle's surgery. No human doctor could fix her. If there were no Carlisle, humans would have to amputate her bad arm first. There was no way that arm could be saved.

Next, her legs would go. No human can made a new muscle and insert it into a leg and make it work properly. And that was the only thing that could work for Bella now. I shuddered when I thought of all the doctors she'd been through before Carlisle, and how any one of them could've decided to cut off her legs and arm before I'd ever met her. It was a miracle it had never happened.

Part of me wanted to tell Bella something else. Carlisle was going to use something else to save her legs and arm. My blood. A couple tiny drops of my blood, mixed with other drugs, so diluted no one would ever be able to even see it in a drug scan, would be dripped onto her most shriveled and dead muscles.

They would slowly come back to life, so not to make it so obvious to humans that some miracle had occurred overnight, but she would still have to work the muscles in therapy and learn to walk again. I felt deceitful, keeping this from her, but there was no way I could tell her. Carlisle had absolutely forbid it. He would've used his own blood, but as I got closer to Bella, I asked that he use mine. He agreed.

Still, it did make me feel good that my blood would somehow be inside her. Oh, a big part of me hated it, too, not wanting to poison her with my dirty vampire blood. But the majority of me was glad. This would save her legs and arm. She would be whole again, in time. It wouldn't hurt her or give her any weird powers or cravings for blood.

I was laying back against the bed and Bella was laying back on my chest, my arms curled protectively around her little body, covered by a nice warm blanket from her own bed at Sue's place. Her breathing sounded steady, as if she was falling asleep.

I loved most of all in hearing the things she'd say in her sleep. It thrilled me, most of the time. Sometimes it wouldn't. When she had nightmares about her father, her mom, and the accident, I would sing to her a little and that seemed to make the bad dreams drift away. I had finished her song but I was saving it for the day she'd walk to me. It would be her lullaby someday.

She still didn't tell me everything about her parents, or her Dad's death, or her accident. I didn't push her. I would wait until she came to me and told me. Just like she was waiting for me to tell her my secret. We were being very patient with each other.

Then, about 15 minutes later, as I still laid there, letting her sleep on my chest, I heard her say, "I still can feel my legs."

I listened, my brows slanting together as I kept listening for more, hearing her heartbeat quicken now, her blood racing. Bad dreams…very bad dreams.

"No, wait…" she struggled a little in her nightmare, whimpering, "It's not working…I can still feel my legs, listen to me!! Please!"

"Bella." I shook her a little, screw singing a song, I wanted her awake and out of this dream, it sounded awful.

"No, don't cut !!" she quivered all over, violently so, as I sat up more, talking loudly into her ear, "BELLA, wake UP now."

"NO !!" she jerked awake, gasping for air, still struggling a little before she realized the hands on her were mine.

"It's me, Bella, it's Edward." I said from behind her, "Shhhhh….calm down…you're safe. It was a dream."

She calmed a bit but was still shaking. I was trying to hold her again but she started to cry.

"Oh, honey." I wanted to cry too, "Please…please don't cry. It was just a dream. Just because you're nervous about your surgery tomorrow."

"I'm sorry." She sniffed, trying to slow her breathing.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" I asked.

She shook her head no. Bella and I had gotten so close but there were still walls I had not broken through yet. Things she still couldn't talk about. I had them, too. So even though it hurt me, I didn't push.

"Do you want to hear some music?" I offered.

She nodded her head and I grinned, reaching over and hitting Play on the CD player I had brought with us.

I picked out a lot of soothing music for her to listen to and a nice piece by Rachmaninoff began to play.

Right away I felt the tension in her body melt and I breathed, relieved.

"Who is this?" I asked, testing her on her music.

"Rachmaninoff." She said in a sleepy voice, her eyes already getting heavy again.

"Good girl." I answered proudly, giving her hair a little kiss from behind, "Go to sleep. I won't let anyone hurt you ever. I'll always watch over you, Bella. Always."

She slept soundly for the entire rest of the night. I didn't leave my spot the whole time, even though a couple of scraggly nurses tried to remove me from the room. It would take more than them to drag me away from my Bella now.

The sun was coming up and I saw Carlisle coming in.

"Hi Pop." I grinned, hoping he wouldn't lecture me about being with her all night.

"Cute." He commented on the way we were laying there together. I could tell he meant it in a good way, glad for us, but also, worried for us.

"Yes, she is." I looked down at her, admiring her as she slept.

"Edward, it's time for her to wake up now." Carlisle informed, but I already knew that, "They have to prepare her for surgery."

"I know." I sighed, "I just hate seeing her so scared."

"That's a normal human reaction." Carlisle smiled warmly at sleeping Bella, "Their lives are so fragile. They're really brave, doing all they do everyday with bodies so temporary. They are the real strong ones, not us."

"I agree with that." I muttered, trying to gently remove myself from under Bella, "Dad, help me, willya?"

"Oh great Ceaser's ghost." Carlisle grumbled, coming over and carefully pulling me by my arms, slipping me out from under her as delicately as possible.

Success ! She did not wake up but rolled over to her side, snuggling in the blanket. My smile must've given me away as I watched her. She looked like a snug little kitty, so soft and new.

Carlisle said, "You look like me when I look at Esme."

"Stop." I frowned at him, "We're best friends, that's all."

"That's what lovers are, Edward." Carlisle wrote something in his chart, and added, "Best friends."

He went, giving us a few more minutes. I sat at her side, hoping she wouldn't get scared again once she woke up, hoping I could once again make the fears go away.

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

See next chapter soon!

Love WinndSinger


	16. I love you

**16**

EPOV

I hated to do it but Bella needed to wake up now. Nurses would be here soon to start prepping her for her surgeries. It would take about ten hours in all, give or take a couple hours, but I would keep my promise and wait for her until she woke up.

I opened the second drawer down of her dresser and took out my book of poetry, flipping to one of her favorites. Sitting down on the side of the bed, I sighed and began to read the words in a medium sized voice.

"**Lying asleep between the strokes of night  
I saw my love lean over my sad bed,  
Pale as the duskiest lily's leaf or head,  
Smooth-skinned and white, with bare throat made to bite"**

Swallow, Edward, breathe…focus. Just read, don't think about the words right now. Okay, moving on…

,  
"**Too wan for blushing and too warm for white,  
But perfect-coloured without white or red.  
And her lips opened amorously, and said--  
I wist not what, saving one word--Delight**."

_Why did I pick this one, of all of them to read? I really want to slip, don't I?_

"**And all her face was honey to my mouth,  
And all her body pasture to mine eyes;  
The long lithe arms and hotter hands than fire,  
The quivering flanks, hair smelling of the south,  
The bright light feet, the splendid supple thighs  
And glittering eyelids of my soul's desire**."

I finished it…and didn't drink her…thank you God.

She stirred a little bit, but didn't wake up yet. I leaned down and kissed her cheek affectionately, not wanting to stay long, for fear of my icy lips startling her awake rudely.

"Bella…" I sang in a whisper, "Time to wake up."

She moaned and sighed, curling herself even more under the soft blankets. I hate hospitals ! Why do they insist on doing these things at daybreak, anyway, I internally voiced my rage at them making my Bella wake up at this ungodly hour.

Maybe I needed a ruder poem to shake her out of her sweet dreams.

There once was a man from Nantucket….no, that would be gross.

I turned, seeing the CD player, smirking. I'm sorry, Ringo, but this is an emergency. I took out a CD I never thought I'd own or play in a thousand years. But for her, I would accept the suffering.

I hit play and out blared Bella's most loved rock star.

"I'm wanted…WANTED….Dead or alive!" Bon Jovi shouted out, guitar music playing after his exclamation.

I loved this line, I always laughed at it. Bon Jovi, talking about life and death…amusing.

She gave a little jerk, then, opening her eyes, searching around the dimly lit room, finding me, holding my book, smiling down at her.

Good, I can turn him off now. Bye Bon. I hit stop and bent down a little.

"Hey DM." I greeted her warmly, touching her hair, "How're you feeling?"

"I don't know, I just got up." She whined slightly. I smiled more. Bella is not a morning person, but I liked seeing her bratty side from time to time.

"Well get up because in a few minutes it's time for you to go to sleep again." I scoffed the hospital staff with this sentence. Why couldn't they let her sleep and put her under without waking her up? It is ridiculous. But then, I did want to see her for a little bit before they'd take her away from me all day.

I picked up her glasses from the side table and carefully slipped the arms over her little ears and they sat accurately on her nose.

She began to grumble a bit as I hit the switch that made her bed sit her up. I would humor her today and let her have the TV on, hitting the power button on the remote so it went on up in the right hand corner of the ceiling.

"There you go." I said, "And look, I got you some nice ice chips."

I handed her the little cup of shredded ice and she stared down at them.

"Wow, this puts IHOP to shame." She joked in her grumpy way in the morning. Well at least she was being herself now, the fear seemed to be absent for the moment.

"I promise, as soon as you come out of the anesthesia later, I will let you eat anything you want." I said, smiling down at her like she was seven years old.

"Anything?" she perked up, a gleam in her eyes. I was scared.

"Within reason." I added, "Why ? What do you want?"

"MMMMM." She thought about this and went over all her options silently, "Mushroom ravioli."

"That's it?" I asked. That seemed simple enough.

"And an orange Fanta." She added, "Two of 'em."

I sighed. I hated her drinking soda, if she only knew what it was doing to her insides.

"That it?" I gave in, just this once.

"And a hug." She added, smiling up at me.

"You can always have that." I bent over her, wrapping my arms around her as she touched my back, her cheek against my chest for a moment. I hoped she wasn't listening, not hearing my heartbeat might cause a little suspicion.

I let her hug me for as long as she wanted. Finally, she let go. I gave the top of her head a little kiss and straightened up, seeing the ice chip cup in her lap. I handed it back to her and raised a brow.

"Eat." I said firmly.

She mumbled to herself, "Stupid ice chips." And began to eat them. My silly little girl.

Just then the door flung open and Emmett's extraordinarily large voice pierced the quiet like an explosion.

"Hola HOSPITAL BITCHES !!" he announced himself like an ass every time.

But he made Bella smile and laugh, so I didn't hit him.

"Can't you ever just come in and say 'hello'?" I asked, crossing my arms, a little jealously. I wanted to make Bella laugh first. She seemed to find my larger brother most amusing and that drove me nuts.

"How boring is THAT?" he scoffed, then came in, his arms full of presents and a large basket with pink wrap all around it, a giant silver bow at the top.

"Santa's home, baby !" Emmett said to Bella, ushering in all the gifts he'd gotten her.

"Emmett !" I felt my eyes widen, "We were doing the gifts tomorrow on Christmas Day, not now."

"Chill, Ebeneezer Edward, I'm just bringing them in." he put them down on the other side of the room, on a little countertop, then he bent over, hands on his knees and addressed Bella.

"Hey, doll, you look good !" Emmett smiled, a sick twinkle in his eye. I wanted to belt him good. No one smiles at my Bella that way except me. He knows that. It was written in the new house rules I issued them all last month.

"She hasn't had anything done to her yet." I informed.

"So what?" he frowned at me, "I can't say she looks good? She does ! Even in that hospital gown she's smokin'"

I sighed, looking at Bella. She was pink but giggling. God, I hate you Emmett. It had always bugged me that Emmett impressed Bella before I did. The day he pushed that Nick kid into the wall for teasing her won Emmett Bella's affection. They were friends, too, not as close as I was to her, but it still drove me crazy whenever any other male got her smile. Alice was right, I am possessive.

Just as I was about to start throwing Emmett out, Alice was coming in, also bringing presents, Jasper in the hallway, handing her some more. He couldn't come in. He was still very nervous around Bella. We had discussed it and he said he didn't want to accidentally lose control and hurt her. He knew how much she meant to me and he didn't want to even take a chance. I appreciated that.

We always told Bella that Jasper was very shy and she never asked much more about him.

"Alice!" I complained loudly now, the presents were piling up and my gifts to her were still in my room at home. I didn't want them showing me up to Bella.

"I'm getting therapy guy right now." I threatened, pointing out in the hall.

Alice rolled her eyes, "You know, Edward, you'd better stop doing that, you're even starting to believe he's another person. You better get some help and fast."

Bella hid a smile behind her good hand as I shoved them out, telling them all about the fun luxuries awaiting them in the waiting room. I whispered to Jasper, "Can you keep her calm?"

"Already happening." Jasper punched his fist to mine with a grin as he followed the other two down the hallway. I thanked him and got back to Bella.

The nurse was coming in now, Carlisle behind her. They talked again about the surgeries and how she would feel when she woke up, what to watch out for after the operation, etc., etc. I watched her face and saw she was looking very calm and relaxed, thank you, Jasper.

She politely nodded and signed what they asked her to sign, after I looked it over, of course. Carlisle was doing this surgery for free, so I had to ask why they needed her signature. Carlisle just laughed and let me read it all anyway.

"Lawyer Edward." Bella waved a hand towards me, introducing me to my father.

Finally, everything seemed to be all set. Carlisle asked her if she had any questions and she said no. He gave us a few minutes before they'd come to take her to the OR.

"Edward?" Bella reached for my hand. I took it with both of mine and kissed the knuckles, looking at her, asking, "Yes, sweet Bella?"

"Go in my purse, there, there's an envelope." She pointed. I went and got it. It said Edward on it.

"What's this?" I asked sweetly, "You're the patient, I should be giving you cards and flowers."

"It's nothing, I just wanted to give it to you." She shivered a little and I saw the fear rising up in her again.

"Want me to open it now?" I asked.

She nodded, turning a little red in the cheeks.

"Okay." I opened it and on the front was a picture of golden autumn leaves falling, lots of them, the writing said, "If I were an angel, I would write notes to you on every leaf, on every tree…."

I smiled, opening it, and written all over the inside, on the falling leaves it said, I love you, I love you, I love you on every single one. Also, there was a braided little lock of her dark brown hair with a little reddish tint mixed into it. I was rendered speechless. Bella looked at her knees, turning reddish again as I read what she wrote in the side.

**Dear Edward, my Best Friend,**

**I can't tell you how much you mean to me. You made my hellish life so wonderful in such a short time and I will never forget that. I still don't know why you care so much for me like you do but I am so eternally grateful to have you in my life. Can you believe we've only known each other for one month and ten days?**

**I love you and I just wanted you to know that. We might not have said these words to each other yet but you really tell me that every single day and I just wanted to say it back to you.**

**I hope this doesn't make you feel weird or different around me. We are still best friends and I know that. Thank you for everything, Edward. You're the best friend I ever had…and ever will have. Forever.**

**Bella, DM extraordinaire**

My hands almost shook. I did not deserve such love. But I was so touched to have this amazing girl write these things to ME. My voice almost couldn't work for a second.

I would have this card for all eternity, I would preserve it any way I could so time would not make it crumble or yellow. This was proof that maybe I wasn't completely evil or bad. Someone loves me. Someone unreal in her magnificence.

"Bella, this is the most beautiful card I've ever gotten." I didn't hide it that my voice was choking up a little as I looked at her, taking her hand again, kissing it. I wanted to say more but emotion was strangling my thoughts and words.

She looked embarrassed, scared.

"Yea, well, the lock of my hair is for you, too, in case I croak or something." She said, "I know you can figure out a way to bring me back from the dead with that. Right?"

I smiled again, "You're not going to die." I promised, "You're going to walk, Bella."

"I'm scared." She whispered, clinging to my hands tighter and little tears were pooling in her eyes.

"I know." I said with a deep voice, "But you'll face it and kick it's ass. You're strong now, Bella. I've seen you change so much since we first met. You can do this. You're Xena, warrior princess. Let me hear the cry."

She blushed hard now, smiling. "No Edward, this is a hospital."

I stuck my bottom lip out and gave her the sad puppy eyes, leaned in to her and laid my face on her shoulder, cooing, "Pwwweeeaasseee?" Then I snuggled my nose into her neck. She was mine.

"God, I hate you, Baby Edward." She scowled, then I knew she would do it. She could never resist Baby Edward.

Then she let out a perfect high pitched Xena warrior cry. I sat up, getting goosebumps.

"God, I love that!" I cheered happily.

"If I get an extra breast or something for doing that, I'm holding you responsible." She frowned, trying to pretend she was mad.

I laughed. Crazy Bella. God, I love her.

Carlisle came in with two nurses. It was time for them to take her away from me. But I wasn't done yet. I still had to let her know how much her card meant to me.

"Time to fly, Miss Swan." Carlisle said.

"Swans don't fly." I shot Carlisle a look, "They're **flightless birds**, read a book, will ya?"

(Yes, that happened by accident, lol)

Carlisle and Bella laughed but I wasn't.

"Wait, one more second." I put a finger up and one nurse frowned at me. I frowned right back at her and turned to Bella. She was crying a little bit, and took off her glasses, handing them to me.

"Can you hold these?" she whimpered a little. I wanted to sweep her in my arms and leap her out of there, to make her so she'd never hurt or be afraid again.

"Yea, I'll hold them for you, sweetie." I took them carefully, sitting on the bed by her side again.

"Be strong, Bella." I almost begged, "You will be fine. When you wake up, I'll be here."

"Okay." She let another tear fall, wiping it with her good hand.

"And Bella?" I was so afraid to say the words that might change our perfect friendship forever, but I had to…I had to tell her the truth before she faced all that horror and knives and sterile instruments…

"I love you, too, Bella." I whispered, only her and I could hear it as I leaned my forehead to hers, my eyes closed.

It was not a promise of romantic love, although I wanted that. But as she said, we could be best friends and love each other. I hoped this wasn't a mistake, saying it to her. I didn't want to break her heart but I couldn't deny that I loved her either. To emphasize this, I placed a deep kiss on her forehead, letting my lips rest there.

She smiled up at me, and her body relaxed. Her wet little dark eyes almost cut me with their trust as I began to stand up a bit, the nurses already unlocking the brakes on the wheels of her bed below us.

I muttered, "Compassion is the soul of a nurse," to the women moving Bella's bed carefully out of the doorway now. I followed behind the bed as they slowly moved her down the hallway.

I came around to Bella's right side, holding her good hand again as we moved. I was glad they went slowly. I wanted to be with her as much as I could.

"Bella?" I asked her, getting an idea, "Do you want to see therapy guy before you go in there?"

Therapy guy was great at motivating Bella to do the impossible. Maybe she needed him now, more than me.

She chuckled and said, "Okay, yes."

My smile vanished and I did a quick little spin, now I was therapy guy.

"Swan!" I looked at her sternly, "What's the god damn crying about?"

"Uh…" she wiped the tears again, a little grin on her lips, "I was just a little scared."

"Scared?" I frowned in distaste, "What are you, three years old?"

"No, Edward."

"I don't want to hear scared, it's not part of our program, is it?!" I raised my voice a tad.

"No, Edward." She took a breath, I couldn't believe this was calming her down. But her heartbeat was calm now and her blood was flowing steadily.

"I've put far too much work into YOU to have you go all soft on me now." I said coldly, "Are you going soft, SWAN?!"

"No, EDWARD!" she said like a machine.

"Good, I won't have to kick your ass, then!" I shot back, "Today, at least. And don't think this laying around all day means you're on vacation, either. There's still lots more therapy to be done AFTER the surgeries, you got that, Swan?!"

The nurse shot me a look again and I even yelled at her a little, "What are YOU looking at?!"

Bella laughed then straightened when I snapped my eyes back to hers.

"I asked you a question, Swan."

"Oh, yes, Edward." She replied, my tough little soldier.

We were at the operating room door now.

Carlisle stopped and looked at me, trying not to laugh at my therapy guy demeanor. He said, "This is goodbye, therapy man."

Then, therapy guy did something he never did before. He smiled down at Bella.

"Good job, Swan." I held up a fist for her. She got teary eyed again, punching her little fist into mine. It was the one compliment therapy guy had ever bestowed on her.

"Get lost, Swan." I added, motioning my head towards the door. The bed moved through the doors and she was smiling at me for as long as she could before the door closed, locking me out.

Carlisle smiled at me and said, "I'll take excellent care of her, Edward. I promise."

"You better." I half teased him, my eyes afraid and lonely as I looked back at him.

"See you tonight." He put his hand on my shoulder and went through the doors, leaving me.

I felt weak suddenly and let my forehead rest on the glass of the door, my fists on the walls beside me. I wish I was strong like Carlisle and could go in there, if only to be with her. I almost sobbed without tears, and before I knew it, my heart was praying for her.

I heard inside me it was saying, I don't know if anyone or anything is out there listening, but if you can hear me please bring her back to me. Let her be all right. Give her the bravery and strength she needs to get through this. I'll take care of all the rest. If you do this for me, I will owe you everything I am.

Emmett was coming down the hall towards me, then, asking, "Come on, Edward, we have lots of work to do you know. Bella's room is waiting."

BPOV

Carlisle had been so sweet and loving, like a handsome young father, and very much reminding me of Edward at times as he readied me for surgery. I felt totally at ease with him, even when the nurse told me I had to remove my whole gown, a large blue cloth was placed over me first so I wouldn't be embarrassed.

Every single hair on my legs and arm was shaved off with a little buzzer first, then a razor. Carlisle played music in the room as he turned his back to my shaving experience, scrubbing up meticulously and I liked watching the nurses hold his gloves as he inserted his hands deeply, stretching his fingers until they were on snugly.

I was proud to know what music it was. "_Tchaikovsky?__" I asked._

_"Yes, it is." Carlisle looked surprised and impressed. _

_"Music Edward taught me some of his work." I said softly, proud of my teacher._

_"Yes, Music Edward is a piece of work, himself, isn't he?" Carlisle commented with a rich chuckle._

_"Yes." I almost glowed when I thought of him._

_"You'll see him again very soon, Bella." Carlisle vowed._

Then they put his blue scrubs on, along with the hat that would prevent any of his hairs from falling out and landing inside me during surgery. The other doctor who was going to assist Carlisle would be arriving in an hour, after I was out. I had been told about him and did research on him as well. He sounded as innovative and respected as Carlisle himself.

Carlisle was warning me that I would be restrained after I fell asleep so I could not jerk or move during the surgery. I suddenly remembered that one doctor who tried to operate on me a couple years ago, he had restrained me first before he'd even given me any anesthesia. Quack. Carlisle was the best, Edward said. I trust Edward, so…I trust Carlisle.

"Bella," Carlisle said with his rich honey voice, while I stared up into his Edward-like golden eyes. In a small way, it was almost like I was seeing Edward and that gave me some comfort.

"I'm going to release the IV now." He said, telling me what was happening every step of the way, "When I do, you'll start to feel very sleepy. I want you to count backwards from 100. Do you understand?"

"Yes." I made myself be brave, hoping the anesthesia would work this time and I wouldn't have to scream at Carlisle not to cut until I was out.

"Go on, sweetheart." Carlisle said, his gloved fingers rolling the IV drip to open. I saw the orangey liquid travel down the skinny little tube, coming towards my arm and needle.

"100…" I shivered a little, closing my eyes and thinking of Edward's face, a smile coming now to mine, "99….98…97" the lights were being dimmed to give me my nice loved darkness, only a single light from above shined over my legs.

With each number I said aloud a new image of Edward appeared in my head, or was it my heart? Either way, it was a heavenly assortment of our every moment. His laughing face on the bus that first day I used it, his dirty look from the lunch table that first time I yelled at him in line, his sad eyes as he laid face down on my bed, chin on his arms, watching as Xena was on TV, pounding on Gabrielle's chest to bring her back to life, screaming, wake up, WAKE UP! , his intent gaze as he watched the medical channel, his laughter at me while he laid on my bed, watching between my two upheld hands.

These were only some of the flashes I saw….the last one was the best of all. His sleeping beauty face came to my mind (as if it had ever left) and the still perfection of it all made me quiver as I recalled his voice a little while ago, "I love you, too, Bella."

"96…95…." I counted and Carlisle looked at me in wonder, checking the IV.

"I don't think it's working…" was the last thing I remember saying…then there was nothing.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

See next chapter soon !

Love WinndSinger


	17. New Year, New Information

17

BPOV

Silent night, holy night  
All is calm, all is bright  
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child  
Holy Infant so tender and mild  
Sleep in heavenly peace  
Sleep in heavenly peace

Angels were singing to me as I laid there, a harmonious mixture of male and female voices too lovely to be human. My eyes didn't want to open, and I couldn't feel my body at all. I felt like a cloud spirit, hovering in restful slumber…then I heard a familiar voice break the magical Christmas song.

"Why are we singing sleep in heavenly peace if we want her to wake up?" Emmett asked intrusively.

"Emmett," Edward hissed through gritted teeth, "I swear to all that is holy, Christmas or not, you are on thin ice brother."

"Shhhh." Alice interjected in a whisper, "That nurse keeps trying to come in here to blow out our candles."

"I'll bite her hand off if she comes near those candles." Edward threatened, violence in his voice.

"Oooh, a Christmas snack." Alice giggled.

Esme's voice whispered now, "Shhh, enough of that squabbling. Let's go back to singing."

"Yes." Edward agreed.

"What should we sing now?" Alice sounded excited.

"Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer!" Emmett suggested.

"Tsk." Edward sounded loudly, "**No."**

"Sorry, Virgin Edward, what would YOU like US to sing ?" Emmett asked like a servant.

"How about the First Noel?" Edward offered.

"Ugh." Emmett scoffed in disgust.

"How about Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas?" I asked, but didn't know if my voice could be heard by all of them. It sounded weird to me, like it was vibrating a little or echoing.

"No." Emmett winced, about to argue when Edward gave a little gasp, leaping up to attention right near my right side.

"Bella?" he said my name the softest I had ever heard it, "Bella, can you hear me?"

"Yes…" I said, my voice tuning in now, a bit clearer to myself, "Where's the angels?"

"Angels?" Edward asked…my eyes still wouldn't open and that was pissing me off. I wanted to see my favorite angel and couldn't.

"Singing…angels…so pretty….," was all I could breathe out in tired sounding words suddenly.

I heard a warm tender round of laughter all around me and I slightly jumped from the surprise of it.

"Shhh!" Edward scolded the rest of them, "You scared her."

"No…no…" I mumbled, my eyes still heavy and unable to move yet, "I'm not scared…Edward was with me…I'm not scared…."

I wanted to be more articulate than this but I felt so woozy and dizzy, kind of happy and silly, too, now that I thought of it.

"Hit it again." Edward said in a low voice to Alice.

"No, Edward, you can't hit the morphine drip every ten minutes, Carlisle said so." She argued, "Besides, I want her to wake up and open her gifts."

"She's going to eat first, she must be starving." Edward informed with concern, then I felt him stroking my hair softly, "I promised her mushroom ravioli and she's getting that first."

"And two fantas." I said groggily, my eyes starting to flutter and blink.

I heard Edward gasp as if he was watching baby dinosaurs hatch out of eggs.

"Look, she's opening her eyes….so cute!" he gushed. Even I had to roll my eyes, if I could control them right now.

"Edward…." I focused and the flawless details of his face and eyes sharpened. I was looking around. I felt him put my glasses on me, with his usual cool fingers.

"Yes, Baby?" he asked, looking down at me, bent over, on his feet.

"Is it over?" I asked, my voice still sounding airy and confused, even to myself.

"Yes, it's all over." He assured me, smiling his biggest smile, "Every thing went perfectly. You're fine, you're great ! You were so brave…I'm SO proud of you, Bella."

I felt myself smile, letting out a sigh of relief as Edward let a laugh of relief, too, he sounded so happy, happier than I'd ever heard his voice before.

"I missed you…" I said, staring deeply now into those golden orbs of light that were his eyes. I felt him hold my good hand, which tingled a little bit.

"I missed YOU." He returned, his voice cracking a little, "You have no idea…"

He didn't finish his sentence and there was a little pause. I looked, I had missed something. Alice was hugging her brother Edward, now, at my side, patting his back affectionately. He looked overcome with emotion as Alice tried to calm him. What happened? Did I almost die or something?

Esme slipped herself in the blank space where Edward had been and softly asked, "Does anything hurt, Bella? How do you feel?"

"Oh God, I should've asked that…" Edward said behind his mother, ashamed of himself.

"Uhhh" I was starting to become sharper and sharper now with the details around me. It was dark in the room, except for about 100 little candles lit all over the room. It was so soothing and peaceful, the blackness sprinkled with little torches here and there. I couldn't see my own body or legs very well, only a large quilt laid over me, but I was in no pain at all. Not even any discomfort, yet.

"No, no pain." I answered, smiling, "I feel sooooo good. Edward, where did you go?"

"Back in there, man." Emmett snapped his fingers at his brother, and instantly Edward was back beside me, holding my hand, giving it a soft kiss, cold to the touch.

"I'm here," he assured, smiling at me again like a prince, "Do you want anything? Need anything?"

"Fanta." I heard my voice reply. Everyone burst into a fit of laughter at that. Hey, I wasn't kidding. Get my fanta now.

About an hour later, I was sitting up, my bad arm and both legs wrapped up tight like I was the Michelin Man, and Edward was feeding me mushroom ravioli.

Ah, this is the life. Every so often he'd bring the fanta can to my lips and I'd suck my very missed soda out of the straw. During all this, I had to open Christmas gifts. Alice and Emmett couldn't wait for me to open theirs. It was officially Christmas now, about 3 in the morning.

Edward, being a good little boy scout, said he'd give me my gifts last, when it actually WAS Christmas morning.

So I kept laughing like a drunk, still a bit giddy from the morphine, and because I only had one hand to try and open things with and Edward would help me now and then, giving the paper a nice tear to get me started.

"Wait, Alice, let me get some food in her." Edward battled to feed me in between my present opening marathon.

He brought the fork to my mouth and I smiled while opening my mouth and getting the bite. Edward's mouth opened and closed along with mine as he watched me. I never thought I'd think this, but Edward feeding me was pure bliss. I wished we could do this everyday. And he looked as if he was enjoying it as much as I was. My fellow freak. My God.

"Ohhhh sooo goood." I ate and it melted in my mouth. The sauce was incredible. For the last month I'd been eating low fat meals. This was paradise.

"It should be, Edward ordered it from the most expensive Italian place in Seattle." Emmett snickered.

"Aww, you didn't have to do that, it must've cost a fortune." I said to him.

"Shhh, nothing but the best for my girl." He wiped off my smiling lips with a cloth napkin and brought the fanta can straw to my mouth, watching me suck on it.

Uh oh. My dirty mind is coming back. Well, hello, there, dirty mind, how did YOU sleep? Are YOU okay ?

"I wish I was that straw." Emmett commented, getting a round of shouts from everyone else, especially Edward.

"You will go out, right out, do you hear me?!" Edward restrained himself from yelling hard because I was so close by. I just laughed, knowing Emmett was joking.

"Rosalie will be here in ten seconds next time." Edward warned his humongous brother, "Try me."

"Okay, open this one." Alice handed me a medium sized box wrapped with shiny red foil, a green bow on top.

"Another box of shoes?" Edward rolled his eyes.

"STOP telling her what's in every thing!" Alice screamed, "This is why I don't wrap your presents anymore, Mind Whore!!"

Edward opened his mouth in shock, holding my fork.

I got the box open and saw a gorgeous pair of red high heeled shoes.

I gasped. "Girl shoes." I felt tears come to my eyes.

"Yes," Alice smiled, "Because soon, when you're walking, you're gonna be dancing…and you'll have the shoes all ready to go. And I have a feeling a wonderful dance is in your future."

"I love you Alice." I hugged her, sniffling, "I've always wanted girl shoes."

"I know." She chuckled and Edward shot her a look that said, shut up.

"Every girl wants fancy high heeled shoes." Alice stated, "These are the best shoes, too, Jimmy Chos. Give them a nice home and love them."

"I will, thank you." I wiped my eyes and as I turned to Edward, opening my mouth to say something to him when a bite of food slid into my mouth, taking me by surprise.

I was going to say what a klutz I am and I hoped I wouldn't break my neck in those shoes.

He laughed, seeing my face as I glared back at him.

"Can you give me a little warning next time?" I mumbled with a full mouth.

"My turn!" Emmett grabbed a giant basket and brought it over to me. I smiled and opened the pink plastic wrap, screaming out loud as my eyes found what was in there.

"CANDY!" I screamed my first true love's name, seeing literally every single favorite candy of mine from my childhood to the present. It was the most beautiful sight I had seen since my diet began.

"Thank you Emmett." Edward's eyes were deadly slits, staring at his brother, who was beaming back at him.

"Bella." Edward gently took the basket handle from me and with graceful swoops, removed two candy bars from my fingers, "No candy."

"Oh please, oh please, oh please." I tried to reach it as he took it away and I felt a little tug of discomfort then, in my right leg. I paused, waiting to see if I was okay.

"You okay?" Edward asked me, "You're not supposed to strain or reach. That's **your** fault, Emmett."

"I didn't steal her candy, you did!" Emmett argued, "And on Christmas, too."

"She can have a little bit, tomorrow." Edward used the fork to pierce another ravioli.

"That candy is from a special store that carries all the old candies stores don't sell anymore, like Look bars and stuff like that.", Emmett informed.

"I LOVE that." I gushed, looking at the candy behind Edward's head now, trying to figure out how I was going to get it. I need a fishing pole, "Thank you, Em."

"I got you this, too." He handed me a gift bag. I opened it and laughed.

"Boxing gloves." I giggled, getting a smile from Edward.

"I'll teach you how to kick some ass, Bells." Emmett said in a low voice to me as he leaned in.

I was laughing but Edward muttered to himself something about combat skills and danger magnets.

"This one is for both you and Edward." Emmett gave me one more gift bag.

I pulled out two t-shirts. One was mine, it said "Warning: I'm with Grumpy Cullen." And had an arrow pointing to the right.

Edward's said "Warning: I'm with Danger Magnet." And the arrow pointed to the left.

We both enjoyed that one. Edward said he couldn't wait to wear those when school started up again.

For the rest of the night, we all stayed up and told ghost stories. Edward let me have a little bit of my candy as I listened to some of the scariest things I'd ever heard. These weren't normal summer camp ghost stories. But they had me nervous until the sun came up.

Once I had a chance to see around in the light, I could see I had a few nice big bouquets of flowers in vases. Sue sent me one, Esme and Carlisle another, then Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper, then a huge arrangement of golden roses and fressias from my Edward.

I felt loved. I was happy, despite the fact I was wrapped up and helpless.

Edward came in, with a Santa Claus hat on his head.

"Merry Christmas, DM!" he entered, wearing the gray wool coat with a bulge in the front of it. He walked in carefully, sitting on the bed at my side.

"Merry Christmas, Santa Edward." I was so happy now that I had gotten some Fanta in my system a few hours before.

"You look great." He touched my cheek with his fingers, then put a hand to my forehead, "Good, you feel nice and cool."

"You flatterer you." I gave him a light tap then I heard a little squeak come from his jacket. Edward hissed with a cringe and peeked inside his coat, then back to me.

"What's that?" I asked, smiling. He had something in there.

"Nothing." He grinned slyly, looking up innocently.

"Liar." I tried to move to get in his coat but he stopped me, holding my arms and saying, "Okay, okay, listen…don't move so much. I'll let you see. Just open the buttons."

"Okay." I felt my cheeks blush a little then opened one button, then the next one down.

A little white face with bright green eyes popped out. With a soft trembling mew, a little kitten came crawling out of Edward's coat. His cute little triangle ears perked up as it took its little steps into my heart, his little pink nose touched mine and he licked it. From that moment, I was in love with him.

I had been squealing like a little girl and I was holding the tiny little ball of pure white fluff in my good hand, kissing his peach fuzz head as it kept mewing its tiny little words. He was so warm and soft as a baby chick.

Edward had been watching us with a big smile. "Congratulations, it's a boy." He informed.

"Oh, Edward…I love him sooo much." I cried, unable to take my eyes off the little kitty. I'd never had a pet before, although I always begged my Dad for a kitten. Did I ever tell him that? I don't think I did.

"I hoped you would." Edward put a finger on the kitten's little head, giving him a nice cool stroke.

"He's perfect!" I cried some more, kissing my kitty all over.

"Wow." Edward looked at the two of us jealously, "What about Santa Edward? Don't I get anything?"

Oh god. I wanted so badly to kiss his lips, they looked softer than rose petals. I wanted to kiss him all over too and I would for hours if he'd let me. But we are friends. I had to behave and not cross that line.

"Thank you so much, Edward, I love him." I leaned forward, extending my good arm as he embraced me carefully, not hurting me at all. I felt Edward's cheek against mine and my eyes closed from the cool smooth feeling of it.

I love you so much, Edward…I wish I could show you how much.

"Pick out a good name for him now." Edward said as he leaned back, breaking our hug. I looked for any traces of hesitation in his eyes but there was none, only bright happiness. I still prayed that card was not a big mistake. I didn't want to push Edward away.

"Eddie." I played with my new baby, twirling his little tail around my finger.

"No, please." He cringed, "How about Joxer? Or …"

"Too late." I grinned back at him, sticking out my tongue. He was nice and white like Edward's skin.

In addition to my new baby, he also gave me two tickets with backstage passes to a Bon Jovi concert that would come up in March. I couldn't believe it, they had to cost a lot. Edward said it was no big deal but I hugged him for 15 more minutes. He also got me a pair of new glasses, a nice clearer frame around the lenses, a nice small shape that looked very pretty on me with my hair. Along with that, Edward said, per Alice's suggestion, Esme and Carlisle gave me a whole 6 month supply of contact lenses. I had secretly wanted those, too. I hated my previous old lady glasses.

They were all too generous, I didn't deserve all these great gifts. What I had given them paled in comparison, but everyone gave hugs and kisses as things were exchanged. Later, I told Edward when we were alone, that this had been the first Christmas in years and years that I didn't feel alone or sad. That seemed to make his whole day and he beamed for hours afterwards.

I had made Edward laugh with my gifts and that was perfect with me. I loved making him laugh. Alice had told me that he used to never laugh before he met me and that I brought out a whole new side of him. I didn't forget that. I wondered so many things about his parents who'd died and what that had done to him, realizing he had probably been through the same agonies I had.

I gave gifts to Music Edward, a variety of CD's that I thought he might not have yet, along with a nice red cushion to sit on my floor, to therapy guy I gave a little toy whip and a tape about Handling Anger in a Positive Way, to Baby Edward I gave a pacifier and a bonnet. (He even put it on and sucked on the pacifier for two seconds before I stopped him.) I also got him and the other boys assorted Xbox games.

The one special thing I bought him was a thin gold chain. He loved that, or so he told me, and he put it right on while I sat there with him. He said he'd always wear it and he kissed me on the cheek again.

For the whole week afterwards, as I was trapped in the hospital, Edward did a marvelous job at keeping me occupied and entertained. There was no school anyway until Jan. 5th .

He never left me alone, except when I had to bathe or go to the bathroom. It made the hospital not so terrible as long as we were together. I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to be trapped in here with me, but it never seemed to bother him. In fact, when I told him once that he should go home for a day he looked wounded. But he didn't leave.

I just fell more and more in love with him as the minutes rolled by. My eyes adored him, my heart sang for him, my dirty mind lusted him. I completely belonged to him. But I had to hide it because I didn't want to even think of losing him.

He would go over things in my textbooks so I wouldn't fall behind in my classes. It was then I met Teacher Edward. He was super intelligent and frowned upon any goofy remarks or gum chewing. I wondered if he'd spank me with a ruler if I talked during his class. See, my dirty mind recovered quite nicely after surgery.

Every couple days Carlisle would remove a little more of my bulky bandages, saying all was healing well with no infections. I couldn't wait to get them all off me for good. I felt even more big than usual with all the padding.

I kept having these weird dreams during the night that week. Not bad dreams but strange ones. Like, one night I was chasing after a deer. I caught it and tackled it, a rush of pleasure and satisfaction washed over me and I would wake up. Not scary, like I said, but a bit bizarre.

One other night, I was standing outside a little house, woods all around it. I was chopping wood with an axe and then a taller man with a mustache smiled at me, picked me up in his arms and spun me around, then put me on his shoulders and walked me back to the old fashioned house, where a woman with reddish brown hair hugged me. It all seemed to be an image from long in the past. No phones or cars or anything modern appeared in the dream. I never saw these people before in my life but I felt like I knew them all my life. I loved them and I felt it.

I didn't think these dreams were worth mentioning to Edward since they weren't frightening to me, so I just never seemed to bring it up to him. As long as my bad dreams stayed away, I was glad.

Edward started to lay next to me in my bed, against the rules and urgings of the nurses, he would sometimes watch TV with me, other times he turned the TV off and read to me until I fell asleep with my face snuggled on his chest, loving the rhythms of his voice, the steady breathing making my face rise and fall gently with his body. He would stroke my hair and even sometimes hold me as I slept beside him through the night. He would hold my hand, lacing his fingers through mine.

We were as close as two people could be without being lovers. I began to get nervous that I was nearing my talk with Edward in the cafeteria. Once in awhile, I dreamt of that happening and would cry in my sleep. Edward hated those dreams, even though I didn't tell him what it was about.

Today is New Year's Eve, and it's 11:58pm.

We laid together side by side, watching TV, waiting for the big glowing ball to drop at midnight at Times Square. We had only tuned in for the last 2 minutes, as all the performers before this were Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. Edward couldn't handle that so I had mercy on him. He made a comment like, "I miss Dick Clark. And these so called singers? Ugh. Give me back the days when Elvis and the Beatles were the performers."

He almost sounded like my Dad for a second, I had to laugh.

Edward leapt up and pulled two delicate looking crystal champagne glasses out of one of my drawers.

"Edward!" I whispered harshly, "We can't drink!"

"I love my innocent little school girl." He commented, to himself, but loud enough for me to hear, "We're not going to drink champagne, silly Bella."

Then he took out a can of cold orange Fanta, smiling wickedly at me as he opened it, and poured a little in each of our glasses.

I laughed as he hurried back, sitting next to me again as he handed me my glass. Eddie Jr. laid in a little cat bed at the bottom of my bed, yawning and full of milk, going back to sleep contentedly.

He clicked his glass to mine and he curled his arm into mine, then we both drank some of our "champagne".

"I feel so bad, Bella." Edward admitted, looking at me, "I wish I could've given you a nicer Christmas, and New Year's. I could've taken you to Times Square, we could've rode a horse and buggy there."

"Shhh." I smiled back at him, "This has been the best Christmas and New Year's ever, really. I spent it with you. That's all I need."

"Next year." Edward promised, a loving smile on his lips that reached his eyes completely. Another whole year with him sounded like 365 extra presents. I tingled everywhere.

"It's almost time." I noticed, watching the time clicking away on the screen above.

Twenty seconds left.

Edward's voice was low and deep as he said, "You're going to walk this year, Bella. This will be a great year for you."

Tears came to my eyes at the way he said it, so certainly. I wish I was so sure of things.

"It's going to be a great year for you, too, Edward." I said back, staring into his eyes deeply.

Ten…nine….eight…seven….

Something looked wrong with Edward suddenly, like he was sad or upset about something.

"What's the matter?"

Six…five…four…three…..

"I need to tell you something, Bella." He said, his voice a little shaky. He took our glasses and put them down on the table by the wall.

I knew this was something big just from the look on his face. I couldn't believe it, but I switched the TV off. We were in the dark again, one little candle lit across the room. I let it stay this way, hoping it would be easier for him to tell me if he couldn't see my face, as I had first opened up to him that first night in the hospital.

"What's wrong, Edward?" I felt for his hand, finding it, holding it firmly.

"I'm bad, Bella." His voice trembled with sadness, "I am very, very bad."

"No you're not." I said flatly, "Please…tell me what's wrong. You can tell me anything."

"I wanted to tell you before…" he breathed a hard breath, almost sounding like he was crying, "I trust you, it's just…I'm so ashamed. So afraid you'll hate me."

"I will NEVER hate you." I stated as a fact, "Just say it, say it out loud and get it over with. I won't get mad."

This was the secret he had been hiding from me that I waited for him to confess.

And I was guessing in his mind that a new year meant new information. I was ready for anything. I waited patiently.

"Alright." He said, taking a long cleansing breath,"I'mavampire." He said it so fast that I almost didn't catch it. But I did.

I gave a loud TSK and said, "Come on, Edward, just stop fooling around and tell me."

"I DID!" he almost shouted, then he whispered it again, "I…am a….vampire."

I almost started to laugh but his tone was so serious and so morose that I had to listen a little more.

After a long pause, he spoke again.

"My strength, my hearing…" he reminded me, "My gift of reading minds…they are all…dark gifts…evil gifts."

"You are NOT evil!" I heard my voice come alive suddenly, defending him from himself.

"I am." He said, his breathing heavier now, "You don't think so because you've seen Perfect Edward being played for the last couple months. But it's not right for me to keep pretending. It wasn't right for me to make you care about me when I'm a lie."

"Edward…"

"No, Bella." He said, "You don't know what I've done. The horrible things I've done…"

His voice broke and I heard him whimper in pain. I wished I could see his face, but then at the same time, I don't think I could've beared to see the pain there.

"Tell me, Edward." I said, still clinging to his hand, not running, "Tell me everything if you want, I'll still be here. I am your friend, no matter what."

His voice almost sobbed and he whispered, "I'm a killer, Bella."

My blood chilled at this last confession. It dawned on me that if he's a vampire, he drinks blood. I pictured him crawling into women's bedroom windows at night and having his way with them before he killed them. Could I really be okay with this?

"What?" I heard myself ask, shivering.

"You're afraid of me." He stated, heartbrokenly, "I can hear your heartbeat and your blood….I have to go."

"No!" I didn't let go of his hand, "Edward, **I am not afraid of you**. Don't go. Stay with me."

"I shouldn't be with you, Bella." He warned, "I'm dangerous."

No, this couldn't be it. The talk was coming up right now. He was trying to get rid of me. I decided not to let him this time.

(These next lines are based on Twilight the book, they belong to Stephanie Meyer alas.)

"Listen, Edward, I don't care what you are." I said, throwing logic to the wind, "It doesn't matter. It's too late."

Flabbergasted, Edward repeated, "It DOESN'T MATTER?!"

"No." I felt my voice crumbling, my eyes full of tears, "It doesn't matter to me WHAT you are."

"You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not human?!" he asked with a hard, mocking tone of voice.

"No." I felt a tear fall from my eyes.

He sat on the bed, stunned, unable to say anything.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked.

"No." Edward said, his tone as hard as his face, "No, I want to know what you're thinking….even if what you're thinking is insane."

"I am not insane, Edward."

"It doesn't matter!" he quoted me, a crazy little laugh erupting from his throat.

"I love you…I care about you." I said honestly, "You will always be my best friend, I told you that. If you are a…vampire…we will find a way to make it work. It's been working so far."

I suddenly pictured myself helping Edward dispose of dead bodies in the woods at night. Oh God.

"Bella, you don't know what you're saying." He spoke carefully to me now.

Angel from Buffy used to feed off blood banks. Maybe he would be willing to do that.

"I've always loved the stories of vampires…" I said, the realities just starting to sink in. Now I understood about the coldness of his hands and skin, the whiteness of it, the eyes…he was telling me the truth. But there were holes in this theory.

"Wait…." I began, "You've been with me in the daytime, everyday."

"Myth." He said, "We can be out during the day. Vampires themselves created lots of false myths so when we had to prove we were human, it would be as easy as walking around in the daytime."

"But the sun…"

"I said that's a myth." Edward argued, "The sun won't hurt me, but someday I'll show you what it can do. I can't be out in the sunlight around other people."

"Cool." I let escape out of my mouth. I felt like I was finally getting an insider's view into a world that had always fascinated me.

Edward exhaled sharply, "Yes, it's very…COOL. If you enjoy being undead."

"How old are you?" I wondered out loud. Now all his knowledge made sense. There's no way he was an ordinary teenager.

"Seventeen." He answered promptly.

"And how long have you been seventeen?" I asked carefully.

"A long time." He admitted quietly, "I will be seventeen…forever. Tragic, isn't it?"

I was happy at least he was being honest with me now.

"Do you sleep in a coffin?" I sounded so stupid, I knew, as soon as I asked it.

"No." he said softly, "I can't sleep."

"Ever?"

"Never." He said, making me feel sorry for him. I loved to sleep.

"When are you going to ask me the most important question, Bella?" he asked, sounding tortured.

"What?"

"Aren't you…concerned with my diet?" he asked, dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh." I realized he wanted to talk about how he killed people, I hoped we could work up to it, "That."

"Yes, that." He said coldly.

"Give me one second…" I took a breath, gripping his hand tighter, "Okay, tell me."

I prepared myself for the most wicked confessions of all, ready to hear about murders, sexual encounters that involved blood and death. I would love that in a fictional story, but this was real.

"My family and I…we are different from other vampires." Edward said cautiously, "We call ourselves vegetarians. We live off the blood of animals."

We…ah…all the Cullens…that's right, their eyes were all the same gold color. They were a family but also…a coven. Everything was becoming more and more clear.

I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful gift. He didn't kill people, he drank from animals! I felt high suddenly. I could live with this.

"That's GREAT!" I began, "That means—"

"Don't celebrate yet, Bella." Edward cut in sharply, "Animals don't really keep us satisfied. We have to learn to control our thirst. It is so hard. I had my thirst under control, I thought, until I met you."

"Me?" I was lost now.

"I have killed people before." He said in a shameful hissed whisper, "I left Carlisle a long time ago to hunt people. It was more satisfying, their blood. It was a dark time for me."

"But you went back with Carlisle." I pointed out, "You decided to change. You're good now."

"This is not a Xena episode, Bella." Edward gritted through his teeth, "This is real. That doesn't erase all the lives I've taken."

"Edward, don't do this to yourself." I hated hearing him so upset, "If you—"

"I wanted to kill YOU." He said, sounding even more ashamed now, "Your blood…is like nothing I've ever smelled before. It's like a drug to me. You're like my own personal brand of heroin. Even now, I don't know if I can control myself. There've been so many times when we were together that I…almost hurt you. That I had to run away and stop myself."

"Those times you ran away from me?" I recalled, gasping, "The first day in Biology, when you held your nose and mouth…I thought you were making fun of me."

"I wouldn't do that." He assured.

"You earned me the name Smella that day, you know." I tried to smile.

"I'm sorry." He breathed.

"I'm kidding."

"I'm not." His voice whipped out harshly, "I am so dangerous to you, of all people, Bella. Please, grasp that. Don't make this into some dark romantic thing…I'm not. What I am is ugly and deadly."

"Stop it." I frowned, "I'll never believe that of you, Edward. It's too late."

"What does that mean, too late?" he asked.

"Edward…" I shivered, "I told you in my card. I love you, you're my best friend. I can't live without you now."

"You could die being around me." He pointed out, "We should go back to being strangers."

"We can't ! I'd rather die…" I said truthfully, letting myself beg, "Than be without you."

"Don't say that, Bella." He almost yelled, turning away from me a bit. But I still had his hand. I was not letting go.

"It's true." I felt tears in my voice, "If you go, it will kill me. I need you. I even need THERAPY GUY!"

"Are you crying?" he leaned back to me, his fingers leaving my hand and trailing up to my cheek, a soft stroke soothing me instantly.

"No." then I sobbed loudly, the tears erupting full blast.

"I'm sorry, please don't cry." He pleaded.

He let out a breath, hugging me with both his arms, burying his face in my hair. My good arm stroked his back lovingly.

"What am I going to do with you, silly Bella?" I heard his voice whisper.

"Stay with me." I quietly cried, "You're still my best friend. You always will be."

His voice sounded like it was almost crying, too and I stroked his back harder.

"You still feel that way about me?" he whispered so soft I almost couldn't hear him.

"Always, Edward." I made my good arm hug him tightly now, to me, "Always."

We held each other for a long time after that, without talking. I decided that whatever we had to do to stay friends, I would do it. I even considered letting him have some of my blood from time to time, a little at a time. But now was not a good time to bring that up.

"You're my one true friend, Bella." Edward finally said into my hair, sniffing, "Please forgive me."

"Nothing to forgive." I held him tighter.

"I love you, Bella." He said, a sob in his throat, "I love you."

"I love YOU." I closed my eyes, meaning it with every fiber of my being. If only he knew how deep my love for him ran.

He exhaled a long breath, it sounded to me like he was so relieved his secret was out in the open and that I hadn't rejected him. He was so fragile inside, just like me, I realized at that moment. That just made me want to hold him longer.

"Happy New Year, Sweet Edward." I said in a comforting voice.

"Happy New Year, Insane Bella." He gave a small chuckle.

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Can I brush YOUR hair?" I asked with hope.

And he laughed, holding me closer to him, and in two seconds, we were back to being Bella and Edward again, and he sat up, taking a hairbrush out of his backpack, sitting with his back to me and flicking the TV back on as humans all over the world could be seen celebrating their lives.

"Be gentle." He said softly, "This is my first time."

I giggled, "I'll go slow."

I didn't need a fancy party or Times Square or champagne to do celebrate MY life. I was celebrating it now, finally, getting the chance to play with Edward's hair as he sat with his marble back to me, letting me love him as best I could. It is the greatest gift I had ever received.

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See next chapter soon!

Love WinndSinger


	18. Demon Edward

18

BPOV

About three things I was absolutely positive.

First, Edward was a vampire.

Second, there was a part of him – and I didn't know how dominant that part might be – that thirsted for my blood.

And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

Edward was pushing me down the hospital hallways in my new wheelchair, which I would need for a little while longer until I learned to walk on my new legs.

I can still remember when that chair was brought to my room this morning. I felt tears come to my eyes and felt for a second like I was going backwards instead of forward. I felt like the accident had just happened all over again and would have to face more years in that prison on wheels.

I didn't think anyone else would understand it but, it had taken me years of work to get out of the wheelchair and to a point where I could walk with only my cane. My heart was tearing apart at the thought of getting back in that thing.

I didn't think anyone would know what was wrong. But one did.

"Bella." Edward actually got on his knees at my bedside so he could look into my eyes as I sat there, trying not to act sad.

He held both my hands in his and his eyes took on a determined look.

"I know this is asking a lot, asking you to get into this chair again." His voice stayed calm but tender, "But I swear to you…I will work you hard and fast so it won't be long that you'll have to endure it. I will do my very best…and so will you. It will not be long. Do you trust me?"

I wanted to marry him right then and there. This fallen angel, my solemn vampire had fast pierced himself into my heart like a bitter arrow. He had become my whole life, my whole world. He understands me and he can't read my mind. I love you, Edward. Please don't ever leave me. Please don't ever tire of me.

So I got into the chair and answered yes to his question. And now he was trying to make sure I had as much fun in this chair as possible. He was such a puzzle to me. At times, so tormented and sad; then other times, as bright and free as a bird. Today he was a chirping bird and I was glad. It was a happy day for me too. I was free.

I laughed as he twirled my chair around with himself in a nice full circle.

"Wheee!!" I laughed like a little kid, giddy. I was out of here. I was going home.

"Again, AGAIN!!" I held on with my good hand to the seat handle, closing my eyes as he spun me around the other way now.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" I screamed with delight, hearing his laughter all around me like a magical fairy ring. He looked as goofily pleased as I was.

He bucked my chair back a bit, almost leaning backwards as he smiled down at me like the astonishing creature he was, his eyes twinkled, his smile glowed. I wished I could gaze at this perfect sky all day.

Slowly, he leaned down, upside down to me, and kissed my nose, ripping himself away quickly, placing the chair back on it's wheels rightfully and pushing me down the last hallway that lead outside.

Jipped again. I want a kiss on the lips. It was my new wish list:

Get a kiss on the lips from Edward.

Get a kiss on the lips from Edward.

Get a kiss on the lips from Edward.

But I couldn't dwell on that right now. I was getting OUT!! Sweet freedom!!

And better than that, no more bandages !! I had not gotten a very good look at my legs and arm after they'd come off, but I couldn't wait to see it later tonight in the tub, alone. I hoped it wouldn't be too scary for me. Post surgery can leave your body looking like something you don't even recognize. But I would brace myself and be brave. I knew, in time, scars would heal. I had gotten used to that fact.

Edward and I screamed a big cheer as we went through the opening automatic door leading outside. I was so glad, for once, to feel cold air and wind. It was magical. I nearly cried. Yes, I cry a lot.

"Goodbye HOSPITAL!!" Edward roared as I giggled in pure bliss, wearing my new contact lenses and feeling pretty amazing about it. I felt pretty, from the neck up anyway.

Edward had done my hair like an expert, some of it was up in a cute ponytail, a blue scrunchy around it, and the ponytail was crimped, along with my bangs and the rest was long and straight, shining like silk. I decided I worshipped the ground Hairstylist Edward walked on. And for the millionth time, he is not gay. Okay, Edward, I know.

"WOOOOO !!!!" I held my little blue gloved fist in the air, letting my head fall back again so I could see my own personal Adonis behind me.

He smiled down at me again as if I were the most wonderful thing he'd ever seen. Big Sigh.

"Beautiful Bella." He stroked my bangs, then let his fingers move a little down the side of my face to my cheek.

The Volvo was close by and he put the brake on my wheelchair next to the passenger door.

I began to try to move but he gave a low growl. "Sit, Bella."

I stopped and he shook his head, opening my door and then bent down over me, his arms slid underneath me like hot knives through butter. I began to warn him but then recalled his super strength.

He swooped me out of the chair into his arms with no effort at all. Then, before he put me into the car, he just smiled at me, dancing back and forth, rocking me a little.

"What are you doing?" I laughed like a drug addict.

"Dancing." He spun as I screamed, making me hold him harder with my good arm, loving the way his neck and shoulder felt beneath my arm.

"Don't drop me, Edward." I was shaking.

"I would never drop you." He tilted his head, staring at my smile, "You're the only Bella I've got."

Please carry me somewhere and tear my clothes off. Suddenly I was Scarlett O'Hara and Edward was Rhett Butler.

"It's not hard for you, carrying me?" I asked.

"No way." He shook his head a little, "You're a feather. My little Swan feather."

Oh my God, I want you NOW ! I felt parts of me begin to blaze with heat.

I wasn't about to make him put me down, either, if this was his attitude. He could carry me to all my classes if he liked it this much.

"Alright, we'll dance later." He rolled his eyes and ever so gently placed me into the seat, moving my boots so they were inside and comfortable. He cradled my bad arm like it was made of crystal and laid it in my lap. Then he buckled me in across the lap and across the chest. I felt precious for the first time in years and years.

"Thank you." I said, my mouth so close to his ear as he adjusted me inside.

His eyes made contact with mine and softened.

"You're welcome." He said in almost a whisper.

Then he straightened his face and made himself back out of the car, asking if he could close the door. I said yes and he shut it securely. Then, he hit a little button in the back of the wheelchair that made it pop into a fold. Then, Edward put the chair in the trunk of his car and slammed it shut, coming around to get in his seat.

"My turn." I said as he started the car and we began to move.

"That didn't take long, did it?" he asked, giving me a little grin, "Go ahead."

We had been doing this for the last 3 days, ever since Edward told me he was a vampire. I had so many questions for him and he let me ask whatever I wanted. Sometimes he wouldn't answer certain things but I didn't push. In exchange for an answer to my question, he could ask me something that was hard for me to talk about in return. We wanted to be honest with each other now, we had promised to try and tell everything. We wanted to make our friendship last and survive the problems that lied before us.

I never asked him to prove what he was, as maybe some might. I just knew he wasn't lying, by the sound of his agonized voice, by the trembling of his body. I knew. And if I had any cause to doubt him, all I had to do was think back to the day he threw his body four times into a concrete wall and got through to save me on the other side.

"Can you go to church if you wanted?" I asked. Lately, I had light questions. The heavier stuff I'd already asked. I knew about Edward's sickness, his family, Carlisle changing him, and just how old Edward really was. I knew that only he had the gift of mind reading, and that Alice had the special talent of seeing future visions based on decisions made.

Once Edward allowed me inside his secret, he gushed with the information. It was like a tidal wave sweeping me up all of a sudden. I loved it that he felt he could trust me with this secret. And there was one more thing I knew. I had to keep this a secret from everyone. I could be in real danger for my life if some vampires knew a human was allowed to know of their existence. I swore to Edward that I would never tell a soul. That promise would never be broken in my lifetime.

He laughed, watching the road and me equally. I think he was relieved to have some easy things to answer now.

"Yes, I can." He gave a nod, "I like church but always found it a bit boring. As a child, I always wanted to do the sermon myself, make it more interesting."

"Yea, that would be interesting, if YOU got up in church and said your peace." I giggled, imagining it.

He laughed too, "Yea, I could tell them about Hell firsthand. That'd keep 'em on the straight and narrow."

My eyes looked at him and sank in thoughts of him enduring Hell and all these years, decades alone, drinking blood to survive, with no family. The more I thought of his life, the more it felt similar to my own.

"It's really been terrible for you, hasn't it?" my little voice asked, almost cracking at the end, "You have been in so much pain…I had no idea."

His face tightened a bit and he watched the road intently, his jaw flexed for a moment.

"You had your question, now it's my turn." He made his voice light again, "Rules, Bella."

"Yes, Rules." I sighed, grinning, staring out at the white lines on the road before us.

"Hmmm." Edward was thinking of something to ask me now, a satisfied smirk on his lips, "Tell me about one good memory you have. Something that made you really happy."

He always gave me hard ones. Shhh, dirty mind, go away, that's not what I'm talking about.

"Oh God, I don't know." I chuckled, "Can it have you in it?"

"Nope, before me." Edward grinned, glancing between me and the road.

"And it can't be the day you got out of your wheelchair for the first time, either." Edward added, "I want to see that happen for myself soon, so don't use that one."

RRRRRR. I racked my brain and could hardly think of anything.

Finally, I said, "It's pathetic, but I think I have one."

"Good, go on." He smiled at me.

"Well, when I was little, we had to write a poem about a color." I felt so stupid, saying this aloud, "I did white. I don't remember how it went exactly, but when I handed it in to my teacher, she read it and then took it to three of the other teachers. They called me up to the front of the class and all told me how talented I was, how great it was, yadda yadda yadda, and my teacher read it out loud so the whole class could hear it. Back at that age, it was almost cool that I could write a good poem. The kids gave me a nice round of applause."

He smiled from ear to ear, "I'll bet your face was a lovely shade of burgundy then."

"Oh yea." I agreed, moving my bangs out of my eyes with my gloved finger, glancing out my side window, taking a little breath.

"I never knew you liked to write poems." He confessed.

"I used to." I shook my head, "I don't anymore. I don't write anything anymore."

"Why not?" he asked, his eyes' sparkle fading a bit.

"Nope, you already asked your question. My turn." I reminded, "Rules, Edward."

He gave a little playful growl.

I wanted to ask something and I figured I might as well ask it now, the nice questioning over with.

"Edward, I know fire can hurt you…kill you." I began carefully, "But you went into the gym that day anyway. You didn't even know me, really. Were you saving me…for me…or….was it my blood you were saving?"

This had bothered me for the last three days. I now wondered if it's really me he likes this much, or is it having the scent of my blood close by that thrills him, the hope that someday he'll have it?

Edward jerked the car over to the side of the highway and a car honked, blazing past us.

"What?" I asked, thinking I was in big trouble now. I had pissed him off with my question.

"Forget it, I'll ask something else…" I immediately tried to repair my mistake.

He stopped the engine and turned to me, his eyes hard. Shit.

"Listen carefully, Bella." He began with a tense voice, "I know you think you are worthless but you're so wrong. There's always a battle going on inside me, half of me wants to drink your blood and the other half of me wants to walk you to class, fall asleep next to you, and hear your poetry. Now, so far I've been keeping that demon inside me away from you. I keep holding him back and it takes near constant strength to do it. I have to watch him all the time, guard you all the time, from myself. There is another Edward you know nothing about. Demon Edward. He is very much alive and lurking inside me, waiting for me to show one crack of weakness so he can escape and get you. He is to be feared and controlled – always."

He turned away from me, grabbing the steering wheel tight, staring at the middle of it, looking tormented again.

I went to apologize but he spoke again.

"This isn't right." He closed his eyes, "It's not right for you to say you love me or for me to say it back to you. It's not right for me to be so damn happy. I should be terrified, horrified at myself for what I'm doing. The closer I get to you, Bella, the happier I am. But I am a selfish creature. If I truly cared for you, I would leave this town and go far away from you, where I can't hurt you anymore. But I like you…love you so much that I can't make myself do it. I only care about what's feeling good for me. And so, I put your life in constant danger. Every second I'm with you could be your last. To answer your question, it's you I care about, not your blood. My body craves it but more than that horrible thirst, I care for YOU. Your friendship keeps me from going after your blood."

I was shivering, the thought of him moving away more frightening than the thought of him killing me.

"Don't talk like that, about moving away, I hate it." I said, trying to be tough with my voice, "You always sound like you're saying goodbye to me. I know the dangers so I'm being selfish, too. I want you in my life. I don't care what else happens."

"How can you say that?" he almost hissed, "Don't you know what it would do to me if I slipped and killed you? Do you have any idea ?"

"Listen." I said, wanting to take that pain out of his face, "I had a little idea a couple days ago. If you wanted, could you…just drink from me…a little bit at a time, maybe?"

His eyes turned to me in total shock, disbelief.

"Like, now and then ?" I asked, "I would be willing to do that for you…us. If it would help."

He was panting now, gripping the wheel even harder. He swallowed a few times.

"Uh oh, that's venom, right, you're swallowing again." I observed aloud. And I could not get away from him, without my wheelchair I was trapped here.

"Wait." He sneered, closing his eyes and holding his breath.

After a silent minute or two, he opened his eyes and I saw him start to breathe again. He stared straight ahead.

"Never say that to me again, Bella." He said with an edge to his voice.

"I just meant if it helps you…"

"I know you meant well." He said with understanding, "But I can't. Once I would start …drinking you…I would not stop. I couldn't. I'm weak, very weak. Don't ever forget that, Bella. And please, never offer yourself to me that way again. It's almost cruel. The temptation is too great. Next time, I may say yes. And that means, you are dead."

He took my good hand into his and turned it up towards me, showing me that tattoo of the star and his "Be Safe" message beside it. His fingers moved over it and that seemed to calm him down a lot. He gave my hand a squeeze and released it.

He started the car without another word and swerved back into traffic, going a bit faster. I had gotten a bit used to this. He loved speed and now I knew we couldn't get into a crash, with his quick instincts and stealth. But I had to keep my eyes in my lap, so I started staring at my bad hand, running my good fingers along the bad ones, seeing the skin on my bad hand looked so smooth and flawless now, to the eye at least. It looked normal.

"I didn't mean to make you sad, Bella." He said finally, "This is a great day for you, I'm sorry if I ruined it."

"You didn't." I looked up at him, "I'm sorry if I said something wrong. I know it must be really hard for you…to be with me. I forget sometimes. I don't mean to make it worse or to be cruel to you. I thought…that might make it better."

"I understand, Bella." He said softer now, "You're a caring, loving girl. You want to please me and I know that. That makes it even harder for me to hold the monster back. You have to think of your safety first, Bella, before my wants. I'm worse than a drug addict. I'm a Bella blood addict and you are Bella. Realize what that means. A few drops of you are not enough for me. I would take it all, even if I don't want to. I can never lose control with you.

And yes, I did save you from the fire, not for your blood. I was the one who strapped you into that thing and left you, because your blood was begging me to drink it. And if you died that way, because of me, I wouldn't be able to keep on going. Vampires are a bit different than humans when it comes to caring for another. Once they have met you, they would know right away what they feel. And once they feel it, it won't ever change. It's eternal. With humans, their feelings can fade with time, or change completely for no reason. With us, vampires, it will never fade. It will only intensify. And then, it is forever."

I searched for something to say here but my mind was scrambling all over the place. Does that mean, he loves me loves me? Or are we just best friends forever? I was so confused.

"It's not your fault, Bella." He said then, "You want to believe the lie. The lie that I'm a beautiful teenage boy that you could hang out with and have a life with. As if you could…. As if you could outrun me, even when your legs are 100% again. As if you could fight me off, not that you would any way. I'm designed this way, I'm designed to kill. Everything about me invites you in – my face, my body, my voice…even my SMELL. These are all devices to lure you in…as if I would need any of that. Don't you see, Bella? There is nothing beautiful about me."

"You are so wrong," was all I could muster.

"God, I'm such an ass." He gritted through his teeth, "I'm ruining your day. You were so happy earlier."

"Hey." I gave his arm a slap with my good hand, "You're not wrecking my day or my mood. Lighten up. That's an order. You got it, Cullen?"

This made him give a little smile and chuckle as he looked at me.

"Yes, Mistress." He teased back, "Want my little whip?"

"Punk." I pushed him again and he gasped.

I spun to him and asked, "WHAT?"

"You just hit me with your left hand." He informed.

I looked down at it in my lap. "I DID?!"

"Yea." He looked at it in shock, "Do it again. Wait."

He was pulling over again, cutting the engine once more.

I was staring down at my "bad hand" and made my brain tell it to move my first two fingers up a little. They both moved upwards then down. Edward and I both gave a small little gasp and laugh, both of us still staring at it.

Then, I watched as my arm moved my bad hand up from my lap….and before I knew it, my bad hand curled back and stroked the back of my fingers down Edward's left cheekbone, my thumb brushing along the bottom line of his lower lip.

He let out a hard breath and smiled, taking my bad hand into both of his and placing a deep hard kiss on it. My whole body almost melted. I felt that kiss in my toes.

"Bella…" he breathed, looking at me with the most loving eyes I'd ever seen him use.

"We think you're beautiful." I said as I moved my eyes to my hand that still rested in his, "It has nothing to do with what you look like."

He didn't say anything but the emotion in his face was clear and thick. Staring down at my hand in his, he was speechless.

"Silly Edward…" I cooed, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Just stay with me." He said my old lines, then added, "Be patient with me?"

"I guess so." I shrugged casually, teasing him. That usually brought Happy Edward back to me.

By the time we got back to Sue's place all his angst was forgotten and we were laughing again. Edward helped me into my wheelchair then turned me to show me a little surprise before we even went through the door.

A ramp had been put there so I could get from the sidewalk to the door without using the stairs. It was so beautiful, made of wood, polished so it was shiny.

"You know what to do." He let go of my wheelchair and walked ahead of me, using the ramp, waiting for me as he opened the front door.

I knew only too well how to move my wheelchair. Now using the electric knob in my good hand, I moved myself forward, the little hum of the chair buzzed familiarly in my ears. When I got better use of my bad hand, which I'd just have to start calling it my left hand from now on I guess, I'd be able to manually turn the wheels at my sides with both hands to move myself. But right now, it wasn't possible.

I made it to the front door and rolled right into the house, Sue standing inside, smiling at me, cigarette in hand, as usual.

"SURPRISE!!" lots of voices yelled and I almost wet myself (kidding).

A big banner in the air said "WELCOME HOME" in giant red letters and a big buffet of food took up the entire living room area. Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme, and Angela were standing there, throwing confetti on me and clapping. I felt my face burning again.

I was overwhelmed. I had never had anyone to welcome me home after a hospital stay before. And I started crying.

Edward smiled but then scolded his family, "You see what you've done now?"

Like a flash, he whipped out a couple of Kleenexes from his jacket pocket, handing them to me.

"Are you done?" he joked as I wiped my eyes, "Cause there's more."

"More?" I asked, "No, no more presents."

Edward and Emmett glanced at each other and laughed with a wicked glee.

I felt scared now.

Scooping me up into his arms, he snatched me and was quickly moving us up the stairs to my room. Everyone followed us, including Sue, buzzing with excitement.

My dirty mind was going, 'oooh, he's doing the Rhett Butler thing, carrying us up to our room. He'll throw me on the bed and start making mad passionate love to me and everyone else can watch.'

Nice image, but, shut up, dirty mind. You are so off base here.

"Welcome home, Sweet Bella." Edward's voice said in a low purr as he opened my bedroom door.

But this was not my room. It was….

The blank white walls I left behind were a stunning shade of deep red, like a marble-like texture to it and the bed had a new white and red comforter with matching pillows on it, stuffed animals covering half the bed, smiling back at me. The bed also had a black iron headboard that showed the image of a swan, and an iron post rose up from each corner of the bed, holding a white see thru veil that laid all around each side of the bed. It looked like Sleeping Beauty's bed was all I could think at the time.

I saw Eddie Jr.'s bed in the corner, and he was asleep in it, a tiny ball of white fluff, and over a few feet away was his litter box and cat scratching post, along with a little carpeted thing for him to climb up on, and a little area for his bowl of milk, an emerald royal looking placemat underneath it.

Also, on the other side of the bed, were two gorgeous, plush black chairs, with matching ottomans to put our feet upon, a small, shiny black table between them near the window holding Edward's CD player. As Edward walked me inside more, I saw a black, huge screened, brand new television set looking back at me.

I had been gasping and breathless the whole time I looked at my surroundings and yes, if you know me, you can guess, I was bawling. I could still smell that fresh paint smell and I loved it. There were framed prints on my walls from Ansel Adams, who I loved. The lamps were new and were also black iron with white shades on top, also showing a swan in the curved iron bars.

The carpet was black, a red border around its edge. There was also a vanity table there with all my makeup and hair products and blow dryer, in the same matching iron swan design. And a large antique mirror on one wall, the etching along the edges so detailed and unique. I had never seen anything more breathtaking in my life, besides Edward.

Words would not come out of me as everyone stood in the doorway, watching me cry and Edward held me in the middle of the room.

Sue broke the void of words and came in further, "I want to tell you, hon." She said to me, pointing her cigarette at the Cullens, "These kids are your friends. They came in here, with their own supplies, their own money, and asked me if they could do this for ya. My lazy slob of a son-in-law still hasn't even called me back, he was supposed to do all this. I felt so bad but these kids wanted to do this for you as a Christmas present. I thought they would screw up the whole room and slop it up, but I gave them a chance. And look how gorgeous everything is. They did this all themselves. I didn't do a thing. You should've seen them. All dressed up like little contractors, with their paint hats on, it was the most precious thing I've ever seen. They were so organized, so exact, they just took my breath away. And they built the whole ramp outside, too."

The Cullens had all been laughing as Sue was speaking but all I could do was cry some more, picturing it.

Sue turned to Carlisle and said, "If you ever want to hire them out to me again in the future, I will pay anything you want. I mean it. They were wonderful. Made no noise, no mess. You've done a real great job raising this bunch, Dr. Cullen, and Mrs. - Really. I knew you were a nice family, but I had no idea how nice…until this."

"Thank you, Sue." Carlisle held his wife's hand, looking at them, "They have all been through a lot. But yet they're still kind and very loving to others. We're always very proud of all of them."

"Even Rosalie helped." Emmett chimed in, getting a punch from her as he groaned out loud.

"I don't know what to say…" I whimpered as I wiped my eyes again, "Except…thank you guys….so much. This is the most amazing room…it's like a princess' room."

"It is a princess' room." Edward grinned, "Now that you're here."

I felt my both hands move on their own now, wrapping around his neck as I hugged it to me.

"Well, I'm hungry." Emmett cleared his throat, "Let's go get something to eat, Angela?"

"Coming, Em." She followed, smiling as the rest all excused themselves out, closing the door as they went.

"I can't believe this room is mine." I kept looking around, stunned.

"Yes, it is." Edward informed, "Indefinately. Carlisle made a deal with Sue that as long as you live here in Forks, this room belongs to you. As long as you want it, it's yours. When you go to college, this room will be here waiting for you on your breaks from school."

"If I go."

"When you go." He corrected firmly.

"And your TV now has TIVO." Edward informed, bringing me to the bed and letting me move the canopy out of the way so he could sit me on it.

"So we don't have to be glued to the TV anymore at certain times." Edward sounded a little bitter there as he spoke, "We can go out and live and come home and then watch our shows, any time we want."

"Wow….that's awesome!" I was so thrilled. No more fighting about going out vs. watching my shows.

"This is all….too much." I trembled in my voice, "I never wanted you all to spend so much money on me, Edward…you shouldn't have—"

"Hush, little girl." He put a finger over my lips, "We all pitched in, we all wanted to. Just love it and you've made our Christmas complete. Got it?"

I smiled with wet eyes again. "Got it."

"I love you, Edward." I whispered, still afraid to say it sometimes. But I had to say it now, consequences be damned.

He gave me a smile and said with a bit of a troubled voice, "I love you, too, Bella." I knew he was still worrying but he tried to hide it.

He hugged me, sitting on the bed beside me, and I was so happy that both my arms responded and put themselves around him in return. When he felt both my hands on his back he gave a sweet laugh, hugging me tighter.

We stayed this way for a long time, hearing the music playing downstairs as my party began, everyone talking and eating. Neither one of us wanted to let go first. We didn't even say a word, either of us. We just listened to each other breathe in each other's necks, inhaling each other's aroma. It was mystical. It was the greatest moment of my entire life.

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See next chapter soon !

Love WinndSinger


	19. The Green Eyed Monster

19

EPOV

School began again, the holidays were behind us. I was at Bella's room door every morning at 7am to carry her down the stairs to her wheelchair. It became the highlight of my morning. And no matter what class she was in, I always managed to show up right on time as the bell rang to wheel her chair to her next class.

Every morning she got prettier and prettier in my eyes. Makeup, hair in all kinds of cute little styles that she was getting good at doing on her own, clothes that were young and fun and had colors in them. The glasses I had given her were absolutely breathtaking on her and she exuded a vibe of smart and sexy at the same time. Sometimes she'd wear the contacts and that just pulled me in more to stare at her. She has the most innocent, intoxicating eyes.

She still used her leopard cane, true to her word, and kept it at her side on the wheelchair, in case she needed to push a door open in front of her or brace herself when she leaned over to do her locker combination. I made her do for herself as much as I could. She also still loved using her wand to make me dance. She didn't need it, I would do anything she asked me to. Once, she even ran it down my butt as I was opening my locker. She blushed and laughed, but I had a feeling it was intentional.

Angela had become a very good friend to all of us, although she didn't know our secret. She was going to keep her baby when it was born she'd told us one day at lunch, but she had no idea how she'd be able to do school and that at the same time.

I told her about some special schools for young teen mothers that let you live there and have good child care while you did your school day. I helped her look it up on the library internet and she went home with all the information.

Bella didn't like me doing that, as she found out those schools were kind of far away, the closest one being 2 hours away, in Seattle. But, later, after she stewed a bit, she realized whatever was best for Angela and her baby was what had to be done, even if she would lose a good friend.

Bella was always there to help Angela through her morning sickness, even if was only to be there to talk to her while she was vomiting in the girls' bathroom. I admired Bella for being so strong. Now she was a rock Angela could lean on. It seemed only yesterday I was her rock and now she was already extending her help to others.

I was so proud of who she was becoming. I loved her more every hour, no matter how hard I tried to pull myself away, I was trying to ice skate uphill, I could not move an inch away from her. I was caught in her glittering, captivating web…and I was happy I was here, waiting for her, helpless, hers.

I remember the day my happy little bubble world burst open explosively.

January 15th.

We were sitting at lunch, myself, Bella, Angela, and Alice when it was first mentioned.

"Do you know the Quileute school had a big fire?" Alice asked me with wide eyes.

I saw Angela try to sneak a fanta to Bella and without looking away from Alice my hand swooped over and took it in mid-transfer, putting it to my own lips and making myself drink the last couple sips as Bella gave a little whine. I had become used to this resistance to therapy guy's diet plan.

"So?" I asked with a shrug, crushing the empty can in my hand and giving Bella a stern look, slamming it to the table.

She thought I turned back to Alice when she stuck her tongue out at me but I saw her and I grinned a little. She was such a little child sometimes. But I liked that. It brought out my protective streak even more.

"He's fast." Angela smiled at us in the background.

"So, like 200 of the kids from that school started here today." Alice informed us, "They'll be here until the school is all repaired. Probably a couple months."

"What?" I heard my voice and felt my face become taut.

"See?" Alice motioned her head to the lunch line, half the kids in line a dark brown tan shade with long ebony hair.

Just as I was looking at the end of the lunch line, a voice came from Bella's end of the table.

"Hi Bella!" a male voice said and as I turned I heard Bella say, "Oh hi. Jacob, right?"

"Right, from the hospital, remember?" he smiled and his pearly white teeth flashed in perfection. I wanted to throw my tray at his head and watch those teeth crumble, falling out in little shards into his lunch. I guess I was scowling at this little exchange because Alice tapped my arm and shook her head at me.

"Yea, I do." She smiled at him politely, "We almost died together."

He laughed, "Yep, that's me. Useless and out, as always."

I muttered something to agree with that but no one made out my vile words. Something hateful about I should've let him fry.

Bella then looked at me and said to Jacob, "Jacob, remember Edward Cullen?"

He turned to me and gave a weak grin, "Yea, I do." Then he turned right away from me and went back to Bella.

"You look amazing, no glasses anymore?" he asked, smiling more, then he actually TOUCHED her shoulder and added, "Nice sweater, too."

His eyes roamed over the yellow and black designs on her sweater and I stood up. Alice yanked me down hard on my ass as I winced slightly, my eyes not leaving Jacob as he drooled all over my Bella.

His mind showed me what was on his baby brain and I got more angry. He was not lusting after her, no, worse. He really liked her. He wanted to go out with her. In his head, I could see an image of him talking to Bella, the two of them laughing. He was no pervert out to attack her for sex, he was ten times worse. He was a wolf prowling into my parlor, sniffing around my most precious Bella. He wanted her for himself. But she was mine.

"Thanks." She blushed a little and I saw red. I wanted to tear his head off his god damned shoulders. He had made my Bella blush. Maybe it was all the attention he was paying her, or the compliment…I didn't care, though. I wanted him dead. Demon Edward was waking up and he is very territorial and very pissed.

"Guys," Bella called all of us and they all looked up in a friendly way. Not me. I had a murderous glare in my face that didn't seem to distract him at all.

"This is Jacob…" Bella introduced, then blushed again, "Sorry, Jacob, I forgot your last name."

"Black." He reminded.

Black like your body's gonna be all over if you don't stop flirting with my girl, you DOG! Dentists will have to be called in to identify you by your nice white teeth if you touch her one more time.

"Right, sorry." Bella cringed in embarrassment, "Jacob Black. Jacob, this is Angela, Alice, Edward's sister, and you know Edward."

Bella saw my expression and she trailed off, looking nervous now.

"Hi." He smiled at the ladies, not me, and they smiled back, saying, "Hi."

"You wanna sit with us?" Angela offered but before she could I yelled over her a little, "He CAN'T sit with us!"

They all looked at me.

Angela, shut up! You were invited to this table by me, don't invite HIM over here now. Flirting with strange boys too fast is what got you into your current predicament. I was evil. I knew my inner demon was hateful and bitter. But I couldn't let Demon Edward say that. I was not God of the table.

"You **do** have friends to sit with, don't you, Black?" I asked with my wicked deep voice, my eyes trying to burn a hole into his face.

"Uh, yea, they're coming out of line now." He glanced behind him and a group of fellow tan kids with long black hair stood next to him, their trays full and in hand, ready to go.

Thank God canines always travel in packs.

"I better go." Jacob said regretfully to Bella, "But it was nice seeing you again, Bella, you look good. See ya around. Bye ladies." He nodded to Alice and Angela. They waved and said their goodbyes.

I better not have been included in that 'Bye, ladies' reference. When I read his thoughts, I saw I **was** included in that, secretly, he was gloating about his little insult at me.

"Thanks. Bye." Bella said so sweetly I could've gotten a cavity from it. If I had human teeth.

"The best tables are all the way down there." I pointed at them as they walked away, they glanced at me as if I had worms falling out of my ears, I cupped my hands and called to them again, "More, all the way down on that side. Yea, it's the warmest over there. Good pick."

They sat on the farthest side of the cafeteria now, worlds away from our table.

She looked at me and I stared at her with a disgusted glare.

"What?" she picked up one of her baby carrots and took a hard bite, chewing, annoyed. She was always most annoyed with me during lunch since the diet. I always kept guard over what she was putting in her mouth.

My mind is getting like Bella's. Now I was picturing her mouth open and….no, I'm not going there.

"What is your problem?" Alice asked me.

"No problem here." I shrugged, "I just don't want him at our table, that's all."

Then I squinted my eyes at Angela.

"Sorry." Angela looked down at her tray, feeling bad that she angered me.

You're losing it, Edward, chill out.

I made my face relax now. Nothing had really happened. Except a boy just made my Bella smile at him and blush twice. And he touched her. And I let him walk away without any broken fingers.

"I'm not mad, guys." I made myself say in a nicer tone now, "Angela, Bella, I'm sorry. It's my fault. I'm fine now. Really. I'm not mad. I'm fine, you're fine, Jacob is fine, everybody's fine."

Alice laughed at me and shook her head. Everything seemed to go back to normal but my eyes drifted back over to Jacob's new table, shooting daggers at them. It seemed now that all Jacob's friends were also my enemies, too. It made no sense to me, either, but the green eyed monster has no sense…or any rules…or any control.

I swore when lunch ended if Black was in our Biology class, I would have him in Creative Writing with the asshole squad before the day was over. But, thankfully, he wasn't.

I sat down after I put the brake on Bella's wheelchair and waited for Banner to start class.

Bella looked at me and asked, "Are you mad at me?"

"No, Bella." I said with a less than truthful sound in my voice. How could I get mad at her for blushing? She has no control over that.

"I don't even know him, really." She was trying to reason with me. But the monster doesn't want to hear reason.

"I know." I said, opening my book, even though I didn't need to, "It's nothing. I'm fine. I'm not mad. I don't care WHO you talk to. Can we stop now?"

My tone was awful and I knew it. I heard her sniff as she looked away. God DAMN ME !! I wanted to rip my own tongue out.

I heard the bell ring and class would start now. But I had made her cry. When it came to me, she was still so fragile. She loves me. She never wants me to be angry with her. And I just stomped on her. For nothing.

My hand moved fast to her "bad hand" as she called it. It had begun to awaken since the day in my car but it wasn't back fully yet. She told me once she could only really feel it when I was around or when I touched it or kissed it. She said I had magic. I held her hand and she looked up at me from under her soft bangs that almost touched her eyes. I saw the traces of tears. I smiled at her and mouthed the words, I'm sorry. Then, I love you.

This healed the lash mark my words and attitude had made in her heart and I began to run my fingers up and down hers, hoping they would wake up and catch me. We had played this game before. This we could do while Banner talked about Planaria. Bella was smiling at me, the smile she only gives to me.

My smile grew with each little swirl of my cold fingers on her warm soft flesh. She acted like she was listening to Banner but she was concentrating on me. Come on, little fingers….come get me…Edward's long ice fingers are daring you.

Like an alligator her fingers woke from their stillness and pounced, two of her fingers grabbing mine and trapping them helplessly in her hand. I had to stifle a loud giggle. I glanced around the room and heard Jessica Stanley's mind seething as she shot hateful looks at me across the room.

He IS fucking her, look at them holding hands in class, GAY! And she's in a fucking WHEELCHAIR, too, God, that must be a sight, watching him try to maneuver while she lays there like a dead whale. UKKK !! I can't even imagine and I don't want to! I can't believe he could've had ME and he's with THAT! Maybe I should gain 40 or 50 pounds then he'd look at me.

Jessica made me sick every time she was around. Is that what I looked like just now, to Bella, when I had been so jealous, just because some kid said hi to her? I felt like a slob. I was ashamed of myself. Inside, at times, I was really seventeen years old. Today at lunch, had been one of those times.

I knew it was just my inexperience that was making me so crazy. I had never loved anyone like I loved Bella now and the thought of someone else stealing her away from me made my whole body convulse inside. But I also knew I shouldn't be stopping any boy from talking to her. She is lovely and alive and human boys should talk to her, she deserves a normal love, not me. I can offer her nothing, nothing but death or an eternity of misery.

My body also reacted like a seventeen year old boy, too, which had never been a problem until Bella. I felt her hand in mine and she smiled at me with such a cute little sexy grin, biting her bottom lip that shined with pink lusciousness.

I had to put my Biology book in my lap to hide my…growing problem there. I winced, trying to pay attention to Banner but that was pointless. God, please don't let him call on me to stand up in front of the class or anything.

On top of this, venom began to seep into my mouth, very slowly. My arousal was not helping the venom go away, either. Must think of something else. Emmett smearing sun tan lotion all over his naked body. UGH. That worked a little. Emmett holding my naked body down, bent over the biology table.

GOD!! Okay, good, I was fine now. I put my book on the desk, opening it to a random page, not caring. Sorry, Emmett, to use you that way. It was an emergency. Thank Christ my siblings couldn't read MY mind. Imagine having to explain why I was fantasizing in Biology of my brother preparing to rape me. Mind, let's never go there again, okay? Yes, I agree, that was very disturbing. Good, I'm glad we have an agreement.

You okay? Bella mouthed the words to me. Oh no, had she seen?

No, she's too innocent to know about that stuff….isn't she?

I gave a curt nod, then a small smile.

It dawned on me that I had actually had a physical reaction to Bella's beauty. My body wanted her as much as my heart and mind did. Or was that the venom talking? Her smell is so strong today. In a good way. I closed my eyes and inhaled harder, not doing anything noticeable to human eyes. I swallowed the scent into my lungs and they grew hot. I coughed suddenly, exhaling. That was a bad idea. Out, out, out, air…sorry, bad idea by me.

I coughed a little harder for a few more seconds and Bella looked at me, scared, concerned.

She whispered, "Should I go?"

Like that would help. Even if she did go and had the legs of a professional track star, I could still get her if I wanted to. But she was so sweet to think of me.

I shook my head no. I made a fist and coughed my last bit of Bella scented air out of my lungs. All gone….okay…never try that again.

Banner glanced at me as I quieted and he went on talking.

Finally, we had about 5 minutes left of class and were given permission to chat awhile.

"Hi." I said quietly, half turned towards her, giving her my best 'I'm so sorry' eyes.

"Hi." She replied, propping her cute little head on her good hand, then she bit her bottom lip again. GAH! Why is she doing this to me?

I glanced at my prop Biology book and asked, "How's your day going?"

"Okay." She shrugged.

"Just okay?" I raised a brow, "Oh no, this cannot pass. What can we do to improve it?"

I was flirting with her. I was worse than Black!

She grinned, "A pizza would be nice."

Bad girl.

"No pizza, you naughty little girl." I said and she blushed hard, her cheeks a scorching pair of burgundy.

Oh, she likes that stuff. Punishment, naughty little girls, wicked masters. I wonder if she'd like it if I put her over my knee and gave her a good spanking.

Oh, shut up, your mind is getting as bad as Bella's. Suddenly I wondered what Bella's hair would look like in cute little ponytails. OH GOD ! Stop it! What is happening to me? My mind? My body ? I am suddenly **really** a horny seventeen year old boy, with nothing but sex on the brain.

My Biology book was back in my lap again in two seconds as I tried to act casual.

"How is your therapy going?" I asked her as if I weren't therapy guy.

"Great." She smiled, "I don't think I've pissed off therapy guy since the operation, but with him, you never know."

"Oh, you'll know." I commented, looking at the clock. The bell would ring any second now…I can't stand up, I'm pitching a giant tent here!

Think, think, Emmett in a negligee. OUCH !! Okay, good, it's gone. Whew.

The bell rang and I breathed a sigh of relief, standing up and walking around to stand in front of Bella. Banner left the room for a minute, too, and I decided to play with her a little before I had to turn into evil, wicked therapy master. I mean, guy ! Shit !

I stood there, my backpack on my shoulder as she looked at me.

"You forgot to unlock me." She said casually, referring to her brake on her chair.

I raised my brow, giving her a sinister stare, crossing my arms.

"Hello?" she smiled at me, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine." I smiled wickedly, "But you're going to be late for therapy today."

Her eyes widened at the thought of it.

"No, Edward, I can't!" she almost begged, "He will kill me !"

"Really?" I purred.

"Edward, please don't!" she begged me and I felt my body ripple with a dark wave of delight. I need Carlisle to give me some kind of pill or something.

"What ?" I teased, looking at my watch, "Are you begging me for something?"

"Yes." She smiled a little, then glanced at the clock on the wall, "Edward, please?"

"Say it." I grinned, "Say I beg you to release me."

What the hell is wrong with ME ?! I'm surprised I left the word Master out of that request.

She blushed hotly and bit her bottom lip, then she said in this sexy as hell voice, "I beg you, beg you, beg you, to release me, Edward. Pllleeeaaasseeee!!"

Oh holy shit. I had to get out of here and lift some weights. Like the school bus.

Bella, meet Horny Edward. Horny Edward, meet Sexy as Hell Bella.

I remembered the vision and I closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Bella. That wasn't funny. I don't know what's wrong with me lately." I heard myself say, coming around behind her, tapping the brake with my sneaker, releasing it so she was free to wheel.

"You are way too easy, Cullen." She glanced behind herself at me, smiling, "You should've held onto me. I would've begged MORE."

My mouth fell open as she wheeled herself out of class. Bella is a tease! A little sex kitten. Meeooowwww…

Damn it.

The bell rang loudly as I held my backpack awkwardly over my throbbing erection, now I was the one wobbling out into the hallway.

See next chapter soon !!

Love WinndSinger

Please review ! I love reviews! They are my fantas !

PS Things will get interesting now…Jacob's in town.

Love you guys !


	20. YesterdayWhen you loved me

20

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Chapter Note:

Okay, I just wanted to put all of your minds at ease. Jacob is needed to bring Ed and Bella closer together. Bella will not be returning feelings for Jacob in this, don't worry. I'm a priestess of Edward. For all the Jacob fans, don't worry. Jacob will be treated nicely (well, not by Edward) but trust me. Hang in there with me. It all will be okay. I promise. Trust me.

PS No one loved it more than me when Edward and Jacob first saw each other at the Prom and the icy stares that flew between them. Wasn't that INCREDIBLE, the silent looks they exchanged?? I was like, WOW, it begins!! I can't wait until they go head to head over Bella, the fur is gonna fly!! LOL!

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BPOV

I think I hate therapy guy.

He was drinking a grape fanta right in my face as I growled, my bangs dripping with sweat, my legs both pushing on the metal resistance wall at the same time. I had been doing this for the last hour and ten minutes. I was about to die. Isn't there some therapy we could do in a nice cool pool? And Edward can wear a tiny little speedo bikini thing?

Edward had ratted on me, and now I was paying the price for my fanta love.

Or was it more than that? I teased School Edward earlier, but how could therapy guy know that? This was so not fair.

But it was pretty wonderful, when I said that to him, so unlike me to say something like that out loud. But I did. The more confidence I built inside myself, the more real I felt…the more I opened up, the more I thought he might see something he didn't like…and leave me. But he was flirting with me, too, today, wasn't he? When he wouldn't unlock me and told me to beg him to be released. That was not a joke, was it? I wish I knew more about this boy shit. I just know I'm going to blow this whole relationship. I have no idea what I'm doing.

"You're slow, Swan, speed it up." Edward put his lips around his straw and sucked on it, the purple color rising up through the straw into his mouth. This was not normal. Therapy Edward usually paid close attention to my exercising and never rested, sometimes he'd do it beside me and we'd compete to see who would hold out longer. He always won, of course, but it did motivate me to go harder and longer.

I was being taught a lesson and I knew it. Edward doesn't even need to drink soda.

"MMMM…soooo good." Therapy guy closed his eyes and sucked it again until nothing was left, the air sucking against the metal sounding loudly to my right.

Okay, I had to come clean. I figured out long ago, therapy guy appreciated honesty.

I stopped moving my legs and took a deep breath.

"Edward?" I closed my eyes.

"What, Swan?" his voice was cold, "I didn't tell you to stop, did I?"

"I have something to confess." I looked at his eyes, there was no loving best friend in there right now.

"What?"

"I cheated on you." I almost whimpered.

"What?"

"I…had two fantas the other night." I felt tears come to my eyes, "I feel like dirt. Worse, maggots on dirt. No, maggots on dead bodies…"

"Silence, Swan!" he cut in, raising his voice a bit. He slammed his soda can down and came closer, so close that his nose was nearly touching my ear.

I quivered, preparing for that he'd say, what he'd do to me.

"What do you have to say for yourself, Swan?" his voice was so low and lethal it scared me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see his glare, it burned.

I sniffed, "I'm sorry, Edward."

"Sorry means shit to me." He snarled instantly, "What are we going to do about this, Swan?"

Oh God. Here it comes, he's going to whip me right here in front of every one. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

"Anything you say?"

Oh God. Such a mistake that I said that.

"Did it help your therapy when I just sucked down sodas while you struggled along by yourself?" he hissed in my ear, "Or is it better for YOU if I do my job to the fullest while YOU cheat behind my back? Is that going to get us walking, Swan?"

"No, Edward." I answered, so ashamed. I was pig crap.

"No, Edward." He repeated, mocking my girl voice, his steely gaze still hurting my cheek as he kept his dark eyes on me. Yes, his eyes are black. I'm a dead man.

He whispered low in my ear, "Do you expect me to **suck** that sugar out of your bloodstream?"

"No, Edward." I trembled, I thought therapy guy was scary before I knew he was a vampire, now he was doubly terrifying, if that was possible. I pictured him grabbing onto me and biting into my neck…a warm gush bursting out of my jugular and into his hot, gulping lips. DAMN, that's hot. My mouth fell open.

"Then you owe me." He looked me up and down, "Two fantas equals 240 calories. You can sweat it out in a couple of hours. You'd better get working…HARD. I'll jack the heat up to 85 degrees. Nice and warm. Got it, Swan?"

"Got it, Edward." I hurriedly moved my legs again, grunting slightly as I got to work.

"And Swan." His lips were so close to my ear I could feel his cold breath, "If you EVER, EVER…cheat on me again…no, I won't drop you as my patient. But you'll wish I had. I will have you sobbing for mercy. I have access to machines that hospitals have long ago outlawed. Consider these next two hot and sweaty painful hours a generous gift. One you will never get again. Do we understand each other, Swan?"

I was shaking all over. He was very scary but…I was so hot right now. I wondered if he knew what this did to me, besides pushing me to work harder.

My lap was a warm puddle right now. Thank God I have on sweats and he can't see it.

Oh Jesus! He can SMELL it. Vampire nose - I'm sure he can. Oh no, why ?! Why?! Maybe that's why he's talking that way, to arouse me more. No, we're just best friends. Therapy guy is always evil this way. Please, someone please, tell me he can't smell my secret girl juices. Oh, shit.

EPOV

Jesus, I can't believe it. Just from me whispering in her ear like a bastard she's completely aroused. I could smell it a mile away. I just wanted her to stop drinking that crap soda. Maybe now she will behave on her diet. Hey, if I can drink animals instead of people she should make an effort and drink water and milk instead of soda, am I right?

I mean, every day I hang out with Bella, the very drink I want most. And I resist. I abstain. That's all I'm asking her to do with this sugary soda. Is it really too much to ask of her?

I have to cancel that pizza I was going to have delivered to me now, I guess. Her lesson will be learned, at least she told me the truth. I love truth. It worked out better for her, anyway, she'd have died if she had to watch me eat a whole pizza at her side while she worked out.

I walked away from Bella for a second, Alice was there, in the corner, jogging again, on her favorite thing, the treadmill.

"Alice, you don't have to keep watching me." I informed, "And Bella knows about us, you don't have to pretend to be using that."

"I'm not." She smiled, "I like it now. It's fun. I run and run but I never get anywhere."

"Join the club." I muttered, glancing at Bella a few feet away.

"Hey, Edward," she perked up suddenly, "There's a Valentine's Day dance coming up."

"A school dance?" I cringed, "So?"

"Well…it sounds so cute, it's called The Romeo and Juliet Dance…" Alice shrugged, "Maybe you could go this time…now you have someone to ask to it."

"Who?" I played dumb.

"Duh." Alice knocked on my forehead, "Bella."

I glanced at her again then frowned at Alice. "We are best friends, there is no romance between us. Besides, Romeo was an idiot."

She laughed out loud in my face. "And you're NOT?! Oh, get off it, Ed!!" she almost shouted as I motioned for her to lower her voice, "You two are so fucking cute you have the whole school throwing up. When you two go down the hall, little confetti hearts explode and fall on the floor behind you guys."

"And tell me, Alice," I reminded, "What happens again, when I kiss her? Please, tell me the whole story again about her being dead, or a new member of the undead? I so enjoy that little tale. Or maybe I can see a new vision of me tearing her clothes off while she LETS me drink her blood."

"It's the future, Edward." She stated, "I can't help that. If something's meant to be, it's going to be. You and her are meant to be. Take her to the dance. See what happens. Maybe my vision will change for the better."

I thought about it then right away I decided against it.

"No." I shook my head a little, "No. It will ruin everything. We are such good friends now. If I ask her to this, she'll think we're boyfriend and girlfriend. And we can't be that. Ever. I don't want to have to say those words to her. Besides, she's still in the chair. She's not ready to dance or walk yet. It would be stupid of me to ask her, not to mention cruel. Sit here, Bella, and watch everyone else dance while I stand next to you. No."

"What are you, ashamed of her or something?" Alice stuck her little chin up in my face.

I grabbed her and roughly shoved her into the office in the corner, slamming the door hard.

"Don't you EVER say that to me again." I seethed openly, nearly growling the words, "You know DAMN well that's not true. Bella is the best girl in the whole school! The whole TOWN!"

In the whole UNIVERSE.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." She looked down and I calmed a bit, "But you are so alive and happy with her…I just don't want to see you blow it, that's all. Other boys are noticing her, you know."

My eyes squinted at her. "You mean, Black?" I growled.

"She is looking very cute now." Alice informed, "Even in the chair. You're not the only one to see her appeal anymore. If you don't ask, someone else might."

I looked down at the desk.

"Bella is free to accept another invitation if she chooses to." I said with an icy voice but my heart gasped in terror at what I'd just said, "I have no claim on her. We are best friends. Period. If I want her to stay alive, that's how we have to remain. Forever. Until she outgrows me and moves on, which she will…someday."

"Edward, listen…" Alice began but I had to stop her. This was killing me, too, didn't she know that? So I said it .

"Don't you think I want to run out there and grab her and kiss her until my lips ache?!" I shouted, "Don't you think I want to take her to all the dances and proms and parties? But I can't ! That's when I'll lose control. That's when I'll….kill her. I love her too much to get that close to her. If I kill her, if I slip and do it, I won't want to go on living. I'll turn myself into the Volturi and confess I told our secrets to a human. I swear I will. So it won't be pretty for her or me or you, not to mention Carlisle and Esme. It'll be over, both of us. So, please…don't rub it in that other boys will be coming after her. I know that. I hear their thoughts everyday. I am trying to prepare myself for the horrible day she tells me to go away."

"Edward, you are so infuriating!" Alice groaned, "You think too much into everything!! Can't you ever just take a chance?"

Take a chance with Bella's life. She is insane. Yea, let me roll the dice and hope everything turns out okay. No.

"Goodbye, Alice." I opened the office door and went through it, "I have therapy to finish here."

BPOV

I crawled on the floor, panting like a dog and found his sneakers there before my eyes. I could actually crawl now, my knees getting stronger. It was an exercise, crawling around. I hoped. I'd been crawling on my hands and knees now for 30 minutes, the cool down portion of my workout. I wondered if Edward was enjoying watching me do this around him as he stood there.

"Hurts?" he asked from above me, his confident arms crossed with authority as I heaved for breath, my back covered with sweat, my whole body throbbing with pain.

I gave a nod and fell at his feet, laying on my stomach, wanting to die.

He squatted down, grabbing a handful of my hair and lifting my head gently to look into his perfect, sweat free face.

"Want a nice…soda?" he asked with distaste in his voice and eyes.

"No, no, no…" I shook my head hard, "No soda, never again. I swear."

"But it's sooo goood." He mocked what I usually told School Edward.

"No, I hate it!" I gasped, closing my eyes, "I hate it, please believe me. I swear."

"You are soaked and are sweating all over my gym floor." he sneered down at me, throwing a towel down over my head, "Clean it up then get your sorry ass out of here, Swan."

"Thank you….thank you Edward…" I breathed, my eyes stinging from the sweat that had gotten in my contacts, my body was wet and stinky and sore as hell. I thought I saw little pink vampire bunnies dancing around here earlier while I was hallucinating. My mind was numb. But I wiped the floor on my hands and knees, not wanting to do a poor job and add more time to my punishment.

God, I am so turned on now. I am a sick bitch. I love therapy.

As my body was having its new spasm, my dirty mind pictured Edward in black leather pants, no shirt and black boots…Yummy. Even his eyes were black in my dream. I loved it just now when he gave my hair a little pull. Jesus, that was erotic. I imagined myself tied to the treadmill, my ass cute and small and up in the air, my hands tied to the handlebars as my legs pumped furiously. He cracked a black leather stick over my ass hard as I screamed out in agony, peddling harder.

"Move it, Swan, you slow shit!" he growled at me in the dream.

"Yes, Sir." I whimpered…picking up my pace.

I shook that lovely image out for now, he was still watching me in reality wipe my dripping sweat off the floor. Later dream, meet me in my head at midnight tonight.

"Good enough." His voice was still tight, "Get into your chair and get out of my sight, Swan. Pray that I calm down by tomorrow's session."

He left and I looked over at my wheelchair, a couple feet away. I took a breath and knew I was in for some hell getting up into that thing alone. I had done it before, when I was younger. But it had been awhile.

I dragged myself over to the chair, that part was easy, sort of. As I was about to make my first attempt, I heard sneakers squeaking on the gym floor, coming over towards me.

"Hey, Bella, what happened?" he asked, "You fell out of your chair?"

I looked up. It was Jacob. Oh, great. This is all I needed now.

"No." I propped my elbows up on the floor and was about to explain when he scooped his arms underneath me from behind and began to lift me up a bit.

"NO, Jacob, don't!" I struggled a little, "I can do it myself. Edward said I

should—"

"Edward." Jacob grunted, "He is supposed to help you and he leaves you like this? Face down on the floor? That's not therapy, Bella, it's just cruel. Why do you let him do this to you?"

I was sure wherever Edward was he could hear us. I tried to explain, "Jacob, you don't get it. I cheated on my diet and---"

"You deserve to be treated right, Bella." Jacob went on, not listening, "I would never do this to you."

"Jacob, please, let me do this so I can leave and die in my own bed." I asked with no energy left in me. I want Eddie Jr. He loves me.

"Edward wants me to do these things for myself." I informed, "I like it that way. He doesn't baby me. It's what I need. That's what will make me walk again."

"So you want me to leave you on the floor?" he asked, getting my meaning.

"Yes, Jacob." I smiled up at him.

"Okay." He made a face like he thought I was nuts, "If that's what you want…"

"It is." I began to work my way up as he left. It took me twenty minutes, but I finally made it, on my own. I wheeled out of the gym and out to the bus where Herman assisted me in and I was on my way home, feeling independent and strong…and in a great deal of pain. Damn fanta.

Later, when I had gotten home, I was laying on my nice firm bed, the canopy pulled back elegantly. Eddie Jr. was laying on my chest, licking my chin.

"My little babee…" I stroked Eddie with my fingernails, loving his little purrs as they vibrated against my chest, "Yes, you love your Mommy, doncha?"

A little knock tapped on the window and I knew who that was.

I smiled and looked over at the window, my favorite silhouette crouched there. He always knocked first, never just coming in uninvited. Such a gentleman.

"Come in." I waved my hand, knowing he could hear me. There was no way I was trying to get up now.

He climbed in with an easy duck and landing, sliding the window down all the way once he was in.

"Hi Beautiful." I said, and gave him my weak but loving smile, still in my workout clothes.

"That's what I was going to say." He slowly moved closer to my bed, smiling at Eddie Jr., giving him a nice scratching with his fingernails between the ears. Eddie Jr. stretched in appreciation of his Daddy's love and rolled over on my chest, his paws in the air, asking for a belly rub.

I laughed. "This cat is such a slut. The minute anyone touches him, he rolls over and opens his legs."

He gave a little smirk and asked, "Can I sit here?"

"Yea." I said with a weird feeling, "You can sit anywhere, you always do. You don't have to ask."

He gave a small smile again and sat next to me on the big bed. His eyes looked a little sad.

"What's the matter?" I asked, "Something this cute shouldn't be so sad."

His eyes were gold again I noticed so he was hunting after I left the gym. Good. Those eyes turned up to look into mine and then they flew away, back down to his hands.

"Bella…" he said in an almost inaudible voice.

"Edward." I sat up a bit, even though it hurt my body immensely, "Something's wrong. What?"

"Nothing." He shook his head a couple times, making his eyes look into mine again, as if it hurt him to do so, "I just wish…(he took a deep breath, frowning)…I wish I could be everything you want."

"You are." I frowned slightly, taking his hand into my good one, lacing my fingers through his, "You are everything to me. Don't you know that yet, Silly Edward?"

He didn't speak for a while then he said, "You look so tired. I should let you go to sleep."

Then he started to stand up and I grabbed his hand harder, pulling him back down on the bed.

"You're not staying?" I asked, "You always stay."

"I don't know if---" he began, then stopped, "I have to …Alright, I'll stay. If you want me to."

"I always want you." I said, then saw his eyes squint a little, then I hurried up and added, "To stay. I mean, to hang out with me."

"Oh."

"But I need a nice bath first." I tried to lighten his mood, sitting up and sliding myself from the bed into my wheelchair, "Therapy guy…I confessed to him about my sodas last night. He nearly destroyed me."

"I told you." Edward gave a little bigger of a smile.

"I will never even LOOK at a soda can again, believe me." I said, meaning every word, "I'll be right back. Don't leave, okay?"

Now I was scared he'd disappear if I took my eyes off him for more than two seconds, a charming dream that could burst into air at any moment.

"Don't worry." He grinned, petting Eddie Jr.'s belly, "I am your prisoner. Slap the shackles on me."

Please don't say that. It brings so many delicious pictures to mind. Oh, to have a dungeon here in my room that I could chain Edward helplessly to. Wow.

I got to the bathroom and turned the hot water on, then a little turn on the cold faucet. I liked it nice and hot, my bubble baths. I couldn't wait for the sweet day I could stand and take a nice shower. Then, again, image of me and Edward standing in the shower together…and my soapy hands moving over his strong ribs, the suds flowing down to his cut pelvis….my mouth sucking his bottom lip into it as his lips opened wide and breathed his dizzying venom breath into me.

I am in perpetual heat, I scolded myself. If he could read my mind, he'd have run for the hills long ago. Next to me, Jessica Stanley is a nun.

I pulled my sweatpants off and looked down at my legs, my eyes widening silently.

"What the fuck?" I whispered to myself.

It had been two weeks since my surgery, roughly, and every day my legs would become more and more smooth, shapely. The scars from my previous surgeries were completely gone, I noticed, feeling up my legs with both hands. And my calves and thighs were not just bulky and thick like before. They were becoming curved and had a shape. They were beautiful !

Tears sprung to my eyes as I extended my right leg all the way out. I had accepted long ago that my legs would never be pretty to look at with all the scars from my past. But to look at my legs now, you'd never know I even had an accident.

I tore off my shirt, my sports bra on, as I looked at my bad arm. Now this arm was ugly as Hell before, covered with burns and scars and it was deformed, bent inwards, towards my body. I remember almost crying when Edward first examined it. But, again, the skin was smooth and there was not a scar to be found. It wasn't bent anymore. It was perfect. I wiggled my fingers and they all responded.

I almost put my shirt on and charged out to my room to find out what kind of miracle Carlisle performed during my surgery. This kind of healing this fast was impossible. But it was wrong to go yelling at Edward because my body looked completely healed. That's a good thing, isn't it? But something in me felt nervous. I felt like I didn't know the whole story. Carlisle did something to me…something…not in the medical books. I know what he is…but I trust him. I do trust him.

I just prayed that I wouldn't wake up wanting to hunt Eddie Jr.'s blood in the middle of the night.

Later, I came back to my room and Edward was laying back on his side of my bed, the side near the window, reading a book. No TV on. God, he's cute as hell. I love a man that reads.

I hummed in, electronically rolling myself to the bed, now in my pajamas, which was really a long t-shirt with pandas having a snowball fight and a black pair of flannel pajama pants.

Feeling much less like I was going to die now, I sat on the bed on my side and took out my Trig homework. I hated math. Edward was a wizard at it. I was hoping without talking that he'd want to help me again. He never gave me the answers, but he was a great tutor.

I took out my pencil and glanced at him, "What are you reading?"

"New medical book." He answered vaguely, obviously immersed deeply within it, "New techniques on open heart surgery."

My eyes went back to my homework and suddenly it seemed what I was doing was first grade stuff compared to that.

"Edward." I said, not wanting to bother him, but having to tell him.

"Bella." He said back, not sounding like he was paying much attention.

Damn medical textbooks.

"Do you know…" I asked, "That just now, when I looked…my legs and arm look totally…normal?"

He stopped reading and looked at me, not saying anything.

"I mean, not just normal…" I looked down at my math book, "But…beautiful? How…I don't know how Carlisle did that."

"I told you…" Edward said in a low voice, "He's a genius."

"I know, but…" I was about to argue when Edward's eyes pierced deeply into mine, wanting something. Something important.

"Can I see?" he asked, almost whispering.

I don't know, can you? I almost joked…but his eyes were so sad and soft…he looked so breakable when he looked this way.

"Ummm…" I felt shaky again, "Sure."

"Lay back." He whispered, almost in an asking tone.

Oh shit. My math books got pushed to the floor by me as I slowly laid back on my side of the bed, my head on the pillow. The light was so dim it was almost candlelight and I loved it that way. I hated to be looked at in bright light, it was not flattering at all.

My breathing became deep and a little faster as my eyes watched Edward move, he put his book on the floor at his side, too, and crawled over to sit on his knees next to my waist. He had the easy grace and finesse of a jungle cat as he moved towards me and he was a majestic sight.

He looked into my face and put one hand on the flannel right leg. I tried to act like this was not a big deal, smiling at him, giving him a nod to go ahead.

His hand moved up slowly, taking the material of my pantleg with it. He moved it all the way up over my knee until it was like I was wearing a pair of shorts, both legs bare and exposed now. I shuddered, closing my eyes. Only with Edward could I ever open myself up to be this vulnerable. I wouldn't have the guts to show this to anyone else, let alone let them touch me this way.

"Can I touch?" he finally asked after he had stared for a long time.

"Yes, Edward." I kept my eyes closed, my body a little tense as I waited for his cool fingers' descent.

They began at my toes, I even gave a little giggle because I was very ticklish. Then his fingers were at my ankles, one hand touching at the moment, not both. His hand moved up to my calf, smoothing his palm down the side and then massaging it firmly. I wanted to cry out in pleasure but I clamped my lips shut, holding it in. I had never in my life been touched this way and I didn't want it to stop. His hand was on my knee, moving slowly up and down and around it. God, this was turning me on.

Oh no, no….his hand was moving up over the knee now…now both hands were on the sides of my thigh, moving so incredibly slow it was almost still, moving up…up…I could hear his breathing now, too. I kept my eyes closed, afraid to look. It would not take much for him now to separate my legs and touch me…

Oh my God. I am just like Eddie Jr.

"So beautiful." His voice whispered, sounding full of emotion, very deep, "So perfect."

If this is a dream, I will kill anyone who wakes me up.

His hands traveled to my "bad arm" and slid the sleeve up. A surprised breath sharply exhaled from his lips as he moved his fingers up and down the entire length of my arm, turning it over and back again.

"Oh, Bella." He breathed.

Edward, I want you…I want you so badly. Please kiss me. Please bite me…please do anything to me…

Then he started swallowing again. I opened my eyes and sat up, watching him suffer and I hated myself instantly.

"Edward, oh no." I put a hand on his back.

He winced and held his breath, moving himself backwards slowly, off the bed, opening the window and sticking his head out, trying to suck in the cold air outside. I watched sadly. Tears sprang to my eyes as he gave a little growl, choking a little bit.

This was the hardest thing about being so close to him, watching his body punish him whenever he began to feel too close to me. He could never kiss me. He could never…make love to me. He would end up biting me, then, and I couldn't imagine what that would do to him – or me. All we could be was friends. And we were too close now, even as friends. We touched and kissed each other on the cheek and held hands, even snuggled in bed together.

But it was too much for both of us…and at the same time, not enough. What were we going to do? We are doomed.

I wiped my eyes fast before he brought his head back into the window, closing it again. He looked at me as he moved a little closer. But he did not sit on the bed.

"Bella…" he said in a sullen voice, "I can't sit on your bed anymore."

My heart shattered into five billion little pieces.

"I know." I heard my voice crack.

He looked around, his eyes more sad than I've ever seen them before, and that was saying a lot.

"I'm just too weak." He finally said, his voice apologetic, "I'm sorry, Bella. Please…understand?"

"I do." I tried to smile, my eyes pooling with saltwater.

"I still love you." He informed and I thought I would die right there.

"I love you, too." I squeaked.

"Are we…still best friends?" he asked like a little boy.

I smiled at him through my tears, "Always."

"I'll…pick you up tomorrow morning." He informed.

He was leaving.

"Okay." I almost sobbed, but held onto myself for a minute longer.

He neared the window, his book in his hand. He hesitated, like he didn't want to go, but he kept moving to the window and opened it slowly.

"Goodnight, Bella." His voice sounded pained, his silhouette so lonely near the corner.

"Goodnight, Edward." I sat up, moving the flannel down my legs, still staring at him.

"Sorry." He said in a hurt whisper, and then he bent, going out the window, and closed it from the outside. I waited a tense minute. He didn't come back.

I sobbed hard, the water works flowing freely as I fell back on my bed, in intense agony.

Later, my mind tried to reason with me as I cried for the second hour in a row.

He just doesn't want to drink from you, or kill you. That's noble. That means he loves you and doesn't want to hurt you. Be glad. If he didn't care about you, he'd have taken us right there that first day by the woods. But he didn't. It hurts him so much, when he thirsts for your blood, don't you SEE that? Do you like doing that to him? He would never do that to YOU. Well, therapy guy would, but….

Give him some more time, my head told my heart. He's still your best friend, he said so. This is all so new to him, too, you know. Be glad any creature who's over 100 years old even WANTS to spend time with a 17 year old girl.

I never got that. What did Edward find so appealing about ME, besides my blood? In reality, he would have more in common with some 45 year old woman who was educated and skilled at something, an intelligent person who could argue with him about medicine or poetry.

I needed his help with my math homework. I felt like a 4th grader next to him while he read about how to perform surgeries. Was he getting sick of me? Maybe that's it. Even therapy guy was mad at me right now and I hated that. Why did I cheat on my diet? Why can't I be strong like Edward and be good?

The next morning I was ready to go when he knocked, always perfectly on time, 7 am on the dot.

He gave me a small smile and picked me up off my bed, carrying me down the stairs and placing me securely in my wheelchair.

"Thank you." I said like I was talking to a stranger, only because I wasn't sure yet how he was going to act towards me.

"You're welcome, my Bella." He said behind me, lowering his head and placed a slow deep kiss on the top of my head. And just like that, I was cured.

To quote Tom Hanks or Forrest Gump, Edward and I were just like peas and carrots again.

In lunch that afternoon, we made some progress. Edward said that we could get through this, being best friends and all. All we needed were some rules, ways to conquer the growing thirst.

He apologized but said for a little while, it was not a good idea for him to lay in my bed next to me. It hurt me, but I had to agree. Lately he was having a real problem with that and I saw how it was taking a toll on him, being that strong all through the night while I slept peacefully. It wasn't fair of me.

Next Edward told me that, even though he had liked it, and my legs were very gorgeous, that he shouldn't have tempted himself so much by touching them so much. I told him I liked it too, but maybe he was right. I noticed the more we talked, the more I seemed to lose. We couldn't touch so much anymore, we couldn't sit or lay in bed together anymore…but I told myself if this was the way it would make him more comfortable with me, I would pay the price. Even with these new boundaries, I wanted Edward, any way I could get him.

In a couple days, Edward and I seemed to be back at ease with each other, joking and hanging out as much as we could. My nights had become an empty hole without him there. But Eddie Jr. tried to fill the void by laying on my chest all night. I had nightmares again, about that doctor who tried to operate on me without the anesthesia. His eyes….were so empty and cold.

Therapy guy did forgive me, eventually, and my legs were getting stronger. My "bad hand" was progressing so great, too. I could almost use it for anything now. Nothing complex but it could grab things and hold things, my arm could move on its own. I could pet Eddie Jr. with it and even hold him and pick him up with it. I was starting to learn to walk with the bars now. The closer I got to my goal, the harder therapy Edward would work me and push me. I loved him for it.

This was all so exciting to me it almost pushed the hurt of Edward's rules out of my head. My body was starting to feel normal. I felt human….for the first time since the accident. I was loving it. I began to have hope that soon, maybe, I would walk.

I still needed the wheelchair, but Edward said it would not be much longer now. He promised and I believed him. More than that, I believed in myself. Edward gave that gift to me and I was so thankful to him. I loved him more than life itself. I knew now I would die for him.

I couldn't let him see how selfish I was inside, wanting all his time back again. I didn't want to make him feel guilty. So I acted like I was fine with our arrangement.

Jacob Black had become a buddy of mine. Not someone I'd hang out with after school or anything with, but he was in my Trig class and he was pretty good at it. He once whispered an answer to me when I got called on and was clueless. From there, we talked in class between working and I found him to be very funny and sweet.

Edward knew that I only talked to Jacob during math class but he was still not thrilled about it. He always called Jacob names like Doggie style and other creative little nicknames but he never told me I couldn't associate with Jacob during school. I told Edward he was only a class-friend. Someone to talk to in class, and that it wasn't a great lifelong type friendship. I would never tell Jacob anything personal or heavy. But Edward was still jealous and part of me thought it was very cute that he cared enough about me to be like that.

He kept saying I was HIS friend. I would always love the way that sounded but the look in his eyes when he did was not a joking one. Whenever Jacob was mentioned or said hi to me at our table as he went by Edward's whole body would turn into a stiff rock and he would be almost hateful to Jacob.

Jacob never seemed to be bothered or deterred by this, however, and that drove Edward more insane.

One day at lunch, February 10th:

Alice was showing us a picture of the dress she was going to wear to the Romeo and Juliet dance. It was amazing. It was red, splashed with diamonds around the waist, a low cut neckline, then a full glittery bell-like bottom.

Angela and I gushed over the beauty of it and Edward rolled his eyes, growling, "This is not a prom, Alice."

Alice ignored him and was flipping around in her magazine, showing us other dresses.

"Oooh, Bella." Alice said, "Look at this one."

"Oh my God." I heard myself exclaim, "That is so pretty. But I could never wear something like that. Look at the boobs sticking out of it."

"You have boobs." Alice chuckled, twinkling with glee. Edward groaned and opened his math book, acting like he was reading it, ignoring the girl talk.

"Yea, plenty." I laughed, "I could smother a man with MY boobs."

"Oh my dear Lord." Edward rubbed his temple, his round eyes glaring into his book.

We were giggling and then Alice asked, "Are you going to the dance, Bella?"

Edward gave her a look that had Norman Bates written all over it.

"Oh, no." I said casually, "I'm not exactly able to get down and break dance yet. But I can make my chair go around in circles."

I chuckled at my joke and so did Angela, now four months pregnant, wasn't showing yet but she was eating for four, the morning sickness over. Edward watched her eat and looked afraid.

"I was going to go." Angela said a little sadly as she ate a cupcake right in front of me as I silently drooled over it in my mind, "Even by myself, but that's no fun. Besides, I'm pregnant. My Valentine Dance days are over."

"Oh no they're not." Alice assured, "You are still a beautiful girl, you'll have lots of dances. Your life isn't over, you know."

Angela smiled shyly and said, "Thanks, Alice. That was nice."

"Edward hates dances, too." Alice looked at her brother solelmly, sighing, "But he is a very good dancer."

"Alice, don't you have a boyfriend you'd like to go torture?" Edward asked, flipping through his math book, as if looking for something specific.

I smiled at Angry Edward. He could be so cute when he had an attitude.

"If you guys don't have dates, you know, you could always go, the three of you, to the dance, just to hang out." Alice suggested.

"Ooh, a threesome." I teased and Edward's eyes looked at me like I just caught fire. Then he ducked it back into the book, hiding.

"God, don't say that word." Alice laughed, "Edward will pop back into his hole like a little groundhog."

We all giggled as he ignored us.

Then, Jacob started to walk over to our table. He had already said hi earlier when he came through the lunch line and he had eaten, but he was coming over here. Oh no. This would not be pretty. And Edward was already in a mood about something.

Maybe he was getting something else from the cafeteria line, I hoped. I glanced at Edward and he looked at me, then at Jacob, not looking pleased at all.

"Bella…" he said to me in a funny voice as Jacob almost got to our table.

"What?" I asked but then Jacob was beside me.

"Hi Bella." He smiled down at me, his hands nervously leaning on the tabletop.

"Hi Jake." I said as usual, "What's up?"

"Yes, Jake, what's up?" Edward seethed in his voice and his eyes, watching him closely.

"Ummm…nothing. Can I talk to you a sec?" he asked me, looking like he was in pain.

Edward's eyes were dull and hard, watching Jacob like he was a deadly reptile slinking over to me.

Angela grinned at me and Alice gave a worried look to me then Edward. She sighed and looked into her magazine, angrily flicking the pages with her one hand.

"Uhh, alone?" he asked, motioning out towards the hallway a few feet away.

I looked at Edward and he tore his lifeless eyes away from us, staring back into his math book, propping his cheek on his hand, his jaw tightening.

"Umm…okay." I felt nervous and too warm suddenly, almost in a cold sweat.

"I'll be right back guys." I tried to sound light about it. Edward didn't even look up as I went, my two hands now able to slowly wheel myself manually out into the hall after Jacob.

I felt weird. No boys ever wanted to talk to me in the hallway alone before. I thought I knew what he wanted but I wasn't sure. I wasn't used to this. Was he going to ask me to this dance? What would I say? I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I didn't want to say yes, either.

Edward's face just now broke my heart. There was no way I could tell Edward I was going to a dance with some other boy. And Edward hated Jacob. Even though Edward and I decided to stay friends and cool things a little, I couldn't deny I still loved him and would do anything to wait for him until he was ready.

I got there and saw him standing a little way down the hall, so I could not see inside the lunchroom anymore. I went up to him and looked up as he leaned on the white cement wall.

"Hi." I almost whispered, feeling like he wanted to tell me some secret.

"Hi." He smiled too much at me then and cleared his throat.

"Bella…" he began and I swallowed, bracing myself inside.

"I was just wondering…." He said, looking at his hands, "If you have a date…to this Romeo and Juliet dance thing yet."

I gulped.

"Uhhh, I…"

"I thought, if you didn't…" Jacob stepped in, "You could go with me."

"Dancing ?" I looked down at my legs and up at him, trying to joke, "Not a good idea for ME. My legs don't dance, Jake."

I almost felt my eyes tear up as I said that but I stayed strong.

"You wouldn't have to dance, Bella." He cut in again, "I would just like to hang out…talk to you. Have some fanta."

He smiled at me and I believed he meant what he was saying. He was sweet but he couldn't know….my heart was already lost to someone else.

"I don't drink fanta anymore." I informed with a sullen voice, trembling from the mere mention of it. Since that day with therapy guy, I truly never drank soda again. It was too frightening.

"Whatever." He shrugged, chuckling, that bright white smile almost hurting my eyeballs. I wonder what toothpaste he uses.

"Anything you want to drink is fine." He stated, trying to sell me on the idea.

"I…can't, Jake." I said with a note of finality, "I have other plans…"

"It's Cullen, isn't it?" he asked with a calm voice, "He won't let you, will he?"

"Let me?" I raised a brow and my voice a little.

"You had to look at him for his permission to even follow me out here." Jacob pointed out, a little bitterness in his voice now, "He's always around you. Only in Trig can I get you alone. Are you guys, like, a couple?"

"No." I answered, "He's my best friend. He watches out for me."

"Bella, come on, he looks at you like…you're something to EAT." Jacob raised his voice a little now.

"Ukk, that's disgusting!" I cringed at him and his rude remark, "Edward has been with me through Hell and back ! He's saved my life in more ways than one! You don't even know US!!"

I wanted to add that Edward also saved HIS life, too, but I couldn't reveal that.

"Well how can I?" he asked, trying to calm down a bit, "I can't get anywhere near you, he's like a guard dog that barks whenever I walk by you."

I sighed.

"Is he taking you to the dance?" Jacob asked.

"No." I said, "I mean, I don't think so. He didn't ask me yet."

"Yet." Jacob hissed.

"This is none of your business, Jake." I tried to keep my voice nice, "Edward and I have a strong relationship. We don't need to go to every school function to prove we're friends like some of these jerks in this school. Besides, I don't want to go to the stupid dance. It's dumb, I can't even walk."

I began to turn myself away from him with my wheels and hands but he put his hands on the armrests of my chair, stopping me, bent over, looking into my eyes.

"This isn't about some stupid dance." Jacob said in a low voice, "I want to be close to you, Bella. Why don't we hang out at my house sometime?"

"Let go." I said in a timid little voice.

"I believe she answered your question." A deep voice said firmly behind me, "You would be wise to let go of her chair."

I knew it was Edward without seeing him behind me. No doubt he was doing his therapy guy stance, arms crossed, standing there like a brick wall, protecting me.

"Shut up, Cullen, you don't OWN her." Jacob shot back, looking up towards where Edward stood behind me.

Uh oh. I knew then, Jacob was dead.

I heard Edward's footsteps coming fast and Jacob straightened up, taking a step back, then glanced at me and toughened up, looking ready for a fight.

"I said let go of the god damned chair !" Edward roared, leaping into my view now, grabbing Jacob by the shirt and slamming him hard into the cement wall, raising him off his feet a little, and glaring up at him with evil in his eyes.

Jacob winced as his back hit the wall, clenching his eyes for a moment.

"EDWARD, NO!!" I was afraid to get too close to them.

"Why don't you take on someone your own size?" Edward said through his gritted teeth.

Edward could kill him or break his back. "Edward, stop!" I shouted.

"Get OFF ME you ASSHOLE!!" Jacob struggled against the wall, bringing his boot up hard, slamming Edward right between the legs.

I gasped as Edward groaned, panting a little, easing Jacob down as he tried to recover. Jacob was standing on his feet now, but Edward still had a good grip of his shirt.

"Edward!" I almost felt his pain, too as Jacob pushed Edward off of him and punched Edward in the jaw with his fist. I heard cracks that sounded like bone.

I screamed and heard people coming, shouting at them to stop.

"Break it up, GUYS!" a teacher was saying, approaching fast.

Jacob fell to the floor, holding his fist and moaning in pain.

"Edward!" I called but Edward just stood there, looking down at Jacob, not making any move to go after him again.

A teacher, the gym teacher, Mr. Shoudt, who was tall and muscular with short brown hair (all the girls told me how hot he was), grabbed Edward from behind, doing an expert maneuver that pinned Edward's arms behind him.

"Calm down, Cullen." Mr. Shoudt moved him back a little, away from Jacob. His voice was steady and not angry with Edward.

I knew Edward could squash Mr. Shoudt in a second, but Edward let him hold him and made no effort to resist. By this time, every kid in the school had gathered to gawk.

Another two teachers knelt down by Jacob and tenderly looked over his hand.

"I think it's broken." Jacob said in a gruff voice, "Please don't touch it."

I stared at Edward then back to Jacob, stunned into silence, tears still in my eyes.

"Office – now." A teacher next to Jacob pointed at Edward then down the hall.

"Okay. Come on, Edward." Mr. Shoudt was taking Edward down the hallway. Edward turned back and looked at me with such apologies in his eyes it killed me.

Emmett stood there, by me, I realized as I noticed the shade over me.

"What the hell?" Emmett asked me.

The teachers helped Jacob to his feet carefully and Jacob looked at me, ashamed, going with them the same way Edward had gone, the nurse's office beside the Principal's office.

All the kids were buzzing about what had happened, creating their own stories already.

Alice, Jasper and Emmett looked at me and again Emmett asked, "What happened?"

"They got into a fight." I finally found my voice, "Edward didn't really hit Jacob, but Jacob kicked him and then punched his face. I think that broke his hand."

I wheeled myself through the crowd, with Emmett's help and followed to the Principal's office.

Edward was sitting there, his head in his hands as Mr. Shoudt stood over him, guarding him as I opened the door and rolled myself in.

Slowly, Edward looked up at me sadly.

"No, Bella, don't get him started up again." Mr. Shoudt warned me.

"She didn't do anything." Edward said, putting his face back into his hands, then his hands grabbed his own hair in a hard tangle.

The principal, Mr. Vogner, a middle aged man in his fifties with black hair and a salt and pepper beard, came out of his office and looked at all of us.

"Come in, Edward." He gave Edward a cold look, snapping his fingers and motioning his hand towards his office. Edward stood up, looking broken.

I hated the sight of anyone snapping their fingers at Edward, calling him like a dog. Something in me wanted to hurt the man.

"He didn't do anything wrong!" I spoke up loudly, "He was defending ME!"

"Alright, what DID happen?" Mr. Vogner asked me right here, crossing his arms.

"I started it." Edward said in a low voice.

The door opened and Jacob was there, his hand being propped up with his good one, an ice pack wrapped around the broken one.

"It was my fault." Jacob said, shutting all of us up.

Edward looked at him, still a lethal stare in his eyes.

"What is your name?" Mr. Vogner wasn't familiar with the kids from the Quilete school that were here temporarily.

"Jacob Black." He said, "I'm here from the Quilete school."

"Okay." Mr. Vogner listened.

"I was…bothering Bella." Jacob said, his eyes a little shiny as he spoke, "I grabbed her wheelchair so she couldn't…get away from me. She told me to let go but I didn't. Then, Edward, there, told me to let her go but I still didn't. He warned me a couple times. When he came over to make me let her go, I punched him in the face. I guess I don't know how to throw a punch right, cause it went past his face and into the wall. I broke my hand. Edward never hit me."

Edward and I both looked at Jacob silently.

"Is that true?" the principal looked at the two of us.

"Yes." I said.

If Edward got in trouble, I knew it would mean he wouldn't be able to be my therapy guy during Gym anymore. He knew it too. I looked at him, my face blank, but trying to make him read my thoughts this once.

Say yes, don't ruin your job over me. I need therapy guy. Please.

Edward gave a curt nod, looking down at his feet.

"Oh, man, sorry." Mr. Shoudt looked regretful that he grabbed Edward and put a hand on his shoulder, "I thought you beat him up."

Edward didn't say a word to Mr. Shoudt, but his face showed he held no grudge against him.

"Alright, Cullen, Bella." Mr. Vogner said, "Go back to lunch. Jacob, after the nurse calls an ambulance for you, call your parents. I'll deal with you tomorrow, first thing in the morning, you come here."

Then he muttered under his breath, "That's what I get for taking these wild kids into my school after they burned theirs down…"

Jacob ignored that and said, "Okay."

"And apologize to Bella and Edward now." Mr. Vogner said as an afterthought.

"Oh no, that's okay." I shook my head a little.

"Now, Jacob." The principal demanded.

"He's right." Jacob took a breath, "I am so sorry, Bella. Please forgive me, I shouldn't have grabbed the chair like that."

"It's okay."

"And Edward…" he made himself look into the eyes of his arch enemy. This looked like it was going to hurt Jacob more.

"I apologize for the way I acted." Jacob said with no emotion, "You were right to defend her. So thanks for that."

Edward said nothing back to him.

It was a very tense room suddenly.

"Well, go back to lunch, you two." Vogner said to me and Edward again, "Jacob, back in the nurse's office."

I rolled towards the door and it was closed. I went to reach for it but Edward leaned down and opened it for me silently.

We went out into the hall and it felt like we were suddenly surrounded by the paparazzi.

Everyone was asking questions. Emmett was there and pushed kids out of our way, clearing a path for us as he kept moving, not talking.

I could hear Jessica's voice, "Is Black fucking her, too?! Did she cheat on you, Edward?!"

God, I hated her.

"Did you break his arm, Edward?" Newton was asking from within the crowd.

"Excuse me." Edward said to one kid who almost didn't move out of his path but then Emmett shoved him over.

Teachers were telling all the kids in the lunchroom to sit down now and that the show was over. After a few minutes, things calmed a bit and I sat at the table, looking at Edward, afraid of what this would do to us now. Edward couldn't look at me and Alice was fuming at him.

Angela was clueless as to what had happened. She knew there was a fight but she was back to eating her chocolate pudding. I looked at her and frowned, seeing my lovely looking salad and water in front of my place.

"Are you alright?" I heard Alice ask Edward and he shouted, "Just leave me alone, Alice!"

He was staring into his math book again, his face stone.

Alice looked at us and sighed, "I'm going to see my boyfriend for awhile. Wanna come, Angela?"

Edward glared up at her.

"Uh…okay." Angela stood up and Alice grabbed one of her trays, hurrying her away from us.

Oh Jeez. Thanks, Alice.

I crunched on my lettuce, sounding like Bugs Bunny as I chewed. Edward's eyes raised to me for a second, still hard.

I closed my mouth and tried to chew quietly. He looked down into his book again.

Maybe I should just talk like this never happened. Maybe it would work.

"So, tonight is your TV night." I said, trying to act casual, "Will it be the crime channel or the medical channel ?"

Edward tensed even more and he sat up a little, closing his math book, staring at it.

"This isn't working, is it?" he said with a sad voice, not taking his eyes off his book.

My stomach fell out in one lurch.

"What?" I asked, terrified, as if someone just told me I had two months to live.

"Us." He said with no emotion.

"It is working." I said, trying not to cry, "We're fine."

"No we're not." He said.

Oh God. This is it…the talk in the cafeteria. God, no please. Don't do this to me. I can't lose him.

"What are you saying?" I asked, trying to be brave in my voice at least.

He looked away.

"I could've hurt him…really hurt him." Edward said, almost to himself, "I wanted to."

"It wasn't your fault." I said, "You defended me."

"He was only asking you to the dance." Edward stated, "I heard it all. He was just trying to be…close to you."

"Well then you heard me say no." I said, more afraid each second as I looked at him. He wouldn't even look at me.

"I don't own you, he was right about that. And you want to go to the dance, Bella." Edward said certainly, "I know that. And you want to go with me. But I can't take you. I can't do **anything** with you."

I sniffed and looked around the room, hating every face I saw.

"I don't want to go to the stupid dance, I told you." I sneered, "Valentine's Day is a fraud, anyway. Stupid holiday to make everyone buy cards, roses, and candy."

"You want romance." He said, staring at his book, "You want to be loved and kissed and held. I know that so don't try to deny it."

I am loved. By you. I wanted to say that, but I didn't.

"You should go with him." Edward said with a pained voice, "You're both human. And he is a decent guy. He just got me off the hook when he could've ruined me."

"I don't want to go with him." I nearly cried then, "I want to be with **you**."

"You **can't** be with me, Bella." Edward said, making his angel eyes look at my dieing ones, "We can't do this anymore. It's getting too hard. I told you, I'm weak. Too weak. I should've just stayed away from you, like my family said. I can't mix with your kind, you see now how dangerous it's becoming."

I heard tears in my voice now when I forced myself to talk.

"Edward." I cried, "No. Please. You're the only real friend I've ever had."

He looked away as if my voice was hurting him.

"You don't need me anymore, Bella." He said, "You were alone when I found you. You were just lonely. You would've been anyone's friend at that point."

Now I was getting mad.

"What—" I began to get loud.

"So I felt sorry for you and took you under my wing." He said, his voice more cold with each word, "And maybe that was a mistake, but I've helped you now. You're pretty and popular, you have boys asking you out, you don't need ME anymore. So just let me go."

He went to walk away but he was not getting away that easily.

"WAIT!" I screeched through my tears, following him into the hall.

He stopped, his back to me. He made no move to turn towards me to even face me.

"EDWARD!" I wanted him to look at me but he didn't move.

"What?" he sneered with venom in his voice, not turning.

"You said you loved me…" I heard my pathetic voice crumble, sobbing now like a desperate child.

He didn't say anything. He kept standing there with his back to me.

"I love YOU." I cried, waiting for any response. He stood there for a minute, frozen.

Then he walked away. What? I watched in dumb terror as he walked all the way down the hall, turning right…he was gone. He just…walked away. Without a single word.

I died inside at that moment, sobbing, not caring who could hear me. Not caring about anything anymore.

A few minutes later, I was still in the same spot, bawling like I just had my guts ripped out. I had.

Then I heard behind me, "How does it feel, Smella?"

Jessica. I would kill her now if she even thought of starting up with me.

"I told you." She sounded happy as I cried, my fists in my hair, "He plays with you then he gets bored and throws you away, just like that. Game over."

"Go away Jessica, for your own sake." I growled like a wounded bear.

"Don't worry, though." Jessica giggled, "I'm sure in a day or two, he'll be with someone else. You can watch them laugh and have fun at their new lunch table, like I watched you guys. That'll be loads of fun."

"Beat it, bitch!" another female voice came into the hallway.

"Oh, Alice, go away." Jessica didn't sound worried about Alice. If only she knew what Alice is.

"Bella, just go, it's okay." Alice said to me as I glanced behind me at her. I had to get away from Jessica or I'd kill her. So I made myself go, hearing the bell ring.

What should I do now ? Go to Biology class? And sit next to Edward for 45 minutes ? God, I couldn't do that.

What about my therapy after that? Would Edward be there, too? God, please, just swallow me up and kill me now.

I almost went to the girls' room but I didn't. Something in me said, don't you dare. Don't go back to being that pathetic thing again. Go to class.

Then I realized. I had a little therapy guy voice inside me of my own. I went to Biology.

He was there, too, staring straight ahead, looking empty. I wanted to throw myself on him and hold him, begging and crying until he'd hold me and kiss me and love me finally. But I just silently rolled up to my seat and took out my Biology book, waiting for the bell to ring to start class.

I peeked at him from the corner of my eye but he kept staring ahead of him at the back of the kid in front of him, acting like he was disconnected from his body somehow, not in there.

Class dragged to a crawl as Banner went on and on about the mating facts of bees. Perfect on today of all days. Every time he said the words, mate, or attraction, or intercourse I almost burst out crying. At one point, I even had to put my hand over my mouth, acting like I was wiping my lips with a tissue.

Then he said the words I would now come to dread every day from now on.

"We have ten minutes left so talk amongst yourselves a little." He announced.

I knew there'd be no talking now with Edward. I was pretending to read my Biology book, hiding behind my veil of hair, trying to peek at him.

His jaw was so tight it looked like it hurt him. He was looking out the window.

I was nothing to him now. I felt like nothing.

I could hear the other kids talking about the big fight during lunch, both Edward's and Jacob's and then mine and Edward's.

"Dumped." Jessica sneered wickedly to her little gang that held on her every word, "Dumped. I heard it all. She's all blubbering, 'I thought you loved me. I love YOU.' God, it was so pathetic. He just kept walking, it was friggin' COLD!"

Jessica laughed and so did all the rest of them, celebrating the end of my life. Edward I'm sure could hear this all, too. But he did nothing. He just sat there. I want to die. Why am I not dieing?

"I guess Black's the new guy?" Newton asked them and I visibly saw Edward's jaw flex as he kept staring out into the rain.

"Yep." Jessica dished on gossip she knew nothing about, "Cullen caught them making out in the hallway right under his nose. Then he kicked Black's ass and dumped the cheating little whore."

"SHUT UP JESSICA !!" Edward leapt to life suddenly and I nearly screamed from the surprise of it. He kept staring out the window with deadly eyes but he did shout at her, "Who are YOU to call anyone else WHORE?!"

"Hey, calm down in here." Banner looked up, warning us to keep it down.

Kids laughed at Jessica now, equally delighted by Edward calling Jessica out on that one. The bell rang and before I could turn towards Edward, he was out of his seat like a flash and out the door.

"Fucking prick." Jessica was muttering about Edward on the way out, "I swear to God, he is dead. So dead."

So am I. I thought as I put my book into my backpack and began to get myself to the bus to go to therapy.

I said hi to Herman as he helped me in the bus and as we drove, I sat in the back alone and just cried quietly to myself, remembering the little spikes of Edward's hair coming up from the seat in front of me, and I saw his laughing boyish face as he laid down on the same seat.

I can't go on without him. Especially now, he acts like I don't even exist. What did I do wrong? What did I say? Some horrible thing I did along the way made him change. He doesn't love me anymore. He said knowing me was a mistake. He said he only felt sorry for me, that I would've been anyone's friend when he found me. I cried again, trying to keep it quiet so Herman wouldn't bother me.

When we were almost there, I had to wipe my eyes real dry. I didn't want him to know I was crying, although I'm sure he heard me, even as he walked away from me in the hall.

I changed into my sweats and rolled myself into the gym we always met in.

He was there, not so much skin showing as previous sessions. He wore a t-shirt with a sweatjacket over it, zipped open, and sweatpants, not shorts.

I didn't know how to act here so I just walked up to him and waited, my eyes down.

"Stretch out Swan." He said with no emotion at all, not even therapy guy's usual angry tone, "Then we'll get going on the bars again."

And that was it. I moved over to the open floor area and made myself get down on my hands and knees, then to a sitting position, sniffling as I began my stretching exercises.

He had walked around behind me where I couldn't see him and began to lift weights on his own. This was normal, at times, but now I was thinking of the first time we'd been here together, when he said, "Come lay here, next to me."

I couldn't endure this. This silence between us. But what was I going to do instead, beg him on my knees and grovel for his love?

I wanted to go home and cry but then something else was happening inside me. I wasn't giving up on using my legs, despite the heartbreak going on inside me right now. That dream was still alive, even if Edward wouldn't be smiling at me when I took my first steps.

Therapy Edward had worked very hard to see me walk. And he was still here, doing his job. I wasn't about to ruin all that by acting like a little brat, like Jessica. I would keep coming to therapy and would make myself walk, no matter what. I could cry about it later on the bus home if I wanted to, but I was not going to quit this time. I would walk.

I finished my stretching and felt looser, a little better actually.

"Good, Swan." His voice floated behind me and he said, "Let's go…bars."

He stood on his end of the bars and waited patiently for me to get myself back into my wheelchair. I did and rolled myself over to my end of the long stretch of mats that had a rail on each side of me. I had to stand and hold onto the bars, and make my legs try to walk down the mats towards him.

He would instruct me and guide me as I tried every time. I wondered if he would do it now the same as he had been.

I took a breath and stood on my end, holding onto the bars tight.

"Okay, Swan, nice and slow, like yesterday." His voice said encouragingly, his eyes on my feet as his hands rested on the bars at his side.

Yesterday…when you loved me.

I moved my foot forward and placed it down firmly. Step one.

"Good, Swan." Therapy guy's voice was normal, as it was before, "Take your time. One step at a time."

The rest of therapy went on as usual. No evil whispers, though, nothing like that. He just did his job as usual and then when we were finished at 3pm, he said, "3 o'clock, Swan, go home."

And he walked away without another word or look.

I got into my chair and rolled myself out of the gym, towards the bus where Herman waited for me. We were on the way home and I looking forward to a nice long cry.

See next chapter soon!!

Love WinndSinger

PS

Don't kill me, look for the next chapter and I swear it will be alright. Trust me!


	21. Blue Moon

21

BPOV

If you've never had your heart truly broken, consider yourself lucky.

If you've never rubbed your crying eyes five billion times in a row until they were red and raw, and more puffy that a blowfish's, consider yourself lucky.

If you've never sat in the darkness all night long listening to Lesley Roy sing "Unbeautiful" over and over and over and over again, while you sobbed so hard you couldn't even sing the god damn lyrics, consider yourself lucky.

If you've never loved Edward Cullen…consider yourself empty.

I hit play on my ipod and the song played again.

"Don't hang up

Can we talk?

I'm so confused

It's like I'm lost…

What went wrong

What made you go?

Don't pretend you don't know

This is me…I'm unchangeable.

When did we…fall apart?

Or did you lie…from the start?

When you said "It's only you."

I was blind, such a fool.

To think that we…were unbreakable.

It was…you and me…against the world!

And you promised me forever more !

Was it something that I said ?

Was it something that I did ?

Cuz I gotta know what made me

Unbeautiful…"

When your eyes won't stop leaking and your chest aches because you can't stop sobbing, consider yourself cursed. I made sounds I didn't even recognize as my own voice, I finally stuffed my pillow in my mouth until it almost made me gag near the back of my throat while I wailed in agony.

I kept replaying every second of our time together, every detail of his every expression clear as crystal in my heart.

I heard voices everywhere, echoes of the past:

"**Edward hasn't had a partner since school began, I'm sure he'll be glad to have you."**

"**He kissed me yesterday, too." Jessica sneered bitterly as she cried, "He's such a player. One minute he likes you, the next minute you're shit."**

"**No, I didn't mean it that way! I meant that those are the safest things to eat here, I wasn't saying anything about YOU."**

"**You missed gym yesterday. Explanation?"**

"**Truth is always better than fiction, isn't it, Miss Swan?"**

"**Congratulations, now you're mine today until 4pm."**

"**You look nice."**

"**No such thing as ugly, Bella."**

"I want to try it. I want to try…being your friend."

"This is gonna be a great year for you, Bella. You're going to walk this year."

"Do you…still feel that way about me?"

Then my own voice, begging, "You're the one true friend I've ever had!"

"I love **YOU**." The last thing I said before he walked away from me.

I had to turn off the lights because even seeing my princess room made me cry and made me picture Edward with a paint roller in his hands and a little white cap on his head.

I saw him when I looked at Eddie Jr. I saw him pretending to be asleep on the bed that I couldn't lay on anymore because it smells like him. I saw him on the floor, sitting there with his CD player. I saw him in the black chair next to mine, sitting back and closing his eyes while opera played in the air. I even saw him in my bathroom, writing notes to me on the god damned toilet paper and putting bottles with notes in my bathwater ! If I went down to the kitchen, I'd see him there with an apron on, helping Sue and I make Thanksgiving dinner!

I thought I'd had my heart broken before, but I was wrong. This was true hellish tossed in a pit, left for dead, bleeding to death alone misery, pure and simple. There was no escape from it. It would be like this every day now, getting worse and worse every minute.

I want him. I want his arms to hold me. I want to hear his voice. I love him. I will always love him. I felt like my soul was missing. I was dead without him. I used to hear girls say that about boys and I'd roll my eyes.

Now I knew what that meant. Now I knew what that felt like.

I danced and flew …I touched a star…I felt heaven's lips on my mortal skin. And now I was spiraling down, down… freefalling back to earth, painfully, bitterly, screaming and clawing against the air as I was torn away from Eden. How can I live on earth now that I've seen the other side where music sounded like his laughter and I could see my reflection in eyes that shined like gold?

But the scary and insane part is, I would do it all over again. I was so glad I had been part of his life and that, for a wonderful but brief time, he was mine. Me, ugly, wobbly, heavy nerd that I am, Isabella Swan, had a miracle in the palm of my hand for a flicker of time. How wonderful that was.

I felt his lips on my palm as they were that night Music Edward sat on the floor with me, after he wrote me my message and star. Be safe. That was now forever in my skin and would always be a part of me. These things could not be taken away from me and that thought gave me a little bit of relief, but just a little.

If being safe means being without him, screw being safe. Safe means boring. Safe means alone. Safe says – not him.

He **did** love me. I clung to that tightly. But it stopped. I knew this day would come. But I was greedy. I wanted more. And there was no more. It was over.

When I came to this conclusion, the sun was starting to rise out my window and the darkness was leaving me, too.

I heard a knock on the door at 7am and almost thought maybe he'd be there. I was ready to cry and beg and scream. I saw myself latched around him, not letting go.

But he wasn't. It was Sue. I almost sobbed all over again. Her eyes were sad as she looked at me, probably thinking who the hell beat her eyes to a pulp? She said she'd take me downstairs. Like someone had told her something.

I knew I looked like hell but I didn't care. I hardly said a word to Sue as she put me in my wheelchair. I got to the bus and Herman helped me in, taking me to school. I said nothing to him, either. I didn't talk to anyone, even Alice in homeroom. I sat there in every class like a mannequin, just existing.

I didn't care about school anymore. What's the point of knowing this mindless shit when your life is over? Would math help me walk? Would Home Economics give me someone to cook FOR? What's the point of all this bullshit? That's what I spent my whole morning asking myself while I sat there in my catatonic state. I don't even know if Jessica or anyone else were talking shit about me because I just didn't care enough to pay attention.

Then lunch came.

I just went to my table and sat, letting my arms cross on the table and my head laying in there, hiding, not wanting to see anyone or anything. I didn't even want to get in line and get any food at this point.

Then, as kids' voices were talking and entering, I just wished for the roof to fall on my head and crush it.

Angela finally could be heard pulling out a chair for herself.

"Hey, woman." She greeted me in a friendly manner, as usual.

I didn't answer her. Then I felt bad for doing that. It wasn't her fault my life was over.

"Hi Ang." I made myself try to sound okay.

I wondered if Alice was going to sit here with us as usual or if I'd lost her, too.

"What's going on?" Angela asked me, opening a soda.

I was afraid to look up.

"Nothing." I replied, lying.

I told myself I had to see what was going on, I needed to at least look up for two seconds. Besides, part of me scolded me for sitting like this in the middle of the lunchroom, giving everyone a big show of how heartbroken I was.

Therapy voice inside me told me to sit up and put a brave face on, or else.

I peeked up, hiding a little behind my scraggly bangs, looking for him.

Then I did and my heart whimpered in torment. Edward was sitting with Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper, his back to me. Alice was sitting down in front of me, blocking that image of the back of his bronze, wild hair and blue t-shirted back, the wonderful line down the middle and the masculine curves that were his shoulder blades…

"Bella." Alice sat down with her tray, a few random things on it, "How are you, hon?"

I dropped my head down in my arms again, sniffling.

"What happened?" Angela whispered to Alice.

I didn't hear anything after that.

"Just let her alone." Alice finally said to Angela, with a gentle mothering tone.

After a while, I heard Angela ask what happened to Jacob. My ears listened, curious about that, too.

"Suspended." Alice said quietly, "Three days."

Angela gasped, "No way."

I peeked up at the back of Edward again and Rosalie was smirking at me, saying something I couldn't hear to Edward. His head turned a little and I dove my head back into my arms. No, not ready to talk to him yet. Can't see him yet.

I would never be able to eat in here again. Maybe I could switch my lunch and Biology class. But the second I thought that my insides twinged in pain.

I wiped my eyes and adjusted my glasses. "I have to go to the library."

With that, I spun myself around and zoomed out of the lunchroom. I was there for four minutes and 25 seconds. That was long enough.

He's not sitting at my lunch table anymore. Well, you knew that would happen, didn't you? Yes, but still…I cried as I hummed down the hallways.

I sat in the library in the back, hidden from all human eyes, crying softly as I kept listening to Unbeautiful on my ipod, my pen just digging evilly into my notebook paper, tearing it and eating it up. That's what my heart felt like right now. My tears ran down my face and fell where they wished and I didn't even try to wipe them anymore.

I turned into the middle of the notebook and found myself writing:

Edward,

I

I sat there forever, looking at the " I " and wondered what I could write next. Every thing I conjured up in my head sounded desperate and clinging, pathetic and weak, begging for something that he could not give me back. Words he would wince when he read them, and he'd sigh and walk away, not knowing what to say, not wanting to hurt my feelings, but…in the end the result was the same.

It is over.

So I just wrote one thing and I would never give this note to him. I wrote it for myself.

Edward,

I love you.

Three more tears fell from my right eye as I looked at the words. The bell rang and I closed my book, putting it away and using both hands to roll my wheelchair towards Hell, Biology class.

I got there first, the library being closer to it than the lunchroom was. I wanted to put my head in my arms again but I resisted that now. I opened my Biology book, pretending to read it, my head down. Do not look up. Do not look up.

People were coming in, talking and laughing. I heard heavy footsteps approaching me. I kept looking at my book, not moving a hair.

A body moved behind me and then I heard Edward's stool next to me scrape back against the floor. He sat down and let his backpack hit the floor with a dull thud.

I am not looking. I am not looking. I am not looking.

He didn't say anything to me, just looked out the window again, watching a light snow begin to fall.

I didn't have the strength to even peek at him and see his face. I felt like 1000 years had gone by since our last time together here.

Every table had a microscope on it, in the center between each partner.

The bell rang and Mr. Banner stood in front of the class.

"Okay, everyone." He smiled, "In front of you there is a microscope and some slides of different animal's blood. I want you to identify each animal, make a list, and the first ones to get it right will receive 2 passes to Loewe's Cinaplex to see any movie they wish. Good luck, guys."

Oh no. Of all the days to give us a project to do together ! Die, Banner, DIE !

And I wanted to laugh, Edward didn't need me to help him identify which animal was which. All he had to do was lick the slides and taste for himself.

"Ladies' first." His voice said, his hand moving the microscope towards me.

I sniffed and said nothing. But I felt myself look in the lens anyway.

Oh, how the HELL would I know what animal this was and why the fuck would I care?! I was so angry. Why am I here, why?

I breathed loudly, pushing it away from me.

"I don't know." I grumbled, shoving it back at him. Then I put my hands on my temples, rubbing them in circles, not making eye contact with the bronze god next to me.

I heard him sigh softly as he looked into the lens, not looking at me, either.

February. Four more months of this before school is out. Are you serious?

I kept my eyes down and ignored Edward as he kept changing slides and looking in the lens, writing. Yea, go ahead, do the assignment. You little teacher's pet. I'm glad we're both not useless.

A piece of paper was pushed towards me, under where my eyes were staring at the black table top.

In Edward's elegant script, one line was written.

_**Are you all right?**_

Oh my God. Am I all right? If I started yelling at him now about how I'm so NOT alright, I'd never stop. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I had to get out of here now.

I looked away and put my Biology book in my backpack. I raised my hand and Mr. Banner called me to his desk. I said I wasn't feeling well and asked if I could go to the nurse. He said yes instantly.

One of the advantages of being in a wheelchair, no one doubted you if you said you had to go to the nurse.

I left, using Leo to push the Biology door open and didn't look back.

I laid in the nurse's office, sniffling and my used my jacket as a half blanket over me as I shivered. They said I looked sick and if I wanted to go home, I could. But I didn't. I knew I had to go to therapy no matter what I was feeling. I was dreading that so much. Would he try to talk to me about us? Would he just keep being therapy guy and do his job and nothing more? I cried again, holding my jacket against my clenched lips, trying to down out the sounds.

The bell rang and I was all ready, rolling into the hall, wanting to get therapy over with. I found Herman again and we had our nice quiet little drive to the hospital again, my crying not so loud this time. Now they were silent tears, running down my cheeks as my head weakly laid against the glass window, watching other cars beside us rushing off somewhere.

We got to the hospital too soon but I went without a word to Herman, even though he carried me down the bus steps and sat me in the wheelchair with the gentle hands of a doctor. I gave Herman the best smile I could and waved, rolling myself in through the door I always used.

I rolled into the gym and didn't see him yet. So, I went ahead and got myself on the floor, doing my stretching exercises.

EPOV

I sat in the men's locker room, sniffling, moving my thumb over a braided lock of hair that my best friend once gave me, asking me to bring her back to life if she had died. I wish there was a way to fix what I've done to her.

Venom was leaking out of my eyes and clogging my nose as I looked at the beautiful dark almond browns and deep crimson reds that swirled together in the braid, a shiny black ribbon tied in a bow at the bottom.

The last time I held this I was in this hospital, in the waiting room as Bella was having her surgery, praying she'd be all right. God gave me that. God gave me her. And I threw her away like she was nothing. I sobbed and sniffed again, glad there was no one else in here, but then again, who cared? I thought vampires couldn't cry. I guess now I know that's bullshit.

I had always envied humans their tears and thought I was too dead inside to cry. But something about her had changed me inside. She had made me feel alive. So maybe now it was possible for me to cry like a mortal.

What else was I supposed to do? I asked myself. I wanted to kill Jacob Black. I wanted to smash his head into that wall for grabbing my Bella that way. No, for more than that. I hated that he said those words. I want to be close to you, Bella. That was MY girl. That was MY place. I am so selfish and greedy. I keep telling Bella I'm ugly. Maybe she sees that now.

I thought of her in Biology, so desperate to get away from me…and I sniffed again, more fluid laced with venom escaping out of the inner corner of my eye.

I'm so sorry, Bella. I know you're not all right. I know I stuck a knife into your heart, the minute you truly began to open it to me. You were right not to trust me from the start. You were smart to shut me down that first day in lunch. I just couldn't stay away from you. You are so perfect. And I am such a bastard.

I couldn't stop hearing her little destroyed voice from lunch yesterday.

"What are you saying?" she has asked, the tears in her eyes already.

Then she'd said a minute later, "I don't want to go with him. I want to be with **you**."

I closed my eyes, almost choking as I thought of her face, her eyes…

"Edward," she cried, "No. Please. You're the only real friend I've ever had."

My fist clenched and I bent over more, grabbing my hair tightly in my hand, growling. I felt like I was being slowly burned from the inside out.

Then I recalled my attempt at being mean so she'd get mad and run away from me, when I said, "You were so alone when I first found you. You would've been anyone's friend at that point. I felt sorry for you…and took you under my wing…"

I fucking hate myself. I am too vile to live. How could I say that to her? How could I just have stood there when she told me she loved me?

Because I knew if I looked at her face then I'd drop to my knees and fling my arms around her, drowning her in kisses and begging for forgiveness. And I didn't deserve it. I don't deserve her. I'm nothing but a murderer. And now I've murdered her in the worst way. Slowly…deliberately…painfully. And she was alone again, suffering because of me.

And I cried again, staring at the braid in my hand.

"You said you loved me…" her heartbroken voice was like a little girl's, "I love **YOU**."

I pressed the braid of warm hair to my lips and closed my wet, sour eyes. I panted a few more breaths, clutching it in my hand, wishing it could give me strength, to protect the very girl my words had pushed away. I knew she would forget me, in time. I even thought she'd come to hate me and possibly forget….all those magical times we had shared together. I would not forget.

Forever every second I had with her would play over and over again in my brain. I would never forget…my first love. My only love. My hand opened the card in my lap and I heard myself groaning again slightly as I saw the words I love you scattered everywhere inside the card she gave me before her operation.

**Dear Edward, my Best Friend,**

**I can't tell you how much you mean to me. You made my hellish life so wonderful in such a short time and I will never forget that. I still don't know why you care so much for me like you do but I am so eternally grateful to have you in my life. Can you believe we've only known each other for one month and ten days?**

**I love you and I just wanted you to know that. We might not have said these words to each other yet but you really tell me that every single day and I just wanted to say it back to you.**

**I hope this doesn't make you feel weird or different around me. We are still best friends and I know that. Thank you for everything, Edward. You're the best friend I ever had…and ever will have. Forever.**

**Bella, DM extraordinaire**

I felt my whole body shaking and sobbing as venom dripped from my face and onto an edge of the card. I hissed, but then relaxed as I saw no words were damaged by that drop. I am the best friend she ever had. I am a giant fraud. She gave me everything. She gave me her friendship and I threw it back in her face like the fucking bastard I am.

I was dreaming, thinking I could mean something to a girl as special as Bella.

She hates me. I should've talked to her at lunch but like a prick I sat back where I knew she wouldn't visit me. With Rosalie. I didn't even have the balls to face her, I sat with my back to her. But that was really for my selfish reasons. I didn't want her to see my face in its mourning colors.

I closed my eyes and saw Bella in my mind through Alice's thoughts this morning and I wanted to scream. She looked like she'd been awake all night and her eyes were unhealthy looking, dead inside. And she was so out of it she didn't hear or speak to anyone, not even my sister.

I couldn't stop thinking of her, the venom tears still coming. That night in her room when I was touching her legs…I was about to lean in and kiss her mouth, touch her body, I wanted it so much.

I smelled her arousal and I was her slave in that flash of a second. I would've even drank from her if she begged me to. Then she saw me trying to fight the demon away and she put her hand on me, trying to comfort me. That was the closest I'd ever come to taking her.

And her legs were just healing, thanks to my little bit of blood. She is so close to the day when she will walk again. And still, I was ready to ruin all that work, all that she'd done to make that dream come true.

That's when I had to leave her and not let myself lay with her and stroke her as if she were my personal toy or pet. I want her. I need her. I crave her. And because I feel this strongly about her, it makes me the most deadly creature to her.

Our little rules did nothing to help things. I hated being away from her at night and the minutes dragged by on hands and knees. I made myself stop touching her and hugging her, kissing her head or cheek, snuggling my face into her neck. I gave up all that joy. I could not go back to being casual lunchtime buddies after I had tasted the pure bliss of being hers. So that's what I meant when I said it wasn't working.

I looked up at the clock on the wall and saw that I was 15 minutes late for therapy with Bella. Maybe she didn't even come today. I wouldn't blame her if she didn't. I am so arrogant, hurting her that way then writing a little one liner note to her during Biology, asking if she's alright.

I should've left town last night but I knew I couldn't. I am Bella's therapist and I will not abandon her in this respect. Too many others had left her behind to let her stay lame. I would not do that to her. I promised her she would walk and she will. At least if I do that much for her, I can look back and say I did something positive in her life.

I prayed she would not say anything that didn't relate to therapy. I wouldn't be able to take it. I would have to be cold towards her again, causing her more pain.

I got up and put my valued braid and card back into their plastic containers, then locked them in my locker and went to the sink, turning on the cold water and splashing it on my face, ridding myself of any drops of venom that might've remained. I hid my gold necklace under my shirt, not wanting her to know I still needed to wear it. To me, this was her mark on me, saying I belonged to her. I had told her at the time, I would never take it off. I couldn't.

I looked at my face in the mirror and wanted to smash it. Yea, you are so beautiful…you fuck. Marble face of an angel…and nothing more. I was nothing. A glittery painted shell with nothing inside it.

The only thing that ever made close to special was her. And I didn't have her anymore.

I hurt to move as I left the locker room, my dead man's stride taking me to the gym where I saw her right away, on the floor, finishing her stretching exercises. This was the spot I realized how much I loved her. This is the spot where I now realize what love means. Doing what's right for her, even if it's killing me. I had to stop being selfish and let her go. For her sake, let her go and let her have a life.

I heard my breath come out in an almost sickly ragged line and she turned, looking at me with sad eyes.

"Hi, Edward." She said softly, her voice a little faint.

"Swan." I made myself say with no tone at all. I sounded like a recording you'd hear on a telephone.

I knew she should work on the bars first. Her legs were moving so well as she walked down that line. But honestly, I didn't think I could bear to stand at my end and look into her face while she was slowly moving towards me. Yesterday, I almost grabbed her into my arms and covered her mouth with kisses when she made it over to me. Then in reality all I said was, "Again, Turn."

So I'd get behind her today, then. I said, "Bars, Swan," at her and came up behind her as she stood there, hands on both bars at her sides. She was shaking and her heart rate was going insane. Her blood was rushing and hot.

I took a breath and said, "Try not to hold onto the bar so much this time." If you need it, grab it. But…try, Swan. Alright?"

"Yes." She answered with a bit of a timidness and I watched her feet move from behind.

When she needed reassurance, I gave it. I guided her and instructed her. She did very well. She still needed to have the bars at her sides, but she was getting better. A couple of steps she did take on her own. I wanted to congratulate her and smile at her but I made myself hold it back.

Finally, as if eternities had passed by, it was 3pm.

"3 o'clock, Swan." I said, cold as winter, "Get lost."

Then as I walked by her, about to go, she sobbed, no longer able to hold it in.

Her head fell down and her hands quivered as she stood there, her back to me. I tried to hurry to get out before she said anything, before I could see her tears. But even I am not THAT fast.

"I miss you." she cried, sniffling and using one hand to cover her mouth.

DAMN!

"I don't know what you mean, Swan." I forced my evil therapy self to sound aloof, "We see each other every day."

With that, I left fast. And even down the hallways back to the locker rooms I could hear her crying. I ran into the locker rooms and didn't even look to see if I was alone, I was roaring, slamming my fists against the hollow metal boxes, fist marks decorating their yellow exterior.

"I don't know what you mean, SWAN!" I mocked myself, screaming as I turned to the sink, tearing it out of the wall as water flew out, everywhere.

"We see each other everyday!" I threw the sink into the mirrors to my right, hating my fucking reflection…and every fucking thing about me.

"PRICK, PRICK, PRICK!!!" I smashed the wall where the mirrors had just been, making holes in the cement.

"This isn't working, IS IT?!" I mocked myself again, shoving a line of lockers as they tipped over roughly, "Just let ME GO !!"

I just wondered how long it would take Carlisle to get here and kill me.

I wanted death.

BPOV

I was sobbing hours later, saying, "He acted like he loved me, he really did! He stayed in the hospital all that time after my surgery. He carried me, for Christ's sake and said I was his swan feather ! He called me HIS Bella, sweet Bella and beautiful Bella ! I mean, who does that if they don't care about the other person?!"

Eddie Jr. agreed with me and licked the peanut butter off my finger as I offered it to him. He is the best listener.

I went back to my journal and wrote more of the details of today in it. I bawled as I wrote down his words to me – I don't know what you mean, Swan. We see each other everyday.

I wanted to destroy this whole room in my rage and hurt. But I stopped myself. This was one of the most loving things they had all pitched in together to do for me. I would not tarnish it now.

I couldn't even hide my crying from Herman after therapy. He held me and rocked me in his arms for 20 minutes before we left the parking lot. Sweet, almost deaf, Herman.

I spent another night in my room, talking to Eddie Jr. about his father and playing "Smoke Gets in your Eyes" ten billion times over, not to mention Blue Moon, The End of the Road by Boyz to Men, and the ever efficient song to make you die after your heart is broken, "The Long and Winding Road."

The next day came, and I had still not gotten a wink of sleep. I found out in homeroom that Alice was absent and at lunch I saw none of the Cullens were there. That was when I noticed the first time that day, the sun was shining.

I tried to talk to Angela but was not very good company. I didn't want to tell anyone else about my troubles with Edward. I felt myself drifting away from everyone I had built a relationship with, not that I had that many people to push.

Therapy went the same as the day before, Edward had still made a point to be there for my therapy and he was as business like and void of emotion as ever.

I did not let myself confess any more feelings to therapy guy after his reaction the day before.

I left the gym with no tears. I just felt empty now. Hollow.

Then, another night of just sitting in the dark passed by. I think I had gotten 2 hours of sleep. I went to school the next morning and sat in homeroom. The sun was out again today so I didn't expect Alice or any of the Cullens. A boy came to the class during Eric Yorkie's announcements this morning and he held a box full of different colored roses.

Oh yay. Valentine's Day. This would be a perfect day to kill myself.

The boy handed out several roses, girls making little excited noises as they got one and read their message inside the attached envelope. I closed my eyes, rubbing my temples and trying to tune it all out until the next ten minutes were over.

Then one flower fell on my desk. I jerked my head up, looking at the boy handing them out. My eyes must've scared him because he moved away from me fast.

I looked at it and a red rose sat on my desk, staring up at me. I glanced around, no one was paying any attention to me. I sighed heavily, not getting my hopes up, maybe this was from Jacob. I tore open the envelope like an angry cat, yanking the white card out in a hard tug, looking at it.

My Sweet Bella –

I am so lost without you. Please forgive me. I want you back. Meet me at the dance tonight. I want to apologize in detail.

Love, Edward

I looked around and searched for the laughing bitch who was playing this joke on me. No one was looking at me. I felt my heart leap in my chest. These messages were all typed in a computer, so there was no way I could tell by handwriting if this was really Edward. I knew that there was a big chance this could be some really elaborate plot to get me. Jessica, Newton, Lauren, all those jerks from the asshole squad…they all wanted to hurt Edward and I, any way they could.

But what if this was Edward, really asking me to meet him? It does say "My Sweet Bella." He called me that 100 years ago. Maybe someone here in school heard him calling me that once.

What if he really does want me back? I had to go to this dance now, I knew that. I thought of calling Alice and asking her if she knew anything about this, but I didn't have a phone and also didn't want to sound like an ass if Edward had not sent me this.

The message held no clue if this was really Edward. No references to things only Edward and I would know, but it was basic enough so that it could possibly be a message from him.

All day long I agonized over this and finally when it came time for therapy, I found Edward there, as distant and robotic as usual. I chickened out from asking him about it, remembering our deal with therapy guy. I could only ask him about therapy and my surgery, nothing more. I got no clues whatsoever.

So, fine, I would go to the dance. I told Sue about it and she told me to take a chance and go for it. I decided she was right and so, she let me borrow a nice dress of hers to wear. I was surprised at how many nice things she had, seeing as how she usually wears jeans and torn dirty t-shirts all the time. Her weight had gone up and down over the years, she'd said, so I found something that fit me and looked very nice.

I curled my hair in little ringlets and let my bangs feather across my eyes and forehead. I did my makeup and took a deep breath, slipping on my stockings and Jimmy Cho shoes Alice gave me for Christmas, looking at myself in the mirror. It was a black dress with white designs sprinkled over it and the neckline wasn't too low cut, but a bit.

Sue volunteered to drive me over to the school and I was so nervous the whole way over. Sue told me I looked great and "to go get him."

I took a deep breath and summoned all my courage. I wheeled myself into the school and paid $6.00 for my admission inside. I heard the music loudly playing as I wheeled myself into the dark gym.

Leona Lewis' Bleeding Love was playing.

I couldn't make out any people's faces yet as I moved myself inside, looking around as if I just walked into a haunted castle. People were dancing in the middle of the floor as lights swirled around in the darkness. I stopped my wheels and sat on the sidelines, looking around.

The gym was decorated in a castle theme, like Romeo and Juliet. There was even a balcony built a few feet up where a girl could go up there and look down at her date below. There was no band, all the music was playing from a stereo and a man was there playing everything, but a single microphone stood in front of him so he could announce the songs and say a little something every now and then.

I noticed Mike Newton with a girl I didn't recognize but I kept my head down, not wanting his attention.

I didn't see Angela or any of the Cullens or Edward, either. It was still early yet. I guess I'd have to wait and see what was in store for me tonight. I sat around for about a half hour, then an hour….

"Hi Bella." A voice said behind me. I spun around, almost hurting my neck with the speed I used. But it was not him.

"Jacob." I couldn't help look and sound disappointed.

"Easy, too much excitement might give me a big head." He teased.

I gave a weak smile. "Sorry Jacob. I thought…"

I changed the subject fast, "Hey, you look nice, you bring a date?"

He wore nice pants and a white shirt with a burgundy tie, his hair long and curled like a rock star, parted to one side. If I wasn't taken, I'd probably consider dancing with him. If I could dance. If I am taken.

I didn't want to seem rude but I really didn't want Edward to show up and see me talking to Jacob. What if he thought I came here with him? I excused myself from him, saying I had to go to the ladies' room. But I just moved to the other end of the dark gym, hiding, a good angle of the doorway.

Please come, Edward. Please? I am dieing without you. Please come. Please take me back. Anything you say I'll do…just please. No more of this torture.

It was about 9pm and I was getting a little anxious and desperate, thinking I'd been had. Every time someone came into the gym I sat up high in my chair, then deflated, not seeing Edward.

But I couldn't leave.

I also lost sight of Jacob, maybe he'd left when he saw I wasn't hanging out with him.

Mike Newton went up to the DJ and said something to him. Jessica was next to him and they waited a moment. A white spotlight shone on them and the music stopped. Mike was holding a couple index cards in his hand and waved playfully as everyone looked at them.

"Okay, guys, it's time for the awards." Mike announced and everyone clapped loudly, cheering and talking a little.

Jessica took over. "Okay, first award – Hottest Kissers. We have been watching you guys in the hallways. And we have made our decision."

A drum roll track played by the DJ accentuated the announcement of the winners of this category.

She opened the card and smiled, reading: "Brandy Nickles and Joe Tiempo!!"

Everyone laughed and cheered, clapping as music played and the cute couple came forward, taking their certificate and prize, a $100 bill.

I even had to clap. They looked cute together and didn't look mean at all to me.

"Next category –" Mike Newton went to his next card, "Sweetest Smiles."

Jessica and Mike went on this way five more times, giving out their little cutesy awards and once again, celebrating the beautiful and beloved of their school.

After Most Stormy Romance's award was given, Mike Newton had one card left. Thank God, this is killing me.

"Alright, one more special award !" Mike held up a hand as people started to yell at them, annoyed this was taking too long off the dance floor.

"Wait, guys, this is special!" Mike shouted with a big smile, "Will…Bella Swan please step forward? Oh, sorry, roll forward!"

Jerk.

My head jerked up and tears sprang to my eyes as I froze. People cheered and laughed and commented and I was about to roll myself back further into the dark shadows.

"Come on, Bella, don't be shy. We know you're here." Mike cooed, pretending to look around with his cards over his eyebrows, the spotlight was whirling around, searching for me. I felt like an escaped prisoner or something.

"Here she is !" someone shouted, grabbing my chair by the handles behind me and pushing me right in front of Mike and Jessica as I tried to resist and protest, shouting, "Hey ! STOP IT ! Let go of my CHAIR!" ; my voice silent in the heavy music blaring over me. My chest was pounding so hard.

I was left there in the middle of the gym floor and I tried to roll and turn myself, but my wheels were locked. The jerk who pushed me over here locked my brakes from behind me. SHIT !

I looked in vein for Jacob but he was no where to be found. Everyone was a sea of black shadows and shapes.

I was dead. And I knew it.

Jessica smiled at me like a T-Rex looking down at the little billy goat in Jurrasic Park who was tied in place, going nowhere.

"A little assignment was presented to one of our most handsome students this year, before you arrived here in November. None other than our secret agent, Edward Cullen.", Jessica said into the microphone, looking at me.

On a screen above us a picture of Edward with that look of stern attitude flashed on, the words "Secret Agent" in red typed in below his face.

It looked like a look Edward would give Jessica if she snapped a photo of him one day during lunch.

People were laughing and screaming in support of Edward, a lot of girls howled their cat calls in the air, "OOWWWWWW, BABY !!"

"Edward's mission:" Jessica continued, reading off her card, "Was to turn an ugly duckling into a swan and play Casanova to her."

An image of me when I'd first come here flashed up on the screen. I was walking down the hall with my old crutch, the one before Leo.

**UGH !** was written below my picture, then, **Bella Swan, Ugly Duckling**.

"BELLA!!" I heard a male voice shouting far behind me but I couldn't make out who it was, I couldn't turn that far.

"And for every improvement he made, he would be awarded $1,000 dollars." Jessica pointed out, "So FIRST: Getting rid of the OLD MAN GLASSES!! COMPLETED !"

Then a split screen came on of my face wearing my old black framed glasses and then my face recently, wearing contacts.

People laughed and clapped, screaming and going, "WWWOOOOO!!!"

"Number 2!" Jessica smiled, reading her card, "Introducing Bella to girl's clothes!! COMPLETED !"

Now another split screen popped up, my old type of outfits and one of my new clothes.

Again, cheering and screaming. My eyes cried and I felt my makeup running as I trembled, trying to free my wheels somehow, my voice sobbing. Jessica, you bitch ! I'm going to eat your babies someday !!

"Wait, Bella, we're not done yet." Jessica giggled, "Edward did his job well. Number 3: Make up, make up, make up ! COMPLETED !! And thank God he got that one done cause girl, you were scaring people in the halls like Freddy Krueger."

Another screen came up, my scary plain face then one of me with makeup on beside it.

"There's more!!" Jessica added, "Edward was also told the longer he played his part as love struck Casanova to our little duckling, the more cash he would receive. So, counting today, February 14th, Edward hung in there for 3 months!! Way to go, EDWARD !! WOOOO !!!! Well, he's only human, he knew he wouldn't be able to make it until the end of the year ! So Edward's grand total comes to ---"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!!" a roar sounded from the darkness suddenly and I squinted against the spotlight on me to see Edward running towards and lunging at Mike Newton, punching him in the jaw and sending him flying on his ass, knocking over all the DJ's equipment and CD's.

People were screaming and moving out of the way as Edward spun to Jessica, grabbing the microphone stand and raised it over her, hesitating, giving a loud growl.

She screamed and ran away, but not before Edward slammed the microphone stand against her butt, like a baseball bat , sending her across the room with a squeal.

Alice came over to me during this and released my wheelchair brake.

"Sorry, sweetie."she said and I made out her words faintly, "We got here as fast as we could."

I immediately spun my wheels hard on both sides, going out the doorway of the gym and down the hallway, sobbing, deciding to hide in an empty dark classroom. Great, our Biology class.

I sat there in the dark, the bluish moonlight pouring in as I sobbed in a new kind of pain.

"BELLA !!" I heard him screaming my name suddenly, grabbing my ears and bending down more, rocking, hoping he wouldn't find me here.

The door swung open suddenly and I screamed out loud, staring at him as he stood there, the blue light tracing over the pained look on his face, the hurt in his eyes as he looked at me.

I should've known, he can smell me. I wonder how good he'd be at hide and seek.

"Don't for ONE SECOND tell me that you BELIEVE any of that CRAP !!" Edward shouted, his eyes fierce and his lips sneering.

"I **DON'T** BELIEVE THEM !!" I screeched through the tears.

I really didn't. I knew they wanted to hurt us and they orchestrated this whole thing. I knew damn well Edward didn't go through all that time in the hospital with me and the surgery just to fulfill some stupid school contest thing. For money? Please ! Edward has more money than Elvis.

Even though he didn't care for me anymore, I knew that wasn't in Edward to be that evil. I still trusted him and knew he would never do that to me. What do you know? Bella Swan has a little self esteem after all. I guess it wasn't only my legs that were getting stronger.

"Then what's wrong?!" he almost demanded in a yell.

At this point, I was incapable of being quiet and holding it all in.

"What's WRONG?!" I cried, "You didn't send me that note ! You don't want me back ! I have to see you EVERY DAY and you don't even LOOK at me !! For one second I thought maybe you missed me, too and that you still cared! That's why I've been sitting in that DAMN dance all night, waiting for YOU !"

I made myself calm down and try to be adult about this. Maybe it was hard for him, too.

"It's okay, Edward, I'm not mad at you." I breathed, blinking as more tears fell, "It's not your fault. You just don't love me anymore. I have to face that and live with it."

A silent minute went by and he exhaled a sharp breath.

"Is **that** what you **think**?", he asked, a painful whisper.

"It's okay." I said, "I know you did care about me …once…but that we could only get so close. I know Edward Cullens don't date Bella Swans. Girls like me…the Bellas…we're great friends and loyal buddies but in the end…the Jessicas are the ones you all end up with. I understand. And it's all right. I get it. I know what I am, Edward."

He slowly walked up to me, standing above me as I peeked up at him.

"You don't **know**…anything." He said in a low, deep voice.

I couldn't say anything. I cried a little, quietly, glad at least he was talking to me about this now and letting me say all the things I needed to say.

"Well, if I'm going to Hell, I may as well do it properly and let the chips fall where they may." He muttered to himself.

Without another word, he quickly scooped me up out of my chair and sat me a little roughly on the teacher's long Biology table, my eyes level to his now. My heart was furiously beating. What's he doing?

Suddenly, and old fashioned song was being played in the dance a couple doors away. I recognized it right away. Violins and horns playing the tune of "Blue Moon." I'm sure Alice had something to do with that one. Thanks a lot, Alice.

It was fitting, the whole room was a nice moony shade of blue.

Without saying a word, he stared down at my face, looking deeply into my eyes, a subtle shake of his head. His hands moved up to my face and his cool palms moved up my cheekbones, so incredibly slowly it was driving me insane. His thumbs stroked a few of my tears away. Then his fingers were moving them off towards the side of my face, as if playing with them and studying them.

"Silly Bella…" his voice was full of want, "What am I going to do with you?"

I was panting like a dog as I stared into those eyes of gold. I felt paralyzed there, under his spell…happily, willingly, waiting.

"Blue Moon, you saw me standing alone…" Ella Fitzgerald sang, "Without a dream in my heart…without a love of my own."

His face was so close to mine as his breathing became heavy like mine, his perfect nose glided up the slope of mine, a cool trail dancing up my skin as I felt my body turn to jelly, my eyes almost closing…but I couldn't stop looking at his eyes. He put his forehead on mine, cooling my warm bangs as he still moved with utmost care, at an inhumanly snail's pace, tracing my cheekbones with his nose, inhaling the scent he said he was so fond of.

It felt like forever went by as he took his time doing this. I wasn't complaining.

Then he said, in almost a heavy whisper, "Hold very still, Bella."

As if I were a keg of gunpowder and he were a match.

His fingers stroked in my curls, as his eyes slanted down, staring at my mouth, looking so cautious and deliberate in his every movement, as if any sudden mistake by him could mean death. And I knew that was true. It was like, he was trying to figure out how to touch a soap bubble without popping it.

His mouth touched my face, as his hands firmly held it in place, tilted up towards him. Three small, unhurried and gentle kisses landed upon my teardrops below my eyes as my body trembled quietly. Edward had kissed me on the head and cheeks before, but this was different. These were not friend kisses. My mind was useless to me at this point. I forgot my own name. All I could remember is, it has a B in it, I think.

After those glorious kisses, he looked down into my eyes again as I opened mine, gazing back. It looked like after these kisses, he had a little more confidence in his face that wasn't there a moment ago.

"Don't move." He said with his velvet voice and suddenly I was his willing slave. Even my body locked down and froze itself at his command. I would've stayed this way for 5 years if he ordered me to.

The music was still playing in the short distance and I felt like I was trapped in an erotic dream. Oh God, please…don't let this be a dream. I'd just die when I woke up.

"Do you…" he closed his eyes and inhaled, "still feel the same way about me?"

"Yes, Edward." I breathed like I had no air, "I want us to be friends again…please…I'll always be your friend."

"No." his voice said with a hard edge to it. I looked up at him with heartbreak in my eyes, the tears about to glaze over them again.

"I'm not interested in being **friends**." He said with a finality that scared me and before I knew it, his lips opened a bit and his hands became loose fists in my hair, his mouth was taking my lips into it, cool but wet and soft.

Opening and closing, his candy tasting breath floating hotly into my teeth and tongue. I whimpered from the intense joy of it all…I felt his kiss everywhere…I could feel it in my arms…rippling down my breasts and body…dancing around in circles through my legs, tickling my toes.

My arms hung at my sides, holding the table edges I sat on while he slowly kept kissing my thirsty lips. My body quivered harder…it felt like my whole body was healing itself while he took his sweet time delivering this first kiss. It had passion and innocence, fire and ice, want and desire…longing.

He whimpered, too, and moaned during the eternal kiss and I wasn't sure if it was because of the strength he needed to resist my blood or from the intense pleasure of it all.

Sucking. Biting. Tongues licking. Heat. Wetness. His voice moaning. My little whimpers responding. His fingers moving down to my waist. Fingernails digging into my dress, marking my skin. Need. Want. Arousal. Sweat.

I felt my arms both move on their own accord, reaching up and slipping my fingers into that wildfire hair of his, and his voice gave a little whimper as I pulled him harder down into my eager mouth.

The more I felt his lips on mine, the more right it felt and even though I didn't know what I was doing, it was so natural to me, kissing him and telling him without words how much I loved him. I hoped he could read this, even though he couldn't read my mind…I wanted him to read my heart.

I wasn't sure if only minutes had gone by or years when we finally stopped that kiss. But we stared at each other, both panting. Me for air, him, I hoped from the thrill of this moment. I watched for any signs that he was losing control. I saw no swallowing going on.

Finally my whisper asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yes." He closed his eyes and kept his face so close to mine, his top lip still brushing against mine, "I'm stronger than I thought."

"Good." I breathed hard and smashed my lips against his this time, wanting more. He gave a cute little boyish groan, maybe surprised by my forwardness.

We flew to paradise all over again, this time with me at the controls. My fingers touched his face and chin, moving down to grab both sides of his button down open shirt, another t-shirt under it, I clutched at it and held him tightly to me.

He was not getting away, I decided greedily.

My tongue found his and wrestled against it for dominance. His fingernails dug into my flesh a little more, making places inside me come alive and burn with his fire.

While we still kissed he managed to get a few words in.

"Bella…" Kiss. Whimper. "I love you." Kiss. "I love you so much." Kiss. "And NOT as a friend." Kiss.

"I love you, too, Edward." Kiss. "I'm dead without you." Kiss.

Maybe I shouldn't use the word **dead** while I'm kissing a vampire.

"I'm **alive** with you." He moaned, deepening the kiss.

Then I heard Ella sing the words, "I heard somebody whisper please, adore me."

I remembered wanting to say that one night to Music Edward but I didn't have the guts then. I hoped he wouldn't think it sounded stupid of me to say it now but I took a chance.

"Please…adore me." I breathed in a whisper, Kiss.

He smiled while he kissed me and I smiled back. I could tell he knew I stole that line from the song. And Music Edward was in his eyes now, delighted.

"I always have." He said, taking me in for another amazing kiss, one hand on the back of my head, securing me in tighter, "From the first second I saw you." Kiss.

I heard a little kitten noise come out of my throat as his kisses intensified even more, if that was possible.

At this point, I didn't even care if he drank me. I would give him anything. Even my life. He already had my heart, my soul, my mind, my body.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you." He was talking again, kissing me between sentences. I would have to fix this habit of his in the future. He talks too much. He thinks too much. I want to be kissed, dammit.

"I didn't mean any of those things I said." He went on. Kiss. Now he was begging for forgiveness. Wow. Edward Cullen begging ME? This turned me on even more.

"I thought I was saving you." He breathed. Kiss. "By pushing you away." Kiss.

"I am so stupid." Kiss.

Yes, you are. But I can overlook that. God, this boy can kiss. Not that I ever kissed any other boy to compare him to. 100 years of pent up desire now unleashed on me was making my body into a puddle of strawberry ice cream. But I'm complaining…because???

"I thought you just…" I began then was cut off by his full wet lips for a few seconds, "felt sorry for me."

"No." he drowned me in his heavy lips, "I only feel sorry for ME. My life is shit without you." Then he was kissing me again.

Wow. He used the word shit. He is turned on. Edward has always been so proper. I love Kissing and Cussing Edward. That sounds like a doll's name, like Tickle Me Elmo. Why am I thinking of ELMO NOW?! Concentrate, Bella !! Is it everyday you are kissed to death by the man of your dreams? Now that I got him kissing me, he couldn't stop. And that was fine with me.

Thank God Edward can't read my mind, he'd be seeing little red furry monsters now that spoke with high pitched voices. That would keep him aroused.

"Well." I said as our bodies began to move again, I felt my back lay against the table under me as he put his hands on the table top on each side of my head, keeping his weight off me.

Funny, he weighs more than me. I nearly laughed. But instead my mouth let out a moan of ecstasy at being laid down on the table beneath him as his legs straddled me. I hope the next sounds I'd be hearing would be Sue's dress ripping off me. I could pay her back.

"If you promise…" Kiss. "never to do that to me again." I teased between the toe curling kisses.

"I won't, ever." His voice pleaded, his eyes closed. Kiss. "I swear."

This was bliss, pure and heated until burning in a magnificent way. Even I couldn't dream up something this hot. I felt his knees on the table on each side of my waist. His legs felt like pure muscle, fabulous.

"Then I guess…" Kiss. "I can TRY to forgive you.", I breathed. Kiss.

I heard Renee Zelwieger's voice in my head from Jerry Maguire, say 'You had me at hello.'

His voice gave a little chuckle and his lips started to travel across my face towards my jaw. His nose moved softly to the hollow at the base of my neck and he inhaled. His lips opened and I wasn't afraid. His lips came together there and kissed the flesh pulsing there. Slightly, he opened his lips again….

"STOP!" he said loudly, to himself, it sounded like and his body flew backwards in the air and threw himself into the blackboard at my left hand side.

I felt dizzy as my head turned, my body cold now that he had left me. My lips cried silently enraged that the kissing had paused.

"I'm sorry." He said, his eyes suddenly very sad again, "I have to be very careful. I can never lose control with you."

My heart felt so sorry for him. It must be torture to hold yourself back all the time. Suddenly, I wasn't thinking of myself and my disappointment that he stopped. I was worried that his throat was burning, that his thirst was itching under his skin all over, and that the venom was pooling in his mouth and sickening him. In my heart, he was more important than my needs and wants. He is my need and want.

"It's alright, Edward." I sat up a little, giving him my warmest smile, "I understand. And I'm not going anywhere. This will work. We just have to find our way. Together. That's true for any couple. I suggest lots of practice." Then I let him have my wicked little smile and I bit my bottom lip.

He looked like he was thinking about what I just said and processing that. He stared at me with shame in his eyes and desire.

"When you're ready…can you please come back here?" I asked with a grin and patience. I remembered him long ago asking me to be patient with him. I promised to. He is worth it.

Then his smile bloomed over his once sad expression and he slowly came back. I was sitting up again as he touched my hair again, tenderly, and placed a sweet small kiss on my lips, both of us smiling like goofballs as we kissed.

"My beautiful swan." He stroked my cheek with the back of his hand.

"My bad little vampire." I smiled up at him, getting another kiss with a little laugh from him in it.

"You have no idea how long I've waited for you." He stared at my eyes then down to my lips, his thumb smoothly gliding along my bottom lip seductively.

I couldn't imagine him waiting over 100 years for love. I thought 17 years was a long time. These last 3 days felt like 300 years to me.

"Sorry I'm late." I said, getting another kiss.

"Explain, Swan." Therapy guy said from inside him and then he kissed me. WOW, therapy guy ! I had no idea he liked me too !

I whimpered and nearly suffocated from the heat of therapy guy's kiss. He was a little rougher and dominant. His fist grabbed me hard by the hair in back. I LOVED IT !!

I didn't know what to say. My brain was beyond fried.

"It's okay just this once." He said in a heated voice, "You are SO worth waiting for. But don't let it happen again, Swan."

"I love you so much." I whimpered, grabbing another long kiss from him.

I heard the music playing in the air, the end of Blue Moon.

"Blue Moon, now I'm no longer alone…." Ella sang like an angel, and Edward sang along with her now, to me - "Without a dream in my heart….without a love of my own."

Suddenly, he swept me up into his arms and held me to him, my arms around his neck as I yelped out in surprise.

"See?" he moved from one foot to the other as he held me, "You're dancing."

I laughed and studied his crooked smile again, etching it into my brain permanently.

"I can't wait until I can really dance with you." I said, my eyes not done with him yet.

"Soon, Bella." He put his nose beside mine, placing a baby kiss on my smile, "Very soon, I promise."

"I believe in you." I said with true honesty. And I hoped he knew I wasn't just talking about his therapy guy skills here. I wanted him to know I trusted him with my life. And that I knew he'd never hurt me.

Edward looked at my wheelchair and looked almost solemn as he began to walk towards it. He was going to put me back into it and something in me sank a bit.

He stopped, looking at the chair and then he kicked it over, a crash sounding as it laid on its side.

My mouth fell open as I looked at him.

"No wheelchairs or canes tonight." He decided aloud, "You belong to ME. You're mine."

"I am?" I almost cried.

"You are." He closed his eyes and kissed me harder, his voice giving a wonderful mmmmmm sound as he moved his lips with mine.

I am his…my prayers have been answered. I have everything in the world.

"This dance sucks." He joked, kissing me again, "Let's go home."

I smiled with a little giggle. "Sounds good to me. Your son misses you."

We laughed and kissed again. He walked me to the door then kicked it hard and it flew open as I gave a little squeal of surprise and excitement. Lots of kids were standing out there in the hallway and for a second I thought they were going to ruin our moment.

But they didn't. They were applauding ! I was so stunned I didn't know what to say or do. My face felt red hot all over. Emmett was there, too, and Jasper with Alice, smiling and clapping. I didn't even know any of these other kids, really and they were all giving us a hand? Why?

Edward smiled and nuzzled a little near my ear, "See, Bella? Not everyone is out to get you…us."

He bounced my body up a bit and chuckled, walking as the crowds parted and let us through. A white flash or two blinded me for a second and I realized someone was taking our picture.

For a second now I thought I would wake up to the alarm clock and realize this was all a great fantasy. But it didn't end. We got outside and I felt the chill of the wind as he rushed me to his silver Volvo. I opened the door handle and he placed me in like I was a precious piece of porcelain, then put another little kiss on my lips that responded back happily.

In a minute, he turned the key and we were flying…and for once I wasn't afraid of the speed. Nothing bad could happen to me now. We kept laughing and smiling like we were high on something. We were alive and young and free…in love. I promised never to forget this feeling, ever.

We were going home – he called my place home.

I had called Valentine's Day a giant fraud once. I could never do that again. For the rest of my life, no matter what happens now, Valentine's Day will always be special to me and will always be the most romantic day ever.

I had started this day thinking it would be the perfect day to kill myself…now that I was doomed and bound to earth, missing my small moment in heaven with the angel.

I never dreamt the angel would miss ME in return and then fly down to find me again. But he did.

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

See next chapter soon!!

Love,WinndSinger

PS I hope that was as fun for you to read as it was for me to write !

Please leave a review ! Reviews are my Edward kisses.

Well, not really, but you know what I mean….LOL


	22. File: Closed

22

BPOV

I was laid on my bed with the utmost care as he moved the white curtain web aside. He did not join me there yet, but stood up and flicked on the tiny iron lamp on my nightstand, a soft orange glow revealing him to me in more detail.

I could see my chain still around his neck and he was wearing a long sleeved white cable knit sweater, a tight pair of light blue jeans and sneakers completing his outfit nicely.

"Well, I've never been kidnapped by a vampire before." I tried to make my voice sound sexy yet innocent at the same time as he turned to me, still standing up outside the veil around my bed, "What happens to me now?"

I hoped he would smile at this and he did, only with a wicked glint in his teeth that unnerved me a little. He was so good at playing along and having a great comeback for my comments.

"Well…" he took a thoughtful breath, picking up a black wool scarf from a hook on the wall, "First, I have to tie you up."

I laughed. Which Edward was THIS? Kinky Edward ? Even though he was smiling and probably joking I was liking this game.

"Tie me up?" I smirked with a chuckle, "Why? If you're so much stronger than me, why would you need to do THAT?"

Not that I would hate it if you wanted to tie me up. Actually…

"It's in the rules." He was winding up the ends of my scarf into his fists, slowly moving around to the foot of my bed, staring at me, as if readying the scarf to strangle me, "Haven't you ever watched Dracula?"

"Dracula was so corny." I shook my head, "Lestat! He's the man."

"Silence, you pitiful creature." Edward took on a sexy evil tone, giving me a look of annoyance, "Which brings me to rule number 2. Gagging you. Tightly. Which, for you, is not an altogether bad idea."

I gave a little giggle and the corner of Edward's lips went up a bit, almost giving him away.

"I don't want any villagers rushing to your aid while I'm playing with you. This is private." , he added grimly.

His voice was smoother than melted chocolate…dark chocolate. Yes, I'm still on my diet, dammit, and I want candy! Oooh, Edward naked covered in dark melty chocolate sauce…heaven !!

I decided to keep playing, glad to see Edward in a playful mood after these last 3 days of nothing.

"I'm too scared to ask about rule number 3." I sat up, watching as he kept staring at me with his fierce butterscotch eyes, coming around to my left side.

"There are many options next." He pondered aloud, "It all depends on what I most desire at the moment."

I couldn't breathe. God, imagine if Edward was really this way? I would die, but I would die with a big stupid smile on my face.

"I could toy with you for awhile…have my way with you…" he tilted his head, moving so slowly it was like watching grass grow, "Or…if I'm in a particularly evil mood, I could cause you some nice slow pain…a little pleasure…then pain again. This could go on for hours. Then you could beg me for the peaceful release of death…"

Is it wrong that this is making me hot? I may need Psychologist Edward to see me. When is he available next ?

"I've had therapy with you, I know all about the hours of pain and begging for death." I tried not to laugh.

In a flash he was sitting on my bed and had the scarf over my mouth that gave a little squeal from the sudden arrival of my monster.

"Do you ever shut up?" he asked, his nose almost touching mine, his eyes trying to look threatening to mine.

I shook my head no, even though the scarf wasn't stopping me from talking. It just rested over my lips loosely.

"I think I'll just go right in for the kill." He whispered, "You're **annoying****."**

I laughed out loud at the way he'd said that last part and before I knew it, he was laughing too.

"I like this game." I admitted like a child as he put the scarf down on the bed next to me. Then his hands gently curled around my wrists and held them down at each side of my head. I was his captive mortal and loving it.

"Do you?" he raised a brow, leaning in with that same godlike slowness and I was panting again as his lips landed on my neck, my heard turned to give him more access to it as my hair fell over my eyes as I moved against the pillows and stuffed animals under me.

He groaned and I heard him talk into the pillows, "God, the smell of your throat!"

Uh oh. I suddenly started to feel bad, making Edward push himself to that point again where he'd have to dive off me and get over the flowing venom rising up his own throat.

"Maybe we should…watch TV." I whispered, worried about him, not me. It's Valentine's Day, I'm sure When Harry Met Sally is on one of the channels.

He moved his head slyly and his insanely tempting eyes were burning down in me again. A playful smirk laid on his lips and he purred like a large cat.

"Are you afraid, little girl?" his voice was still sexually relaxed and dangerous.

I wanted to play back and beg for my life and say, Yes, I am afraid of you, you wicked vampire but I didn't. I heard my voice rise up and tell him the truth.

"Only of losing you." I said in a quiet breathy voice, "I always feel like…you're going to disappear. I don't want to make you feel…any pain. So if it's too hard for you…being this close to me and playing…this way. We don't have to. I am just as happy watching some crappy TV show with you, you know."

I am the most stupid girl on the planet.

"Maybe later." He grinned at me, "But right now, I'm enjoying playing Evil Vampire with you. So shut up and play along. You're my prisoner and you'll do what I say, is that clear?"

"Yes, evil vampire, Sir." I smiled, my body celebrating and clicking their champagne glasses in triumph.

"Good." He made his face go dark again, sneering a little, "Thanks to the sun I have to get used to your scent all over again."

He buried his nose in my curls and I was aware he was still holding my wrists down securely but not painfully. I giggled, trying to restrain myself as I felt the tip of his nose brush along the spot between the bottom of my neck and the top of my shoulder.

He gave a little hiss and I made myself quiet. I looked up at the ceiling thru the white sheer veil over us and felt my eyes closing, completely unafraid…completely trusting him. I was surprised how easy it was for me.

His hair was so silky as it touched my flesh, I almost moaned out loud from it. In silence, his face moved around me, not leaving one spot of me unexplored or un-inhaled.

It was so quiet for so long that I heard myself speak in a volume just a bit above a whisper.

"You smell so good, too." I confessed with pleasure, "I always wanted to know…what cologne you wear…"

His cheek laid itself on my chest, over the spot above my heart. He gave a light moan as he stayed there, answering, "Venom – for men, by Calvin Klein."

God, he's quick. And so funny. I was giggling as he hissed again, looking at me and frowning slightly.

"Sorry." I winced, shutting up.

A new turn on for me – hissing. Mentally, I added it to my long alphabetized list. So that's where Eddie Jr. gets it from, his father.

I waited a very long time then his head finally rose and his smile glowed down over me.

"Thank you." He said simply, "I've always wanted to do that."

"My pleasure." I heard my voice squeak a bit, as I cleared my throat, watching his lips laugh softly, his eyes joining in.

If laying his face on my breasts is really something he loves to do, who am I to take that pleasure away from him? Am I wrong? Oh, why do I have to give so much ? LOL.

"Well, Sweet Bella, you are trapped." He smiled and leaned down, placing a kiss on my lips, "Whatever will you do?" Then he kissed me again, a small, tender kiss with no tongues. It seemed these were a little easier for him to warm up with before the larger, more passionate ones. I didn't care, as long as he was kissing me, it was making my body burn.

I shrugged, "What CAN I do? Nothing. I guess I just have to obey and behave and maybe I'll live to see the morning."

"Very wise of you." He smirked, kissing the tip of my nose, "Hmmm, let me see…what shall I do to you first?"

Jesus.

"Would you like pleasure…." He kissed my mouth for a few wonderful seconds, "Or pain?" And his lips kissed me again, a little more harshly.

Well, I've had 3 days of pain before this…

"Pleasure." I said in two greedy syllables, getting another longer kiss.

He laughed for a couple seconds and looked at me with a devilish smile.

"Pain it is." He said with a devious smile.

"Oh, no fair." I whimpered, trying to struggle a little with my hands but they were firmly in place and not going anywhere.

"Hush, you insolent child." He growled into my ear, "I said we are playing EVIL vampire. Did you misunderstand ?"

I wondered what he would do to hurt me without really causing me physical harm. He was always full of surprises. I love Evil Vampire Edward !

Suddenly I imagined him lighting a candle and letting hot wax drip over me.

"You won't hurt me." I said, a little smile on my mouth, knowing it certainly.

His eyes squinted in frustration as I waited for him to hurt me.

Come on Edward, let's see what you've got, boy. Hit me with your best shot.

I watched him struggling internally for something he could do to me that Sweet Edward could live with. I knew without a doubt that, even in play, Edward wouldn't scare or harm me. It just wasn't in him. And I both loved and hated that about him. Part of me wished that he would flip me over and give me a nice spanking. But I knew he would never. He is traditional, old-fashioned, "may I ask for your daughter's hand" Edward. And he always will be. But I love him for all he is. I would never change it. Well, maybe just a little…

He reached for something on the floor beside the bed and I peeked, seeing him holding something in his hand. He laid it gently on my chest and opened it, reading aloud, "Animal blood cells have five major components."

"OH NO, NOT BIOLOGY !!" I screamed as he smiled, reading on, his other hand over my mouth firmly. I gave another little scream as he smiled, continuing. I felt a thrill pulse through my whole body as I screamed muffled pleas into his fingers, too weak to break free of my dark visitor.

"You EVIL BASTARD !!" I shrieked as he kept reading over my protests.

"First, my parents were married when I was conceived, and second, I noticed you in Biology two days ago." Edward informed, "Little Miss 'I Don't Know.' You are my partner in that class, you will never utter that phrase again, got it? I have a grade point average to maintain."

I started to laugh and he did too. He let the book fall back to the floor as he sat next to me, smiling down at me with affection now, stroking my cheek as we grew silent again.

"You are my life now, Bella." He said with a reverent voice, almost like he was praying, "You are the most important thing to me now…the most important thing to me ever. You are the only one. For me. You say you don't want to cause me any pain, when that's all I've given you for the last 3 days. I will never cause you any pain again. I promise."

My eyes were shiny and wet and my cheeks were on fire again. He smiled at that. I knew he loved it when he could make me blush. What wonderful thing did I ever do to win this spectacular, divine soul?

"I know." I reached out and held his hand, closing my eyes and kissing his soft cold knuckles, then I smiled wickedly, adding, "That means you can only give me pleasure then."

"I guess it does." He smiled back, little sparks going off in those inhuman eyes of his.

"Damn." I pretended to be disappointed.

"Too late." He grinned, "I'm already damned."

"Yea, cause you're stuck with me now." I replied, stroking my fingers over the back of his hand, loving the way he felt.

"Yes." He agreed, sounding glad of that fact.

I laid there, admiring him as he touched my hair, fixing it where I had messed it up by struggling. He touched me like a doll or statue that was his. I could've laid there forever. I felt like Sleeping Beauty laying here, gazing up at her prince.

"Will you stay…with me tonight?" I asked, afraid of his answer.

"If you want me to." He replied, looking at the tattoo in the palm of my hand again, his fingers moving along the star's edges.

"You will?" I asked, "Really?"

"I will stay with you always…as long as you want me." He vowed with the tone of his voice.

"I want you forever." I said, sure of this.

His eyes looked full of emotion. "Forever?"

"Yes." I didn't hesitate, "And it might take me that long to teach you how to REALLY play Evil Vampire." I smirked up at him, loving to tease him.

He looked a little sheepish as he laughed and said, "Oh, is that right? I believe I was doing pretty well, there, until…"

"Until it came time to give me a little pain, yes, I know." I finished.

"Oh, so what would YOU have done in my situation?" he asked, challenging me, "Broken some fingers, perhaps? Cut your skin a little bit?"

He was tickling me as he asked these things and I was laughing hard, screaming and laughing.

"I thought you were an innocent." He joked, "They told me, it's always the quiet ones…."

Suddenly a knock tapped on the door and Edward sat up a bit, a shy look coming across his face as he looked back at me.

"It's Sue." He smiled, whispering to me, "You don't have to get up. Wait here."

He gave a small chuckle as he tiptoed to the door. Bending down and picking something up, he let out a breath and said, "Thank you, Sue."

"No problem, kids. Have fun." Her voice was already going down the hallway, towards her room. She had slipped something to me under the door.

"What's that?" I was afraid to ask.

Edward laughed, coming back to me, holding up a long string of condoms in gold foil wrap.

"Super sized." He grinned, "I guess I should be…flattered."

We burst out laughing and couldn't stop for ten minutes. Sue is possibly the coolest and most dirty minded woman I'd ever known and I think I love her.

For the rest of the night Edward stayed with me and even made me a nice salad in the kitchen downstairs, serving it to me in bed. We laid there later under the covers and watched a Valentine's Day movie marathon. We watched You've Got Mail and Titanic and were halfway through Gone with the Wind when my eyes started to droop.

Edward had said that once the weather got nicer and my legs got stronger, he was getting me away from this "evil box", meaning the TV. I smiled, thinking that instead of him pulling me away from it, that I was actually succeeding in sucking Edward into my TV world.

Edward was spooned behind me, his arms wrapped around me under the blankets, his lips saying hello to my ear and neck and hair every few minutes. It was so comfortable and so nice…warm. I have never felt such love before and I let a small tear become trapped in my right eye that was falling asleep, my mouth drawn up in a childish smile.

"Goodnight my little Bella," was the last thing I heard as I drifted off into the dark arms of sleep, then, "I love you."

EPOV

Note to self: Bella likes to move around a lot in her sleep.

Maybe it was all the excitement of the day, or night, or both. I hadn't remembered her being this animated during the night before. We began in a nice spoon position and I even was relaxed for a couple of hours this way, my eyes even closed as if I could fall asleep at her side.

Then she rolled onto her back. Fine. I laid on my side, watching her breathe in and out, studying her every line. Then she was mobile again and rolled onto her stomach. No, I didn't like that. I can't see her face at all this way. I kept lightly tickling her to make her move again. After an hour of that, she finally moved again and this was the move that would keep me shaking all the rest of the night.

She sighed and rolled over, towards me, and gave a delighted little hum as her arm curled around my waist and her face laid itself against my chest; her long tresses strewn across my chin and neck.

This is bad, this is a bad idea. No no no no no no….Bella don't, please….wake up and move again….of course, now she won't move for the rest of the night.

I trembled from, at first, the sheer wonder of it, that she would sleep upon me without fear, with so much trust, then, a second later, in terror of what I would do to her…if I inhaled her hair too much while she slept there, or if the venom began to flow again.

I quivered as I looked down at her head of lovely hair below me and pictured in mind a little baby lamb skipping along innocently past a hungry lion, then snuggling herself down into his paws to nuzzle in and take a little nap there.

What a stupid little lamb, I scowled and what a sick, masochistic lion. The only thing on their side was the fact that this sick lion was in love with the dumb little lamb. I prayed it would be enough.

I looked up at the ceiling and asked God, are you laughing? Is this funny to you?

Bella sighed and spoke in her sleep for the first time tonight.

"I trust you…Edward." She almost sang in her sleep to me, "You won't hurt me…I know you won't."

At this I clamped my lips shut and held my breath, as much as I hated doing it. I willed my jaws shut and not to open again until Bella was up and out of the room.

Bella breathed hot air onto my cold arm and whispered, "I love you, Edward…so much."

I couldn't speak with my jaw mentally wired shut so I responded with my touch, stroking my fingers along the dark valley of curls beside me.

Maybe I can create some kind of gag for myself, during the night while she sleeps. Silver clamps inside would hold my teeth apart and lock them that way and maybe a piece of leather to cover over my open mouth so I can't drool venom onto her while she sleeps.

I knew it sounded ridiculous and Bella would probably never go along with that, but like she had said, we have to find ways to be together. Sacrifices and efforts would have to be made by us to make this work. I would tolerate this if it would work. God, I can see Emmett now watching me build the damn thing at home. I'd never hear the end of it.

Maybe I could just tie Bella up during the night so she'd be still. What does she MEAN I don't know how to play Evil Vampire? I thought I was being particularly evil there for a while, until it came time to act on it. She enjoyed that little game as much as I did, it seemed. Did she want me to hurt her? I don't want to scare her off. I want her to see I'm not a monster, even though my body is that of one. Humans are so complicated and confusing. Maybe I can ask Jasper about this.

I didn't want to move too fast with Bella, I certainly love her and want to please her as much as I can, but there are certain things we just cannot do. But I want to. I hope she knows I want to. She is a very desirable woman and although I'm not human, I am a man after all.

I have to read some books about this. I am totally in over my head here. Maybe Alice knows about this kind of stuff. Oh, God, I hate asking for advice, especially about this.

The next day in school was a big surprise. Even as I parked and Bella was getting into her chair, kids came over and told her how mean it was, what Jessica and Mike did to her and that they were so glad I did what I did to them.

I was ready to be disciplined the minute we got into school but all that really happened was the Principal called me in and told me not to ever use physical force against another student again, and that this time – I got a pass.

Meaning, nothing was going to happen to me. I didn't believe it. It seems there were two teachers chaperoning that night and they saw the entire thing. They gave the whole story to the principal and basically said, Mike and Jessica deserved what they got.

Mike Newton was alright, no broken bones but his face was three shades of purple on the side I hit him on and swollen to elephant man like proportions. I had tried very hard that night to hit him as lightly as I could, knowing too well how strong my punch could be.

Jessica deserved a swollen face, too, but only sported a slightly swollen behind. Nothing broken but she did have to carry a little pillow around for a week to sit on. When I saw that for the first time, it took all my power to restrain my laughter from echoing all over the school.

For a couple weeks, Jessica got to experience firsthand what Bella went through when she was teased and laughed at. I hoped it would give her some perspective in the future.

Using my camera and photography class skills, I got many pictures of Mike and Jessica and submitted them to the yearbook. Maybe next year they could win an award as Best Swollen Couple.

And their punishment for their actions was they would both be denied prom tickets in June. There is simply no justice anymore.

At lunch, more girls came over to our table and gave Bella their own version of how horrible that prank was and as they smiled at me, they congratulated me again on the way I left the dance, carrying my girl in my arms.

The dance committee even stopped over and gave us a certificate and $100 bill, naming us Most Romantic Couple.

I liked that, only because it pleased Bella so much. Eric Yorkie, our fearless President, even told me he was putting our names in to be in the running for prom King and Queen. I almost told him to forget that idea but perhaps it would make my Bella happy. I had to admit, I would love to see her standing there on her own feet, with a diamond crown on her head, crying and holding roses.

All this attention did not change us, though, and we were still happy with our private island existence at lunch of just me, Bella, Angela and Alice.

Angela was starting to show a little bit and her parents were okay with the idea that Angela would attend St. Mary's school for unwed mothers when September came. The baby was due in June so during the summer she could pack and get everything in order for her move there.

Bella was so great with helping Angela out, too. She ran a little campaign in the school for people to donate baby things and new clothes. It was amazing how many kids brought things in that used to be theirs or their little brother's or sister's that was just taking up space in their attics.

And almost everyday at lunch we would sit there while Bella would read "What to Expect when you're Expecting". After a while, I was even listening to some of it. I knew all about the medical aspects of childbirth but it was amazing to me that it would be so honest and up front, in a book. In my day, that would never have happened. Everything was so secret and behind closed doors, only midwives and other mothers would know these secrets.

I knew who the father of the baby was and I wanted so badly to pay a little visit and how should I say – nudge him into taking care of his responsibilities, even if only financially, but Bella and Angela both told me no. Angela was determined to never think of the boy again and said she would take care of everything on her own. I had to admire her courage and strength.

I secretly set up a little college fund for the baby anonymously and it would be mailed to Angela after the baby was born. I wanted to do more but Bella said that was more than enough.

Bella and I were officially a couple and everyone in school knew it, but we both were alike in the fact that we did not want to be one of those couples who are almost having intercourse right up against their lockers between classes. We held hands and exchanged chaste kisses at our lunch table often but not to the point where we were glued together at all times, giving everyone a show.

We were still individuals and best friends, and a couple too. To me, it was a perfect life and I did all I could to make my Bella happy. She was always smiling and laughing now and I never heard a bad thought against her by anyone. Well, Jessica, but no one really joined her in mocking Bella anymore. Jessica's feelings for me seemed to perish the moment I smacked her ass with that microphone stand. Good riddance.

It had become very uncool to hurt Bella anymore and for that much I was truly thankful that the dance thing had happened. Mike Newton stayed as far away from us as humanly possible and even transferred himself out of all classes he had with me or Bella in it.

Even Jacob, who'd missed the entire thing, as he left the dance earlier, came by and wished us well and even shook my hand. I shook it back, deciding to get over my jealousy and admitting that the kid had done a nice thing they day we fought, not revealing that my face shattered his hand.

He never asked me about it and I surely would never bring it up to him again. But there was an unspoken agreement that Jacob knew Bella chose me and he would respect that. And I would allow that he was a friend of hers and not try to kill him again.

Weekends were like exotic vacations for me now and I took my Bella everywhere. I took her to the forest with blankets and picnic baskets and we would hang out all day, just talking and kissing, me feeding her and us laying on our backs and staring at each other's eyes, dizzy and lost in this haze of first love.

I took her to the indoor pool we had in our house and I held her hands in mine while she walked in the heated 85 degree water on her own. She could even kick her legs in the deep end on her own. It would not be long at all until the legs would be ready to walk on the ground completely without help.

She had been so terrified at first of wearing a bathing suit around me but after I played a very convincing game of Evil Vampire one night, she agreed to swim with me. I also told her she'd never see me in my bathing suit if she didn't wear one herself. That worked like a charm. (Evil laugh).

I was learning a little about this pain and pleasure game. Very interesting. Bella agreed I was much better at playing this now and she gave me a little star on my palm afterwards, along with a little message, Be nice.

Alice helped her pick out a beautiful red bathing suit and I just loved how she looked in it. I knew she was a little self conscious about her weight but I truly didn't see any extra weight on her. No girl was more beautiful to me than her. I didn't even see any other girls but her. After the first couple times at my pool, she didn't hide in a towel and tell me to look away all the time. She just stared at my body a lot. I pretended not to notice but even underwater I could hear her heart pounding like it would explode out of her chest.

And we did spend a lot of time in that pool tasting the water off each other's lips, nose to nose, me holding her in my arms as we floated around the deep end, her legs wrapped around my waist snugly while we talked.

We played like kids there, and Bella said this was the one place she didn't feel handicapped. She moved like a fish in the water, she was my mermaid and we spent many whole weekends there, only taking time out for her to eat poolside before we'd dive back in.

I would especially love it at the end of the day there. The ceiling was glass and we could be in the hot water and look at twilight happening above us, then, finally, the night and the stars. I had told her twilight was the saddest time of day for me but she said she preferred night, without it you can't see the stars, she'd said.

Everything she said drew me in closer to her heart. The more I loved her, the less I thirsted for her blood. I just told myself mind over matter. My mind would not allow my body to act on its savage urges, period. Killing Bella for me was not even a fantasy or an option anymore. If I kill her, I kill myself. We hadn't made love nor could we yet, but to me, we were already one.

I did show her a nice time one weekend when I took her horseback riding. We had a stable of beautiful horses and I selected Aramis for myself. He is a wild, very fast mustang, black in color and a little on the crazy side at times. He was my most fun horse. I would never let Bella ride him in a million years. He'd kill her.

For her, I picked Shy, a white little filly of mine that was as gentle and timid as my Bella is – or was. This horse wouldn't even trot unless you begged her to. So I felt it was a perfect match of souls.

Again, this was a perfect way for Bella to have fun and not need a cane or wheelchair. And she got exercise for her legs, using them to give Shy her commands. You really didn't need to even use reigns for Shy, she just followed me and Aramis wherever we went.

Poor Aramis kept waiting for me to let him loose to fly across the woods like we usually would, but I explained to him that we couldn't today, we had dates and had to be calm just while they were around. I would take him out later alone and let him run wild. We made a deal.

We rode our horses to a favorite meadow I always loved to go to because it was the one spot in town that was exposed to the sunlight. I knew Bella missed the sunshine living here in Forks so that day I showed her what happens to me in the sunlight. She kept asking me on the way there if I was sure I wouldn't burst into flames. I kept laughing and telling her no, and to get TV out of her head. Buffy and Van Helsing had done a number on her before I came into her life.

I was a little nervous about her seeing me in the light but after all, she had overcome her phobia of wearing a bathing suit around me so it was only fair that I take a chance and reveal myself to her too.

She reacted very well. She thought I looked so dazzling, covered with all those twinkles of light, diamonds she called them on my skin. I tried to tell her there was nothing beautiful about it but, she is human. She is supposed to be attracted by my vampire trappings, that's how this sickness that is me works.

But she didn't want to hear anything negative about me so I gave up on that. As time went by, I was afraid her love for me would weaken, as a mortals' love tends to do, but it only grew and grew as much as my love for her was. We became stronger and closer every minute we were together.

She is special. She is not like others of her kind.

And we loathed being apart. Classes away from each other were extremely hard now. Hunting was tense and distracting because I kept missing her. And continuing to be therapy guy was starting to be hard for me because therapy guy can't kiss Bella or hug her or smell her hair or do any of those things!

That was another agreement we had come to. Therapy guy had to remain tough and professional. Bella said she loved him for that and I played my part as the bastard very well. It was working. Her legs were ready. All I needed now was to make Bella believe they were ready.

Today is March 23rd.

I smiled like a retard all day long and it was now therapy time, only I couldn't make my face stern and hard like therapy guy's usually was.

Bella is going to walk today. Alone. No chair, no cane, no me. She is ready. She has agreed to do it today. I waited for her to come to the gym and grabbed her thick file.

I had been dreaming of this day forever and I invited Alice along for support for this first try. I didn't want a giant crowd here in the gym for this in case something scared Bella or frightened her.

I really wished I could see her take her first steps in the meadow but that wouldn't be right. It was too far away and the gym, where we'd done all our hard work, just seemed more correct to me.

It didn't matter because once we got over this barrier and she knew she could do it alone, I'd take her walking everywhere in Forks.

"Alice, can you please hold this file?" I asked her, having her hold it like a sign in front of her chest, "Like that? It's important, you'll see."

I cleared my throat and got my big red magic marker with the thick felt tip. Looking around, I was glad I closed the gym to everyone else that day. This was a private moment for us and I didn't want to share it with anyone but the three of us, as Alice was always around to babysit me while we worked here together.

"SWAN!" I gave a very loud shout outside the ladies' room she was taking forever to change in. She was nervous and I knew that. But I also knew she could do it and just needed therapy guy one more time to give her a little nudge.

I almost laughed when she screamed at the shock of my yell to her.

"Yes, Edward, I'm coming!" she said nervously and respectfully.

"Move it, girl, I don't have all day!" I demanded, coming back into the gym where Alice was shaking her head at me.

"You love treating her that way, I can see it." Alice accused.

"Oh, stop." I scoffed, "She loves it."

"Edward, face it, therapy guy is an asshole." Alice teased with a grin.

I grinned back at her, folding my arms, "An asshole who got Bella here, ready to take her first steps."

"Yes, Edward." Alice kissed my cheek, "I know. You did an excellent job. We're all proud of you. We know it wasn't easy for you."

"Thanks, Tink." I winked at her, smiling more, "Where IS she?"

I was ready to run down the hall again and break the door down but she was coming towards us, her two good hands wheeling the chair.

"About time, Swan." I huffed.

"Sorry." She looked shaky and her face was very pink.

Alice was holding the file like I showed her and Bella looked at her a little strangely. Alice shrugged and said nothing.

I felt a little nervous, too, now but I couldn't let it show. I had to keep being tough.

"Alright, Swan." I said with a calm exterior, "This is it. The final frontier."

"Oh Jesus." Alice rolled her eyes, chuckling behind me.

"Ignore the munchkins, Dorothy, and focus." I squatted down to look Bella in the eye, "You know what to do. You can do this. Just take your time and don't rush it. You will NOT fall. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, Edward." She took a deep breath and nodded assuredly.

"Just come to me." I stood and slowly backed away from her, the long space where the bars had been laid before her, only the bars were now absent.

"You can do it, Bella." Alice encouraged, jumping up and down, "WOW !! This is so exciting!!"

"Alice." I shot her a look, "Calm it."

"Bella?" I made eye contact with her again, standing on my side of the room, "You walk over here and kiss me, right now."

"Is that therapy guy talking or some other Edward?" she raised a brow, a little more motivated now to walk over.

"It's all of us." I smiled, "We all want you. Now."

She smiled and closed her eyes, letting out a deep cleansing breath. Then her fingers tightened a bit around her wheelchair armrests and she rose to her feet, taking a moment to steady herself before moving forward.

"Good girl." I gave a single nod, waiting, "That's right."

Step one. Her right foot came forth without any sign of doubt or hesitation and it landed down securely.

Step two. Her left foot came next and landed softly on the floor. She was away from her chair now and on her way. My smile was huge and unhide-able.

Step three. She clenched her little fists at her sides, trying not to think about the bars not being there to hold. Staring right at me, she smiled and gave a little laugh, tears in those deep brown eyes I adore so much.

"You're doing it, Baby." I growled in approval, joining her in her glee completely.

"Edward…" she breathed, sounding so pleased, closing her eyes and taking step four, a long tear making a silver line down her angel face.

Now I came to Alice and waited for Bella to take her next step, readying my big red magic marker, looking at the empty folder's manilla face.

"Come on, Swan, I want my kiss." I gave a soft order.

She gave a little laugh and took another step, getting more confidant now.

I took my red marker and made a big "C" on the left side of the folder.

Another step.

I wrote "L" next on the folder.

Tears were on both sides of her cheeks now as she smiled at me and took her seventh step.

I wrote "O" on the folder next.

"Bella !!" Alice jumped up and down again, too happy to be restrained, but I pushed her down, chuckling as she tried to hold still.

Another step. She was almost with me now. I wrote "S" on the folder.

She bit her bottom lip and blushed again, no doubt thinking of the kiss she was going to get once she got to me. She took her ninth step.

I wrote "E" next on the folder.

"One more, Swan." I looked at her, filled with pride and love, "Get over here and kiss me already."

She glowed with beauty and happiness as she took her last step towards me.

I wrote "D" on her folder and underlined the giant word with two hard lines.

CLOSED.

Bella Swan's file is officially closed. She can walk. She will use canes and wheelchairs – no more.

I threw my marker as hard as I could to the other side of the room and screamed, "SWAN!!" and lifted her little body up into my arms, even tossing her up into the air above me a little as she cried and squealed.

When she came down to me, I laid the most passionate kiss into her lips I could conjure up, her legs wrapped themselves around me hard, only arousing me more.

Poor Alice stood there, screaming and leaping around like a circus clown as I devoured Bella's mouth, moaning and almost inhaling her like a snake inhales a mouse while feeding.

I grabbed her long beautiful hair with both hands and closed my eyes, growling like an animal as I tasted her tears mixed into her lips. I lapped them up like a powerful nectar and felt my whole body become hard and erect at once.

She was crying and laughing and our tongues licked and rolled around each other with so much heat and intensity we both fell down on the floor.

I think I heard Alice in the background saying something about getting a room, but nothing else existed to me except her right then.

"I did it…." She whimpered in between kisses, "I really walked, Edward!" KISS.

"I told you, Swan…" I groaned as I sat on the floor with her legs still wrapped around my waist, kissing her harder, holding her cheeks in my hands, "You can walk…run…hell…you can even FLY if you want to!"

She let out a laugh between sobs and kisses and kept kissing me with as much force as I was using on her.

"I love you, therapy guy…." She shouted, then kissed me with full tongue, "I love you so much…" KISS. "Thank you for kicking my ass!" KISS. "Thank you!"

"It was my pleasure, Swan." I ravaged her mouth with my lips and tongue, my wicked fingers pulling on her lovely hair with no remorse, "I love your ass." KISS.

"And kicking it too." KISS.

I lost all coherent thought at this point and we went on making Alice sick at the sight and sound of us. Alice called Carlisle on his cell phone to tell him the news and he came running to the gym, yelling at us for not including him in this moment.

They scraped Bella and I off the floor at last and we had Bella walk over to Carlisle again, no help needed at all. He hugged her and spun her around like she was his five year old daughter.

I was never so delirious in my entire existence. If she wanted me to, I could've skyrocketed myself to the moon and back from the sheer sight of her walking towards me.

The Cullens celebrated like rock stars that night, taking everyone with us. Sue, Angela, Jacob, Herman, even some of our favorite teachers came along for the ride. We ate at the best restaurant in Port Angeles and bottle after bottle of champagne was popped open.

And when Bella walked in and everyone saw her, applauding and covering her in hugs and kisses, I wanted to bawl like a girl. Bella is loved by so many people, as she always deserved. And she is walking on her own. Every dream of mine had come true.

Then we took everyone dancing at a nearby little club. I was never much of a party guy but that night, I laughed and hugged everyone I could get close to, I stared with undying love at Bella every time she took the tiniest little step. I even followed her watching when she walked to the bathroom.

I knew she wasn't much into clubs and dancing so she sat on my lap on the floor in the dark corner of the dance floor, hidden from the world, kissing and trying to talk over the blare of the music. I kept watching for signs that she wasn't having fun but she was as giddy and goofy as I was.

At one point, we saw Jacob dancing with Angela. It was great to see her having a good time and being 17, even if it was only for one sweet night.

I took Bella's once "bad hand" in mine and had my red magic marker again, on the back of her perfect hand, I drew a nice medium sized heart and wrote "I love you" alongside the heart's curve, then placed a deep cold kiss there.

She smiled and her eyes misted again and she took her little hands, stroking every conceivable inch of my face with careful slowness, placing kiss after kiss on every place her fingers touched. I just gazed at her, without words, her slave for eternity.

Alice's voice came on the microphone all of a sudden and said, "Bella and therapy guy ! This one's for you !"

"Blue Moon" began to play by Ella Fitzgerald then.

"I guess this is our song now." I smiled at her.

And I had wanted Smoke Gets in Your Eyes. Oh well. It seemed Blue Moon kind of chose us anyway.

"May I have this dance, Sweet Bella?" I asked her and her eyes lit up like a sunrise.

"Yes!" she reached up and held onto me as I stood with her.

I took her hand and gave her my most loving smile, getting hers in return. We walked slowly to the middle of the dance floor, a light shining on us as everyone we knew encircled us, crying and smiling and clapping, watching.

I could not pull my eyes away from her as I stood in front of her, one hand in the small of her back, the other holding hers. He moved slowly to the music and she was crying again as I smiled down at her.

"Bella Swan…" I said in a delighted voice, "You are dancing with me. On your own two feet."

"I know !" she wept in joy, squeaking like a girl.

"How does it feel, Dancing Bella?" I asked.

She laughed, looking down at her legs and feet, still in shock, "It's like…being on Mars!! I still can't believe it !"

"I can." I said firmly, still grinning, "You worked your ass off and you did it. I am so DAMN proud of you. And look around you. Look at how many friends and family you have."

"Family?" she asked, a tender smile there.

"Yes, our family." I pointed out, "You are part of my family now, don't you know that, Silly Bella?"

She flung her arms around me as the song ended and I kissed her again and again. I never wanted to stop kissing her. I never intended to.

See next chapter soon !

Please let me know if you guys liked that !

Love WinndSinger

PS Reviews are my Bella's steps !!


	23. A Hot Fever

23

Warning! Some parts in this next chapter are a little kinky, nothing too bad, no pain or intercourse, but Bella and Edward have special precautions they need to take so he won't be tempted to bite her while they're…getting closer.

It's sweet, loving kink. Trust me.

BPOV

I was running, not very fast, but at a pretty good pace, dodging the mossy trees and hearing my sneakers squish themselves into the moist muddy earth below. My legs had been quick earlier, but now, after going for so long, they were tiring fast.

I stopped, trying to catch my breath for a second, my eyes a bit blurred by a thin sheen of tears. Every tree looked the same to me and it seemed like I was going in circles in this forest.

Keep moving, don't stop! He's going to get you !

I gave a little whimper and pushed myself to do a faster jog, hearing something snap in the distance. A bird high overhead gave a shriek and I jumped in fear, halting myself and looking up to scan the hills and tree limbs over me. I held my breath, afraid to even turn.

He **is** going to get me. Shit.

I saw nothing but I knew he was out there somewhere, hiding, looking right at me, just waiting to pounce. You'd think reddish brown hair would be easy to spot in an evergreen forest. But he was invisible to me.

I ran again, jumping over a little brook and going slightly up a small hill. I hid behind a very wide tree trunk and waited, shivering, trying to figure out how to save myself from him.

"Bel – la." His voice suddenly sang out into the cool air. The playfulness of it chilled me a little as I turned, trying to determine where it had come from.

"Bel-la…"his voice was beautiful and slow as he called me, like a father calling a naughty lost child.

I shut my mouth and waited, hoping for an opening where I could take off again.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are…." Edward's voice was still playing with me, and my body quivered at his tone. He didn't sound worried or frustrated at all. He was toying with me, prolonging his little game.

I crawled over a few feet away, hiding under a bush behind a rock, finding more cover there.

His wicked laugh echoed all around me through the gray mists of fog that spread out like fingers, opening a hand and ready to close it over me.

"You're not going to get away, Silly Bella." Edward's voice was like a mighty god's, thundering down from the clouds.

A moment passed in silence.

"You're only prolonging the inevitable, you know." His voice sounded closer, "I WILL have you, Bella. There's no escaping me."

"God!" I whispered, closing my eyes and ducking down until my nose was almost on the wet ground, "Please, please, please."

"If you come to me on your own," Edward called, "I will do it very quickly, I promise."

No answer from me.

"If not," his voice swam through the trees like hot waves, "You will suffer, little Bella. For a lonnnnngggg time."

I didn't answer at this, either.

THUD. SQUISH. He dropped to his feet like a cat, with ease and no hint of clumsiness, one hand on the ground as he crouched there right before me, an evil glint in his eyes as he smiled at me. I was trapped.

"TSK!" I frowned, "Dammit !!"

I crawled out of my little hiding place and felt his hands trying to help me up. I shoved him away and kept pouting, yes, I'm a sore loser.

"I'm sorry." Edward offered, a smirk of amusement on his lips as he walked beside me.

I grumbled in response and looked at him, "One more time, I think I have an idea."

"No, Bella," Edward's eyes looked tense and pleading now, "I don't like this game. I humored you three times and you lost every time. There's no winning for you against me, Bella. I'm a vampire, you're a human. I'll always catch you, no matter what you try."

"Maybe if I wiped mud on my skin, to hide my scent…" I was trying to figure it out.

"Bella, please!" Edward got my attention now with his desperate tone, "I have hunted humans before. I don't want to remember that. And I don't want to hunt YOU. Can't we just go back to jogging ? I don't like playing Muffy the vampire slayer."

"Buffy!" I had to correct him of her name all the time.

"Whatever." He looked away, and I smiled at how cute he looked in his black sweat suit and sneakers.

"I'm sorry." I said with a guilty conscience now, taking a step or two to catch up and be at his side, "I mean it, Edward, I am sorry."

He stopped and looked at me, a little boy look on his face, almost a pout.

"I was very insensitive, I didn't think of how this game would make you feel. I am sorry." I frowned, holding both his hands in mine, leaning my chin into his chest.

"How sorry?" he asked, then there was that naughty little sparkle in his bright lemony gold eyes.

Yes, today his eyes were very light, almost a neon gold. I had asked him about this yesterday after his hunt and he said it was a very good day, he had conquered a huge grizzly bear AND a strong young cougar, which, he informed, explains the light gold shade of his eyes now. It was mesmerizing to me.

"Very, very sorry." I tilted my head, laying my face on his chest, inhaling as my eyes closed.

"Apology accepted." He grinned, kissing my nose as his arms snaked around my waist.

"Want to go up again?" he pointed up and I clung onto him instantly, screaming, "NO!!"

He laughed, not moving from the ground.

"Chicken," he chuckled at me, recalling the first time he'd told me to get on his back here in these same woods.

I think I nearly made him deaf with my screaming as he scooted us up the trees, hundreds of feet up in the air, then started leaping from tree to tree. I had still not recovered from that experience, and it was weeks ago.

"My dad used to call me that all the time." I smiled, looking out ahead of us as we walked slowly together.

"Bella…" Edward said carefully after a minute.

"Edward…" I smiled at him, wondering what was on his mind.

"You never told me…." He almost asked, "About your dad. Charlie, his name was?"

I felt a little hurt in my chest at hearing my father's name again. It felt like all that was a million years ago. I realized now just how much I had healed and changed in the short time since I'd come to Forks and met Edward and the Cullens.

Edward had been very patient with me, never asking about it before. But he's right, I should tell him some of my bad stories. I just didn't want to scare him away. But in all fairness, he had told me all about his parents and how they died, how HE died himself. I had to share my past with him too. I knew he would be there for me.

"Okay." I took a breath, making my voice tell the story, "My mother, Renee, left my dad when I was two years old. My father was a police chief in Phoenix, where we lived at the time. He was a wonderful cop and chief until my mother left him. She left no reason, no note, nothing. He thought she was kidnapped or something at first and tracked her down in some hotel room a couple states away. She told him that she never loved him and that she found someone else, some guy named Phil. She wanted to marry him."

I cleared my throat and glanced at Edward, who listened intently as he kept pace with me, looking down at the grass.

"My dad said to her, what about Bella?" I continued, "But she said Phil didn't want any kids, and he didn't want me, just her. So she told my dad to raise me. He let her go and raised me in Phoenix for a few years. I think I was around…10 when she showed up at our door. I didn't know who she was but she seemed like a nice lady to me at the time. My dad came to the door and saw her there and I could just…tell. He gave her this look. I could tell he loved her so much. I was in my room upstairs but I listened to them talking in the kitchen downstairs. She said she was divorcing Phil, or that he was divorcing her, he found someone else too. She wanted to come back to us, and marry my dad again and try to be a family again she said."

I looked at Edward's face and he looked back at me, not speaking, waiting for me to finish the next hard part.

"My dad was actually going for it and even as a kid, I sat on the floor of my room, in shock." I said, "After all this time, just because this guy was dumping her, NOW she wanted to be in our family and be my mom. I was jealous, I guess, or…I don't know, angry. It was me and my dad and for me, that was fine the way it was. I didn't want her. I didn't even know her. For me, it was too late. I ran downstairs and yelled at her, told her I hated her and I didn't want her around. I ran off and went to my friend's house down the street and played video games for a few hours. When I finally got the courage to go home, Charlie was there, at the table, drinking…drunk. Really drunk. He had his loaded gun in his hand and was crying, saying Renee left again because of me. He said I ruined his chance at having his one true love back. For a second, I thought he was going to shoot me. But his plans were really…" I looked nervously at Edward, swallowing, "to shoot himself."

I took another breath and looked away, going on, "He was really drunk. He wasn't usually that weak sober. But, he told me to go to my friend's house and leave him alone. I started crying, begging him not to do that. I told him I needed him and that he was all I had in the whole world. Then I realized the only way to stop him was to lie and sacrifice my feelings for his. I told him, I changed my mind, I did want my mom back and I would be nice to her and love her. I did it only to save him. So my dad grabbed his gun and took me into his arms and before I knew it, we were in his police car, sirens on full blast, speeding all over the highway to stop Renee from leaving town."

"My God." Edward breathed so softly I almost didn't hear it.

"We drove for a little while, all I remember was how fast he was going and I heard cars honking and trying to get out of our way. The car started to go out of control all over the place. I didn't even have time to get my seat belt on during all the chaos but, I just remember the whole car falling then rolling over and over. It seemed to go on forever. I went through the windshield and my arm was up over my face when I did. Then the rest is all fuzzy but I was told later I was slammed between my dad's car and another car, someone my dad ran off the road with us when we went over the side of this hill. After I got thrown out of the car, I landed on the ground and both cars rolled over my legs and my arm. I also got burned cause the other car was on fire, that's why my arm used to be so ugly…"

Edward shot me a look when I said that word and I corrected myself, "I mean, deformed."

"The one miracle after that was my dad and the other driver weren't hurt at all." I tried to sound a bit lighter, "My dad was so relaxed because he was drunk that he had only minor cuts and bruises. The other driver was a lady and she was seatbelted in and she survived with only a broken arm. But…when my dad got to the hospital with me and they told him about me, he was still very drunk. He came in to see me and I was unconscious at the time, but a nurse told me he did come to sit by me and she said he was so upset. He left. And, the next morning, when I woke up, a policeman friend of my dad's was there and he told me…my dad was dead. He…killed…himself…because of…what he accidentally did to me. He couldn't take it, the policeman told me. And I never even saw Renee again, not that I wanted to. She didn't even come to his funeral. Or to ever see me. Bitch."

I winced at that word and looked at Edward apologetically, "I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Bella," Edward's voice said he didn't blame me, "After all she put you through, I think that's too good a word for her."

"You were only ten ?" Edward squinted, looking at me with sympathy in his face.

"Yea." I shrugged, then I felt myself shaking my head, giving a strange chuckle.

Edward looked at me in disbelief, "Are you all right, Bella?"

"No, I'm fine, I was just thinking…" I said, "I used to never be able to get through that whole story without crying and screaming."

I looked at him and felt my lips smile, "I just feel…so strong inside. You have done something to me, in these last few months. I don't know what it is, but, I feel…at peace. Like…I'm…okay."

Smiling back at me, Edward said, "I did nothing. It's you. You're a survivor, Bella. I've always seen that in you. I'm glad you can see it now in yourself. You're my tough little kitten."

He stopped and held me, closing his eyes and kissing me softly and gently, then kissed my nose and both my closed eyelids. He snuggled in, his forehead against mine and he gave a little moan as my fists clung to his sweat jacket.

"My dad would've loved you, Edward." I heard my voice said, "He would've seen how good you are to me every day. He wasn't a bad man. He was just…very, very sad."

"I know." His voice was like warm water, easing me.

We held each other for a few minutes, not saying anything, not needing to. The sound of his steady breathing just played like music to my ears and then suddenly the silence was broken.

"Time to get home." Edward said quietly, "It's going to be dark soon. I'll race you back to my place."

I raised a brow at his excited smile. What a little cheater.

"You know damn well I can't beat you home in a foot race." I smirked, "I just started running 3 days ago. And even if I was the fastest human on earth, you'd still beat me."

"Well, I'll go very slow so you have a sporting chance." He grinned, "I just want to see you run a little bit more. Please? I love watching it. You can do it."

I made a face of underachievement and Edward smiled to himself, biting his bottom lip. Wow, that was gorgeous !

"I'll tell you what, Bella Swan." He reached down and pulled his sweat jacket off, revealing his snow white chest and powerful, sculpted arms and shoulders, not to mention those washboard abs with the six pack stomach, "If you catch me…I might let you kiss all the skin you see here before you."

Oh. My. God. You bastard.

I had been asking Edward to let me kiss him below the adam's apple but he had been too nervous to attempt it, saying that he wouldn't be able to control himself from hurting me. When we were together, normally, his thirst seemed to be under control.

But when we laid in bed and I started kissing him, and things became heated and sexual, he had to stop me and at other times, take a break from me and get outside for about 15 minutes or so. I always understood and tried to be patient, but my urges kept getting stronger and stronger.

I didn't want to lose him again, like before. I kept fearing that if he got close to killing me again, he might leave town now and never come back. He wasn't bound to Forks anymore, now that I could walk and now, run a little.

But for a little while everyday, he was still therapy guy, and we would exercise together. Now we had graduated to jogging a little bit, together, in his beloved forest behind his house.

He said these woods were safe, but never to walk in any forest alone without him. He is not the most dangerous thing out there he informed me. There are other vampires, thousands of them. And they're not vegetarians.

I snapped back to reality as Edward smirked wickedly, his challenge now cast before me. He lifted his arms and turned in a sexy circle, flexing, showing me his bare back….oh God, all the lines and curves….

"Just keep up with me" he smiled, tossing his sweat jacket at me as I caught it, "And I am all yours tonight."

He started jogging away and I heard myself growl, in heat and anger.

"You little…." I struggled to complete this sentence. Whore? Slut? No I could never call my Edward these things, even if it were true.

I jogged after him, seeing he wasn't going at vampire speed, I grunted a little, finally catching up to him and stupidly, looking at his pecks and losing my focus. I wondered if him losing the shirt was a trick to test me.

He smiled, looking so relaxed and at ease as he jogged beside me. He didn't even sweat. Bastard.

"Eyes forward, Swan." Therapy guy warned, "You have to focus or you're going to fall. You're not that good a runner yet. And my reflexes are better than yours."

"Oh shut up." I groaned, already huffing and puffing as I felt my body whimper in agony.

"Shut up?" he repeated, smirking more darkly now, "Just for that, I'm increasing my speed."

"UGH !!" I screeched as he sped up with no effort at all, getting past me. Now I could see his back, every little muscle moving as he jogged…and his tight little buttocks, I could see through the cotton gray of his pants and make out muscles there, too, tightening and flexing with his every step. I thought I'd drool on the grass below me.

He spun around, jogging backwards and smiling at me not far behind him, struggling to close the gap between us.

"Awww, Swan, you're falling behind." He teased, taking his hands and moving them down his bare torso, "Mmmmmm….too bad…I would've felt so warm with your lips…touching me…"

He chuckled and spun around, keeping his jog at a steady pace, waiting for me to catch up.

Oh no you didn't.

"That's it." I gritted through my teeth, "It's SO on now, bitch!"

Edward threw his head back and was laughing hard at my comment but he didn't increase or decrease his speed at all.

I ordered my body to get that hot little vampire ahead of me, NOW. Even if it killed us.

I was growling like a hungry animal, pushing myself harder, feeling it all down my legs, my muscles tight and sore. But I kept going. I would have HIM. He would not escape **me**. Suddenly, I was the hunter and he was my prey.

He laughed a little as he glanced behind and saw me right behind him. I was almost done, and I knew it. The house was now within sight. Damn.

I leapt on his back, hearing him giggling as I rode on his back, limp as a wet noodle, panting for air, my eyes closed.

"Cheater!" he shouted at me as he kept running towards the house. His arms held my quivering legs and an electric jolt went up my thighs to the rest of my body.

I opened my eyes and we were at the back door of the modern day mansion they called a house. We were inside as he still carried me on his back. I made no move to get down off him and he just went to the silver refrigerator, getting out a carton of orange juice, then going to the cabinet, getting a small glass, and pouring some, handing it back to me as my one arm clung to his cold bare chest.

Esme was sitting at the little kitchen table in the corner and was smiling at us as I began to gulp up my juice, my poor legs securely wrapped around my Edward's small waist.

"Slowly, Bella." His voice was smooth and loving as he turned to Esme, "Hi Mommy." He said playfully.

"Hi Baby." She teased back, "How was running?"

"She loves it." Edward answered for me as I groaned harder, out of juice, gulping for air, making exhausted, pitiful sounds as Edward gave a little laugh, Esme, too.

"Sounds like it." Esme said sarcastically, taking a sip of her coffee, reading the paper.

Edward poured more juice for me and handed it back, asking, "Is it alright if Bella sleeps over tonight?"

Esme gave a little smile to her son and looked at her paper, "Of course, always. Such a nice boy, you always ask first."

"Mama's boy." I heaved in breaths as they both laughed again.

Edward smirked at her and moved back so my butt was sitting on the kitchen counter, the nice marble surface cold and soothing to my hot aching behind.

"I heard about that." Edward said to Esme suddenly and I knew they were communicating through thoughts, not all words now.

"What?" I asked, coming back to life now, a little.

"It's nothing, really." Edward looked at me and then looked down. Lie.

Esme frowned slightly at Edward and just said to me, "A little activity…in Seattle. People missing. Carlisle thinks it's…other vampires."

"He's not sure of it." Edward looked at me, not wanting to scare me, "It's nothing to worry about yet."

I was about to say something to calm them but Edward was coming towards me, picking me up and laying me over one of his bare soft shoulders. I laughed and yelped as he gave my tired butt a playful slap.

"Shower, Swan." He ordered, putting my juice glass down on the counter, turning and leaving the kitchen, taking me up to the bathroom nearest his bedroom.

"Edward, do you have to wear that thing?" I asked as he inserted the silver piece into his mouth, his teeth fitting snugly inside it. He nodded in response, closing his lips a bit, the piece in his mouth held it open a tad, then he brought the leather straps around behind his head and snapped the silver padlock closed.

So now he looked like he only had a leather belt over his mouth. His lips were completely covered by it and it was snug.

Edward had made this thing awhile back and he showed it to me weeks ago but I hated it. It looked like it hurt Edward, even though he said it didn't. But still, he looked gagged, he was gagged.

Edward didn't wear this thing much, only once before when he was feeling very thirsty and aroused. He didn't want to leave me to hunt that night, as Sue was gone on a trip and the house had four other strange men staying there.

It was good to have this, he said to me then, and he didn't need to breathe, so it didn't bother him at all. He said he wouldn't have to use it forever, just now, until he learned to control himself in these situations. I agreed to it, because it seemed to make it easier for him.

And then, I found something I liked about it. I loved Edward's noises, muffled, through the leather.

But he wasn't finished yet. On his headboard, behind the mattress a little so it wouldn't be seen by anyone, were silver cuffs. He slid his wrists in and it was my job to click them closed until the lock snapped shut.

The key was always in his nightstand drawer, in a little black velvet box.

"Okay, chicken, you're all locked in." I cooed. It looked like his eyes were smiling at mine and then they closed peacefully, so I knew he was alright.

I turned on my ipod in its speaker at the nightstand and selected a good song for this. "Fever" by A Fine Frenzy. An old song from the 60's improved. (Go check it out on )

A nice hot song, perfect for our first few minutes. It had a smooth, jazzy sound to it. I knew Music Edward would appreciate this.

I changed my worried face and decided to have fun with my shy little captive vampire now.

It was dark in the room and the door was locked. I was wearing my t-shirt and a nice pair of cotton pajama pants. He was wearing no shirt and blue flannel pajama pants, his feet bare.

The music was seductive and a woman's voice sang:

"never know how much i love you  
never know how much i care  
when you put your arms around me  
I give you fever that's so hard to bare –

You give me fever…"

I couldn't deny how beautiful he looked there, all helpless and silenced, the black leather over his mouth only making his white skin more intoxicating to my eyes. I loved it that he trusted me enough to put himself in my hands like this. His lovely arms were up over his head, laying on the bed without any stress or pain.

"Fever…when you kiss me  
fever when you hold me tight  
Fever  
In the morning  
Fever all through the night." The voice filled with desire sang on.

His eyes opened a tiny bit, watching me as I sat on his bed beside him, running my warm hand up his flat, almost sunken inward stomach, instantly getting a "mmmmmmm" sound from him as he clenched his eyes closed, enjoying the heat my touch gave his flesh.

He once told me, to him, my touch was like very hot water on his skin, not painful, but very hot so that it nearly was….in a good way.

"Sun lights up the day time  
moon lights up the night  
I light up when you call my name  
and you know i'm gonna treat you right  
you give me fever!"

I brought my hand up so only my fingertips touched his right peck, making a nice curve pattern over the valley above his nipple. He gave a little whimper at this, one leg moving, almost involuntarily upwards…then moving slowly back down flat.

"It seems a new game has fallen into our laps." I teased, making my voice soft and sensual, as his voice always was when we played our little games.

"Evil Human." I said, moving my long curls aside and moving closer to his body, sitting on my knees beside him. I heard his voice give a little muffled moan under his restraints, but his eyes looked at me with thick desire and want.

I already noticed his rock hard erection below but I was not allowed to touch there yet, only the skin I could see. Everything hidden would have to be worked up to at a later time and I accepted that. I didn't mind waiting. We were having so much fun exploring each other so far…we didn't want to rush.

"Romeo love Juliet  
Juliet she felt the same  
When he put his arms around her  
He said Julie baby your my flame

Now give me fever !  
When were kissin  
Fever with that flame in you  
Fever  
I'm a fire"

I knew when I was the one being played with when he was in charge, that sounds…voices…music…the things he would say, were far more exciting than only the actions he would take. Desire starts in the brain, Edward once said. I hoped I was doing alright. It was here I was glad I was a little on the creative side, having been a writer in my distant past.

"Edward Cullen…" I made my voice deep and sexy, my hands two claws that lightly scratched down both his pecks at once as his body arched up and his voice groaned loudly, "You are trapped. Whatever will you do?"

The girl sang out then, "But what a lovely way to burn, you give me fever…"

I couldn't hide the big smile that grew across my lips. I had made him do that aroused tiger sound just then. He was liking this. Just like he said, it's always the quiet ones…

We had worked out a code weeks ago if he were ever locked up. If he taps his foot three times on the bed, I have to release him. No tapping. Okay.

His breathing became heavier through the strap but I knew that meant he was liking the game so far. I tried to think of more things to tease him with.

"So strong…" I leaned down and kissed his adam's apple, watching it move up and down slowly. I gave it a little lick with my warm tongue and he made a "ssssssssss" sound under his gag.

"So…powerful…." I licked another line down his neck, placing a deep moist kiss on the spot over his heart, my long hair fallen down around my face, laying on his naked skin, "But now all your power is mine. You…are all mine."

His breathing quickened again, giving a little whimper at my words.

I licked a circle a bit to the right of his heart and let out a hot breath over the wet area there.

"Mmmmmmm" he shivered all over and I peeked up at his face. He clenched his eyes but he opened them again, watching me, inhaling…exhaling…his chest rising and falling deliciously.

"Are you a good boy?" I asked, asking it he was alright with my eyes, "OK?"

He nodded, relaxing his body…the shivering calmed a bit.

"Good, I haven't even started with you yet." I cooed truthfully, deciding to kiss some of these places I had only dreamt of until tonight.

I decided to go slower and bent down, laying next to his body, on top of him a little, placing deep wet kisses on the strong muscled flesh that was his chest.

I wanted to straddle him and sit on his waist but I didn't think that would be playing fair.

I let my tongue lap in every little crease, roam over every valley and peak I could find, kissing every inch of him. My voice was whimpering and moaning as much as his was. I was so aroused and I knew he could smell it. I wished I could smell his excitement. But it's okay…I could hear it.

Once his arms flexed hard and I stopped. That's when I had licked his nipple and he almost lost it. But I waited, blowing on it softly until he calmed himself and relaxed again. At least we knew the silver cuffs could hold him.

When he calmed and stop growling, I looked down at his eyes, nose to nose with him.

"Do you want me to stop?" I asked, kissing his perfect nose.

And to my surprise, he shook his head slowly, his eyes looked dizzy and drowsy.

"Are you…liking this?" I asked.

His eyes sparkled a little and he gave me a quick few nods, his voice muffled as he said, "rrrggghhh ssssnnnnnn" but the tone was approving and sure.

"Okay." I tugged on his hair and moved his face to the side, my hand on his cheekbone, pretending I was holding his face down, kissing along his neck and ear slowly as his eyes closed.

"My good little vamp." I whispered my praise.

He gave a little laugh through his gag as I kissed down to his shoulder, giving it a soft bite. With a sensual whimper, Edward kept his eyes closed and breathed heavily again.

I knew in addition to liking the way I was making him feel, he was also practicing controlling himself, even with the safety of the gag and cuffs. I couldn't wait for a time when we wouldn't need them anymore, but I had to admit, we were having fun even using them now.

I had let him tie me up once after I gave him some tips on playing Evil Vampire and it was pure heaven. If nothing else, Edward learns fast, a perfect student and teacher.

I had to admit, I liked being in control of him now, getting to kiss all the skin I could find. We both knew we could not have real intercourse yet, but we were determined to find methods and make love, in our way.

An hour later, I was almost finished kissing the bottom of his back, right at the bottom of his spine. He was totally relaxed now and I so loved hearing his pleased "mmmmmm" sounds every time I made contact with him.

I discovered his back was less sensitive than his chest. I noted that away for future reference and before I could stop my evil little hands, they gave his nice little tush a squeeze, digging my fingers in a bit.

"RRRRRR" his body leapt up with a hard growl. His head turned towards me, his glowering eyes smoldering and scolding me at the same time.

"Shhhhh…" I softly moved my fingertips over those round little cheeks. I didn't feel any underwear. Interesting.

"Did I hear a complaint?" I smiled, moving my fingertips over his back, loving the way it felt. But I knew he had given me my prize for tonight. I would never overstep the line.

Butts were not on the agenda for tonight and I had a feeling I would get in trouble for doing that.

Finally, I gave a sweet, soft kiss to the middle of his hot back and walked over to the nightstand, taking out the keys.

"I think you've earned a little rest, Cullen." I said like I was his wicked owner.

"Come here, you lovely beast." I sat back down on the bed where I was before and put my hand around him, onto his stomach, and rolled him over onto his back below me. He came willingly, his eyes staring up at me, looking weak and heavy.

"Are you alright, my little slave?" I smiled, still playing wicked human.

Well, not **little**…(LOL.)

He gave a slow nod, moving his head up to mine a bit, trying to nuzzle his face into my neck, inhaling my hair as I tried to unlock his cuffs.

"Mmmmm" I smiled, loving his touch, "You were a very good boy. And I love you, too."

His voice went "mmmmm" again as I got his wrists free. He made no effort to move his arms, though, as I reached behind his head, finding the little padlock and unlocking it.

"Poor little baby." I mumbled, gently pulling the leather straps up and stopping there. Edward had told me he would always get his mouthpiece out himself. It was sure to be covered in venom at this point.

He silently took the silver piece out and I opened the medical container we got from the hospital. It was a red glass case that doctors would put hazardous materials in such as used needles, infected instruments. Edward closed it and locked the snaps to seal it in. He would clean it later, but for now, it was safe.

He let out a breath and laid on his back, smiling up at me as I laid beside him, my cheek resting on his left peck, his arms curled around me in satisfaction as he stared up at the ceiling.

"Wow, Bella." He sounded speechless, "**Wow**."

I laughed, proud of myself…and also very turned on myself after getting to do all I wanted to his back and chest.

"Is that a good wow?" I asked.

"Oh yes." He breathed, placing a kiss on my forehead, "And you see, without the restraints we never could've done that. I'm sorry we have to use them…for now. Does it upset you?"

"No." I said truthfully, "I like them. I love the sounds you make with your gag in."

He laughed, "I think this whole experience is going to turn you into a naughty little thing. Not that you weren't already when I met you."

I was looking at the red case with his gag in it. "Are you sure that thing is safe, with the venom in it?"

"Yea." He looked at it, "It's made of the strongest medical glass on earth. They use the same glass for laboratories where they work on deadly gases and things like that, germs that are harmful. It would take a lot for even me to break it. Hospitals use that strong glass everywhere. It is totally safe, sweet Bella. Don't worry."

"Okay." I closed my eyes and got back to him now, moving my little fingernails in big circles over his chest.

"I sterilize it at the hospital, so all the venom burns off it and it doesn't hurt anyone." He closed his eyes, looking happy and peaceful.

"I'm sorry." I said as we rested there in our own quiet world, "I shouldn't have touched your butt."

"Oh yes." He replied, "I almost forgot about that. You're a bad little girl. I said only the skin you could see."

"I couldn't help it." I tried to make a defense for myself, "It was so cute and it just….sang to me."

We both laughed at that one and Edward called me Kinky Bella. We kissed for hours afterwards and finally, I fell asleep there, in his magical arms, my leg wrapped around his, dreaming of tomorrow night, when it would be his turn to "punish" me for crossing the line and molesting his perfect little ass. I looked forward to it.

See next chapter soon!

Hope that wasn't too kinky or weird for any of you!

They are learning how to have fun and keep Bella alive at the same time.

I think they're so cute!!

Love

WinndSinger


	24. Wishing for a Cure

24

**Chapter Notes:**

***Question: Why was Esme drinking coffee?**

OH GOD ! I can't believe I made such a mistake ! My bad. Edward is so mad at me now he's bashing my headboard and biting open my pillows!! Oohhh, I'm gonna get a vampire spanking !! (Big smile).

Hey, I can fix it! Bella just assumed it was hot coffee, but maybe really, it was hot steak blood microwaved to steamy goodness! Edward is making that face he made when he introduced Bella to his family. Oh God, I have to go and massage him into his sweet gooey Edward-ness now!!

Sorry about that, guys, I was too busy picturing Edward with no shirt on walking around pouring orange juice. LOL.

And as to Bella's current weight, I will be addressing that in this chapter. Yes, Bella is getting thinner due to all her good dieting and nutritionist Edward keeping her behaving herself and exercising. Chasing Edward with no shirt on would make ME run, let me tell YOU.

Thanks everyone for the great reviews, too. I was worried that last chapter was too…sexy. But thanks for letting me know I didn't go too far over the top.

EPOV

I lay there after she fell asleep and wished I could shed tears. She has made me feel more alive than I've ever been since I died. Tonight just proved it more how special she was, being willing to kiss a vampire's body, while he was restrained so he couldn't lose control and go for her throat.

Her mouth was so gentle, so loving as it danced over every conceivable inch of me (that wore no clothes), and it actually felt, to me, like I was a mortal man being seduced by his love. I almost forgot about the cuffs around my wrists and the silver forcing my teeth apart…the leather holding my venom inside.

When I first came into this room tonight, and began to put the gag into my mouth, I thought, 'this will not be pleasant for me, but if it makes her happy, so be it.' And when I was locked in, and helpless to even speak and I couldn't breathe through my mouth, I felt so…monstrous. I felt like a dumb, ferocious animal that had to be bound like a wild newborn to keep my control. It was so humiliating to me at first.

I almost tapped my foot on the bed then but I stopped myself. I felt so ashamed to be this way under Bella's stunning eyes, I felt like a thing, not a man. And part of me even began to say, this can never work.

I will never be what a human man could be for her. I can never just lay on top of her and do what I wanted with her, and let her do things to me in return. It will always be like this, strange, weird, alien, sadistic.

I felt so gross, being tied up and gagged while she just wanted to kiss my body and run her hands along my skin. It wasn't a bad or wrong thing for her to want. It's my fault. I hate being this….thing that couldn't please her.

But then she began to kiss me.

Without a word, she said ' I love you' to me over and over and over again. Those kisses burned into my skin and warmed my entire body. I didn't feel cold at all. My blood raced. It never races. Even my breathing, which I could switch off if I wanted to, could not be restrained or slowed while she took her eternal time with me. I thought kissing her lips was heaven, but this….I had no words to describe it…and I know millions of words!

I was glad for the cuffs then. When she licked my nipple I wanted to tear her clothes off and have her right there. And then she knew right away what she was doing to me and blew cool air onto my wet nipple, and that just tormented me more.

It was painful and unbearable, but it was also carnal and stimulating. I became animal in one second. I was a savage. But even as I growled and strained to break free, my body was so pulsing and so on fire. I never knew all this was inside of me. Something buried deep inside of me had been unleashed. Pleasure and pain…now I think I understood. I loved feeling this way.

I loved her.

After that, I gave myself up to her and let her do anything she wanted to. I stopped analyzing everything and just let myself FEEL. It was…being alive again. I WAS human then.

I even let my mind immerse itself in the fantasy that Bella had caught me, somehow, and restrained me, and now I was her pet vampire. I couldn't believe how that game turned me into jelly in her hands. It made the truth not so humiliating.

Bella was smart to play the game this way, giving me my dignity. Making this fun.

Then she was saying all those sexy things…pushing me harder into the erotic swirl of it all.

It was as if she knew I needed to hear those things…so strong…so powerful, she had said to me. She saved my ego with those words and made me feel strong and powerful, even though, at the moment, I was anything but.

She called me her little slave…and lovely beast - I can't even tell you how hot that made my BONES ! I almost exploded from just the sound of her voice. I wanted to beg her to tear my pants down and get on top of me. Thank God the gag doesn't allow me to speak well enough for her to hear me. I wonder if she would've done it.

When the hell did Bella learn to say those things? Even when she said I was a good little boy afterwards, I felt my heart burst even more with love for her. I never knew having a lover was this dizzying and wild!

I owed Emmett and Rosalie an apology.

And how did she know how to make me feel this way? Why were her kisses so perfect? I answered my own question there: she was made for me.

Somewhere, in some far away paradise, some celestial being created all the things I loved and a lot of things I didn't even know I loved, and named her Bella and sent her down to earth to find me. I would never give her up, I couldn't.

I had tried it for three days and I wanted to kill myself. I didn't even have the strength to go to the airport to book a flight out of town !

The honest truth is, I don't want to leave her. I don't want to spend one second without her. I want her. I need her. I cannot live without her. I don't want to even think about trying to. Even if, even though, she would be better off without me in her life, I am hers now. Forever. Eternally.

If she left me, I would follow…I would watch her from afar, with a broken heart, as she forgot about me and walked her children to school, taught them to drive a car, started to turn gray, and one day, be taken out of her home on a stretcher with a white sheet completely over her.

I would be there for all of that…wishing I could weep and then, going to the Volturi to beg them to end me.

Bella and I are forever. I accept that now. And any way we could enjoy each other, without it ending in a mistake or bloodshed, was fine with me from then on. I vowed that I would use the time in restraints to learn more control. I vowed that some day, I would make love to her, without any tools or gags, and it would be natural. If Bella could make herself walk and run, I could make myself into a real man for her. (God, I sound like Pinocchio).

I promised myself that, that night. Someday, I would make natural love to her and it would be safe…somehow…I would not harm her.

As Bella slept that night, I kissed her over and over again, whispering to her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. She had made me so happy, even being tied up and gagged. She made me happy. I felt so satiated, so complete and engorged with her love that night. And we hadn't even had sex or anything close to it.

To think I had been missing out on all this for over 100 years! But I knew only Bella could make me feel this way. It was her that was making all this so fresh, so magical, so new.

Well, she did lose a little control and grab my butt. And don't think I didn't love that, either. It made me hard all over again, just as I had relaxed and thought I had calmed down. She does have a spell over me, the little dirty witch. And I am so glad the magic works on me.

Now I just have to ponder what to do with her tomorrow night when I am Evil Vampire and she is **my** slave girl.

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BPOV

Today is April 4th.

We were sitting at our lunch table when Angela asked me to be her Lamaze coach. I almost couldn't breathe and Edward just smiled at me, no doubt he had read this thought in her mind earlier, but he didn't ruin the surprise.

This meant so much to me because I could never do anything like this for anyone before, even if they asked me to. I was in a wheelchair, or on crutches so something like this would've been impossible for me. But now…thanks to Edward and Carlisle…I could say yes and be a good coach to a very good friend.

"Angela…" I felt tears come to my eyes as Edward smiled at Angela.

"I don't know what to say…" I breathed, "Are you sure you want ME?"

"Bella, you have been so great to me through this whole thing." Angela said, touching my arm, "I would've been so lost without all your help and all the talks, the way you were always there for me. I love you, Bella. You're my best friend. I don't want any body else to be my coach."

Edward took a bite of a french fry and pretended it wasn't awful as I glanced over at him.

"I think you have to say yes now." Edward said with a chuckle, knowing how much I would love to do this.

I had never had the chance to be anyone's…anything before I came to this town. I had always wanted to help people and be part of something important and special. And I do love Angela, too, and her baby. I would really miss them in September when they left town.

"Come on, Bella." Angela gave my arm a hard punch, "I need you there. You know more about this pregnancy stuff than I do!"

We laughed and I gave her a giant hug, being careful not to squish the baby that was really showing now. 7 months pregnant. Two more months to go.

"I would love to be your coach, Ang." I said, not letting her go, "I love you."

"I love you, too, girl." Angela hugged me back.

"Hey, what about me?" Edward pretended to be left out, making his bottom lip stick out like a baby's.

"I love you, too EDWARD!!" we both chimed in at the same time as his eyes did this delightful little dance of light, instantly giving him a soft white glow as he smiled at us.

"Ooooh !!" he sat up, feeling his arm, "Goose bumps!!"

We giggled at him and his disgusting perfection and right away I started to ask Angela about Lamaze classes and what times I should be there.

"Oh, I will buy a couple new pillows, too, for class." I wrote a list for myself, starting to organize this now, "And a stopwatch, too."

"Oh dear God." Edward put a hand over his eyes, "She's making a list. Another list. Are you sure you're not related somehow to Santa Claus?"

Angela laughed. "I'm glad, Edward, she is so organized, I love that about her."

"Angela, you have no idea." Edward muttered, "I'm afraid one day next to my bed I'm going to find a list from her."

Angela laughed and ribbed me as my mouth fell open.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" I scolded.

"Oh no, not my full name." He looked up at me, taking his hand away from his eyes.

"That is it!" she waved a pen at me, "I am not coming to your place for a week now."

Angela laughed, clearly enjoying this display. She was a close friend of mine, so she knew we were sharing a bed sometimes, but that we hadn't gone all the way, and we wanted to wait for marriage. Angela understood how smart that was now that she was pregnant and unmarried.

"A WEEK?!" he almost shouted, his eyes huger than I've ever seen them, "For that one little joke?"

"Not so funny now, is it?" I went back to my list for Angela. She would also need a rolling pin, that would be good for me to rub her back with during labor.

"Bella, please…" Edward watched my pen scribbling furiously. I couldn't believe he looked so upset over not having me sleep over for 7 days. Although, if he denied me for 7 days…oh God, what have I done?

HOW CAN I GO WITHOUT BEING IN HIS BED FOR SEVEN DAYS?!

Am I nuts ? He's just beginning to learn how to hurt me a little bit!! And he's soooo good at it !! DAMN ME and my MOUTH !!

"You are kidding, right, Bella?" he asked, looking almost afraid.

Angela cut in, "Edward, don't beg, it's sad."

I had to laugh at that. Angela joined me and then Edward gave a nervous grin, hoping this meant he was off the hook.

"You can grovel for my forgiveness later." I teased, giving him a smile and wink.

"I look forward to it." He grinned back, opening a milk carton.

Jacob Black came walking up to our table and sat down next to Angela.

"Hi guys." Jacob said casually.

Edward looked at him without a word and gave a little bit of a snide mutter of, "Would you like to sit down?"

Jacob ignored that and sighed, "Looks like my old school will be finished in 3 days. On Monday, we all go back to the Rez for school."

"Ohhhh what a shame!" Edward slammed his hand to the table, shaking his head, then said very fast, "Godit'sbeengreatknowingyougonnamissyousomuchBye."

I almost gave Edward a look but he smiled and said, "Just kidding, kid." To Jacob, "I'm **not** gonna miss you."

Jacob knew Edward was joking and they chuckled together for a couple seconds.

"I won't miss you, either." He grinned.

"I'll miss you." Angela said with a friendly voice.

"Me too." I added in, not wanting to look at Edward's face after I uttered that.

Tonight was his turn to own me and I knew I'd pay for that later.

"Hey." Angela said, "Why don't you guys all come over to my house tonight before Jacob leaves? We can rent a movie and have snacks."

Snacks…God, I miss real snacks. For fun, therapy guy was letting me eat low fat brownies now and then. This was the highlight of my week, food wise. I swear, the next time he's helpless in bed, I'm going to eat a box of ding dongs right in front of him then lick all the crumbs off his body. Wow….what a beautiful idea.

Jacob frowned and said, "I'd like to but I have to make some flyers and put them up all over town."

"Why?" Edward asked, "Trying to get a date, Black?"

Jacob looked at Edward as he giggled and just rolled his eyes.

"No." he punctuated his word with fierce emotion, "My dad wants me to find someone to buy my old truck. It's a heap, no one's gonna want it. But I need the money so I can fix up my new car."

"That red truck?" Edward asked, recalling the truck Jacob drove to school sometimes, then he huffed, "I don't think you can even give that thing away for free."

"It's not a bad little truck." Jacob defended it, "I put all new parts in it and it runs like a dream. It just looks like hell."

I shot Edward a look that said, don't say it. He grinned and ate the rest of his fry, not adding any commentary.

The bell rang and we all got up, gathering our things and getting ready to go to Biology. Edward still gave me that perfect crooked smile every single time I rose to my feet and walked anywhere. He looked like he might cry every time.

"Stop, you angel." I grabbed his jacket and pulled him along with me, "Stop doing that with your eyes…it drives me crazy."

"It does?" he asked innocently, following me.

"Yes." I smiled, giving him an innocent kiss on the lips, turning and holding his hand as we walked to class together. I had to admit, I still was high from walking with him, to anywhere. I still could not believe I was walking with such ease.

"Mmmmm." Edward kissed me back then looked me up and down, "You need new clothes, Bella. Look."

He slipped a cool hand into my jeans and tugged a little, showing me how loose they were on me now.

"I know." I smiled, "I'm so happy, my clothes are getting too big for me now!"

"See?" Edward had a smug smile on his face.

"Oh shut up." I grinned, not wanting to hear how important staying on the diet was again.

"You keep saying that to me." He pinched my skin at the waist as I screamed, trying to move away from him, but he yanked me tightly to his side, his arm around my waist as his mouth hovered closely over my nose.

"Don't make me angry, little girl." He did his evil vampire voice, whispering in a low hiss, his eyes smoldering sex, "Tonight, you will be at **my** mercy and you don't want to provoke me, do you?"

I trembled all over…even my pancreas went WOW!

"No, Edward." I said with all my good-girl innocence. I found out awhile back, he found innocence very…hot. And the more innocent I acted during our game, the more evil he would become. In a very sexy way.

"Maybe I'll let Alice take you shopping all night for new clothes, trapped in dressing rooms and long lines at the mall…instead of being strapped to my bed in your bra and underwear with an apple stuffed into YOUR mouth." He threatened with a wicked purr.

MAMA!

"Oh no, Edward," I pleaded as he gave my long curls a firm tug backwards, "Please…don't do that."

He smirked and pulled out his cell phone, about to flip it open as I grabbed his hand, wincing, arching my back a little as we kept walking to class.

"Oh, look, Alice is the first name on my speed dial." He cooed, "Alphabetical order is so convenient…" His thumb hovered over the call button.

"NO EDWARD I'm sorry!" I begged, "I'm really sorry, I won't tell you to shut up anymore, I swear."

He loves it when I beg. I love begging him. He shut the phone and put it in his pocket, saying, "Behave, Bella. Next time I won't be so…generous."

We got to class with smiles on our faces and sat through a dreary Biology class, watching a film that either I nor Edward had any interest in. My fingers stroked his thigh under the table and I had his full attention.

We both pretended to watch the film but I enjoyed making him crazy in public places where he could not react openly. He was so cute, trying to look aloof and uninterested. Some things I did with my fingers made his eyes widen a little and wince a bit here and there.

I was torturing him and I calmed my fingers down a little…just moving up and down slowly along his upper leg.

I saw his eyes close for a few seconds and I had to stifle a little laugh. I am in so much trouble tonight.

After Biology was over and the bell rang, Edward grabbed my hand and rushed me out the door, down the hall, and into a janitor's broom closet.

No one had seen us come in here and before I had a chance to utter a single word, his mouth was devouring mine, my back slammed to the door as he found my tongue and encircled it with his hungry one. His hands were squeezing my ass cheeks, forcing my hips to his, a hard long pounding there.

I gave a little mew at the force of this kiss, I wasn't complaining, just stunned and thrilled and…hoping for a little air. But who needs air, really?

"Bella…" his voice was ragged and rough, panting as my loose jeans were easily pushed down a little bit as my voice whimpered, being drowned out by his open mouth again. I felt the air touching my underwear and thighs as he kissed me down my torso and straight down to my stomach, then buried his nose into my white cotton panties, giving a hard groan, placing a wet kiss upon my underwear as my mouth fell open, gasps coming out of my throat.

His fists clenched my jeans on their sides and I almost feared he'd rip holes in them, and then what would I wear home? Gym was next for us, and if Edward made me late and therapy guy got mad at me, I would kill him. But I would be damned if I was going to stop him now.

"Oh, God…Edward…" I panted, hardly able to move. My legs were shaking so hard I thought I would fall down. I felt his tongue lick up my underwear, then lapped at my belly button, the tip of his tongue flicking into the little hole.

Then part of me said, 'Is our first time really going to be in a janitor's closet, the stink of ammonia and old mops in the air?'

Then the rest of me screamed SHUT UP , BITCH!! I really DO need an apple stuffed into my mouth.

The bell rang then and Edward gave the door I was leaning on a little punch, growling like a lion.

He stood up, pulling my jeans up to my waist as he came up, and kissed my nose.

"1:16pm. School Edward is gone. Time for therapy." He said, fully in control of himself now, smiling at me like a demon, "You're late now. Bye."

He opened the door, moving my body as he did, and walked out, leaving me in there alone, totally on fire and unsatisfied. Right away, I knew what he was doing. He just paid me back for getting him all hot in Biology. I was a zombie, frozen in place with unspoken lust and rage at the same time.

Oh my God. That little….

Emmett must've got to him. I would kill him. My sweet pure Edward would never do something so mean. Like I did to him only minutes before…I guess it was only fair, after the 45 minutes I teased him.

I adjusted my loose jeans and hurried out of the closet, rushing to catch my bus with Herman.

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I was on the bus to the hospital in minutes but I knew he'd get there before me. Herman took the scenic route and was never in a hurry.

Damn. My panties are wet and sticking to me. Damn. Damn. Damn.

Therapy guy was being particularly mean lately, the more Edward and I…enjoyed each other. Thearpy guy had to always be chaste and never do anything inappropriate, even now.

After I had gotten very good at walking and had begun to run a little, I got so scared when I got called into the Principal's office and Edward was standing there, too.

The principal was saying he wanted me to join regular gym class now and that I no longer needed therapy with Edward at the hospital. I think only Edward saw it, but, I almost lost my mind in that 30 seconds. Tears began to come to my eyes as I tried to find words to plead with.

But, like Superman, Edward swooped in and gave a lengthy speech about the dangers of stopping exercise soon after the muscles began to move again. Even I didn't understand all the medical terms he used, and neither did Mr. Vogner, but Edward impressed him and so, I was allowed to stay in therapy for the rest of the year with Edward.

Outside, in the hall, Edward gently took my face into his hands and placed a tender, wonderful kiss on my lips.

"No one…will ever take you from me." He whispered with a fierce gaze that traveled hundreds of miles deep into my eyes, as he added firmly, "No one."

He gave my ass a nice slap and jogged away then, leaving me standing there like a statue of a moron, titled, "Girl with Mouth Open."

I replayed that moment in my head over and over and before I knew it, we were there.

I hurried in changing my clothes and weighed myself on the scale when I got to the gym. I didn't do this everyday, just once a week. I had been losing weight consistently each week, a pound here, two pounds there.

It seemed so hard before when I couldn't get any exercise, but now, with the diet enforced by Edward and the exercise all the time chasing Edward, it felt too easy. Again I had a funny feeling.

My legs and arm had healed quickly…too quickly.

I looked at my weight now. 125 lbs. Wow. I haven't been this thin since I was a kid. I hadn't noticed much before because I was always wearing my old clothes that were getting very big on me now, but…I went up to the full length mirror and turned to the side, gathering the t-shirt to see what my body looked like shape-wise.

I almost cried. My stomach was a lot flatter and leaner and my breasts were not gigantic anymore, but full and attractive. My butt even looked firmer and shapelier. I actually…look…nice…not heavy that much at all anymore. But I had no more time for this, I was already really late now. I even felt like going shopping with Alice maybe this weekend for some nice fitting clothes.

I walked into the gym and right away I could see him standing there, his hands on his hips, staring me down like an evil warrior.

It almost hurt to see his eyes so…cruel. Oh, great, I did this to him with all my touching in Biology. Now I would pay for it.

"Hi Edward." I almost winced as I went to the floor, about to sit down and do some stretching first.

"Hi Edward." His voice mocked mine as he reached down and tugged me up to my feet by my hair quickly, my little gasp of shock ignored by him. I really loved therapy guy's roughness and Edward knew it.

"Twenty minutes late?" he seethed into my ear as I shivered. Oh God, I was that late? Shit. He'd eat my kidneys for this.

"Umm…" I cleared my throat, knowing he hated when I said sorry or something equally lame. I almost told lies about a horrible highway accident that kept me away but knew he would really burn my ass if he saw I was lying.

"Explain, Swan." His voice almost stabbed into my ear drum.

Well, my boyfriend was trying to lick my panties off in a janitor's closet then left me wetter than kids playing in a fire hydrant on the 4th of July. No. Can't say that.

"I have no excuse, Edward." I said, hoping he wouldn't bite my ear off for this response.

A little growl of distaste erupted from him and he gave me a decent shove to the stairmaster.

"You don't deserve to stretch." He growled low in his chest, hitting buttons on the machine I climbed upon, surely making it a hard workout. So what else was new?

I was standing, my feet on the black flat pads, my right foot low and my left foot up a bit higher, waiting for the machine to begin my descent into Hell.

I hate this fucker machine. And he knows it.

"Go." Edward demanded, hitting the start button. Instantly, my legs climbed up and down, as if jogging up a staircase. I held the padded bar in front of me with both hands, breathing in and out correctly as therapy guy had taught me.

I noticed, too, there was no one else here in this gym with us. Oh no.

The stepping was hard, a lot of effort was required to climb these steps and I knew it was because of what Edward had selected for me this time.

Edward studied me closely, as always, as I worked out, making sure I was doing it properly.

"Straighten that back, Swan." He barked, "We don't go up stairs hunched over, do we?"

"No, Edward." I breathed, straightening myself.

"So, Swan, while you're having fun there," therapy guy began, crossing his arms, "why don't you tell me the truth about why you weren't here on time today?"

Fun? I was already looking forward to vomiting up my spleen!

"Uh…" I panted, already feeling my body sweating, "I was stupid…I just lost track of time, I guess."

"Lie." He tilted his head, "Lift the legs, Swan, all the way up. Truth, Swan."

I whimpered, moving my legs higher and panted, "I was with…my boyfriend."

"Ohhhh." Therapy guy smirked and flashed a dark smile, "Boyfriend."

This is getting too strange. I really believe Edward thinks therapy guy IS a whole other person.

"Well, I would appreciate you inform this boyfriend of yours that your ass belongs to me at 1:15pm and if he has his hands on it, he owes me. How would he like me coming to his bedroom and yanking you out from under him to do some calisthenics?"

"Yes, Edward." I agreed, trying to breathe and die at the same time.

By 3pm I was nearly dead but covered with sweat, as usual. I had worked my arms for the last 30 minutes with weights, pulling down a long metal bar, raising it back over my head, and pulling down again.

Therapy guy watched me like a hawk, and I hoped he would let me go now. I was jello.

"Don't slow down, Swan." He raised a brow, "You owe me 20 more minutes and I intend to get them."

"So hot…" I panted.

"Oh, yes, I know." He glanced behind him for a second, "I put the heat up to 87 today, just for you."

"UGGHHH" I groaned out loud.

"Want some water, Swan?" he went to get a water bottle as I begged, "Ohh yes, please?" and I nearly stopped but he warned, "Don't you dare stop." As he unscrewed it.

I wondered how I would drink it with my hands still pulling heavy weights. And then, he poured the cold ice water over my head, every drop of it ran down my face and neck and over my t-shirt. I gave a little whimper and thought I saw Edward's lip almost twitch up at the sides but he kept his face pretty stern, shaking the last couple drops over me.

"Better?" he asked.

"Yes, Edward, thank you." I had to admit, it did feel very good. Maybe if I didn't complain, he'd let me have a drink next.

He went and got another water bottle, giving me a smirk of amusement.

"Let me re-phrase my question…" he said, opening the water, "Would you like to drink…some water, Swan?"

"Yes, please, Edward." I kept working my arms, not slowing or stopping.

"Hold the weights." He stopped my arms as I held them near my waist. They were so heavy my arms began to shake a little.

"Hold them, don't let go." He said tenderly, coming up to me from behind with the bottle, "Open your mouth, Swan." He held a fistful of my hair in his hand, holding my head backwards.

He put the bottle to my lips and watched my mouth wrap around the round hole and I whimpered a little as he gently and slowly tipped the bottle up a bit.

"Swallow it…"he instructed as his other hand massaged my throat, my hands reddening around the bar I was struggling to hold onto.

"It's okay, you won't choke…relax your throat…" he cooed as if talking to a little child. I did as he said and swallowed it, coughing a little as he smiled down at me.

"Good girl." He took the bottle away and said, "Raise the bar."

I did and brought it back down.

"Hold it again." He ordered softly, his hand still holding my head back, my eyes up to the ceiling, "Open."

This time he put the bottle into my mouth and gave me a longer drink, my protesting mouth unable to form words. "MMMMMM" I pleaded, the cold water pooled in my mouth.

"Swallow, Swan." He watched me again, giving my throat a firm massage again and I swallowed involuntarily, coughing a little bit.

"Awwww…do you not like this?" he cooed playfully.

"I do." I breathed.

"I do too." He admitted, his hand still in my hair, "Hold still, Swan."

He took the water and poured a little bit over my throat as I clenched my eyes shut, then opened them again. I panted and groaned a little at the intense weight I was still holding onto with the bar.

"Mmmmm" therapy guy ran his fingers up and down my neck, "So cold…it ran all down your shirt, too, Swan. Look at how it's sticking to you. Would you like more water, Swan?"

"Yes, please, Edward." I was trembling but I didn't care.

"Don't move." he tugged my t-shirt up under my chin, exposing my sports bra and stomach.

"What a nice flat stomach that is." He slapped it a couple times, "Look, Swan. See? That's muscle. There's no fat there anymore. You may thank me now."

"Thank you, Edward." I strained to hold the weights even though he was feeling me up right out in the open gym area. I prayed no one walked in on us.

He poured cold water over my bra, covering my breasts and stomach as I gave a little scream, my arms shaking a little harder.

"Open." He demanded, putting the bottle to my lips again and muffling my mews with the water. "Swallow… Good girl."

"Lift." He allowed me to raise the bar, relieving me of holding the weights anymore.

After a little while longer, the shirt still under my chin, he said, "3:20, Swan, go home. Say hi to your boyfriend from me."

I watched him leave the gym first, taking my water bottle with him, not looking back at me as I lowered my wet t-shirt and sat there a minute or two…stunned. Therapy guy played with me a little…holy shit.

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**BPOV**

Edward is mad at me. I thought he'd be glad that I bought my own car with my money and I even asked him if he would teach me to drive. Now that my legs and arm were okay, I could get my permit and license. Besides, I needed a car if I was going to be Angela's coach for Lamaze and when she goes into labor, I'll need a way to get myself there.

But I know what it is. Well, he hates the truck and it is a bit of an eyesore, but then, so was I once. I know it's because I bought it from Jacob for $200 and didn't tell him about it until the deal was all done. I wanted to surprise him and show him I could take care of myself.

But he is not pleased.

"I told you, Edward, I love YOU." I had said to him, "Jacob means nothing to me. He's a friend, a class room friend! I don't even hang out with him."

"I know you love me, Bella." Edward said firmly, "But I could've gotten you something so much nicer. Better. Faster."

"I like this old truck." I smiled at it, "It reminds me of myself, kind of. It's beat up, dented, it moves slow, it even wobbles like I used to. But it's a good little truck and it does the best it can. Like Charlie Brown said, All it needs is a little love."

Edward laughed at that, shaking his head at me.

"You are a crazy girl, Bella." He said, admitting defeat this time, "But I love the hell out of you."

"Awwww." I got all misty eyed as I hugged him to me, "That is the most romantic thing…you've ever said to me."

"Bad girl." He muttered, looking at the red faded heap next to us, "That should be this thing's name – Bad Girl."

I stuck my tongue out at him and he leaned down playfully, trying to get it with his mouth as I laughed and resisted slightly.

The next day, he began to teach me how to drive, and he wasn't thrilled about doing so in the Bad Girl truck. He said it smelled in there, like wet dog, and the speed would never go past 55 miles per hour, the radio was terrible, and there was no heat or air conditioning for me. He soon changed the truck's name to Death Trap, always hurting my poor baby's feelings.

But all in all, he said I was a good driver. I took the road test and got my driver's license. That was a big day for me. I never thought I'd be able to drive a car of my own and that just made me feel…so independent and free.

I loved going to Lamaze classes with Angela, too. We made a great team, the only girl/girl couple there. I was one of the Daddys, Angela teased me, but I gave this my all. I wanted to take care of someone else for a change and do it right. I even got myself a little cell phone so Angela could call me anytime when the labor pains began.

EPOV

I sat in the chair, looking at the twitching white mouse before me.

"Come on, buddy." I muttered, watching him closely, trapped in the glass box below my waiting eyes. The mouse's eyes were still black. He was hungry and irate, a vampire mouse.

I took a new healthy , fresh white mouse out of its glass box and began to lower it by its tail into the container the first mouse was in.

"Don't…" I prayed in a whisper, putting the normal mouse in with the vampire mouse. They looked at each other, their noses sniffing at each other's scents…I held my breath, waiting.

In a second, the vampire mouse attacked the normal one, sucking blood from it as I let my annoyed breath out in a hard long sigh, tossing my pen across the room.

"Damn it." I crossed my arms, thinking.

"Okay, that combination didn't work, what others haven't I tried?" I mumbled to myself, getting another pen and making some new notes. And also, that my latest experiment had failed.

A knock sounded on the door and I already knew who it was. Carlisle.

I got up and unlocked the door with my code number from the inside, the tinted glass door sliding open.

"Hey Pop." I greeted him casually, the door closing behind him, sealing us inside again in secrecy.

"It's getting late." Carlisle looked down at the vampire mouse and its latest victim, "No good, huh?"

"No that one didn't work." I crossed my arms again, "I have a few other ideas I'm going to try next, though."

"Edward, I still hate that you're doing this." Carlisle always had to state his viewpoint when he was in my little secret lab. I rolled my eyes but remained respectful of him.

"I know but look, I'm using mice to test it on first." I nodded to the mice, "I won't use anything on myself unless I know it won't hurt me, I promise. I'm not that stupid."

"I know you're not stupid, Edward." Carlisle looked at my eyes, "But you are very emotional where Bella is concerned and I don't want you injecting chemicals into your body unless something has been checked 20 times first. This makes me nervous. I haven't even told Esme. You're my son and I just want you to be safe."

"I know and I appreciate that." I said, keeping my voice calm, "But I swear I'm being very careful. Really. And I haven't told Bella, either. She would freak out."

"Alright, lecture over." Carlisle gave me a concerned look, peeking at my notebook. I moved it over towards him, telling him he was welcome to see.

He looked some of my pages over and even gave me a few suggestions what to try next. I did make notes of his ideas and was grateful I had a colleague I could get real help from.

It's not every doctor who can try to help you discover a cure for the thirst of a vampire.

"I did happen to stumble upon something cool, though." I finally revealed to him, a little grin on my lips.

"What's that?"

"Combining Saizen and Wydase…" I turned to that section of my notebook, finishing, "Creates super strength."

"We already have that." Carlisle looked up at me but was interested just the same.

"No, super strength for US." I confided, "This would kill a human, I had to kill the mouse because it was getting too powerful. This strength would make OURS look like we were 90 lb. weaklings. "

"It's good to know, if we ever may need it someday." Carlisle shrugged.

"I don't know, it's very unstable, even for us, it could be deadly." I pointed to my notes on the next page, "It gives you this incredible power and then when it wears off, it seems to wipe out every blood cell with it. I didn't find a cure for that yet."

"Too bad." Carlisle said, "Well, that's the challenge and wonder of science, kid."

He play punched my arm and I chuckled as I noticed the time.

"I should get outta here, Bella will be driving that clunky piece of junk yard fodder home and I want to keep an eye on her, just in case. I don't trust that ugly thing."

"Edward, breathe." Carlisle instructed as I put my mice in their containers and began to shut down the computer.

"Let Bella make some choices on her own." Carlisle advised.

"I know, I know." I admitted, punching my code number in as the door slid open. We stepped out and it sealed itself shut, the lights inside going off automatically.

"How are things going with you and Bella?" he asked, not wanting to intrude.

"Great." I said honestly, "We are…finding our ways to…be together."

"Good." Carlisle smiled, "I admire your determination. I know it's not the easy way, being…with a human girl. But you both seem very happy. I'm glad you're making it work."

"Yes but I would much rather not have the thirst at all." I informed, walking down the hallways of the hospital, to the exit, "I want to be…a normal partner…for Bella. I want us to be together, naturally, and not have to worry about me losing my control. I would also love to find a serum that would make me…not so strong. Not weak, but, not so strong that I could hurt her…if we…made love."

"Forget that one, Edward." Carlisle stopped and faced me, "We need our strength, you need it. You never know when danger is going to rear its ugly head. And with these news stories about missing people getting closer to Forks. There are others nearby. You will not weaken yourself, that's an order."

"I know, Carlisle." I agreed.

I said goodbye to my father and got in my car, hurrying to my Bella's side to make sure she was safe once more.

I knew other vampires were close to our town and in the past, we would just let them go their way and we would go ours. We watched over human friends in our town to make sure no other vampires killed them, but it was only a matter of the Cullen men, finding them and having a little chat, letting them know this is our turf and to please move on.

We hardly ever had any real battles with vampires who were just passing through. But you never knew when some wicked, demented ones would cross your path.

We trained all the time with Carlisle, to be ready for an attack if one were ever to come. We all knew how to fight and defend.

Only now, this was different. I now had something very fragile and unique to protect. I was becoming very nervous the closer this group of vampires was getting to Forks. I wanted them gone.

I wanted to lock Bella up in one of these glass rooms where even they couldn't break in to get her. But I had said nothing about it to Bella. I didn't want to scare her and make her afraid. I vowed to watch her every move and not ever let her out of my sight if I could help it, until these creatures were far away from this town.

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See next chapter soon!

Love WinndSinger

Please review ! Love you guys !!


	25. Vampire Master

25

BPOV

Warning: A little more playful smut between Edward and Bella before I get to serious stuff in next chapters. Just purely for fantasy and my own dirty mind working overtime. Hope you enjoy !

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FLICK.

"MMMM!!!!" I heard myself whimper as he lit the match above me, the sudden spark of light exposing his stern but angel face as he looked down at me, a wicked smile spreading out over his mouth.

"Now, Bella…" his voice was eerily calm and wicked, "Hold very still, my little pet…this is fire…and it's very dangerous…"

I was laying in Edward's bed, the cuffs now around my wrists above my head and my ankles were also both bound by soft cotton ropes, secured tightly but not painfully. I wore only my black bra and matching panties, and had to admit I liked the way my body looked as I laid here flat, a long red candle in my mouth.

I had been ordered to hold it in my mouth and not let it go. Edward touched the match to the wick that now glowed a foot above my neck and half exposed breasts.

"Good little pet." He placed the matchbox down near the bed, "Candlelight is so romantic, isn't it, my love?"

He crawled upon the bed and straddled my legs with his, staring down at me, tilting his head to one side, a small little grin playing there.

"MMmmmm hmmmm." I muffled my answer to him, my body shivering. Why did I mention the candle wax thing to him ? Why, why? Not that I wasn't liking it…but I had never done it…what if it really burns bad?

"MMMmmmmm." Edward leaned his face right into my breasts and inhaled deeply as I moaned, closing my eyes. God, he is really getting good at this shit. I wanna know who's been giving this boy lessons.

"You will suffer for me now." His voice almost sang as he licked a hot line up between my breasts, placing deep kisses on the tops of them, "That is an order."

I made a little whimper, the anticipation of waiting for the drips of wax to start falling was terrible.

His fingers smoothed gently over my body, teasing with their cool trails along my warm skin. I felt him on my breasts, over my bra, on my ribs…my stomach…my belly button…OH GOD…moving over the hem of my panties….please keep moving…down a little…NO!! his hands skipped my private parts and found my legs, they were already a bit parted and he tickled along my knees.

My body shuddered as the first drops fell from the candle. One fell. Then two quick drops fell right beside that first one. The heat was intense…but not to the point of burning me. But it did make me scream out, my body arched up as my toes dug into the mattress.

"You are so beautiful when you move like that." He purred with affection, lightly scratching his fingernails down my inner thighs as I began to relax, my breathing quick and hard.

More drops fell and I whimpered loudly, growling a little from the hot little daggers as they landed down.

"Awww….poor little Bella…" he moved his hands along the sides of my ribs, "Is it very hot, kitten?"

I nodded my head and Edward laughed because that caused more wax to drip down. "RRRRRRR!!!" I jerked my bare feet, the heat was increasing and this wax was really starting to smart hard !

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, you sad little human." He cooed.

"You look so great while you have that candle in your mouth." He complimented, laying his arms on my stomach and resting his chin there, watching in amusement, then bent his head down a bit, nibbling on my belly button with extreme caution, only making me cry out a little more, moaning and writhing uselessly.

Then I felt his hair on my stomach and leg,,,then his tongue was trailing along the sides of my panties, I couldn't even look down to see him doing it…but my body was feeling every second of it. His lips began to kiss the wetness his tongue had created and I screamed out hard from the pure thrill of how it felt.

More wax fell upon me. I cried out, my body jerking up as the little red hot dots soaked into my chest. I sounded like a kitten again, making those little pathetic noises.

"I know." His voice soothed, "This will help cool you a bit."

I heard clicks and water nearby and I wished I could look down to see what he was up to. I could see the flame on the candle in my mouth but the rest of the room was pitch black.

"Here you go, baby." His voice was like sex, "Nice….and cold…"

I felt a cold wet ice cube run slowly along the hem of my panties, right below my belly button.

"MMMPPPPHHHHHH!!!" I screeched out, my legs furiously kicking and my arms struggling a little more.

"Fire and ice…." He slowly kept moving the ice cube along the sides of my panties, the ice cold water almost numbing me, but shocking my skin into wild spasms, my cries being ignored.

"You were so right, Bella…" he sounded as if he were smiling, "This is a lot of fun."

"RRRRR!!!" I screamed as the hotness dripped again, competing against the chill of the ice dancing all over my body.

Edward sat the ice cube in my belly button and let it sit there, slowly melting as he reached in his tall water glass for another one.

"So, tell me again how much you're going to miss Jacob?" he asked sweetly, his soaking wet icy fingers ran slowly along my bra and breasts as I shrieked out, my back arching again, my breath panting hard, going, "RRRRRR!!!"

He ran the new ice cube all over my body, taking his sweet time. He even, through my bra, found my nipples and let the ice melt on them through the cotton as I kicked in protest, my muffled pleas meaning nothing.

Then he slipped another ice cube inside my bra, right over my bare nipple, then he fixed my bra back over the cube, holding it there to let it melt away gradually.

He placed one ice cube on top of my panties, resting it right on my clit, letting it sit there and melt slowly through the thin material there, too.

"Don't you let it fall, you little brat." He warned, "Or else."

Even my toes weren't safe from the ice ! He even put ice cubes in between a couple of my toes !

"You are a wet mess, my little pet." He finally informed, looking me over.

Then he started to suck and lick the wet ice water off my skin ! I almost dropped the candle a few times, but I'm sure he was paying attention and would catch it if I did slip.

His tongue even went inside my bra a little bit, and I could swear I felt him lick my left nipple…my screams were of pleasure and slight pain from the candle wax…but I was soon growling like an animal, wanting him now.

"You pitiful little thing." He whispered, feigning disgust, "Listen to you, begging for more…that must be so degrading for you…lusting after a monster…"

"Please…" I was trying to say with the candle in my mouth, "GOD, please don't stop!! Edward, please…" My body was super primed and wanting satisfaction – badly!

I wanted him to tear my panties off and touch me, the bra, too!! Just take me!! Please, Edward, do it!! NOW!!

"Shhhh." He took the candle out of my mouth and placed it in a candle stand on a nearby desk.

"Edward…oh God…no…please…please touch me some more…" I was a girl on fire, desperately groveling for more of him. My body struggled hard in my restraints, watching him moving about so calmly and uninterested.

"I so love hearing you beg…" his voice was evil again and I loved it, he was coming back over to me with something else in his hands.

"But…I want you quiet now…" he informed, gently placing his fingers under my chin and pressed on both sides of my jaw with very small pressure until my mouth opened more, my voice giving a little squeal as he proceeded to stuff the scarf into my mouth, a little roughly as I kicked a little and tried moving my head to escape him. In minutes, the scarf was deep in my mouth and the rest tied around the back of my neck, coming together between my open lips with a little knot, almost a bow.

"So pretty." He kissed my nose and stroked my hair, placing loving kisses on my eyes, my cheekbones, my chin, my earlobes, then down my neck, taking his time as he tormented me more.

"Look at this body…" his hands traveled all over me, my muffled moans still begging him to explore me further.

"So firm…and beautiful…." He admired while he fondled me, "And mine…"

I closed my eyes, enjoying his touch so much….and his voice.

Suddenly, he flipped me over and raised me to my knees, so I was on all fours now beside him.

"MMMMmmmm" Edward purred, stroking my hair, "Edward likes his shiny new toy."

I hardly had time to let that wonderful sentence sink in before I felt and heard it at the same time.

SLAP.

What the fuck?? No way Edward did that.

SLAP. SLAP.

Oh. My. Sweet. Lord. He is spanking my ass ! I think I'm going to cry…

Now it began to hurt. SLAP. SLAP. SLAP.

I yelped and tried to struggle, my screams sounded so great in the air with the scarf muffling them.

"You've been a very bad little pet, Bella." Edward scolded, grabbing a fistful of my hair, "Therapy guy told me he put his hands on you today."

WHACK. OUCH !! Okay, that one hurt.

"And that Jacob Black…" SLAP !! "Selling you a truck behind my back!!"

WHACK. SMACK.

"Your body is for my touch **alone**." He sneered. SLAP. SMACK. Scream. Whimper.

"You belong to ME…only." He said with venom, delivering two more heavy blows to my ass, "Is that **CLEAR**?!"

"YES!! YES !!" I tried to say through my gag but it only sounded like hard panting shouts.

Now his hand was smoothing over my poor little butt with tender hands, kneading and massaging more and more roughly, soon both his hands were squeezing my Charmin. (LOL).

"Feel this nice, tight little ass…" his fingers dug in as I growled through my gag, my eyes clenched tight, "Damn it, Bella…you are hot."

I shivered in glee as his cold fingers slid under my panties and stroked the hot throbbing flesh there.

I screamed out in complete wild abandon as he groped my skin a little more, exploring the muscles there as I grunted like a hungry whore.

He laughed a little and cooed, "Oooh, my little pet likes this…kinky little Bella…"

His fingers traveled down to my panties and, keeping the cotton between me and his hand, I felt him stroking me…oh God, right where I needed it…lightly right upon my clit.

I screeched out now, mewing like a kitten again, over and over, not able to contain myself. Don't stop, don't stop, please…make me…please.

"What is happening to my little innocent Bella?" he purred, making his fingers work a little more, "She's becoming a little bitch in heat…" he chuckled, watching me lose my mind as he continued to drive me insane.

"You've been a good little bitch, Bella…" he whispered in my ear as I cried and screamed and roared, "You've been so patient and waited a long time…you don't have to wait anymore. Do you want to come?"

I kept roaring and growling and bucking as I furiously nodded my head.

"Shhh shhh shhhh shhhh…" he sounded amused and warm, increasing his speed over my clit with his fingers as I howled through my gag in total savageness, "Be patient and wait for it…behave…breathe, Bella. I would hate to stop now and deny you."

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!" I was a savage now, totally without reason.

In moments, the speed of his fingers was inhuman and it felt like a million tiny stars buzzing against me…finally I saw stars and my whole body exploded, shaking uncontrollably as my head jerked back and forth, my body never felt this fucking good ever and the rush of first orgasm was…indescribably hot and mind-blowing. I had totally lost control of myself and was a screeching, twitching pile of flesh.

Even as it was ending and I was still coming down from the high of that unparalleled experience, his palm made soft, slow circles over my cotton panties, perhaps enjoying the heat emanating from me as I tried to stop screaming.

"Good Bella….my good girl…" he kissed my bare back, opening his mouth and licking anywhere he could reach as I nearly collapsed in his arms. He caught me and laid me down on my stomach softly, staring to give me a nice vigorous massage, my gag still in place and my body still tied and bound as I whimpered and groaned in satiated lust.

He was better than a professional masseuse, relaxing my every muscle and bone with his vampire touch. It took forever for me to stop making noises, but finally, I was completely dormant and still, like a human under a spell that rendered me paralyzed.

My eyes closed in peace as I moaned, feeling him kneading my legs, every inch of them, one at a time.

I felt the scarf being removed from my mouth in a moist, wet hot ball. Then I felt my powerful vampire Adonis lay beside me, running his fingers over my back, his lips kissing my arm next to his mouth.

"I love you more than anything, Bella." His voice was Edward now but I doubted if I could even move right now, let alone talk.

"Ed-warrrddddd…." I breathed, "I looovvveeee yyyyooouuuuuu…."

His laugh was the last thing I heard, but I thought I made out one last sentence.

"Sleep well, my love." His voice purred, letting me sleep all night long as a captive human slave to my wicked vampire Master.

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I hope that everyone likes this, a little smut tossed in before

We get to the excitement in the next chapter.

A little smut never hurt anyone, right?

Thanks for everything, guys, and for all the great reviews!!

Hope this wasn't too weird for you all.

Yes, I am Kinky WinndSinger.

Love ya !!


	26. Come and Get Me

26

Chapter notes: This is the last little bit of smut for now, make it last. LOL. In this chapter we get into the big James fight.

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EPOV

I woke my little Bella up with soft tickling the next morning, and when she opened her eyes, she saw she was still bound and tied, helplessly still under my control.

She giggled and tried to roll and struggle away from my fingers but it was no use.

Finally, she whimpered, "I have to have a human moment…please?"

"Well I don't know…" I laid beside her, rubbing my hand along her leg, "Convince me."

"How about I will urinate all over your bed if you don't let me go!" she kicked her little feet in protest, making me smile down at her.

I gazed down and stroked her face, asking, "How do you do that?"

"What? Go to the bathroom? You FORGOT that?" her eyes went wide in astonishment.

I chuckled at her innocence…loving it.

"No. How do you…look more beautiful every morning?" I asked, wanting to understand this spell she had over me. Not undo it, just to understand its power.

My lips opened and kissed hers with wet urgency, my tongue moved along her bottom lip. I wanted to play with her some more. I had waited for hours watching her sleep and I was still god damned aroused.

"You tell ME." She purred.

KISS. "Please, Edward…." She softly begged me, making my erection even more painful, "Please…release my frail, little, helpless mortal body…"

Little witch. She knew exactly what she was doing to me.

I ravaged her mouth with mine and my fingers held her down under me. She was going nowhere. I don't care if she wets the bed.

"No." I heard my voice say in a ragged growl, "I still want you. You're **mine** today. No school for you."

KISS. "But I…" she tried to talk but I shut her up with my tongue, my hands moving below, finding her full round breasts, my fingers digging in a little as I grabbed them too roughly. I was tired of avoiding them and denying my desires.

"But what?" I spat out the words, drowning her voice in my open mouth again, my hand moving down to those little black panties, pushing them down a little bit, feeling the soft bare skin and soft hair just above her wet little clit. I let out a SSSSSSSSSSSS sound like I just touched fire.

I knew people thought I was naïve about sex simply because I didn't take part in it all these years, but I have been granted visions from people's minds that could make any mortal blush.

I knew what to do, and now that I had someone who was driving me crazy with love, I could perform some of the better things I had seen in the past…now with her in the present.

I was trying not to go too fast and tempt myself to thirst for her…but I was failing. I had to touch her…everywhere. I hated having boundaries suddenly.

"Edward, I hate saying this but…I have to use the girls' room." She begged, her little legs moving again.

"Sorry, I don't have a girls' room." I teased with a smile, taking her in for another juicy kiss, sliding my hand into her panties.

"Uhhhh…" she moaned so throaty I almost exploded right then.

"Oh God…Edward…" she gasped as I touched her, my entire hand clutching between her legs, "FUCK EDWARD!! What are you doing to me…."

Listen to the little girl, once so sweet and shy…her words just pushed me further over the edge.

"I can't help it…" I panted, looking into her eyes apologetically, "I have to touch you…you feel so damn good, and warm, Bella…and your **smell**…"

My other hand was in her panties, too, cupping her ass as she threw her head back, her hands and legs useless to save her as I kept fondling her against her will. I don't think she minded too much, though, she was moaning and screaming all over the place.

"Edward, don't…" she finally heaved between breaths, "You're going to lose control…maybe you should wear the gag."

"Good idea." I agreed with this and I got up, getting it on quickly. I went back to her, unable to speak now but I had to touch her some more.

"Oh yes…okay…" Bella breathed, her little fists clenching and opening in their cuffs as I gently tore the front of her bra open and groaned, loving the sight of her bare breasts. God they were perfect. I wished I could suck them and maybe bite…but then I thought it's good I had the gag on.

"Oh my god…oh my god…Edward…yes…yes…." She was writhing and panting harder, my fingers fully squeezing her naked breasts now in both hands, my fingers giving the little hot pink nipples a soft pinch as she screamed out, her legs bucking and quivering.

"Pull my panties off, Edward…" she pleaded and I gave them a hard rip off her as her hips bucked up, delighted to be free.

I stuffed the ripped panties into her mouth and she screamed through the muffled cotton as I moved my fingers up and down over her hungry little clit again.

I made her come over and over again that day. We skipped school and I finally got to have a totally nude Bella tied to my bed for hours. I kept the gag on and to my delight, I never harmed her or lost control. Whenever I felt too much, I would pause and make her wait. Then I would begin again.

It was nice torture for her, too, almost about to orgasm and then me stopping and walking away suddenly. Such profanities she used…I was shocked.

We switched positions a few times and then I was in the cuffs, sitting up in bed with my arms behind me, the gag off as she knelt in front of me, letting my lips and tongue explore her breasts and pert little nipples. She tasted like lust. The little tease kept pulling her breasts away so I couldn't reach them just when I was forgetting who I was. I could play with them all year long with no breaks.

"Bella, please…" I let myself beg like a dog for more, trying to lean in further to get those sweet little tits. My tongue poked out and tried to reach but she was wicked, taking them only a hair away.

She stood and let my lips and tongue adore her torso and stomach and she stroked my hair, kissing my head while I lapped at her nipples again. I was still not ready for her to do things to me yet. I would have to be bound hard and gagged tightly if and when that particular event ever took place. I would need lots more time and control over myself before we could have true intercourse.

I laughed when she turned her back to me, letting me kiss her ass…literally. I did it, loving the heat of her flesh, the way her ass cheeks glow red when she blushed, and the fact that she was mine. And I was hers. I even let her skip therapy and she BEGGED to be set free, as she was my slave at 1:15pm that day, but I didn't let her go.

I scared her with thought of therapy guy at the gym, waiting for her, and she would never show up. She almost cried when I told her she was in trouble the next day when he got hold of her again.

I fed her fruit that day when she was hungry, not releasing her hands or feet, and I gave her a little bowl of water to drink from my hands as she did so on all fours on my bed, lapping up the icy drink as I stared at her.

I was having a wonderful time playing with my little kitty. She was beautiful, perfect, her body amazing and brand new. I thanked whoever made this special little kinky girl and before we knew it, it was night.

"I have to go to Angela's Lamaze class with her in about an hour." Bella reminded me as we laid there, holding each other, both now free of any restraints, but both of us naked under my comforter.

I propped my head up on my hand and bit my bottom lip at her, watching that magical blush of hers rise up in her cheeks.

"I'll take you." I agreed, "I have to go do something at the hospital too, anyway."

"Okay." She smiled, kissing the little dent in my chin, her hands roaming all over my neck and shoulders…her eyes heavy as she stared at me.

"Do you…like…." I dared to ask, "The things we do…the things we did…today?"

"Oh Edward, my God." She looked at me with a puzzled expression, "Did you not hear me crying and screaming with complete LUST all day?"

"So, you do like me?" I asked, now feeling unsure of myself.

"You dope, I love you." She scoffed, laughing, "I absolutely LOVE everything you and I did to each other today. Don't worry. If something happens that either of us doesn't like, we will just talk about it. And move on to something else. Okay?"

I smiled, feeling secure again. "Okay. I love you, Bella. I could never love anyone else but you."

"Silly little vampire. I love you too. And I don't want anyone else to ever have you but me." Bella hit me in the face with a pillow. And it was on.

We had a major naked pillow fight right there. It was very ugly and violent and I can't even tell you all the gory details now because it's just too awful.

Let it just be said, I won.

No matter what Bella tells you.

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(Okay, enough smut, hope that was enough and not too much. Onto the rest of our story!!) PS – God, I wish I could see that scene happen for real with Rob in it…oh well, a girl can dream, can't she? Okay, on to our story !

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EPOV

I hated putting clothes on and watching Bella put her clothes on made me want to yell. But real life must go on and so I drove Bella with all her Lamaze supplies to the hospital near the maternity wing to attend another Lamaze class.

I watched for a few minutes in my mind through Angela's eyes and chuckled, watching Bella being so supportive, helping Angela to the floor, sitting behind her with open legs to prop Angela's back up, using the pillows, rubbing Angela's back with a padded rolling pin, learning the breathing exercises. Every moment I saw Bella do anything I knew I was falling deeper in love. Love was too small a word now for how I was feeling for this little human.

Which reminded me…back to finding my cure. I finally got to my secret lab room that Carlisle reserved for me and punched my secret code number in.

What? You want to know my secret code? I don't know….can I trust you? Okay, I guess I can. Come here….I'll whisper it to you. It's Bella in Latin. If you can figure that out, you now have access to my secret lab with vampire mice and dead normal mice. Congratulations, my friend.

So, anyway, let's get back to work.

I cleaned up the dead mice and turned on my computer, I began mixing the other chemicals I wanted to try next and let them rest in their six vials. They would have to sit for a few hours before I could inject them into my vampire mouse friend.

I might have to name this one now. Bella is rubbing off on me. She's got me naming everything now. I decided to name him Vlad with a smirk and made some more notes of the six new combinations I would be trying tomorrow.

Time to go get Bella. Lamaze is nearly over.

I shut everything down and strolled back towards the maternity wing. When I got there, to the class, all the Mommies were being helped to their feet by the Daddies. Bella was pinned behind Angela as she tried to move out from behind her.

I laughed and walked up to Angela, reaching my arms out to her.

"Come on, prego, I'll help you up." I offered.

She laughed and took my hands, not offended by my cold touch, and I brought her gently to her feet. I reached to Bella and she mumbled, "I don't need any help getting up anymore…"

"Yes, I know." I smiled brightly at her, placing a soft kiss on her grin.

She kissed me again, closing her eyes as I cupped her cheeks in my hands.

"Euu, God, I don't want to see that, I'm 8 months pregnant!" Angela turned away, making a face as we laughed. The other soon to be parents had filed out of the room now and the teacher walked them out to the exit door.

Suddenly I heard a thought behind me.

_**Son of a bitch. Cullen.**_

Flashes of images ripped through my mind then, things the person behind me was thinking.

Tanya. My smiling face. Dartmouth campus. Me, James, and Tanya sitting in lunch together, laughing. JAMES.

I spun around, my breath stilled as I saw him, standing there, his blonde hair was long now and pulled back into a ponytail. He wore scrubs and a white doctor's coat, a stethoscope around his neck. His eyes were disguised by brown contact lenses but their gaze was the same as when I last saw him. Pure hate. Staring itself into me.

I wanted to tell Bella and Angela to run, to get away from me, or to at least act like they weren't with me. But it was too late. He had seen me help Angela up, he had seen me kissing Bella.

"James." I said his name like it was poison, my body stiff, "What are you doing here?"

Bella and Angela looked at each other and at me, knowing something was seriously wrong. But thankfully they remained silent.

"I am just passing through." He said with a cold voice but his lips smirked up smugly at me, "I have a temporary residency here and I'll be working in this ward for a few months."

More images in James' mind.

"You're delivering **babies**?!" I spat out, clearly mortified by this notion.

"Oh, yea." Angela butt in, "Edward, this is my gynecologist, Dr. Bromley. Ummm, you two know each other?"

No. No, no, no, no.

"This man is not delivering your baby, Angela." I stated, not taking my eyes off James' smirk.

"What?" she began to talk but I didn't hear what she was babbling about.

I wanted to tell Bella to take Angela out of here but James was in the doorway. I didn't want them getting CLOSER to him. I had no idea what he would do, but I watched his mind like a hawk, waiting for him to try something. I'd rip his fucking head off.

Bella's heartbeat increased now and her blood raced. She was terrified. Maybe she sensed that James was dangerous, I wasn't sure why she'd react so fast this way. But I had to end this now.

"Stay here, both of you." I demanded and charged to the door, shoving James back an inch and closing the door behind me, securing them inside while I now stood an inch from my former best friend, my hands balled into tight fists at my sides.

James laughed softly at me, his hands crossed over his chest and he held a file in them, "Edward…do you really think I wouldn't be able to get through that door?"

"I know you could." I frowned more, "But you'd have to get through ME as well. And that will take some doing."

Two more doctors were walking up behind James now. A pretty female with long red hair, curly, pulled back into a twist and a clip, also wearing a white coat, and an African American male, taller than James, also with the scrubs and white coat, his dreadlocks back in a neat ponytail also. They looked at me curiously as James introduced us like we were at some party.

"Allow me to introduce you all." James tilted his head at me, "Edward Cullen, these are my associates, Dr. Victoria Spears and Dr. Laurent Philips."

More vampires. Lovely. They seemed to have the entire hospital fooled that they were humans, but then, so did Carlisle.

"Little Edward, here wants to be a doctor someday." James said to them, laughing at my murderous eyes, "When he grows up. Not that he ever will. Maybe you can work for ME, Eddie. You can help me scrub up."

They all shared a little laugh at my expense as I gritted my teeth.

"See you in a few." James said to them, "We're just catching up a little. He kind of…idolizes me. You know how boys are."

"Okay." Victoria smiled, winking at me as the two of them continued down the hall.

"Edward, you look nervous." James smiled, flashing his white teeth, "And you should be. Is the pregnant one your mate as well as the other?"

"THEY'RE NOT MY MATES, either of them." I lied, trying to save them.

"Cullen, I saw you with them." James chuckled affectionately, "I saw you kissing that little one, there. She's very pretty."

I hissed at him, showing my teeth a bit, warning him to back off now.

"And the girl with child." James peeked at them through the glass window of the door, "Is that **YOUR** child, Edward?"

"Go away, James." I said in a growl, "I will kill you, I mean it."

In James' mind I could see flashes of Bella now. Bella from the past, with the extra weight and the old glasses, using the old crutch before I got her Leo. He was in a doctor's coat, talking to her, sitting across from her in an office, discussing surgery with her. I heard her screaming out in his memories.

"What the hell---" I glared at him, feeling sick.

"Yes, I do know Bella Swan." James informed me, "It's a very small world, isn't it, Edward? You may kiss her if you like but I saw her first. Her smell is…." He inhaled, smelling her blood right now, "one of a kind. I thought I could resist it, even though she drove me crazy with it, but when I had her helpless and bound on my operating table…I lost it. I had to have her. Laurent stopped me, of course, so I wouldn't expose us, but…I kept track of her. I'm a very good tracker, remember, Cullen? Better at my gift than you are at yours, that's for sure."

"RRRR!!!" I growled angrily, "I TOLD you!! There was no way I could know what she was going to do!! She was too far away for me to read her mind, that's why she went to another state!!"

"Tell yourself whatever makes you feel better, Cullen." James squinted at me darkly, "All I know is, you can read minds and you let Tanya die."

"No I didn't!" I shouted, wanting to vomit right now.

"She's dead, isn't she?" James accused as my right eye twitched a bit, enraged.

"You know…" James looked at Bella through the little window, "Victoria has begun to bore me. I was actually thinking of finding a new mate for myself."

"James…" I snarled.

"I've always wanted to try a brunette." He cooed at me warmly, "And now that I know **you** like her…well that just makes Bella even **MORE** appealing to me."

"RRRR!!!!" I grabbed him by his white coat and slammed him backwards into the wall, the drywall and plaster cracking as he slammed into it.

James laughed at me as I shook with fury, staring up at him and exposing my teeth more, growling from my chest cavity.

"Careful, Cullen, the humans are watching us." He warned me, "Do those girls know your little secret? Maybe I should tell them."

"Leave this town, James." I demanded with a look of pure evil, "Or I swear to God…I will destroy you."

James smirked again. "Oaths to God don't frighten ME, Cullen." He informed, "That's where we were always different. You, goody two shoes, Mr. Perfect, perfect grades, perfect score, perfect student, top of the class Cullen!! And where did it get you? Look at you. You're not a doctor, you're dressed up like a god damned teenager."

I bit my teeth down, my mouth becoming a tense clenched line as he taunted me.

"For all your perfect grades and hard work, what do you have?" James grinned, "Nothing. You get to go back to high school and start all over again. I love it. You deserve it. Too bad you weren't changed a few years later, you'd have an adult face and you'd be able to be a doctor like me, and your father. But that sweet baby face of yours will never let you be anything…but a sad joke…for the rest of your life."

I slammed him against the wall again, hating him, hating that he was right.

"And since you can't have prestige and the career and the life you've always wanted, are you trying love now?" James asked, amusedly, "That won't save you, either. Why should you have love when I couldn't?"

"DAMN IT!!" I shouted, "Tanya wanted to end her life!! I had no idea until it was too late ! She had problems, James, I told you THAT !"

"Yea, right." James shoved me off, straightening his coat, "Thanks for your wonderful gift, Edward. You're a true friend."

In James' mind I saw Tanya, covered with blood on the floor of that awful hotel room, her flesh blue in color, dead. And him looking up at me as he held her, my eyes wide, my expression one of utmost shock and horror as I stood in the doorway, unable to speak.

I cringed now, knowing he meant to show me that, knowing all about my gifts.

"Do what you want, Edward." James said to me coldly, "Hide her, run with her, hell, even **change** her if you like. It won't stop me. I will have her if it's the last thing I do, dead or alive. So enjoy the time you have left with her. **She is mine**."

I growled at him again, my teeth completely exposed now, like a canine's would be.

"Good evening, Cullen." James smiled at me one last time, then peeked again at the girls in the classroom behind me, smiling smugly, then strolled down the hallway, after his friends.

I spun and almost tore the door off the hinges once he was out of sight.

"Out." I shouted, "Hurry, this way."

Bella ran after me but waited for Angela, who couldn't run very well.

I got the girls to my car and ran to the driver's seat, screeching away and hitting the gas with all my might.

"You KNOW that doctor, Edward?!" Bella was shaking and had tears in her eyes.

"Yes." I felt my own hands trembling, "He was a friend of mine, decades ago, we went to medical school together."

I peeked back in the rear view mirror at Angela. She looked confused.

"Angela, don't ask." I said, "Not right now, okay? I have to get you out of here, both of you. He thinks you're both my girlfriends."

"Oooh, kinky." Angela grinned, still unaware of the danger.

"Edward, that doctor…he was—" Bella began.

"I know, Bella, I could read his thoughts." I informed, not having time to speak to her about this in a loving or gentle way, although I wanted to.

"He was your doctor but your blood sang to him, too, like it does to me." I turned a hard left, onto the highway, "That's why he…almost cut into you while you were on the operating table…before it was time. He wanted your blood. His friend stopped him but he's kept track of you. Like a rare bottle of wine, he intended to let you age a little bit more and then drink you. But now…now that he sees you are mine, he wants you even more. He even hinted that he'd change you into one of us and…he wants you, Bella. And he won't stop until he gets you. I know him."

"Hey, where are we going?!" Angela was getting frightened now, the fast driving, the direction we were going in.

"Vancouver." I said, "If we ferry over, maybe he will lose track of our scent, he can't track us over water."

"WOAH!" Angela screamed, "I can't do that, I'm eight months pregnant! And I left my car back there! My registration and stuff is in there! He'll find my house! My family is there!!"

"She's right, Edward, and what about Sue ?!" Bella asked.

"Let me just get you two out of here first…I'll worry about them later." I almost winced, torn, not knowing what to do. I was in over my head again. How could I save them and everyone else, too? There was no way. Someone would get hurt or killed before this was over, but it was not going to be my Bella.

Then it dawned on me. How could I be so stupid? I have a family. I'm not alone in this.

I turned the car in a hard circle as the girls screamed, holding on for dear life.

"Jesus, you weren't kidding about his driving, were ya?!" Angela screamed at Bella.

"My family can help us." I said to Bella, "I was so scared I totally forgot about them. They'll help us. There's seven of us and only three of them. Well, one, if James is chasing us alone."

"But what if they get hurt?" Bella asked, always thinking of everyone but herself.

"They're strong, Bella, they'll be fine." I lied to her to make her go along with this plan.

"They'll protect your house, too, Angela." I informed, looking at her in my mirror again, "This is a better idea. Trust me."

Once I got to the house, I instantly smelled a strange vampire. I charged in, Bella and Angela standing behind me as I saw that Laurent coming towards me, down the stairs, Carlisle close on his heels.

I showed my teeth and snarled, ready to pounce on him.

"Edward, stop!" Carlisle shouted, "He came here to warn us."

In confusion, I calmed myself and heard Laurent's voice telling us how deadly and lethal James is. I already knew that. But at least my family knew the whole story and were already preparing to fight back and defend.

Laurent left quickly, also warning us about Victoria, telling us not to underestimate her.

I went with the girls to the garage, it was fully stocked with everything we'd ever need if we ever had to run, flee, or defend our home. It amazed and touched me that without me even asking, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, Alice were all with me, ready to kill or be killed themselves for my fight.

My heart felt sick that I was doing this to them and I wanted to cry. The look on my face must've been scaring Bella because she had tears in her eyes, too.

I heard Jasper telling Emmett how James could be killed, by tearing him apart and burning the pieces. Carlisle, as always, was not a blood lusting person, and he didn't like talk about killing anyone, even someone like James, but still, he was with me, to protect Bella's life. I realized then how lucky I am to have such a family.

"I'll run Bella south." I was still holding her hand, afraid to lose contact with her, even in my own garage now, "Emmett, can you take Angela west, with her family?"

"Got it, bro." Emmett slapped my back and smiled at Angela, opening his jeep door, helping her inside it.

"We'll watch Sue's place in case he shows his face there." Jasper and Alice teamed up without a word between them.

"Wait a minute." Carlisle stopped me, "James knows you'd never leave Bella, Edward, he'll count on that. He'll track your scent and with Bella, the scent it even stronger. He'll follow you. You should lead him **away** from her."

Carlisle went into my car and grabbed Bella's Lamaze bag, taking the pillows out and an old jacket of Bella's from last week when she left it in my car.

I had to admit, it was a brilliant idea. But that meant I had to let Bella go without me. I hated that.

"Rosalie, Esme…" Carlisle tossed the pillows to his wife and daughter, along with the jacket, too, "We'll use these to put Bella's scent in the woods, James will follow it. Then we'll have him."

"What?" Bella looked confused, not sure what was going on. I looked at her and wanted to scream.

"Bella, we have to separate for a little while." I informed.

"No, Edward, stay with **me**." She cried and I wanted to die.

"Listen, this is the best way." I held her face in my hands, "We're going to make him think you're going east, when really, you're going south. I'll make him chase **me** and when he does, he's dead."

"I'll take her, Edward. South." Alice said warmly, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I turned to her, wishing Emmett could take Bella. He was the strongest, but something about the way Alice looked at me told me she could take better care of my Bella. And Jasper was going with them, too. He was a master at strategy and combat.

"I'll take care of her, I promise. I'll keep her safe." Alice vowed.

Then, in the middle of all this, I worried about Alice's big mouth, telling her about her future as a corpse or a vampire. And her visions…I didn't want Bella to ever know about that.

"Can you keep your thoughts to yourself?" I almost sneered at her.

"Yes." She said flatly, and I believed her.

I felt like I was tearing my heart out of my chest and handing it over to Alice. I didn't want to let Bella go. I'd rather lose my arms. Then I had to try to smile at her to assure her she would be alright. I don't think I convinced her.

"Rosalie, come on, girl." Emmett called her, then I noticed, she was sitting on the counter against the garage wall, not moving, her arms crossed, a childish pout on her lips, staring at me.

"Why should I?!" she asked me, glaring into my bewildered eyes, "Why should any of us risk our lives for HER?! What is she to ME?!"

My mouth fell open at her callousness, I knew she was not fond of Bella, even jealous of her, but I had no idea how deep this anger ran until this moment. She was really going to sit idly by while James tried to kill Bella?

I couldn't even argue with her because she was right. Bella was **my** true love but was it fair of me to put my whole family at risk for her? What would it do to Bella and I if my mother or brother or sister died during this fight? Our whole relationship could be destroyed as well. I nearly called off the whole thing then and would take Bella alone with me, to take our chances.

But then Carlisle stepped up and shoved Bella's jacket at her.

His face was stern and his voice spoke with such strength it surprised me.

"Bella is with Edward, Rosalie." He stated, "She is part of this family now. And we protect our family."

I felt so moved by my father then I wanted to throw my arms around him and kiss him. I'm glad Bella got to hear that as well. She never thought she was truly part of our family…until now.

Rosalie didn't utter another word. She gave me one last glare and yanked the jacket out of Carlisle's hand, reluctantly going with Emmett and Angela.

Carlisle gave me a warm grin and turned to Esme, getting into his car.

My legs felt weak as I moved closer to Bella's open car window in Jasper's car.

I held her hands as she cried, "God, if anything happens to any of you, I swear to God…" and she began to cry even more.

"Nothing is going to happen." I stated like it was a fact, "Again, there's seven of us and now only two of them. And when everything's done, I'm going to come back and get you."

She looked comforted by that and she let a tear fall, looking down, saying, "Yea."

I touched her face with a shivering hand, my thumb wiping the tear away, hoping she couldn't see the terror and sorrow in my eyes that she was in such danger.

I repeated what I always told her, never meaning it more than now, "Bella, you **ARE** my life now."

Jasper started the engine and I kissed Bella's wet, salty lips, touching her hair as she opened her mouth and kissed me back, with such energy, as if this was to be our last kiss. I swore it wouldn't be.

I would kill James and his mate if she got in my way and I would have Bella back. There was not even a question in my mind anymore, it simply was going to happen, no matter how evil I had to become to make it so.

"I love you, Bella." I whispered, my forehead resting on hers, my hand stroking her cheek as she held it with her own little hand.

"I love YOU." She said with a cracking voice.

With that, Jasper screeched his wheels and I straightened my body, my eyes turning to the left as the car rocketed out of the garage like a bullet.

You are dead, James. Come and get me.

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See next chapter soon!!

Love WinndSinger

PS More will be revealed about James and Edward's past and what happened to Tanya so don't be confused. Next chapter, you'll see all.

I also never really got the whole reason in Twilight that James HAD to have Bella. There are humans all over Forks. But, to me, I always thought if there were deeper reasons why he wanted her, it would make more sense and create a cool conflict between James and Edward.

Like, for instance, if James and Edward were once good friends, and James thinks that somehow Edward wronged or betrayed him in some way, James would want revenge very badly, and then killing or hurting Bella would be too hard to resist for James. I hope no one minds I changed this part a little bit.

Check out next chapter and I promise it will be a good storyline.

Thanks all you guys!

Love ya!


	27. Revenge is a dish best served cold

27

BPOV

We had been driving all night long and I watched the sun come up from my back passenger car window. Alice and Jasper sat up front, holding hands and occasionally exchanging a nervous but determined glance.

I got a few minutes of sleep here and there during the night, always jumping awake with thoughts of Dr. Bromley…James, as Edward knew him. I wanted to know more about their past. Edward said they were once friends and went to medical school together. But then why would a friend, even a vampire friend, want to hurt the girlfriend of the other?

They had some kind of falling out, it seemed. I wanted to know more about it but I refused to ask Alice and Jasper about it, if they even knew. Edward would be the one to tell me the story and I preferred it that way.

I keep seeing James standing over me in the operating room, and now at least I understood why he had gone insane that day and began to tie me down and almost cut into me against not only my protests but also the nurses' shouts that I wasn't ready yet. And Laurent…he was the one who had come in that day and saved me, stopping James.

But James had never really stopped coming after me. Edward said my blood sang to him, too, like it does to Edward. Great. I wondered why my blood was so damn attractive to these guys. Nerd blood, it seems, has an irresistible aroma. I'm glad Edward didn't like going to comic book stores or attending Star Trek conventions. That would be like a buffet to him.

I grinned at my little sarcastic thought and sighed, picturing Edward running through the forest with Carlisle and Esme, risking their lives to rub my Lamaze pillows on trees and rocks. It had been a long time since I left Edward. Why wasn't he calling? I held my cell phone in my hand like it was a powerful crystal, staring at it, willing it to ring. It didn't.

Then I pictured James coming up from behind Edward and plunging his teeth into Edward's neck. Edward's eyes went wide and he tried to grab James behind him…but, his strength ebbed away and he began to fall limply to the green mossy ground below.

NO. Stop thinking that shit. Edward is stronger than that. He would never go down so easily. Stop thinking that. NOW.

After a few hours of driving, my stomach started gurgling. Alice and Jasper found a nice little hotel for us to take a rest in and they tried to make me eat something. I had a bagel and some water. Then Alice turned the TV on, trying to see if there were any weird news stories that might tell us something. But there was nothing unusual to report. Judge Judy was on when my cell phone finally rang.

I jumped and flipped it open. Edward's name was on the screen. YES!!

I hit answer and put the phone to my ear, "Edward?! Are you alright?!"

Alice and Jasper were near me, watching me intently.

"Yes, baby, I'm fine." His voice was soft to ease me, "Listen, we lost James."

Oh no.

"He was following us but then he figured it out. He went west, so we're going to track him that way to protect Angela. My family is going after him but I'm coming to get you now. And we're going to go somewhere, just you and me. Until James is gone."

"Alright." I agreed, loving the idea of having him back and all to myself while we hid, just the two of us.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I'm so sorry." His voice sounded so full of remorse, "This is my fault. But don't you be scared. I'll do whatever it takes…to make you safe again."

"I know you will." I said, not feeling afraid at all.

He paused and then asked, "How are you doing? Are they taking good care of you? Did you eat?"

I smiled, feeling his love through the phone. "Yes they're taking great care of me. I just ate and I drank no soda, either."

I heard a little chuckle. "Good girl, Swan. Two days in a row you're missing therapy guy. You have bigger things to worry about besides James, I guess."

"Definitely." I agreed.

"Is Jasper there, Bella?" Edward asked, sounding a little uncomfortable now, "I need to ask him something."

"Uhh…sure." I said, handing it to Jasper, wondering what he had to say to Jasper that I couldn't hear.

I got absolutely nothing from hearing Jasper's end of the call and I guess that's how they both wanted it.

All Jasper would say was, Yes, No, We can do that, and You've got it.

He handed the phone back to me with a grin, not saying another word.

"Hello?" I said.

"Bella." Edward said with a deep voice, "Jasper is going to bring you back towards Forks to meet me in Port Angeles. From there we can book a flight to anywhere. It will be safe there because James has gone west. He won't expect us to be in the same spot we started running FROM. I talked to Emmett and Angela and her family are fine. Don't worry about anything."

Yea, that's gonna happen. I'll just go outside and play in the pool without a care in the world. Get real.

"I'll stop worrying when I'm with **you**." I said honestly.

"I'm coming, DM." He tried to sound light now.

"When we're together, will you tell me more about James?" I asked carefully.

"Yes, I'll tell you everything." He said right away.

"Alright." I let out a breath, "I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, Bella." He said without hesitation, "I will see you in a few hours."

"Okay." I said, not wanting to say goodbye and go back to worrying about him again.

"Goodbye, Bella." His voice sounded somber.

"Bye, Edward." I almost cried, and he slowly hung up.

EPOV

I was alone in my car now, my foot to the floor as my speed reached 145 mph. I did a quick scan for any police radios nearby and found nothing. I was clear to speed for at least ten more miles before I had to check again. I did not want to be pulled over now, or arrested. I had no time for that. I wanted Bella with me now. Not being near her was torturing me, especially because she was in this deadly peril.

James. You bastard.

But then part of me regretted saying that. James is a sick bastard but I can see his reasons for hating me.

It was 36 years ago.

I was so ecstatic to be attending college, especially Dartmouth. I loathed being a high school student and looked forward to learning something real. Medicine. I couldn't get the goofy smile off my face the whole way there and it was still there when I got to my room.

I knew I'd have a roommate and I really wasn't bothered by that. I was pretty good at hiding what I was at that point and wasn't planning on spending much time there anyway. I could just pretend while I hunted all night that I'd had some date with a girl across campus and spent the night with her.

Every college boy did that, but girls weren't even on my mind back then. I wanted to be a doctor, pure and simple. I wanted to learn to overcome my thirst like Carlisle had and save lives. I wanted to do something important with my life.

That's when I met James. He was my roommate and right away as we looked at each other we knew what the other was. Vampire.

We even laughed about it for a minute and suspected maybe the office knew what we were, too, and paired us up together so we'd get along better. We called our room the lair.

I didn't tell him then that I was a vegetarian vampire, but in reading his thoughts, I saw he was a vampire who lived on human blood. He told me he never hurt innocent people and I saw nothing in his mind that contradicted that, so I left it alone. Who was I to impose my beliefs on another?

It felt nice for awhile to have someone I could be myself around and not have to hide from. We got along pretty well, even though his personality was more like a cool rock star and I was more a library, studying all night type.

James and I were also in lots of classes together. He also wanted to be a doctor and said that he had full control of his thirst. I was jealous of that but I never showed it.

James also enjoyed women, and lots of them. So many times I'd get to our lair and there'd be a tie on the doorknob. I didn't really care, I didn't need to sleep so I'd just go read in the library or stroll around campus.

Often, James would ask me if I had any girlfriends. I told him I wasn't really interested in girls. He almost assumed I was gay then and I quickly set him straight about that.

I told him that human girls never really sparked my interest and vampire women also held no fascination for me. He smirked and said he would find someone for me before the year was out. I just laughed at that and hoped he was kidding. I was happy studying and didn't really want any distractions.

My grades were high and I pretended not to notice James' looks whenever our tests were handed back to us. Also, the professors were always complimenting me aloud and that just made James shoot me more dirty looks.

His grades were good, too, I wasn't sure why the competitiveness was always there, but it was. It seemed James didn't like it when someone else was better at something than he was. I thought of offering him some help once but dismissed it, not wanting to evoke more jealousy between us.

We would sit at lunch sometimes, pretending to eat, something we both knew how to do from our past. Out of the classroom, we had no troubles being friends. Pretty soon a girl from one of our lab classes, Tanya Denali, began sitting with us. A human girl.

She was very smart and beautiful, always had a smile on her face, giggling a lot at James' jokes and flirting with me a little bit now and then. I assumed she was James' latest conquest but she was not a one-nighter like his other girls. She hung around us all the time soon and became a regular at our lunch table.

I thought nothing of it, I figured maybe James has found a girl he really likes and wanted to be exclusive with her. We sometimes laid in our beds at night, not sleeping, and talked in the dark about ourselves. I couldn't believe it, but a few months into our friendship, I found myself telling James everything about myself. My family, my dreams, my human life, my vampire life, my death, even my gift of mind reading.

James teased me after knowing about that, saying that's why I was doing so well in my classes. I firmly told him that I never used my gift to cheat on tests, I wanted to learn this for myself and wouldn't do that. But he never believed me. I felt telling him of my gift was a huge mistake on my part and I never mentioned it again. But it was still out there and I hated that he knew. I vowed never to open up about myself so fast to anyone again.

A couple months afterwards, James revealed to me the reason Tanya was hanging around so much. He chose her for me. He said that he wanted me to take her out on a date. This struck me as a surprise because James had his arm around Tanya all the time, even kissed her on the cheek sometimes right in front of me. I thought she was his girl.

I was polite about it and said no thank you. I suggested he take her out, she obviously liked him more than me. They seemed to listen to my advice because after that James and Tanya became an official couple.

But whenever I was around them, being a third wheel, I would hear her thoughts now and then, thinking about me, liking the way I looked, the way I smiled, the way I smelled. She would fantasize about me right at the lunch table, images that made me almost run away from the lunchroom.

James said she had no idea we were vampires. He said he'd kill me if I told her.

I stayed away from them more and more as the weeks rolled by and said I was just studying all the time to avoid any events where they were present. Part of me felt badly about how my friendship with James was deteriorating and I felt myself missing my family more and more. I'd call them all the time, just to have someone to talk to.

And even though I didn't hang around with James and Tanya, I began to hear things from her mind. Things that…weren't right. I tried for days to bring it up to James and finally one night I did tell him that…maybe Tanya should see someone…a psychiatrist.

James immediately wanted to know what I heard in her mind. I didn't feel right violating Tanya's head that way and telling everything to James, I just said that I knew he loved her, I could read that in his mind. And that Tanya might need some help.

She never thought of suicide, or I'd have told her myself to come with me now and I would take her to someone brilliant to help her.

It was things like, she liked cutting herself with little sharp things. Not enough to do major harm, but just enough to make herself bleed a little. Those images made me very thirsty and I'd have to hunt right away after seeing that.

Also, even though she was very beautiful, she loathed herself. She saw herself as ugly and stupid. She had good grades but she constantly punished herself for not being smart enough as all the rest of us in the college. There was a heavy weight inside her of worthlessness that also bothered me. She was suffering inside, but you'd never know it by the façade she put up on the outside.

I kept asking James if he talked to Tanya and took her to see someone. He always told me to mind my business.

So, one day, I went to her room myself, alone. She let me in and I told her in a gentle way that I knew she was in pain and that I wanted to help her. I asked her to come with me. I had an appointment set for her with a renowned psychiatrist just outside of the campus. I told her no one would know and that I would pay for it always, for as long as she needed it.

She was crying, thinking no one could see what she was going through. I thought I was getting through to her when she hugged me, getting on her knees on the floor as I sat on her sofa.

I gave her a small hug back, unsure of what to do in these human moments, and before I knew it, she was kissing me, pushing me back into the sofa and laying her breasts on me.

I was about to break away from the kiss and nicely tell her to get ready for our appointment but her hands were pulling up my sweater, half up my torso.

I held her hands and gently said, "No, Tanya. I didn't come here for that. I'm your friend. I want to take you to your appointment now. Why don't you go get ready?"

"Edward…" she cried, still on her knees between my legs, "I'm in love with you. I don't want James. I want YOU."

"Oh, Tanya…" I breathed, frowning, "No, don't say that. You don't want to be with me. Honestly. James loves you and I know you care about him."

"I tried to love James." She sniffed, "And I just don't. It's nothing he did, but…I love **you**, Edward."

She tried to lean in and kiss me again but I got to my feet and walked near the door, seeing her hurt eyes full of tears following me.

"Tanya, I'm sorry." I said with a low voice, "I don't want to hurt you but James is my friend. I can't do that."

It really had nothing to do with James but I didn't want to batter her already low self esteem.

"You just don't want me." She accused, frowning at me, sitting on the floor by the sofa.

"I don't want anyone." I argued, feeling nervous and awful, "I just want to graduate and be a doctor, that's all. Please get ready and come with me now."

Her mind was blank to me suddenly and that bothered me. It was like she unplugged herself at that moment.

"I don't want to go." She said stiffly, standing up and opening the door for me, "Please go, Edward."

"But if you just give it a chance…" I began, knowing she desperately needed this help.

"Get out, EDWARD!" she shouted at me and so I went, letting her slam the door in my face. I stood there like a jerk for another 2 hours, trying to convince her to come with me. But all I got was silence. When I finally left, she was still inside, alive, her thoughts horribly void.

I called James from a pay phone nearby but he was not in our room. Remember, there were no cell phones at this time. Maybe if there were, I could've reached James and Tanya would be alive today. But, during the day, James could be anywhere. I searched for him for hours, clearly not the expert tracker that James was, but when I did find him, I told him to find Tanya and take her to the doctor I made the appointment with.

Later, when I was in our room, reading, James burst in and told me to come with him, Tanya was gone and left some type of suicide note. Without thinking, I ran with him, trying to hear her thoughts while James tracked her by scent and tire tracks.

I was useless to the search, I could not hear her thoughts anywhere. James was the one who tracked her down, in the next state.

It was nearly 2am when we finally found her. In a hotel room at a place called Resort Inn, a gross place where hookers and drug addicts hung out. When we arrived there, James burst into her room and saw her lying there, covered with blood, a single gunshot to her head. He sobbed and cradled her in his arms when I got to the door, my eyes horrified and my voice dead as I looked, frozen.

It was too late, even, to change her. She had been dead for hours, her skin blue and her body very stiff already.

"You fucking bastard!!" James shouted at me a moment later, "You left her alone!! Why didn't you stay with her?! You must have seen it in her mind that she was going to do this !"

I wanted to be sick at the force of his words. I could hardly deny anything he was saying.

"No, James, I had no idea…" I nearly sobbed, too, taking a clumsy step or two closer to them, "I swear to God…"

"Fuck GOD!" James screamed at me, "**YOU** KNEW!! You were there !! Mr. Mind Reader ! You can read everyone's thoughts !! But you missed **THIS** ?!"

"I was trying to HELP her!" I said loudly, more to myself than to him, shivering all over.

"Yea, right." James stood up, letting Tanya's poor body roll over, ripping her last note out of his leather jacket pocket, "Let me read you her note, **FRIEND**!"

"Dear EDWARD !" James read it with venom in his voice, "I know you're right not to love me, I'm nothing. But I can't help it that I love you and don't want anyone else. There's something about you, Edward, that I just need. I can't live without you and I don't want to even try. Don't blame yourself, Edward, you are a wonderful, kind, man and I know you didn't mean to hurt me. You were trying to be a real friend to me and I'll never forget that. I know you will be a great doctor someday and please don't let my memory ruin your life. Be happy. Be safe. You will always be safe…in my heart. Love always, Tanya ."

I wanted to die right there.

James kept talking, "You notice there's not ONE SINGLE WORD TO OR ABOUT ME IN THIS NOTE, CULLEN!!"

"No…no…" was all my voice could moan as my body began to feel weak inside, I was even holding my stomach.

It was my fault. All of it. I rejected her and that, combined with all her other problems, pushed her over the edge. It wasn't me alone, but, I was the flame that lit the match. Why didn't I stay longer? Why didn't I break the door down and drag her to her appointment, or a hospital? The same awful answer kept coming to my mind. I didn't know.

I was afraid of the attentions she showed to me. I had never before had a human woman get that close to me, even her kissing me had scared me. Even more emptiness crept inside of me, because, I truly didn't feel anything for her, or any other woman before. I hated that I was this monster, never able to feel any love for anyone. Why did no one ever touch my heart ? What is wrong with me?

I snapped out of my memories and took a breath, my hand a little shaky even now, remembering it. James had left school the next day and I had never seen him again after that. He left me a note, though, as well. One single line.

I will have my revenge, Cullen.

I had alerted my family of the whole situation and they watched out for James. But he never came. He had played his revenge wisely, revenge is a dish best served cold. He knew the waiting and the years of not knowing would drive me more insane than him coming right after me to have some big showdown.

And now, by some accident of fate, James had found me again. And found me happy, loving a human. I felt like we were now lambs being led to our slaughter. Now I had a weakness he could strike at. My Bella.

Now was the perfect time for James to finally get his sweet revenge against me. I knew he would never stop until he had it. I wished he could just kill me and feel sated, but he knew it would hurt me forever and ever if he harmed Bella.

Hitting my gas even harder, I winced, trying to increase my speed even more. I felt like Bella's armor and that she was naked without me, vulnerable to attack at any moment. We didn't know exactly where James was and that scared the hell out of me.

Come on, Volvo…move your ass.

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Sorry this chapter was shorter than the others!

Next is the big showdown!!

Love, WinndSinger


	28. Invitations

28

BPOV

It was 6pm when we reached a beautiful motel in Port Angeles called Beaches. The sun was starting to descend and I was watching the ocean from the balcony of our room , hypnotized by the beauty of the sky; the reds and oranges mixing with the majesty of the rolling, thrashing ocean below it.

Suddenly, in my mind, Edward was beside me, in a big warm sweater, leaning on the rail, bent over, smiling at the scene before us.

"Twilight again." His voice purred like a sleeping tiger's.

"Don't be sad, Edward…" I whispered, hoping wherever he was he could hear my message. I closed my eyes and mentally kissed his lips, hoping he could feel that, too, wherever he was.

We'll be together soon…I said to him from inside my head, wishing he could read my mind.

Alice and Jasper were inside the room, ordering me room service. I rolled my eyes, hearing them order one of each thing that they thought sounded appetizing. I'm sure none of them are on my diet, either. I miss my therapy guy…

I wasn't really hungry for food. I wanted Edward. I wanted him now. I felt like a five year old wanting her doll.

I sat down on the balcony floor and started doing my stretching exercises, smiling to myself as I closed my eyes, seeing therapy guy on the floor the first time he taught me these.

"Come lay next to me." His voice whispered.

My phone rang and I jumped, first with excitement that it could be him. Then, with fright that it could mean something happened to him, or one of the others.

I flipped it open and saw Angela on the screen. I grinned and hit answer, saying, "Hey, woman, how's Emmett treating you?"

A man's voice came back – "Ohhhh, I'm sorry, Bella, Emmett didn't make it."

My heart clutched in my chest at the phony sympathetic tone of the man speaking to me. Emmett didn't make it? He's dead! And Rosalie?? Oh GOD!!

My breathing must've been heaving with terror as I struggled to find my voice. I could hear James' voice…laughing with cruel joy.

"What did you do to Emmett?" I almost whispered, wishing I sounded tougher, "Where's Rosalie and Angela ?!"

"Are you alone right now?" his voice asked me.

"Yes." I snapped back with a hard voice, "I'm on the balcony alone."

"Good." James replied calmly, "I don't want you telling your bodyguards what's going on. Is that clear? Lives depend on it."

Then I heard a girl's voice screaming, filled with pain and fright.

"ANGELA !!" I heard myself scream out, guessing that was her, "Is that Angela?!"

In the background I could still hear her suffering as James spoke again.

"Angela has gone into labor, Bella." James informed, "I guess the fear pushed her to start early. She didn't take too kindly to me beheading your vampire friends."

I gasped and sobbed, trying to hold my voice together so Alice and Jasper wouldn't hear me. He killed them. He killed Edward's brother and sister. We were dead. It was over. Edward would hate me now. He should hate me. It's my fault. Again, it's my fault. I killed my father and now I was destroying Edward's family, maybe even him too, for all I knew.

"Now, be a brave little soldier, Bella." James tried to calm me, "Breathe. And listen closely. There are more lives depending on you now. Don't mess up and let **more** of your beloved little coven die. Are you listening?"

"Yes, I'm listening." I sat up, drying the tears out of my eyes quickly.

"Good girl." He said and my skin itched the way he said it. I much preferred Edward's way better, "Now, you are going to lose your little friends and come to Forks Hospital. Come to the east side, follow the signs for Biochemistry Research. Come through that door and you'll see an emergency fire alarm lever. Pull it and then find room 618. Are you listening?"

"Yes." I was writing this on my hand while he was talking.

"I will be there waiting for you, with your pretty little friend and child, if it's born before you arrive." James said, sending chills through my spine, "I would advise you to hurry. I do so love the fresh innocent blood of newborn humans."

I could hear Angela's screams intensify as I held a shivering hand over my mouth, tightly shutting my eyes to block that image out of my mind.

"I would hate to get hungry and have to eat Edward, Jr. here." James chuckled, "See you soon Bella."

He hung up and I just sat there for a moment, trembling, wondering what I could do besides what he'd said to.

Nothing. He had killed Emmett and maybe Rosalie and he had Angela and her baby. I was her coach, I should be there. I couldn't imagine Angela's terror and pain as James was with her, waiting to get the baby he thought was Edward's child. Oh God, nothing good could come from James holding that baby, even if it wasn't Edward's. He thought it was and he would just love to hurt it and Angela, too.

I looked over and grabbed my backpack, calming myself and going inside through the room to the bathroom for some privacy.

Alice smiled at me and said, "We got you a little of everything. It should be here soon."

"Oh good." I almost cried, trying to smile at her. I killed her brother and sister. I was endangering her whole family.

"I'll be back, have to use the bathroom." I rushed past them as Jasper looked at me with a funny look on his face.

Afraid they would know or figure out what happened, I locked myself in the large bathroom, taking out my notebook and tearing a page out. I had to write to Edward, if only to say how sorry I was and to say goodbye. What could I say? I sobbed, knowing I didn't have lots of time here, to do this, so I just wrote what came to mind.

(This is the letter Bella wrote Edward in Twilight book. Stephanie Meyer owns these lines. A couple are mine.)

_**Edward,**_

_**I love you. I am so sorry for everything. He has Angela and I have to try to save her. I know it may not work. Nothing I do works. I am so very, very sorry about Emmett and Rosalie. I can't even ask you to forgive me for that. **_

_**Don't be angry with Alice or Jasper. If I get away from them, it will be a miracle. **_

_**Tell them thank you for me. Alice especially, please.**_

_**And please, please don't come after James. That's what he wants, I think. I can't bear it if anyone else has to be hurt because of me, especially you. **_

_**Please, this is the only think I can ask of you now. For me.**_

_**Everything I touch gets ruined. Everyone I love dies. Please get away, all of you.**_

_**Thank you, Edward for loving me. I was not really alive until I was loved by you. I'm so sorry it turned out this way.**_

_**I love you. Please forgive me.**_

_**Bella**_

I folded this and wrote Edward on the front. Now how was I going to get out of here?

I liked the idea of James' with the fire alarm thing. No doubt he didn't want the entire hospital staff to hear me scream or to save me when I got to his room.

I could use the fire idea here, too.

I picked up the waste paper basket and unrolled lots of toilet paper, putting it inside and standing it on the counter near the sink.

Looking up, I could see the sprinklers. I grabbed the candle lighter from a basket of candles and soaps there on the floor and lit the toilet paper on fire.

I tucked my note to Edward in my sweat jacket to keep it dry and waited.

The water began to fall from the ceiling and a loud buzzing alarm sounded.

I ran out of the bathroom and closed the door almost all the way, seeing Alice and Jasper leaping to their feet and looking at me, confused.

"Fire!" I yelled, seeing the water was not falling in the main room they were sitting in, "Run, we have to get out of here!! GO!!"

I rushed Alice and Jasper out and acted like I was running with them, but they didn't see me leave the note to Edward on the coffee table in front of the sofa they were just sitting on.

I followed them out of our room and tons of people were outside already, running away from the motel, holding children or their suitcases, yelling and shoving at each other. Panic. Chaos. Fear.

Perfect.

"Bella, come on." Alice turned to me then turned away, thinking I was following her.

"Sorry, Alice." I whispered, ducking and running to the left, hiding low, crouched down, not stopping to look back, going around towards the back of the motel.

I quickly flagged down a cab and got in, saying, "Forks Hospital please."

We were gone before I had a chance to look back at the scene behind me.

Now all I had to do was figure out how I was going to pay for a 1 hour ride to Forks.

EPOV

When I got to the motel where Bella was I almost had a heart attack, if I could have one. There were fire trucks and policemen everywhere, everyone from the motel standing around, crying and talking.

This must be where Bella is staying, I almost joked to myself.

I parked as closely as they'd let me and got out of my car, shouting, "ALICE ! JASPER!" while running around at human pace, trying to find them in this mess.

After about ten minutes, I spotted Alice. She looked frantic and scared and I felt my stomach clench.

I grabbed her arm and heard myself shouting, "Where's BELLA?!"

"She was with us." Alice said, looking up into my black eyes, "We can't find her. It's like she disappeared. Jasper went inside to look for her."

I couldn't help it but I sneered at Alice with heavily gritted teeth, almost growling at her.

Alice told me which room and I charged inside, screaming Bella's name, seeing Jasper already in there, nearly colliding with me, a piece of paper in his hand.

"WHERE IS SHE ?!" I grabbed his arms, almost raising him to his tip toes.

He didn't look angry at me, only nervous and confused.

"I can't find her, Edward." He informed, "But I just found this."

No, not another letter. Every time I get a letter someone is dead.

I saw her handwriting on the front, Edward written there. I almost tore it when I opened it .

_**Edward,**_

_**I love you. I am so sorry for everything. He has Angela and I have to try to save her. I know it may not work. Nothing I do works. I am so very, very sorry about Emmett and Rosalie. I can't even ask you to forgive me for that. **_

_**Don't be angry with Alice or Jasper. If I get away from them, it will be a miracle. **_

_**Tell them thank you for me. Alice especially, please.**_

_**And please, please don't come after James. That's what he wants, I think. I can't bear it if anyone else has to be hurt because of me, especially you. **_

_**Please, this is the only think I can ask of you now. For me.**_

_**Everything I touch gets ruined. Everyone I love dies. Please get away, all of you.**_

_**Thank you, Edward for loving me. I was not really alive until I was loved by you. I'm so sorry it turned out this way.**_

_**I love you. Please forgive me.**_

_**Bella**_

"He has Angela." I said as I read the first couple lines of the letter, and tried to keep my voice calm, reading the rest.

I have to try to save her?

WHAT?! No, no, no, no!! What the hell is she **thinking**?!

"She's saying she's going to save her." I tried to think over the blare of the god damned fire alarms overhead.

"What happened to Emmett and Rosalie?" I asked as I read on, "She says she's sorry about them. CALL THEM NOW! Find out what happened!"

Jasper took out his cell phone and dialed Emmett, listening for his answer.

"Don't come after James." I read aloud, "Yea, okay, that'll happen."

_**Everything I touch gets ruined. Everyone I love dies. Please get away, all of you.**_

_**Thank you, Edward for loving me. I have never been more alive than when I was loved by you.**_

_**I love you. Please forgive me.**_

The rest of her letter broke my heart and I felt venom building in my eyes as Jasper spoke to Emmett on his cell phone. I grabbed it out of his hand and barked, "Emmett!"

"What's going on?" Emmett sounded alarmed, hearing all the noise on our end.

"Are you all okay?" I asked quickly, looking through every room for any hints of where Bella might be going.

"Yea, we're fine." Emmett said, "We're all hanging out, we're all eating Chinese food. Well, THEY are…"

"Hi Edward!" Angela called from the background, a bit of laughter from her brothers trickling into my ear. It sounded like they were having a party there, not running for their lives.

"Bella's gone." I almost heard my voice crack, looking down at her note again, "She said James has Angela and she's going to try to save her. What the **hell** does she think she's going to **do**?! He's going to kill her, he's going to KILL HER!!"

"Alright, just calm down, Bro…" Emmett began.

"HOW CAN I CALM DOWN WHEN HE HAS HER?!" I bellowed, losing control of myself now, grabbing my hair in my fist, my breathing faster and irregular, my sanity quickly ebbing away.

"Listen, take Alice and Jasper and go outside, pick up her scent and track her." He advised calmly.

"I suck at tracking, Emmett, you KNOW THAT!" I yelled, "Besides, we have 500 people outside, there's no way we can pick up her scent out there."

I found the bathroom and the wastepaper basket with burned, wet paper inside it.

"Well at least I see now how she got away." I threw the basket away hard, glaring at Jasper now, hating the sight of him, the plastic can making a loud BOOM sound to the floor. I could still hear Alice in my head telling me how she'd keep Bella safe.

"Where would he take her?" I began to think, pulling at my hair again, seeing Alice coming into the room, looking so remorseful and panicked.

Then my cell phone rang, vibrating in my pocket.

Bella !

I gave Jasper his phone to talk to Emmett and I grabbed my own cell.

It said Bella on the screen.

"BELLA !!" I wanted to be angry but my voice was elated, "Bella, come back to the hotel, he doesn't have Angela, she's fine."

Then I heard that laugh.

James.

My legs began to shake and my voice was clogged in my throat. I almost fell to the floor.

"Awww, Edward…" James cooed, "You sound sooo scared."

"James…if you've touched one hair on her head…" I growled with lethal anger.

"Save it, Cullen." James cut me off, "We both know Bella is going to suffer greatly tonight so skip the empty threats."

"Empty?" I felt the venom rushing up my throat and starting to soak my back teeth.

"You can't win against me, Cullen, you can't even bite **humans**." James informed, underestimating me, "But I would really hate for you to miss the show I've put together. I am cordially inviting you to come see Bella's swan song."

James laughed at his pathetic little joke as I fumed silently, waiting.

"She's resting now…I gave her a little something to take a nap before we begin.", James informed. I was convulsing inside, imagining Bella asleep near him.

"Where are you, James?" I said through clenched teeth, wanting his head.

"Do you know Bella talks in her sleep?" James asked as I felt my body quivering in raw hatred and horror, "She keeps saying…Edward…Edward….(mocking Bella's girl voice) it's really kind of sweet. I can't wait until she sings **my** name in her sleep."

"WHERE ARE YOU?!" I screamed, burning with fury, my foot flying and destroying the coffee table before me.

"Forks hospital." He said, "You can figure out exactly where in the hospital we are. You're a smart lad, I'm sure you should have no trouble. See you soon, Buddy. It'll be just like old times. Blood, screaming, torture, death…only this time YOU lose. See ya, Cullen."

See next chapter soon !

Love, WinndSinger


	29. My Monster

29

BPOV

When I had reached Forks Hospital, and had gotten to the wing he'd told me to go to, I walked in through the door and saw no one. A brightly lit hallway with a yellow waxed floor and glass walls laid out before me.

I looked down at my tattoo in the palm of my hand. Be safe. I felt tears in my eyes. I was disobeying the one thing he asked of me. What the hell am I doing? I'm not Buffy or Xena, I'm not even close. What was I hoping to accomplish here?

As I walked forward, I peeked in a couple of these glass rooms. They weren't rooms for patients to be sick in, these were laboratory rooms and the ones I could see into just held desks, vials, beakers, computers and grease boards with strange looking equations written down on them.

Some rooms were hidden behind black tinted glass and there were no doorknobs. A little panel sat on each glass doorway with letters and numbers on them. Secret passwords to get inside. There must be some top secret research going on around here.

I found the emergency fire lever and took a little breath, pulling it down hard, instantly hearing alarms ringing and people off in the distance running, although I couldn't see anyone nearby. Now James knew I was here. Very clever.

I didn't hear Angela but I knew I was getting closer. Room 650 I just passed by.

I hurried until I finally reached a glass room with 618 on it. It was one of the tinted rooms I couldn't see into.

I cupped my hand around my eyes as I laid my forehead to the glass. Nothing.

I looked up and knocked on the glass, my knuckles thudding against the thick exterior, almost smarting from the contact. This wasn't normal glass.

"Welcome to my parlor…" a man's voice was behind me as a cloth slammed over my nose and mouth, a rock hard arm securing itself around my arms and waist as I tried to scream out, muffled against the wet, offensive smelling cloth on my face.

I tried to kick my legs but in seconds I felt so weak and tired. Everything was moving in slow motion. And then there was nothing.

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BPOV

I could hear screams…those screams of anguish and fear again. Angela?! I opened my eyes and tried to move…my body felt a little stiff but it was working now. I was laying on a cold hospital floor. I squinted my eyes and looked forward. I was inside one of those glass rooms now, only this one wasn't a small little room like those others.

The whole room was encased in glass and there was a large room to the left that had rows and rows of plush chairs there. I had seen that once on ER, where other doctors or students would sit and observe operations happening.

This room was very large and dark inside, I made out an operating table with a sheet over it and against the right wall was a TV playing a woman in labor, her legs in the stirrups. She was screaming and breathing, sweating. It was not Angela. But it was the screaming I had heard earlier. God, I am such a MORON!!

Then I heard that maniacal laugh again, behind me.

I spun around with a gasp and he was standing there, smiling at me, still wearing his blue scrubs and white doctor coat, hands in his pockets, so relaxed looking.

"We meet again, Bella Swan." He greeted.

"She's not even here." I stated, more for myself than his benefit.

I was stunned. I ran away from my protectors, I ran away from Edward and any future we might have had together…for nothing. I would die and I knew that. And what would this do to Edward? I felt tears forming in my eyes as my legs began to shiver a bit.

My only joy came from the fact that Emmett, Rosalie, and Angela and baby were all fine then. Thank God for that much.

"Sorry about that, Bella." James was coming forward as I backed up slowly, "I was chasing you the old fashioned way but then I thought, I don't need to make it so hard on myself. All I have to do is dangle something you care about and you'd come right to me. I knew Angela wasn't Edward's mate. He would never get a teenage girl pregnant and have another girlfriend on the side, doing Lamaze together. Edward was never that cool. I could see it in his eyes that you were the important one."

I was against the wall now as James kept coming, so close our noses were nearly touching. I turned my head to the side a bit, my breathing starting to give me away at how terrified I was.

Oh God, Edward, I am so sorry. I didn't know. I thought I was saving a life. For once, I thought I could help someone else. I can't do anything. I'm still as useless as I was when we first met. I thought I wouldn't mind dieing in the place of someone I love, but now I would die a stupid fool, for nothing.

God, I am Joxer. Worse, Gabrielle. The one who never listened to Xena and who always got herself in a jam that Xena had to come bail her out of. Damn it.

"Look," I tried to use reason, knowing I was only delaying the inevitable, "I don't know what's going on between you and Edward, but I'm sure if we all calm down we can talk this out…"

I am an idiot.

James let out a hearty laugh that almost hurt my chest to hear.

"Work this out…" James smiled down at me, "HE KILLED MY TANYA!! The only girl I EVER cared about!! Your little boyfriend isn't the saint you think he is, Bella. He's a murderer."

"He is NOT!!" I screamed, trying to push James away but he didn't budge, "GET OFF OF ME !!"

"Awwww…." James feigned feeling sorry for me, touching my cheek with his greasy, cold fingers; my head tried to turn away but he was too strong to withstand, "Poor little Bella…you really love him, don't you? Well, don't despair, fair Bella…he will be here very soon. I wouldn't deprive him of watching you pay for his crimes."

"You told him to come here?!" I shouted and I panted into his smirking face.

"Of course." James began to pet my hair as I winced, still trying to struggle in vein, "I want to watch him scream while I take you apart piece by piece. It wouldn't be any fun without **him**."

I closed my eyes and imagined the scene, Edward screaming, pounding on the glass as James tore my arm off. I wanted to vomit…on James. But of course, vomit never comes when you want it. Especially when all you've eaten in the last 10 hours is a bagel.

"Or," James said, "Perhaps you want to be changed. And I could do that for you, Bella. Instead of dieing and suffering for hours, you could be a vampire, too. You would never feel sickness or be inside a hospital ever again. I would give you that gift, Bella. But then, you would belong to me."

I could only say what came to mind, as vulgar as it may sound.

"FUCK. YOU!" I said slowly and clearly.

I would rather die than make a deal with this THING and then look Edward in those eyes and tell him I chose James instead of him and then have to actually GO with James after that for all eternity. I would rather be ripped apart slowly. It would hurt me less than betraying Edward's love.

"Stubborn little thing, aren't you?" James chuckled at my response, grabbing my hair and yanking my head back a bit, "Well, I guess that's why you're so special to Edward. You're loyal, too. Like a dog."

I just glared into his red eyes, hating him more with each word he spoke.

"Maybe you'll change your mind, once we begin." James let go of my hair and walked away a few steps, taking the sheet off of the operating table. The brown hospital restraints were open and waiting for their patient, several for the arms and wrists, then a large one around the waist, as well as one to go around the chest, several more for my thighs and knees and ankles.

I only remembered too well when James had last secured me into those, while I was still awake but too weak to fight him off.

"Remember, Bella?" James turned to me, smirking.

I didn't answer, my breathing was becoming too ragged and quick.

"Of course you do." James grinned, looking back at the table, "I just want you to know I really did intend to do a good surgery on you, Bella. But your blood was so…"

He inhaled and his face looked as if he just sniffed cocaine, so satisfied and full of contentment.

"I thought I could do surgery on you anyway." James admitted, "But…when you laid there under me, so helpless, strapped down everywhere, I lost control. I didn't care who saw me, I had to have your blood right then. Of course, the nurses would have to die, too, after I had your blood. That didn't bother me. But my friend, Laurent, has this thing like your Edward does, about being noble, doing the right thing, staying true to your oath, blah, blah, blah. I was stopped but I planned to look you up again later. And then when I wasn't even really looking, I run into you again…with my old pal Edward Cullen. Sometimes, fate is a sexy bitch. Finally, she saw fit to smile on **me**."

I looked around, glancing at the glass wall to my right, seeing the bright white hallway, swallowing at the horrible thought that Edward would be out there soon, watching and hearing all this.

"Fate is also a fickle bitch." I don't know where this strength came from but suddenly I was sneering at him while I spoke.

James smiled at me and looked me up and down, almost admiring me for a second.

"Very good, Bella." He purred, "Fight back. I love it when my food struggles before I take it down. More of a challenge that way."

"Sick bitch…" I muttered, knowing I was going to die, but something in me was just really pissed off about it now. James was stealing my life, my future, my Edward. I should be furious with him. Fear got pushed to the back burner for now.

"Ohhhh, I think I hear the little prince approaching…" James looked up and tilted his head to one side, smiling fiendishly.

"No…" I breathed, feeling nauseous inside again. I could take whatever he wanted to do to me, but seeing Edward in pain would be unendurable for me.

I told him to get away. Apparently he listens to me as well as I do to him.

Then I heard a loud thud on the heavy glass to my right, where the panel and doorway was. The glass was clear, not tinted. I saw Edward there, in a panic, his fists against the glass as I darted over to the wall.

"EDWARD!" I screamed, tears filling my eyes right away as I touched my hands to the wall.

"BELLA!!" he panted, wild with worry and fright, "Press 764589!"

I automatically hit the numbers as he repeated it, his eyes glancing towards James, who just stood there, smiling and watching us.

A red flashing light blinked on the panel and I shoved the door. Nothing.

"It's not WORKING!" I screamed, looking at his beautiful eyes that were wet and full of terror and helplessness.

"Hit clear!" he shouted as I obeyed with shaking hands, " 894321 !"

This did not work, either. I heard a whimper come out of my mouth as Edward glared at James, clearly trying to get the password out of his mind and being tricked by him with wrong codes. James laughed softly.

"Move back, Bella!" Edward ordered as I flew back, seeing him do the same.

He ran so fast I only saw a bluish red blur slam itself into the glass. The entire room shook but the glass remained intact. Only a loud awful THUD sound. A few more times Edward slammed his body to the wall while James giggled. My mouth fell open. This looked like it was causing Edward pain, striking into the wall that way.

After those attempts, Edward roared, pounding his fists to the wall, kicking at it, too.

"You know damn well, Cullen." James finally spoke, "This is laboratory glass. Nothing could break through this. It keeps germs in, viruses, infections. It has to be so thick and indestructible. The NASA guys built this glass, it's the same kind they use in space shuttles. Not even **you** can break it. But you know this, Edward, you're a doctor. Or…you should've been."

"I chose my stage well." James complimented himself, "What a perfect way for you to watch helplessly while I torture your little pet."

Edward was roaring and pounding at the glass while James taunted him. Then he stopped, realizing James was right. He sank to his knees at the wall and I saw clear liquid fall from his eyes. I didn't know vampires could cry!

"James…" Edward's palms were on the glass as he stared at the man inside, "Please…I beg you…don't hurt her. Please, James? I will do anything you want. Anything. Kill me, James. I won't resist. Please, James."

I cried, seeing Edward reduce himself to this. It was killing me. Edward's voice wasn't even angry right now. It was sad and weak and small.

Edward even looked like he was trembling on his knees out there. I went to the glass wall opposite him and tried to block James from his view.

"No, Edward, don't!" I cried, "This is all my fault! I'm so stupid and let myself get tricked! Just please get out of here! He's going to do it anyway, no matter what we say. Please ! Don't watch this, Edward, you can't!"

He stared at me with a crying face and his shaking fingers stroked the glass where my face was.

"Sorry, Cullen," James came up and grabbed my hair, pulling me away from the wall and Edward, "I'd rather play with HER!"

"NO!" I screeched, my hands trying to grab at the glass where Edward was, "EDWARD!!"

"BELLA!!" he roared like an animal now, enraged, his teary eyes squinting with hatred as he smashed his fists against the glass again, making no impact at all, not even a crack.

"DON'T TOUCH HER JAMES!!" he bellowed, punching again, "I'LL KILL YOU!! **I'LL KILL YOU**!!"

"Yea, yea, yea…" James didn't look too scared at Edward's screams as I struggled, he was dragging me on my ass towards the other corner of the room.

"I told Bella, Edward," James said calmly to Edward, "That if the pain got to be too much, she could always choose to be changed. And she would belong to me."

"Yes and I think I said FUCK YOU in response!" I shouted as he let my hair go, leaving me sitting on the floor below him.

Edward was on his knees still, heaving hard breaths of rage as he watched us, his fists against the dull resistant glass.

James laughed, looking at Edward.

"She is tough." James said in appreciation, "Fuck you…that **is** what she said to me."

Then he lightly brought his white hospital shoe down on my leg, below the knee. I heard a loud SNAP and the unbelievable pain shot up my entire leg. My screams were more like howls as my top half crumbled over in pure agony.

"NOOOOO!!!" Edward roared, crying and hurling himself at the wall again, punching at it with hard fists, kicking and screaming.

"Tell Edward how much it hurts, Bella." James cooed as I kept screaming, almost laying on the floor completely now, "Tell him…he's never had broken bones before."

"Too bad, too." James rubbed it in, looking at Edward, "You both worked so hard to get her to walk again, didn't you? Well, the Lord giveth…"

He kicked the same leg again, over my knee now as I heard more bones crack, my screeching was inhuman now, beyond my own control.

"And the Lord taketh away." James finished, walking up towards Edward.

"James…" Edward wept, staring at me, "LEAVE HER ALONE !! YOU SON OF A BITCH!! I **WILL** GET IN THERE, JAMES!! I'll TEAR YOUR GOD DAMNED HEAD OFF!!"

"Excuse me, I have to go talk to Bella now." James toyed with Edward, holding up a finger and walking over to me as I cried, this was the most excruciating pain I'd ever had since the accident. But then I had painkillers.

"JAMES, NO!!" Edward raged, screaming and growling now, getting more and more savage as James approached me again, "NOOOOO !!!"

"BELLA!!" Edward screamed as James was coming back to me. I pushed back further into the corner, like a small mouse trapped, dragging my dead leg with me.

"Now, Bella," James squatted before me, "How did that feel? Not good, I'm guessing. Care to consider my offer now?"

"Bella…" Edward sobbed, not knowing what to tell me to do. It must be hell for him, watching this, able to do nothing about it.

"Don't look at **him**, look at ME." James turned my head by the chin, "This is our business, not his."

"I asked you…does this hurt?" he asked softly, kneeling on my leg as I gave a blood curdling scream. Edward's eyes closed tight, his hands grabbed his own hair hard, more tears running down his face.

"YES, YES !!" I screamed, giving him his fucking answer, panting harder, hardly able to breathe at all now. I heard Edward sobbing in dry heaves.

James smirked and glanced back at Edward, then smiled back at me, his knee still there.

"Would you like to belong to me, Bella?" James asked as if he was proposing marriage.

Edward looked up at the ceiling, his hands on the glass, as if trying to find another way in, knowing he had to try something else. Then he began tearing up the floor at his feet, seeing if there was a way in from beneath.

I knew that I had to say something. If I said YES, which I'd never, he would kill me and change me. If I said NO, he'd surely hurt me again.

A frustrated growl from Edward told me he had not found a new way in here.

"I'm waiting, Bella." James raised a brow. Edward looked at me, his eyes thin slits of pain.

"I'd rather eat shit." I made myself say in my strongest Xena voice ever. I was proud of my answer…until…

KICK.

My broken crumpled leg felt his foot give it a rough kick and I roared out in tortured anguish, my good leg kicking out in some kind of protest.

"JAMES, STOP IT !! STOP !!" Edward's voice shook the walls, his fists pounding and legs kicking the glass, only making sounds. He began backing up and throwing his body into the wall again, over and over, but this only amused James.

James went to the other corner of the wall and pulled a long curtain over this glass wall, hiding Edward from my view now.

"Come over to the observation deck, Cullen." James said, "I have a special procedure I want you to see."

He picked me up into his arms as I screamed, my whole body racked with intense pain. I couldn't even struggle anymore.

"No…no…." I cried, seeing he was laying me on the operating table again.

"Shhh, Bella…" James stroked my hair back out of my eyes, "I know you're afraid of being on my table again, since that last time we hung out together."

I felt his mouth roughly shove against mine, his stubble scratching my face as I tried to push him off me, my voice screaming out in violent disgust.

Then I heard a thud on the glass wall to my left, where the chairs were. Edward was only a few feet away, at eye level with me, standing on the chairs and pounding on this glass harder to see if it was any less breakable than the other wall.

"BELLA !!" he shouted, his eyes filled with alarm and horror as he saw me on the table, James taking my wrist, beginning to strap it tightly into its restraint.

"JAMES, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" Edward roared at him, his eyes wide and wet.

James hit a little speaker so we could hear each other better through the thick glass. Only I didn't like hearing Edward's screams and growls of agony louder.

This was the most terrible part for me, seeing him watching, unable to do anything, crying and pounding.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Cullen, did you have a question for the doctor?" James played, tightening a strap around my inner elbow next.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HER?!" he screamed, clearly losing his mind now, both his hands gripping at his hair again.

"Oh, I'm going to take her apart, piece by piece." James said in a casual manner, "Only I don't have any anesthesia so I guess it's going to get pretty loud and messy in here. Want me to turn off the speaker, Cullen, so you won't have to hear?"

"JAMES, DON'T, PLEASE!!" Edward begged again, through his rage and tears, his fists on the glass again, "I swear, I never meant to hurt Tanya ! You HAVE to know that ! She was my friend, too."

"YOU WERE NEVER HER FRIEND!!" James spat out now, as angry and loud as Edward, "DON'T EVEN SAY HER NAME, CULLEN, YOU FUCKING MURDERER!! You stole her from me and then you killed her !"

"JAMES!!" Edward sobbed, watching him buckle up my other arm, "She didn't love me, she just wanted someone to cling to ! She was drowning ! It wasn't anyone's fault! Tanya was just very sad. I tried to reach her, I DID ! But it was just…too late. It wasn't in our hands ! Please listen!! "

"Well that explains it all, doesn't it?" James sneered, not stopping as he buckled a tight restraint over my chest, above my breasts, my groan of discomfort ignored by him.

James had his back to Edward at this point and scowled, "That's what I'll say to you after I'm done dissecting your little bitch, here. See if that brings YOU any comfort, Cullen."

"JAMES, don't…" Edward cried out again, "STOP THIS !!"

"Now, Bella…" James spoke to me in sweet tones as he began to strap my leg up at the thigh, "We'll see if you're still talking tough once I remove a kidney or maybe I'll just amputate your fingers first, one at a time. I'm sure it won't take long before you reconsider my kind offer. Even beautiful Edward isn't worth all that pain. In time, you'll start hating him for causing this. And then, you will beg to be mine,"

"NO!!" Edward screamed, now going even harder, slamming into the glass, ripping out the chairs and hurling them into the window, "JAMMMMMEEEEESSSS!!!!"

"Edward, go !" I cried, shaking all over, knowing it was nearly time for James to start doing unspeakable things with me, "Please GET OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!"

I watched him, trying not to think about James binding down my broken leg as I winced, trying to hold in how much it hurt.

Edward was not even making a crack, even though he was going wild in there, smashing the chairs over and over again into the wall, each one bursting into splinters.

"Bella…" Edward looked right at me then…his dark eyes filled with thick liquid. He closed them tight and the liquid ran down his cheeks, breaking my heart in a million pieces. He was far too beautiful to suffer this way. I wanted him to go.

"Please, Edward, don't watch this…" I sobbed, pleading, "Please GO AWAY!"

James smiled at Edward and said, "It's too bad, Cullen, that you didn't have the strength to change her. You just left her this frail, little, human. It's cruel, really. Now she'll suffer horrible agonies…thanks to your warped sense of what's right and wrong. I just can't wait to drink her blood while you watch, Cullen, salivating on the glass out there. I'm saving that for last."

"Bella…" Edward slammed his palm to the glass as I made eye contact with him again, seeing coal black pupils staring at me in empty fright, "I'll be back, Bella. I'll be right back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

He turned and like a flash of light, he was gone.

I know I told him to leave but…he left!

James laughed in my face and looked a bit surprised.

"See, I told you, Bella." James looked at me, "He is famous for abandoning people when they need him most. Cullen only cares about Cullen. Consider that when you're hurting for him. And Bella…I will never abandon you…when you are mine."

I felt tears falling from my eyes, running straight back into my hair as I trembled more, unable to stop.

"Now…let's see…" James moved a rolling tray covered with a blue cloth over to my right, near my face. He took the cloth off the tray, showing all kinds of instruments there, surgical ones. I recognized some of them from previous surgeries.

Air driven bone saw, bone chisels, bone gouging forceps, bone holding forceps, bullet probes, clamps, plastic mouth gag, a Gigli saw, iris scissors, laser beam knives, dissecting scissors.

I couldn't look anymore. I was so fucking screwed.

And now that Edward was gone, I wasn't so tough anymore. I was alone. I couldn't even hope for a quick death. This was going to be long and painful. And surgery terrified me.

Edward said he'd be back. Where the hell was he going, to the bathroom or something?!

James flicked the white light over my head, blinding my eyes as he walked around to my left now.

"Open up, baby." James cooed, shoving a plastic, awful tasting thing deep into my mouth as I choked and resisted it, "Bite down into it. Come on. You don't want to bite your own tongue off when we begin. Bite…good girl. That's it."

Great, I couldn't even scream anymore, much. I tried begging but this plastic rubbery thing in my mouth had a secure hold of my tongue, protecting it as my teeth rested tightly in its grip. I couldn't even shove it out, it was locked in somehow.

I hated this and he hadn't even started to hurt me yet. I couldn't see and my mind was going insane with the unknown. What was he going to do first? Where was Edward? I heard my own voice, screaming NO over and over and over again, muffled and slurred but still clear enough in my own ears.

"No, Bella, don't beg yet." James put a finger to my nose affectionately, "After a half hour, I will release your tongue so I can check in and see if you changed your mind about my offer. So just relax and save your energy for about 29 more minutes. We'll talk soon."

"NO!!" I heard myself scream as a little buzzing sound started echoing in the air.

"Until then…" James said, "Let's get rid of some of your fingers."

I let out a shrill scream of panic and hurt as my eyes clenched closed, my body trying to fight in their tight straps, my fists clenched, not wanting him to loosen my fingers to start slicing them off.

Then I heard a giant thud on the glass again, in the sitting area to my left. I turned and saw Edward there, smashing his body to the glass.

CRACK. A small crack broke into the wall and James stood up, the buzzing sound still humming around to my right. But I couldn't look away. Edward gave a small smirk and slammed his shoulder into the glass again, where the crack was. CRACK!! CRACK!! CRACK!! Three giant cracks began to web together, moving like veins across the wall.

The buzzing sound stopped, James threw the air saw to the tray, clearly pissed off now.

"EDWARD!!" I tried to scream with this crappy thing in my mouth, waves of hope pouring over me.

"CULLEN!!" James growled loudly, angered by this new energy Edward had.

Then, like angelic music, I heard the glass cracking. Edward punched the cracks hard, getting his fist to puncture through it. He roared, getting his two hands into the little hole he'd made, peeling huge pieces of glass away, widening the hole little by little.

"You're not going to save her, Cullen." James shouted, looking around on his tray, picking up a surgical blade, "You may get in, but you still lose!"

With this, he stabbed the blade into my inner thigh, twisting it as I howled out like a stuck pig.

"BELLA!!" Edward screamed, darting in at last and grabbing James' neck in his hands, squeezing it as he had him against the wall, to my right now.

James was caught but still smug. "It won't matter, Cullen, she still DIES! And you don't have the BALLS to kill ME !" he dared as he stared into Edward's evil eyes.

"Oh, I do now…" Edward informed calmly, "And I **am** going to kill YOU. Make no mistake about THAT."

James kicked Edward hard, sending Edward across the room, things breaking and cracking from the impact. I squinted, trying to see with the damn light in my eyes, but it was a little difficult.

I rooted for Edward internally. KICK HIS ASS, EDWARD!!

Then I was desperately scared that James would kill Edward. Then I would have no reason to fight against James' sick little surgeries. I would want to follow Edward in death.

Edward went after James but James somehow got around behind Edward, locking his neck in James' arm, tightening his hold as Edward cringed, fighting back, his fingers clawing at James' arm.

Come on, Edward!! Get out of there!!

With a loud roar, Edward freed himself and threw James like a rag doll across the room, flying over me and landing in the broken glass of the observation room where Edward had broken in.

In a half second, James flew back and was on my left side now.

"NO!!" Edward roared as I felt teeth bite into my left arm, my voice screaming out, alarmed and in pain.

Edward crashed hard into James then and it sounded like two mac trucks just smashed together.

I thought the bite hurt but then a new pain introduced itself to me. The most hot, burning flame began to ignite in my skin where the bite was and I felt my eyes widen into round orbs of agony. My screams were louder now, more savage and needy than before. I'd rather have more bones broken than this.

I could see Edward and James near the broken window. Edward and James were almost nose to nose, their teeth fully exposed and their eyes filled with animal rage. Like two wolves they grimaced and growled deeply at one another. This was like no fight I'd ever seen. Mortal men would punch and kick, but not these two. It was here you could see that they were at their most basic definition of vampires.

I was in agony but I couldn't move, couldn't look away from them. Something deadly was about to happen to one of them and I prayed it wasn't Edward. He is my whole life, I told myself, without him, I am nothing.

Edward's face grew more and more enraged and James simply looked as if he was toying with Edward again, cocky that Edward would not make the first move and hurt him, counting on his information that Edward didn't kill humans, hoping that would give him an advantage over Edward.

But nice, wholesome Edward was not here anymore. Even I could see that. And for a split second, Edward did become a monster. But he was my monster.

Lunging at him suddenly, Edward bit into James' jugular and ripped a hunk of flesh out, yellowy thick liquid flying out with it as Edward spit it to the floor. My eyes closed for a moment in pure relief that Edward seemed to have the upper hand now, James hung there, looking weaker as Edward's fingers tightened around what was left of his throat.

Then I saw other people jumping in through the broken window. I squinted, trying to see and made them out as one of them moved the light away from my eyes, standing beside me.

"Alice!" I tried to say her name with the rubber gag in my tongue.

"Oh God, Bella." Alice gently took it out of my mouth as I panted for air, still gurgling in the pain of the fire in my arm. I felt like my arm was burning off, turning to ashes already.

I was still watching Edward and James…and I could make out Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper there, too, standing around them.

Carlisle said, "Son, enough." And took a firm hold on Edward's arm.

Edward looked at Carlisle as if he almost didn't recognize his father. His eyes were carnal, savage, evil. They squinted at Carlisle in complete disbelief, silently asking for reasons to stop the violence.

"Remember who you are." Carlisle said with a noble air to his voice.

My arm was burning harder now, traveling down past my elbow…to my upper arm. And I felt hot wet liquid pouring out of my leg. I heard a pitiful creature screaming and growling…then I realized that was me.

"Bella needs you now." Carlisle was saying in the distance. Then I felt Alice touch my leg where James had cut into it and she sounded afraid, inhaling blood on her fingers, calling, "Oh God ! Carlisle?! Her blood !"

"Your brothers will take care of him." Carlisle said as Emmett and Jasper dragged James' limp body out through the broken window, "We got him! To the woods!" Emmett said to Jasper, "We can use the wood there to set him on fire!"

Carlisle rushed over to me, then he helped Alice to tear at the restraints holding me, freeing me in seconds as I heard my throat gurgling again, making guttural, awful noises.

I saw Edward slowly moving over to me. He looked tired and weaker now somehow. He was trembling again.

Carlisle, the expert surgeon, was probing the wound in my leg with his fingers while I kept heaving and grunting like a dieing animal.

"The femoral artery has been severed, she's losing too much blood." Carlisle reported, pinching the wound with his fingers, looking at Edward as he leaned on the table I laid upon, shivering and looking wet.

"Edward!" Carlisle looked at his son, yanking his chin so he could look in Edward's eyes, "What happened to **you**?"

"Nothing." Edward said, "Just take care of Bella."

"Don't lie to me, EDWARD!" Carlisle got mad for the first time that I had ever seen him, "What did you do?!"

"I had to!" Edward shouted, staring down at me, "I was alone, I couldn't get through the wall! I had to do SOMETHING ! He was starting to cut her into pieces!!"

"WHAT?!" Carlisle shouted again.

"I took that serum I made, the one for strength." He admitted quietly.

"EDWARD!! Why would you DO THAT?! You told me yourself what it will DO TO YOU!!" Carlisle screamed, glancing over at Alice, "Alice, give me your belt. Tie it around her leg, over my hands!"

"Forget ME, CARLISLE !" Edward shouted, "Focus on Bella now, **PLEASE**!!"

"My hand…is burning!!" I barely got the words out in my misery, hardly hearing what they were saying to each other.

"It's the venom." Edward came around to my left side, finding the arm James had bitten, and he held his stomach, slightly hunched over me, wincing.

Carlisle looked at Edward, worrying about his son as well as myself.

"You have to make a choice, do you want to let the change happen?" Carlisle asked Edward as my body jerked uselessly below them.

"No!" Edward shouted then cringed as his body convulsed, "NO!! "

"It's going to happen, Edward, I've SEEN it!" Alice reminded.

"She's worked so hard to have a life! A normal life! I'm not stealing that from her now! NO! " he shouted louder, his face covered in pain.

"The bleeding is slowing down." Carlisle checked the wound in her leg, holding the belt tightly as possible, "Alice, go, help Emmett and Jasper. Go on, go!"

Alice left quickly, not able to stand much more exposure to my blood and I heard Edward ask his father, "Carlisle, what's my other option?"

My voice screamed out harder now, I wanted to know what was wrong with Edward but my voice wasn't working. I could see he was sick and I wanted someone to take care of HIM. But the pain had become too thick for me to remember how to speak.

"Her leg is broken, several breaks here…" Carlisle reported, feeling the split bones there as I felt my back arch up, my gut wrenching howls almost deafening to myself.

"CARLISLE!!" Edward roared, wanting an answer to his question.

Carlisle looked like he was desperately searching his mind for another alternative, then he offered, "Try to suck the venom out."

"You know I won't be able to stop." Edward quickly injected, his face ashamed and tortured.

"Find the WILL…to stop." Carlisle was instructing Edward again in will and resistance, showing Edward now why it was so important to learn these things.

"Choose." Carlisle pushed verbally, "She only has minutes left."

My screams were getting louder as the fire reached up the full length of my arm now, touching my shoulder. It was unbearably hot and felt like lava coursing through my veins.

He looked down at me with the most loving, pained, heartbroken but hopeful expression I had ever seen him make and this I heard clearly.

"I'm gonna make it go away, Bella." He promised and I believed him. I always believed him.

"I'm gonna make it go away." He nearly sobbed with a deep voice, summoning all his strength and courage…and then he took my arm into his wide opened mouth, biting down over the black puffy bite marks James had left in my flesh, and I felt his soft cold lips close on my skin, bringing ice to my flaming agony, and I felt suction. Gentle but strong…inhaling my blood into his mouth.

The pain began to lessen and fade in comparison to the incredible surge of desire raging through me as my vampire love drank and tasted my lifeblood, enjoying its flavor as his eyes closed in pleasure, his body jerking with satisfaction as he bent further over me, the sounds of his swallows telling me my blood was now his and I felt my eyes glaze over, feeling a great sense of peace about that.

If anyone in the world was welcome to have my blood, it was Edward.

His throat groaned in ecstasy as he swallowed again and again, my pain nearly vanished as my vision began to blur, sounds becoming more and more quiet.

I felt my voice relax and I was making sounds of arousal now, unable to feel any guilt or shame about it as my eyes began to dizzy and distort, Edward's face a white and brown blur to me now. I couldn't speak but I willed my fingertips to stroke his hair softly, telling him 'I love you' and 'it's okay' and 'goodbye', if cruel fate decided to turn her back on us.

Both his hands clung to my arm now, not hurting me but not about to let go, either.

"Mmmmmmm." His voice purred in a vampire growl.

"Edward, stop." Carlisle's voice was floating overhead, "Her blood is clean, you're killing her."

I felt one of his hands curl around my arm possessively, his fingers clutching at my sleeve as his mouth still gulped hungrily from me, refusing anything that would take me away from him now.

"Edward?" Carlisle was still trying to get through to his defiant son, "STOP."

I saw Edward's eyes open but his mouth was still firmly in place around my wound, his eyes looked wild and large, unthinking and full of want.

I heard a soft little moan escape my lips as my body weakened, slowly draining of its juices while I felt an overpowering urge to close my eyes and sleep.

"STOP, EDWARD…Stop!" Carlisle repeated with a warning urgent tone, "Find the will."

I used to watch the criminal channel and see stories of death and murder and think death is so terrifying, so horrible.

Now I know two things: Death is easy, peaceful. Life is harder.

I wasn't in the hospital room anymore suddenly. I could see distorted images of my many faces, crying, laughing, ugly, beautiful…then I could see therapy guy, in his little red tank top, smiling at me, writing letters on my folder as I came walking towards him.

Then Music Edward, drawing on the palm of my hand, placing a deep kiss there for the first time.

In slow motion I saw School Edward, dancing, spinning, slave to my cane, Leo.

Then I saw myself, being kissed by Edward in an empty classroom filled with blue moonlight.

Finally, there was Edward and I, dancing together, our eyes happy and wet.

EPOV

"Edward, find the will. STOP." Carlisle repeated to me as I forced my eyes open, seeing Bella below me, laying there, her little fingers still petting my damp hair while I fed on her.

"Stop, Edward, you're killing her." Carlisle warned again, not raising his voice much.

I roared, ripping myself from her, my arms quivering as I heaved small breaths of air from my lungs. Bella's blood was the most delicious, sensual, heavenly thing that had ever danced across my tongue or down my throat and I still wanted more.

"Edward, good." Carlisle said simply, putting a hand on my shoulder, "Very good. I'm proud of you."

Yes, a father should be proud to see his son sucking the life out of the woman he claimed to love more than anything.

Bella looked blue to me and she was cold to the touch. I didn't need Carlisle to say what he was about to.

"We've gotta get her more blood – NOW." Carlisle was moving the table towards the glass door that was still coded shut.

"Can't get out that way." I breathed, feeling weaker by the second, knowing it was that serum wearing off that was causing this. But I couldn't worry about me now, Bella was still dieing and quickly.

"Follow me." I grabbed Bella's body from the table and flung myself through the broken window of the observatory deck, flashing down hallways and around corners closely followed by Carlisle until I was standing in the ER waiting room.

"HELP!!" I screamed with all my might, hearing Bella's heartbeat slowing to a horrible crawl, "HELP HER PLEASE!!"

People in white rushed up to me and took her from my arms, quickly putting her on a gurney and then I saw Carlisle there, telling them she needed blood NOW. He filled them in on her other injuries as they rushed her into the ER and before I could even breathe a sigh of relief, I fell to my knees, the room spinning fast around me.

"Uh oh, another one !!" a nurse shouted behind me, "HERE!! THE BOY !!"

People came swarming over to me and tried to lift me to my feet but it was no use. Someone shined a pen light into my eyes and lifted my upper eyelid, asking if I knew my name.

Carlisle ran back in and yelled, "HEY, HEY!! That's my SON!! I've got him, PLEASE!! Move out of the way! I've got him!"

"I'm sorry, Carlisle…" my voice was slurred and dopey, my eyes heavy and dizzy, "Tell…Bella…sorry…"

"Jesus CHRIST!!" Carlisle threw me over his shoulder and was running away from all the noise and humans.

"Hang on, Edward, hang on!" Carlisle shouted as he ran, "Alice, get in here now! I need you!"

See next chapter!!

Love Winndsinger


	30. Dieing in Place of the One You Love

EPOV

"That god damned serum!" Carlisle opened the door to my lab and threw my body on the table in the center, my back making a loud crack to the surface.

Alice's voice was in the room now.

"What happened to Edward?!" she sounded scared, "God, he's soaking wet!"

"He's bleeding venom." Carlisle was tearing open my notebook, turning on my computer, "He made this serum for super strength accidentally and tonight, he drank it to save Bella. Only problem is, now it's killing him."

"STUPID!!" Alice yelled down at me as I tried to open my eyes a bit.

"Sh--ut up…d--id it for Bell---a." it was getting harder for me to talk now. This stuff was wearing off fast. I didn't have much time left and I knew it. But I didn't regret it. The shit worked and I got in that room to save Bella from that psycho. I would do it all over again.

"He's losing speech." Carlisle picked up on this too, punching things into my computer, reading my notes on this particular serum.

"Alright…" Carlisle came over to me on the table and with a swab, took some of the venom sweat liquid from my forehead, dripping some onto a glass plate, putting it under the microscope to analyze it.

"Wow." Carlisle said after a few seconds, "His cells are dieing. They'd be dead already but believe it or not, Bella's blood cells are protecting them…or trying their best to. He needs more help, though, **now**."

"Awww…" Alice gushed, "Even their blood cells love each other."

"Not now, Alice." Carlisle shut her down as my mouth tried to grin a little…but my body was almost paralyzed. I couldn't move a muscle.

I wanted to tell Carlisle this, but I couldn't speak. My breaths were coming out in pathetic little gasps.

Carlisle was taking things out of my cabinets, getting a cure for the damage the serum was doing to me. In a couple minutes, he even had something mixed up, from what I could hear. If anyone could make an antidote in less than 2 minutes, it was my Carlisle. Come on, Dad, save my life!! Bella needs me.

"Damn it!" Carlisle was looking around, shoving things and breaking jars to find something.

Alice asked, "What's wrong?"

"I need one more thing to make this antidote and I don't have it here!" Carlisle kept looking. "He has a couple more minutes before his body completely shuts down on him."

I felt a gigantic pressure on my chest suddenly and I was heaving air, unable to breathe properly. I felt Alice holding my hand, her little voice crying, or sounding like it was, as my body convulsed again, my eyes rolling back into my head, blinding my vision of anything.

"CARLISLE!!" she screeched.

"I don't have it!" Carlisle tore the room apart.

"WHAT?!" Alice yelled.

"I need a heavy mineral to sustain this in his veins!" Carlisle searched, "Something with copper and quartz in it!! Something…firm."

Alice looked around and then looked down at me, gasping.

"Like this?" she asked, grabbing my gold necklace Bella gave me.

"Oh my God, yes!" Carlisle said, "Gold will work, it's just strong enough and it holds types of copper and quartz. BEAUTIFUL ALICE !!"

Carlisle tore it from my neck and I wanted to shout, "BELLA GAVE ME THAT!" but I wasn't able to do anything but listen and convulse.

I smelled it burning in a beaker behind me and wanted to pout but all I could think was, "It better work ! That was my Christmas gift from Bella! I swore never to take it off!"

"Alright…" Carlisle was mixing something in a glass vial and I felt his fingers open my lips, "Hold his mouth open, Alice, please."

"Okay, Edward…" Carlisle was pouring the thick murky liquid down my throat, not wanting me to lose a drop of it, "Swallow it all."

He massaged my throat firmly and I felt the almost chunky medicine clog its way down my throat, passing slowly.

"Good boy." Carlisle said calmly, "Stupid boy….but **good**."

"Carlisle!" Alice tapped his arm playfully, both of them watching me I was sure.

**Carlisle's POV:**

Edward's breathing slowed and slowed some more. It wasn't working. He let out one long, dragged out breath that doctors called a death rattle, the final breaths before death.

"Come on, son, this should work." I slapped his cheek firmly, trying to evoke some spark, to see some light in Edward's eyes again.

I pulled his eyelid up, his eyes were dead, lifeless.

"Come on, Edward!" I almost sounded mad at him.

Well, I was mad at him. He took that serum after I told him not to fool with this chemical nonsense. But I couldn't argue against his reasons for doing what he did. He was alone and he did save Bella.

"Try something else!!" Alice was beginning to get hysterical. Her bond to Edward was the strongest of all the siblings.

I flew back towards the computer and searched for other drugs to counter effect the ones he took earlier.

"CARLISLE!!" Alice screamed and I moved back to the table. Edward wasn't breathing or moving at all anymore. He was completely limp and dormant.

"EDWARD!" I shook him violently, my fist took a hard pound to his chest but that was a human procedure to bring a heart back to pump again, that wouldn't work here.

"Edward?!" I shouted again, checking his eyes and my own breath stopped dead in its tracks.

I stood there, frozen in place, shocked…speechless. I checked him three more times for any response as I shouted his name…nothing.

"Carlisle?!" Alice sobbed, waiting for me to do something else…anything.

One thing a doctor knows well is death. This was it. There was nothing more I could do. I lost him. I failed him.

I gently laid him down on the table, careful with his head and stared at my son's handsome face, recalling the first time I saw it…just this way, in a hospital bed in Chicago – 1918.

Only this time I couldn't save him. I couldn't fix this.

"Carlisle?!!" Alice screeched, demanding a miracle.

I softly moved my fingers over Edward's face, wiping away the long lines of venom tears that had run down his eyes only minutes ago as he watched Bella suffering.

"Edward…" I breathed, shaking, "Dieing in the place of someone you love…is the best death of all. "

I once told him that decades ago and he didn't understand it. Almost like Spock from Star Trek, he said that wasn't logical. I think he understands me now.

"My son…." I whispered, touching his cheek with trembling fingers.

I began to sob and held Alice in my arms as she cried with me. Edward always thought himself a monster, eternally damned. But he was wrong. I couldn't think of a more noble angel right now than Edward Cullen. And vampire or human, I was so proud to call him my son.

And after all his decades of loneliness, all his questions about love, he had finally found it, had finally learned the miracle of it, and how precious it is…and how it was worth dieing for.

Poor Bella. How would I tell her this? After all she'd gone through…and I would have to look Esme in the eyes and tell her, another son of hers was dead.

"No." I choked, not ready to accept this. I want my son!

"Move, Alice." I went to Edward's body and tore his shirt open, placing hard punches to several places. Heart, lungs, kidneys. That medicine was inside him and had to get to its destination to start working. It was stuck or moving too slowly through his system. I was going to speed it up if I had to beat Edward black and blue, in a literal sense, of course.

I kept pounding as Alice screamed, holding her hands over her ears.

"Come on, Edward!!" I shouted, "You pain in the ass!! Stubborn, pig headed, know it all kid !!"

I stuck him hard again, in the lungs. I rolled him face down and pounded the lungs from his back as well.

Rolling him face up again, I looked at his smug little dead face and felt enraged. He would not take himself from me, or Esme, or Bella…or our FAMILY!

I backhanded his face to the left and then to the right. Nothing. Nothing at all.

Alice was still sobbing when I fell to my knees, nothing else left to try. That was it. It was over. Edward was dead. Gone.

Alice came to me and helped me up, saying, "Come on, please don't hit him anymore, Carlisle. You did your best. Please? Let's go be with Bella. Edward would want that. After all he did for her, we owe him that."

I guessed she was right. I let out a ragged sob and went with her as she put her arm around me. I punched Edward's code in and the red light blinked. Wrong code. He actually had two different codes, one to get in and one to get out? Great!

"Try Bella." Alice sniffed, hitting the buttons. Red light. Not right.

"Ummm…" I searched my mind, "Try Elizabeth, his mother."

Wrong.

"He wouldn't do his father, that's his name and that's stupid." Alice tried that anyway but it also, didn't work.

"Great, we're trapped in here now." I sighed, "Maybe something music related."

"Try Bella, in Latin." he informed sleepily.

"And what's that, exactly?" Alice huffed, "Like we're supposed to know THAT!"

"Really, Edward…" I began then my mouth fell open.

"EDWARD!!" I ran over to him and slapped his face a few more times as he winced, slowly coming back to life.

"Owww…Jesus!" his voice sounded a bit more normal, but still a bit slow. His eyes blinked open as he squinted at us.

Alice and I both laughed and sobbed as he looked at us, looking confused.

I threw my arms around him and kissed Edward's cheek with all the joy inside me, not caring about his response, I was just so glad he was alive and alright.

"Euuu, Carlisle!" Alice giggled.

"How do you feel, Edward?" I asked him as he looked around, dazed.

"Who are YOU people?" he asked blankly.

Alice and my mouths both fell open. Amnesia ? How did that happen?

Edward burst out laughing and we both stood there, gaping back down at him as he belly laughed at our reaction to his little question.

An eternal child. My child. My boy. Alive and laughing. I wanted to cry.

"Who's stupid **NOW**?" Edward laughed harder and I couldn't help it. I laughed too. Alice was laughing, so glad to see that beautiful boy giggling that we almost didn't hit him.

Almost.

We did beat Edward's ass for that little amnesia bit but I think he enjoyed it. At least it told me that his body was back to normal and he could feel everything…everywhere.

"Wh--ere's Bell-a?" Edward's voice was still a bit shaky but it would be alright in a couple hours. He was already trying to sit up on the table, getting help from Alice and I.

"She's in the ER." I informed, "She's in good hands, I know the attending physicians, they're the best. I think she'll be alright."

"You THINK?!" Edward pushed away from us gently and moved to the panel near the door, punching his code word in, the glass sliding open. We rushed to the ER waiting room at normal pace, Edward's speed not at its best right now.

Edward went up to the ER door, looking in the glass square window to see what was going on with his human. He got on tiptoes, not able to see much of her with all the doctors and nurses in the way.

I came up behind him and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, Edward." I said in a reassuring voice, "She is a tough girl. She'll be alright."

Edward wasn't moving from the door, though, but after a few minutes I convinced him to take a seat a few feet away from the door, but his eyes never left it, his ears listening intently to every sound, every word said inside.

I sat next to him, and Alice sat on the other side of her brother, still not ready to let go of his hand. She laid her head on his shoulder affectionately, stroking down his arm with her thin fingers.

Edward turned to me and said, "You DO realize you owe me a new gold necklace. Bella gave that to me. We have to get one exactly like it."

"I'm sure she'd be happy if you told her the truth." I smiled back at him, "That necklace saved your life, Edward. As well as Bella's blood. In ancient days, when someone saved your life, you belonged to them."

"I always belonged to her." He said, without hesitation or shame.

"I know." I grinned, liking my son this way.

We sat there for another quiet minute and then I added one more thing.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"You are hereby informed – no more lab room for you." I stated, "And if you ever pull anything like that again, I'll perform a lobotomy on you and you won't even remember how to mix PAINTS !! I'd rather have a retarded son than a DEAD son! Am I clear?"

"Crystal." He looked at the floor with that look a child gets when punished.

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See next chapter soon!!

Love, WinndSinger

PS – It looks like there was a little confusion about the serum Edward drank. If you go back and read the vampire mouse part, Edward tells Carlisle he stumbled upon a serum that would give a vampire super strength, even more than a vampire would have. But, he would never use it, because it had a flaw. As it wears off, it destroyed the person's cells with it, killing the person.

He was going to try to find a way to fix that, but never got to it. When Bella was in danger and he couldn't get in the room, he ran to his lab and drank the serum, risking his life to save Bella's. He is so sweet!!

Sorry if I scared anyone with the Edward almost dieing thing. I love drama.


	31. Now I'm No Longer Alone

31

For three days Edward and I had been on our private beach in Cancun, or somewhere just like it. The sand was white like sugar, the water a bright turquoise that you could see right through to the bottom, and there wasn't another person within a million miles of us.

Edward glowed and sparkled like a god, but to me, even in rain he had that same light and magic.

I laid back on my towel and closed my eyes as Edward laid on his stomach next to me, placing a wet salty kiss on my arm, smiling at me with that playful crooked smile I loved. The one that was mine alone.

"Mmmm." Edward purred, loving the heat of the sun on his skin, "This is paradise."

"I know." I kept my eyes closed, hoping the sun would tan my pale skin, "The sun and the water…is so incredible."

"I wasn't talking about where we are, Bella." Edward nuzzled my arm with his face, resting his wet cheek on my arm, "We could be at a bus stop in the pouring rain in New Jersey and it would be paradise."

"Awww." I felt tears come to my eyes as my arms curled around him, loving the feel of his warm muscled back against my hand, "I love you. You always say things that boys never say. Things you'd only read in romance books."

Edward chuckled. "I'm not a boy, Bella. **I'm a man**."

Oh. My. God.

"Well, you don't HAVE to tell me that, Mr. Cullen." I stroked his hair, not able to see his devilish little grin I was sure was splashed across those perfect lips of his.

"But you are, sadly, still a very young girl…" he was teasing me now and I grinned, waiting for his punch line, "And I think I've spoiled you enough for the last three days. I think, as much as I hate to say it, it's time you came back now."

Then I heard beautiful piano music playing softly behind me and my body seemed to float out of my beach chair and towards it, through a dark tunnel, sunlight at the other end…as my eyes opened, I was laying in a giant, soft bed, covered with the most beautiful white sheets and blankets I had ever seen.

Like a vision from a dream, I saw Edward a few feet away, sitting at a white piano, playing it with a master's touch, and this beautiful, haunting melody reached out and wrapped its arms around me, almost real enough for me to FEEL on my skin.

Edward gave me a small smirk as he saw me waking up. I was already in a sitting up position so I didn't have to try and move. I didn't want to move, I felt so comfortable here.

Then it dawned on me. This was too surreal to be real life. Everything was too pain free and lovely, perfect.

With tears in my eyes, I whispered to Edward, "Edward…are we dead?"

He stopped playing and gave a soft chuckle, coming slowly over to me, sitting on the bed at my side with care.

"Well, I am." He smiled, stroking my hair with his icy fingers, "But you…no. You are very much alive, thank God."

"I thank YOU." I gave him the credit here, looking into his eyes, "You saved me. I've always dreamt of Hero Edward, but seeing the real thing was just…better than my fantasies, even. You got there just in the nick of time. You were perfect, Edward."

I knew I sounded like a ten year old girl talking to Superman but I didn't care. It was the truth.

"Yea, I'm a real hero." He muttered, "You nearly died because of me. You suffered 14 breaks in your leg…because of me. Not to mention the terror of being locked into a room with a psychotic vampire out to torture you to death before my eyes. And the—"

"Oh, shut up." I almost whined, "You're ruining this perfect moment. Please, no more angst. I'm too tired…"

Edward frowned and looked down at my legs that were covered with thick, plush blankets.

"You saved me." I repeated, "Again. Just say you're welcome, kiss me, and we can celebrate. That's how Xena always ends, isn't it?"

"Damn." Edward muttered, "I forgot to do the Xena cry when I was coming back to break through the window!"

I giggled. "Yea, you screw-up. Now we have to go back and do it all over again."

"No thank you." He said, looking more serious now, straightening my covers a bit.

"So, what happened…to James?" I asked, all kidding aside.

"Dead." Edward put my mind at rest with this one word, "We didn't find the woman, she ran off. You're safe, Bella. For now."

"For now?" I asked, a bit of panic beginning to rise up in me, "What? Who else is coming after me?"

Edward winced. "No one." He took a breath and looked at me, a sad and serious look in his eyes, "Bella…"

I frowned back at him, knowing whatever he was about to say next would not be good.

"You are my very best friend. And being yours, I need to tell you what's best for you, even if it hurts. I am so bad for you, Bella. I should leave town…tonight," he began, "I already packed. And you should stay away from us…all of us. It's too dangerous…you and me. No matter what we try, it always ends with you in a hospital bed, broken and…"

"NO!" I yelled, tears glazing over both my eyes, my fists clenched in protest, "NO! NO! You promised – not to do this again!! You SWORE to me! You said no one would take me from you ! You promised!! EDWARD!!"

During my little tirade, Edward's face twisted into heartbreak and pain. I was hoping my pleas WERE hurting him…enough to make him change his mind and stop this bullshit! He put a hand on my arm, trying to calm me and quiet me, but I was having none of it.

"You can't leave me **again**…" I began to lose my voice in the tears, "We can't be apart!"

"Please don't cry." He looked in physical pain himself.

"I'm NOT crying!" I shouted, and then burst out sobbing, the tears blinding me as they ran down my face.

Quick as a flash, Edward tore Kleenexes out of his pocket and handed them to me. I ripped them from his hand and kept sobbing into my tissues.

"You know I hate to see you cry, Bella." He almost scolded me, like I was doing it on purpose.

"Then say you'll stay with me." I cried, not quieting down at all.

A minute went by and then finally Edward cracked.

"ALRIGHT!" he almost shouted, then instantly calmed his voice, "I'll stay with you. Please stop crying now. Please, Bella?"

He was rubbing his hand along my arm, worrying about me as I tried to calm myself down now, wiping my eyes timidly.

I sniffed a few times, whispering, "You…can't say things like that to me anymore, ever."

"I won't."

"EVER." I repeated, demanding.

"I won't." he repeated too, softer, "I knew I wouldn't be able to, once I told you and looked into your eyes. I'm far too selfish to do what I should when it comes to you. It seems I'm still your slave, trapped in your little web, you know."

"Did I hear a complaint?" I asked, using therapy guy's words.

He smiled and I felt like a ton of bricks was just lifted from my shoulders. He was staying. Why did he keep doing this to me?

"No complaints." He said, "Well, except for you are far too breakable and stubborn to go on any more undercover vampire operations."

"I know." I cringed, "I screwed up so bad. One phone call and I run over there, like an idiot. I even knew at the time, I was being so…Gabrielle…or Joxer."

I waited for him to chew me out, as he should, for being so dumb and almost getting myself killed, not to mention him, too. I almost wished therapy guy would come out and tell me off properly. But he didn't.

"Gabrielle." Edward decided, with a nod, "She is the most loving, caring, self sacrificing little soul. And she would even give her own life for the greater good. Be proud to be Gabrielle. She's you. And I would never change it. I love you for it. But, if we're going to stay together, from now on, there must be some new ground rules."

"Now who's making lists?" I raised a brow at him, grinning.

Edward got up and went to get a notebook from his backpack, clicking a pen and smirking sexily, coming back to the bed and sitting, writing quickly.

"Alright…let's see…" he looked at the notebook then to me, "Rule number one: Bella will never meet with demented vampires in secret ever, ever again."

"That's a good one." I agreed as he wrote, "Does that include **you**?"

Edward chuckled and said, "No. You can meet **me** in secret anytime you like."

"Yay!" I clapped.

"Rule number two:" Edward tapped the pen to his notebook, thinking, "Do not say fuck you to twisted vampires when there's no one there to protect you."

I gave a little laugh at that one as he wrote and added, "Hey, I was being a bad ass, I thought that was pretty damn good."

"Yes and that's why your leg is broken in 14 places." Edward reminded, motioning towards my leg with the pen, shaking his head, muttering, "Bad ass."

"Can I put some rules in?" I asked.

"You may." Edward agreed.

My evil side sprang forward and said, "Edward must only wear bikini bottoms in my presence."

"That's not a rule, Naughty Bella." Edward scowled.

"Well, it should be."

"Bella, we have school together…and physical therapy." Edward informed, "I can not wear only bikini bottoms. Rule # 3: Bella will take self defense lessons."

"Hey!" I squeaked, "That would not have helped me in there with James."

"True, but it still wouldn't hurt you in the future." Edward was writing, "You never know what's going to happen to you NEXT. Which is another reason I can't leave you."

"Rule number 4:" I spoke up, "Edward will stop scaring Bella with threats of leaving all the time."

Now Edward stopped smiling and put the book down, looking at me solemnly.

"I'm sorry I scare you, Bella." He said with a tender voice, tracing his fingers over my palm, at the tattoo where he wrote Be Safe, "I love you more than anything and I don't want to leave. Please know that. But I always hear that voice in my head, telling me I don't deserve you. Telling me you'd be better off without me."

"Well, tell that little voice to shut the hell up." I said firmly back at him, looking right into his eyes, "I know what I want and I'm not a child. I want you. I love you. And even if you snuck out in the middle of the night, I'd find you. You are never getting rid of me. Face it…and live with it. Got that?"

He gave a little smile, "Got it."

"Do you…" he began, "still feel that way about me?"

He always asks this. He's so silly. Silly Vampire Edward.

"You tell me." I grabbed his face and brought my lips to his, digging my fingers into his shirt as he moaned, opening his mouth and letting me in, our kiss rough and passionate…and exhilarating.

I went to move back a bit to get some air but he moaned "No!" into my tongue, holding me to him a couple seconds longer. Finally I was allowed air and I panted, dizzy and gloriously happy as he held me, my cheek against his black sweater, a stupid long smile on my face.

"I think you might still kinda like me after all." He teased as I sighed, loving his arms around me.

"I love you, you dope." I grinned, holding him so hard I nearly hurt my own fingers.

He gave a soft laugh. "What am I going to do with you, Bella?"

"Love me…and stay." I whispered. This was all I wanted.

"Yes, Bella." He kissed my head, stroking my hair, "Your wish is my command."

"Ooooh." I cooed, "How many wishes do I get ?"

"What else do you want, you greedy little thing?" his voice sounded playful.

"Fanta." I said, waiting for his fury.

"FANTA?!" he shouted, "You said never again! You swore!"

"Ahh, see how it feels now, Edward?" I giggled.

"Why you little…." He laughed with me, "Alright, touché."

"That song I was just playing…" Edward stroked my cheek with the back of his hand, looking down into my eyes, "I wrote that for you. It's your lullaby."

And just like that, I was with sweet Music Edward.

"Really?" I cried, "I loved that! I was wondering what music that was. I thought I'd get in trouble for not knowing it."

Smiling at me, he stroked my hair affectionately.

"Well, you are in trouble, sweet Bella." His voice took a turn for the sinister, "Once again, your leg is of no use to you….and you are trapped here with me."

I just breathed out a short ball of air, wondering what he was planning on doing. I was still recovering from a vampire attack, after all.

"Perhaps if you are good and please me properly, I might let you have a prize – Leo." He toyed with me.

"You monsters never get enough, do you?" I asked as he smiled at me, shaking his head. It was only a day and a half ago we spent the whole day together, playing.

"What would please you?" I asked, still teasing with my joking voice.

"I want to brush your hair." Hairstylist Edward walked in.

"You whore." I laughed hard at his reaction. His eyes were so shocked.

"My hair is yours, Vidal Cullen." I smiled as he got my brush and jumped into bed with me, getting behind me again.

He was so cute, like a little kid. "I want to make a braid." He announced.

"Whatever your sick, twisted desires dictate…" I joked.

"Be good." Edward tapped my head with the brush.

"So…" I asked while he brushed my hair gently, his other hand playing with it too, "Where exactly did you go when you said I'll be right back?"

"I had to feed the parking meter." He joked back, "I didn't want my car towed."

Laughing, I tapped his leg and wished I hadn't. Damn, he is made of marble!

"No, really." I probed.

"Alright." He replied, "I saw this cute nurse walk by and went to grab her phone number real quick."

He giggled as I tried to beat him.

"Rule number 5:" I added one on the list, "Edward will stop making bad jokes."

"Alright, the truth." Edward confessed, "I saw a cute doctor go by and went to get **his** phone number real quick."

He thought that one was particularly funny but I grabbed the notebook and began to cover my hair with it, not letting him brush until he gave me a straight answer. And I meant **straight** in every conceivable way.

"Okay!" Edward said, "I just needed some spinach."

"What does that mean?"

"You don't know Popeye the Sailor?"

EPOV

It's funny how in moments we could go right back to being buddies, arguing like an old married couple over silly, fun things.

"I know you're really old, Edward," Bella informed, "but don't get mad at ME for being only 17 for real, okay?"

"I just asked…" I pretended to be insulted, "Popeye is a cartoon, you could've seen it!"

"No." Bella snapped back, "I watched Rugrats and Spongebob, and a lot of Disney tapes! I loved DISNEY!"

"Well, Disney goes back all the way to 1930, BELLA!" I informed, sounding like a put out five year old boy.

"Well, POPEYE wasn't big on my list of shows, I'm a GIRL!" she argued.

"It had a girl in it!" I pointed out, being a brat now, "Olive Oil!"

"That is not a girl, it's a cooking product." She came back with. She's a good opponent in an argument. I enjoy this so much, our little banter.

Eventually, after our infantile debate, we decided that Popeye was a great cartoon (no matter what Bella tells you) and then I told her the whole story of my "spinach", my serum. She was furious with me, too, for nearly killing myself to save her, I think she even topped Carlisle's reaction.

But she was very pleased when I told her that her blood plus the melted gold in the necklace she gave me saved my life. Carlisle took Bella out to pay for a new necklace and let her pick it out. So I was glad to be reimbursed of my Christmas gift.

Then I told her the whole story of James and Tanya and of course, she gave me her full support that I had done all I could and it was not my fault. She was so easy to forgive me, to believe in me, to see me as good. I wished she could teach me to see myself that way.

Bella was trapped in a full leg cast for six weeks after that, and she needed Leo once more to get around school. It killed me to see Bella using the cane again but at least I knew she'd walk without it again very soon. Instead, though, of seeing her as handicapped in that cast, I could only see the bravest person in my world, risking everything to save a friend, trying to protect my family and myself from evil, choosing to have her bones broken instead of my heart.

Therapy guy almost had an aneurysm when Bella hobbled back into his gym, three days late and with a broken leg to boot. It must've taken a lot of guts for Bella to walk through that door.

Let's just say that Bella now has the most strong, muscled, toned arms ever. After the cast finally came off, now therapy guy is now giving Bella self defense lessons. She can't kick my ass, but, she can kick a human man's ass if she ever had to. I almost wish she would beat up Newton. And her Xena cry is better and louder now than ever.

On the night of the prom, we were all dressed to kill and Bella looked so insanely beautiful in one of Alice's blue dresses that I fantasized about taking her right on Sue's steps.

We were on the way when my cell phone rang. It was Angela and this was it. The baby was coming!

We flew to the hospital and Bella was Angela's coach, helping her all the way through her delivery.

25 hours later, Angela gave birth to a perfect baby boy, 7lbs. 8 oz.

I had to admire Bella as well as Angela. Bella never took a nap or a break that whole time. Angela chose her coach perfectly.

Angela didn't give the baby a name yet at the time of its birth. She said she wanted to think about it more. She looked a little sad for a minute, perhaps thinking of the boy who walked away from being a father, until they handed her the baby, all cleaned up and wearing a little blue hat over his bald, soft head.

Angela was so tired when we got her back to her room that she fell asleep while talking to us. We tiptoed out of her room and took a seat in the hallway, on a bench together.

Emmett was standing there, with Alice, holding a diamond tiara and wand and Emmett held a gold crown made of plastic.

"Are you and Rosalie playing dress up, again?" I asked him, smiling, taking Bella's hand in mine, kissing it as she closed her eyes, already feeling the exhaustion coming on.

"No, this is yours." Emmett informed, a glint of amusement in his eyes.

He put the crown on my head a bit roughly as I pushed him off me, too tired for his games right now.

"You guys were voted Prom King and Queen!" Alice jumped up and down, as if this honor came with 3 billion dollars.

But then, as I was about to roll my eyes, Bella went, "AWWWW!! Really?!"

Oh god, women!

"YES!" Alice placed the crown on Bella's head and even I had to look at what a beautiful queen she made, taking the wand into her little hand.

"I made sure everyone remembered what a great couple you were!" Alice beamed, "And without Jessica and Mike there, the only other couple was Tyler and Lauren – and YUK!! No one likes them."

"I'm sure Bella feels a lot better now that you explained it that way, thanks Alice." I said with a light glare and attitude in my voice, not removing my crown yet.

"I also announced that you two missed the prom because you were helping Angela deliver her baby and that also shot you guys to the top!", Alice continued as I took a heavy breath.

"And guess what else happened?" Emmett's eyes turned mischievous, "Jessica Stanley's parents bought her a brand new car, a red Porsche for her birthday!"

"Ukkkk.." Bella frowned, "Typical."

"Yea, only this morning, when she went to drive it, someone filled her car with all those stolen, dead frogs from Banner's class! They were all rotten and gross and shit!! She's still in a coma over it!! " Emmett was almost on the floor belly laughing.

"God!" I widened my eyes at him, "I wonder who could've done THAT?! That's terrible!!"

Shut up, Emmett, you ass HAT! If Bella finds out it was us, I'll tear your ass off your shoulders!!

"It's too bad you couldn't be there to accept your crown and dance together." Alice cut in, changing the subject. Thank God for Alice.

Emmett grinned, getting a nod from Alice.

"But we didn't want you guys to miss your prom completely, so, we kinda brought the prom to you." Emmett informed, taking out his ipod and speaker.

"Oh no." I said, not liking the looks of this, "What are you doing?"

"King Edward and Queen Bella…" Alice announced, "This is your dance."

Emmett hit the button on his ipod and "Blue Moon" began to play.

Bella and I looked at each other, laughing a little, maybe still giddy from the birthing experience. But I had to stand up and offer my hand to her.

"Your highness…" I bowed with a smile, "May I have this dance?"

Her smile grew like a magical garden of roses across her lips as she took my hand.

"Always, your majesty." She cooed like royalty.

"God you guys are corny!" Emmett groaned, getting an elbow to the gut from me as I twirled Bella around, holding her as she returned to my arms again.

Alice looked around, seeing no one, and flicked the lights in the hall off, giving us a little touch of romance.

"Blue moon…you saw me standing alone…." I sang to her as we danced slow, her hand in mine.

"Without a dream in my heart." She sang to me now, "Without a love of my own."

We sang the rest of the song to each other in soft voices, Bella's eyes wet and sparkling like raindrops in the night.

Emmett and Alice began to walk away, letting us have our moment in privacy.

"I am choking on their corn!" Emmett commented again, getting a tap on the arm from Alice as they turned the corner.

I closed my eyes and danced with my Queen.

"Edward?" she asked with a hesitant voice.

"King Edward." I corrected, a new Edward born in that moment. How many Edwards are there now? I so lost track.

She smiled, "King Edward!"

"Yes, Queen Bella?" I grinned, giving her a small spin around and taking her into both my arms again, placing a little kiss to her nose.

"I've been wanting to ask something…but I don't want you to get…the way you get." She said.

"What's wrong, love?" I asked, moving slowly, cradling her.

"I never thought of it before, but…" she swallowed, "This…turning a person…into…a vampire…"

I stiffened and I felt my eyes harden instantly at her.

"No, no…" she saw this and tried to ease me, "No…don't do that. Just listen. Please?"

Without changing my expression I said, in a dead, dull voice, "I am listening."

"Well," she began, "I was thinking…if we love each other and want to be together…forever…you **do** want me forever, don't you?"

"Yes." I said, not dancing anymore.

"Well, I want you forever, too." She took a breath, "And after James said what he said…(she closed her eyes and opened them again)…I was wondering…if and when…I could be…changed. To be like you."

"Never, Bella." I stated firmly, not even entertaining this notion.

"Never?" she looked sad, rejected.

"Bella, in case you weren't paying attention, I was trying to SAVE your life back there, not end it! How could you ask me something like that?"

"But…" she almost wept, "The years will keep rolling by, and I'll keep getting older and older, weaker…while you stay seventeen!"

"Older doesn't mean weaker, Bella." I informed her sternly, "It means experience. It means life. It's supposed to be that way. Just because I'm stuck, trapped in this teenage hell doesn't mean you should sit here with me. It's not fair to you. You should grow and blossom and have all the human experiences you should have. That's why you've overcome so much…why you've struggled and worked and sweated…and BLED to have! And you finally have it now. And because of me, you just want to throw it all away now?"

"I know what you're saying, Edward, but how can we ever work if I'm old and you're still young?" she let a tear fall from her eyes as I stroked it away with my thumb, "Don't you know how that would KILL me?"

"It's only appearances again, Bella." I pointed out, "To me, you will always look beautiful, will always BE beautiful. I am not bothered by what things LOOK like. I just want you to be happy – and safe."

"But it would break my heart to keep getting older – to be pulled away from you…every day I get closer and closer to the end of my life….I am dieing…and moving further away from you. What happens when I do die?" she wondered aloud.

"This is ridiculous, Bella, you're seventeen years old!" I sneered, not wanting to think about this now. Damn you, James. You had to plant that little seed of fear into my Bella before you went and now she is playing right into your hands!

"I won't always be seventeen!" she argued, "Before you know it, I'll be 18! Then 25, then 33, then 39!! I saw how fast my Dad aged and then BANG – he was gone! I know how fast a human life goes by, Edward! I don't want that, I want to have forever with you. Just as we are now, for all eternity. Maybe it's selfish, but, I want it. I don't want to get old and wrinkled and die while you watch me with your teenage eyes! What happens to you, then, after I'm gone? You still have hundreds of years left then, after that."

Not exactly, but I couldn't tell her that. I had already planned to die after she went, but I would never tell her my plans of that.

Then she stuck a knife in my heart.

"Will you find someone else after I'm dead?" she asked in a breath, tears in her eyes.

I flinched back as if she slapped me across the face.

"I'm sorry." She cried, "I shouldn't have said that. I know you---"

"If you really believe I'm that cold and heartless, and that you're something temporary and disposable for me, then we can say goodbye NOW!" I unleashed my anger at her…and I didn't want to do that. Things were so nice a minute ago.

I grabbed the crown off my head and threw it into the wall, taking a few steps away from her. I needed to cool off, I was not really mad at her, only that she was pushing me to do this terrible thing to her. As if I wasn't tempted enough everyday to make Alice's visions come true.

And I was mad at James. He gave her this fucking idea, before him she never even considered this. I figured after she almost died at his hands, she now wanted to be indestructible and I understood that part of it.

Where am I going without her? I can't live without her. Stop walking, STUPID, I internally screamed at myself.

"Edward, WAIT!" she sobbed, coming after me. I stopped, letting her put her arms around me, kissing me while I stood there, numb.

"Please…don't…" she cried, shaking as my aching eyes opened and drank her lovely solemn face in.

"I love you…" she said, "I know you're not like that. I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it."

"You…" I almost sobbed as my voice cracked, "Are the only woman I have **ever** loved, Bella. The only one I **will** ever love. I want you forever, too. But I can't…**I won't** end your life for you. Think of therapy guy…look at all he's done to make you strong so you'll be able to live. Look at all **you've** done! Don't throw it away, Bella, please? I beg you. Once it's gone, it's gone. There's no going back. Trust me on this, I know what I'm talking about. You don't know…what you're asking. You don't want this."

"I just know I want to be with you always." She let another tear fall.

"Always…" I said the word out loud.

Mortals loved words like always and forever, but they constantly changed their minds and hearts. I was so afraid that Bella would change her mind about loving me, at the same time, hoping she would. I couldn't change her now and then a year from now have her tell me she didn't love me anymore and missed being human. I would truly be dead then.

A cynical part of me wanted to test her to see how serious about this she was. Maybe if I scared her a little, she'd retreat.

"And you're ready…" I widened my eyes, hoping to make myself look dark and sinister as I asked, "right NOW?"

To my amazement, she blinked her eyes, clearing the tears out, and swallowed bravely, laying her head back, looking up to the ceiling, whispering, "Yes."

My God.

After all the tragedy of this girl's life, her family, the accident, the years without her legs and arm, the cruelty of others, she had overcome it all. And she was walking now, running, whole and complete. She is so full of life. And because of me, someone she hasn't even known a year, she says yes and lays her head back, exposing her throat to me, the one who longs most to sink my teeth into it!

She couldn't possibly love me that much. I didn't want to believe her love for me was this powerful that she would just shrug and toss me her life like it was a sweat jacket. Of course, I knew that I would give my life for her, and nearly did, but I had no idea there was a human this brave and true and fierce with her love as any vampire.

And human teenagers…their loves change every week!

Humans are supposed to change…always! That's why I was once so jealous of them. Their loves wane and fade and then new loves enter…vampires don't work that way. Our love is concrete, everlasting.

So is hers. Again, I am reminded of how special and unique my Bella is.

I looked down at her jugular vein, the line pulsing, begging for my caress. I want her. I DO want to take her…forever…mine. Everything in me was crying YES YES YES…and even love was on my side, cheering me on to do it.

I parted my lips and bent down slowly, at an excruciating pace and still she waited, closing her eyes, frozen, wanting me to claim her as my own, ready for that pain…that inescapable, unendurable damned pain.

My lips finally got to her soft, creamy flesh and the moment they made contact there, I could not do it.

Bella, I adore you. I love you above all others. That is why…I cannot kill you. Even if you beg me to. I can't destroy something…this perfect…this beautiful…this special.

My open mouth could only turn into a gentle, deep kiss, right on the spot that I so longed to taste, but refused to. Finally, I understood Carlisle's lessons about willpower. Resistance. Strength. Mind over matter.

I can not do it. **I will not do it**.

I quickly straightened up, wondering if Bella knew how hard it was for me to do so, to say no to what would make MY life paradise, giving it up for the good of **her** life. Finally, I could do the right thing for her, the selfless thing.

Her eyes opened as she straightened in my arm and I took her back into our dance, calming my breathing, my voice still sounding shaky and emotional as I asked her, hoping for the right answer, "Is it **NOT** enough….just to have a long and happy life with me?"

Please say yes, Bella, please…just love me and stay with me…that's all I want, too.

I almost trembled as she gave me this sad look. I thought maybe she'd say no and walk away from me, wanting the immortality more than my love.

She leaned in and kissed my lips softly, touching my hair.

"Yes, King Edward." She said and I let my breath come out, relaxing me a bit.

Then I held her close and kissed her neck again, burying my eyes into the space there. I heard her add something else then.

"For now." She breathed, tightening her embrace around me.

I knew she was a stubborn one and would not give in so easily. I knew we weren't finished talking about this subject and that her arguments would get better and better in time.

I also knew I loved her and wanted to keep watching her grow and thrive, enjoying time I never got the chance to have. I was living through her and I wanted more life…wanted more of her. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to it yet. I am greedy, too.

Maybe, by the time she talks me into this crazy idea, she'll be mature enough and wise enough to see what a mistake it would be to become a monster like I am. I prayed for that, hoping it wouldn't tear our relationship apart, another plan of James', I was sure, when he brought up the threat of changing her.

I wish I could get my hands on him wherever his damned crying soul is now and have another round with him. I felt robbed and cheated that I didn't get to tear his body parts off myself.

We were at an impasse and for now, it would have to stay this way. I just let it go and danced with my Queen, turning off that anger I had been surprised to feel so fast.

All I could do now was love her, as best I could, for as long as I could, before she came to her senses and told me to leave her alone.

I kissed her, closing my eyes and trying to convey all my emotion for her into my lips, knowing I needed no words to tell my Bella that I loved her with everything I had.

Blue moon…now I'm no longer alone. Without a dream in my heart. Without a love of my own.

THE END.

Love WinndSinger

I hope you guys liked that!

It has been so fun and challenging to write this and I really appreciate all your great reviews!

I might, in the future, do a sequel because I loved the way Bella and Edward came out in my version of Twilight. Thanks again to all of you!

Love you!!

PS The next idea for a story I want to do is a human story of Ed and Bella, with Edward being an exotic male dancer and Bella paying him for 2 weeks to "be her personal dancer" so she can get insight into a psych thesis she has to write for college, the assignment: getting into the mind of someone different from "normal" people, analyzing them. And things soon get very interesting between them.

That will be coming on soon, probably next week if that sounds interesting to you.

Love you guys!

See you soon!

WinndSinger


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